Do submissives REALLY have it easier?

Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (Full Version)

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Kalira -> Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:26:48 AM)
Ok, this is driving me crazy. Something was brought up in another thread, and a couple people jumped on it; but, instead of hijacking, I thought I would start a new post about it. It was mentioned in the other thread, in passing, that 'submissives have it much easier than Dom's" Now, I know that when the person said this, he was in no way trying to be insulting to the struggle that submissives and slaves have; and I will admit that when I first read this, I was all set to jump down his throat for thinking so callously. Yet, after thinking about it, and actually trying to break it down in my head, I came to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, there is some truth in that statement, especially if you look at it from a power exchange POV only. I broke it down this way after thinking about it a bit: I know what I want in life. I know what I am in this life. And wanting that, and being that, for myself and by myself, is pretty darn easy. When you bring in another, it’s still pretty darn easy. Yet, from the other side, he has to build my trust up; take responsibility for any and all that he may say and do in regards to me , he has to guide me to the space that I truely yearn to be, using only my words and actions as reference; he has to set the pace; he has to set the ground rules and adhere to them ; he has to take responsibility, emotionally, physically, mentally; for the well being of his property in regards to the relationship...It could go on What do I have to do? Trust. All I have to do is trust that he will guide me to that place that I yearn to be, and do so in a safe, and conscientious manner. Now, I am in no way saying that coming to a spot where you can trust someone unconditionally is easy; I know this to not be true. And yet, when I look at it this way, I can see the truth in the statement that 'submissives have it easier' I am extremely curious as to how others would view this. ( and yes, I know that this is sure to cause some tempers to flare, all I ask is that you really think about it before you answer ) so...let the flames begin [:)]

Celeste43 -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:34:54 AM)
I would find it enormously difficult to be in control all the time, to have all the responsibility. However he would have enormous difficulty in taking orders. So for me it's easier to be submissive and for him it's easier to be dominant. Going with your true nature is easier than going against it. I think anyone who believes his sub has a free ride must be having resentments in his present relationship or leftover resentments from the past one.

missturbation -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:35:30 AM)
know what I want in life. I know what I am in this life. And wanting that, and being that, for myself and by myself, is pretty darn easy. When you bring in another, it’s still pretty darn easy. Yet, from the other side, he has to build my trust up; take responsibility for any and all that he may say and do in regards to me , he has to guide me to the space that I truely yearn to be, using only my words and actions as reference; he has to set the pace; he has to set the ground rules and adhere to them ; he has to take responsibility, emotionally, physically, mentally; for the well being of his property in regards to the relationship...It could go on What do I have to do? Trust. All I have to do is trust that he will guide me to that place that I yearn to be, and do so in a safe, and conscientious manner. I pretty much agree with this and would say yes in the main things are much easier for me as a slave than they would be for me as a domme. Edited because i just had the thought that sometimes it is not always easy to know how to please your Sir as it is not always made clear straight away how they can be pleased. I do find this part hard at times. Sure i'll think of more later lol.

gypsygrl -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:41:23 AM)
Wonderfully said, Kalira. And, I pretty much agree. I really don't think I could do the Dom thing.

ZenrageTheKeeper -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:42:52 AM)
In terms of female submissive/male Dom relationships. Yes and no. First of all, ther are far more Doms than there are submissives. This has its strong points and its weak points. While the submissives pretty much have the pick of the litter when making their choices, they also have to deal with a lot more fakes and they have a greater chance of finding someone abusive. Then there is the possibility of not finding someone and deciding to go vanilla. A submissive woman, in the arms of a vanilla man, can still give of herself to that man and get some aspects of her desires fulfilled. A Dominant man can not do this with a vanilla woman.

