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ExtremeOwnerIL -> RE: Some thoughts on punishment (10/26/2006 6:19:45 AM)
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A very interesting discussion so far, and I do honestly thank you all for responding. I have been removed for quite a while from the "public" scene (whether discussions boards like these or public play spaces) and I forgot about the myriad of feelings and emotions that can be raised with a single issue.
juliaoceania's response prompted me to write this, as the note about novices is a good one to remember. However, I wanted to note that corporal punishments do not necessarily have to be a hard limit, but also an acceptable and useful tool for our "flow".
I'd like to offer a bit about our dynamic, perhaps for perspective. We have been together for 3 years now. We met as friends, grew to respect each other and then ventured into the Master/slave dynamic. By no means has it been a quick ramp-up, nor has it been without its tough moments. We are both adults with daily jobs, "unmentionables" (how did that phrase come about?), hobbies (my stock car racing hobby soaks up a lot of time), the dog, the house and all the other stresses of Real Life. What we have learned is to balance our lives with the mindset and activity of our dynamic (our "flow") - both the rewarding "fun" and the responsibilities that the dynamic entails.
She is my most precious thing and although I may speak of her as property, as a thing, as my slave - there is not a moment that I wouldn't hesitate to protect, defend and improve her life - yet in the context of our dynamic. She worships me and I adore her.
Yet there is a dynamic that we both understand and value. I understand her need for pain, her need for "absolution" if you will, and her quirks, behaviours and motivators. She understands my sadism, my protective Daddy side and she trusts me, not through a blind trust, but a trust that we've developed over these 3 years - through experience, discussion and growth.
That dynamic allows us to explore corporal punishment as a "purging" and as a "motivator". Simply put, it works for her, and for me, to use corporal punishment to motivate her to not forget things, to correct behaviors that I don't approve of, to help her mindset. That isn't to say that I beat her daily (although the erotica is enjoyable to read, I would need the arms of a football player or tennis player to achieve that), but that in the times and situations where she is aware I may use corporal as correction, then I do.
The detachment comes as an aspect of my sadism and my Daddy side - an interesting mix! I can be detached during the punishment, and then after, depending on the situation, I apply the aftercare. Usually it is in the form of putting her head on my shoulder or leg, my hands in her hair, and we have a small talk about the situation and how we'll move on. I always leave her with the understanding that it's OVER - there is no further need for her to feel guilty, and that I will not be bringing this up again.
So, although corporal may seem edgy or extreme, and for some it is, for others it is a valuable and beneficial way of exploring and supporting a dynamic. Here, as with anything else, experience, maturity and knowing/understanding each other is key.
And to me, that's both our responsibilities, both Owner and owned.
Regards,
EO
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