Kalira -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:47:07 AM)
quote: A Dominant man can not do this with a vanilla woman. Ok, this I am now curious about lol. Why would you think that a Dominant man could not be dominant with a woman who is vanilla? ( I only use the word man/woman generally; I know that the roles could be reversed ) quote: Edited because i just had the thought that sometimes it is not always easy to know how to please your Sir as it is not always made clear straight away how they can be pleased. I do find this part hard at times. Yes, even after thinking about it, I still am running it through my head. Every time I think I have a handle on it, another question or aspect comes up. [&:]

gardenbluebird -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:57:16 AM)
i think in many ways it is easier. For me at least my "slave time" is a break from all the responsabilities that i carry around, so it is an easier place to be than most of the rest of my life. However, that is only true once you find a good/compatable Dominant. Being submissive may be easier, but it is also much riskier. It requires more vulnerability and there is the potential for both heart and body to be badly broken. Putting yourself back together once you have been broken is one of the toughest jobs in the world.

Sinergy -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:59:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kalira quote: A Dominant man can not do this with a vanilla woman. Ok, this I am now curious about lol. Why would you think that a Dominant man could not be dominant with a woman who is vanilla? Hello A/all, I tend to agree with this. In both my vanilla relationships and lifestyle relationships, I have generally tended to be the one who made the decisions. It was not something I necessarily demanded, it just seemed that the women I have been attracted to have acted rather submissively towards me, and I have been the one running the show in the relationship. Whether or not floggings and bondage and cheerleader outfits and interrogation scenes and the like was a part of the relationship, they did tend to have a D/s aspect to them. Just me, could be wrong, but there you go. Sinergy

Kalira -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 6:00:04 AM)
quote: Being submissive may be easier, but it is also much riskier. It requires more vulnerability and there is the potential for both heart and body to be badly broken. Putting yourself back together once you have been broken is one of the toughest jobs in the world. In the physical sense, I would have to agree with this. Emotionally and mentally though, I have known some really good Dominants/Masters who were emotionally and mentally wrung out from relationships; so that can and does go both ways. [:)]

servantforuse -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 6:00:17 AM)
As a submissive male i feel it is much harder to be a sub. i have spent 8 to 10 hours as a domestic slave doing menial housework for a some very demanding Women. You know that even a perfect job will never be good enough. You know that you will be punished and verbally abused hour after hour knowing you will never please her. You see her on the couch talking on the phone while you scrub floors wearing shackles on your hands and knees. How could this not be more difficult.. michael

Dnomyar -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 6:02:35 AM)
There are a lot of Dominant Men/women in vanilla relationships. But there is a big difference between vanilla and lifestyle Dom/Domes.

Kalira -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 6:03:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: servantforuse As a submissive male i feel it is much harder to be a sub. i have spent 8 to 10 hours as a domestic slave doing menial housework for a some very demanding Women. You know that even a perfect job will never be good enough. You know that you will be punished and verbally abused hour after hour knowing you will never please her. You see her on the couch talking on the phone while you scrub floors wearing shackles on your hands and knees. How could this not be more difficult.. michael Hmm, ok, I am going to be honest and admit that I never even took into account the aspects from just a purely servant side. Thank you lol, more to think about now. [:)]

Sunshine119 -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 6:05:35 AM)
I'm not sure which planet all the Dominants and submissives on this site are living, but here in our castle, I (being the submissive) have had a great deal more trouble learning to re-trust after a twenty year marriage than he expended energy establishing my trust. I learned to trust him more observing him with his own children and his stability in the community. That being said: Around here? I work full time, cook, do almost all the cleaning, wash, ironing and serving that goes on. His Highness also works full time, cuts the grass, shovels the snow and, well, gives the orders.....lol. Now, don't get me wrong, I love serving him. But there ARE nights that I am too tired after working, going to the gym with him, then coming home and making his dinner, to do much else. Geez..........

Serista -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 6:09:45 AM)
Every relationship is different. For instance, my Master and I split the housework evenly. We both work 50-60 hours a week. Master's logic has always been that he wants to enjoy my company and if I am spending all my free time cleaning while he twiddles his thumbs, I am either going to be tired or our time will be more limited. I have some specific chores (planning meals, polishing his shoes, selecting his clothes), but so does he. He does the dishes and changes the kitty litter. As for who has it easier, I think it's a tremendous amount of work for both partners- as is every relationship. As a submissive, I think it would be more difficult to be a dominant, but my Master would probably say it is more difficult to be a submissive. From our unique perspectives, we see the down sides of the position, but since it's not in our nature, we don't see the benefits. I still have trouble understanding what's in it for him.

Kalira -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 6:10:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sunshine119 I'm not sure which planet all the Dominants and submissives on this site are living, but here in our castle, I (being the submissive) have had a great deal more trouble learning to re-trust after a twenty year marriage than he expended energy establishing my trust. I learned to trust him more observing him with his own children and his stability in the community. That being said: Around here? I work full time, cook, do almost all the cleaning, wash, ironing and serving that goes on. His Highness also works full time, cuts the grass, shovels the snow and, well, gives the orders.....lol. Now, don't get me wrong, I love serving him. But there ARE nights that I am too tired after working, going to the gym with him, then coming home and making his dinner, to do much else. Geez.......... Actually, it's a good point Sunshine. I, know, that trust is not easy the first time around, and when that trust has been shattered, it's ten times harder the next time. I was not trying to infer that trusting someone is in no way easy, only that when I broke it down in my head piece by piece, I could see and understand where the original statement was coming from.

Kalira -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 6:11:37 AM)
quote: I still have trouble understanding what's in it for him. LOL, I hear you on that. I actually asked the one I am with now that question. His answer though only raised more questions lol.

TheWord -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 6:16:59 AM)
I don't know about all that! I never did any of those things. I guess I am easy going. Women followed me down the street when I was a kid. Girls did too. Later I was told by a lady scientist who was one of them, that she thought it had more to do with the way I smelled, than the way I looked. Her theory was that some persons put out a colorless, tasteless, oderless secretion that caused others to think that they were attracted to them. "Why else would I be on my knees before you begging you to keep me?" she asked! Since I am kind and considerate, I answered as truthfully as I could, "I dunno, dumb maybe? If you did not make Barbie look like a skank, do everything I ask of you, and make me feel like a God among men, I probably wouldn't even see you anymore. Aside from the fact that you are beautiful, intelligent, sexy, street smart, witty, a great cook, and totally sexually perverted, you really don't have anything going for you." "Bastard!" she answered off on a frolic of her own in sub space. Now that I am more mature I think over the ladies in my past and conclude that I never had a sub, and that there might not be any such thing! What I sweemed to have were ladies who saw me as a challenge, and who would do anything (well, not everything, but a lot) to bring me under their control. I was a "diamond in the rough," who with just a little polishing up would be a real gem in society, or at least in the society to which they thought we could rule. The truth was, despite my thin veneer of civilization, I was just a red necked country boy, swilling moonshine, and looking for Moonbeam McSwine. I never found her. But I had a lot of fun searching. On the otherhand these manipulative undercover dominant women posing as subs, usually bit their teeth out, and left. Like GWB, "I shared their concerns," but I was helpless in the face of my own nature!

gypsygrl -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 6:59:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kalira quote: I still have trouble understanding what's in it for him. LOL, I hear you on that. I actually asked the one I am with now that question. His answer though only raised more questions lol. I'm with you both, there. I ask that question all the time and I still don't get it. :)

SweetSarijane -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 7:00:58 AM)
From what I've seen and learned so far I don't believe either has it easier than the other. I think it takes pretty much equal work on both parts to make the relationship work, though in somewhat different ways in certain areas. I personally don't see either as easier just different.

HalloweenWhite -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 7:42:30 AM)
I don't think they do-it must take a lot of nerve to give power to someone;I mean what about issues of pride,self respect, at least early on in a relationship. And how about how uncomfortable it must be to be naked and bound tightly while being whipped or caned, or onvolved in some other form of sensation play. Subbies don't feel submissive all the time yet many on here seem to expect it, at least if you read how many submissives talk about the amount of mail they get telling them to submit. HalloweenWhite.

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