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RE: Happiness - 10/28/2006 2:15:41 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyone48

That is a trap for all DOMINANTS! The only way a sub can be happy is if they serve and please their DOM. So let them do it! If that doesn't make them happy, well I would argue they are not a true submissive.

So does that mean its impossible for an unowned sub to be happy?

I can assure you that there are things that Angel does to serve me that do not make him happy. He does them becasue he knows he has to, and becasue he knows later on that there will be other things done that DO make him happy.  However, not everything asked of someone makes them happy. Some things just are.
This sure as hell doesnt make him less of a "true" submissive, or save.  It just makes him human.

I agree with Bita, I dont want to depend on anyone to make me hapy.  On the off chance they are no longer there, that means I either have to learn to do it myself or find someone else to replace them. Too dependant for my tastes.  Ultimately, I am responsible for my own happiness.  Whom I choose to include in that pursuit and why are my decisions.  I expect the same of Angel, he is responsible for his own happiness, though the people and activities he chooses to obtain it may have to go through me. That doesnt make me responsible for his happiness, just making sure he has a backup for common sense.  Sometimes, in the pursuit of happiness, some people lack that.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to onlyone48)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Happiness - 10/29/2006 1:56:20 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		While I can provide an atmosphere that is condusive to happiness, I cannot force another person to be happy...in fact, I can't force another person to feel or do anything they do not choose to feel or do. And, the reverse it true, too.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Happiness - 10/29/2006 1:51:05 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings
 
i think it is my place to make my submissive happy i am his world i can make or break this person by how i act to him, if i am uphappy with him and it will show. this will make my submissive wonder and hope it is not him who has displeased me. many submissive live for the dominant and they hope for a smile a touch to signal ( all is well in this home) if he is unhappy it is my place to found out why and what is the reason he is not well , i think this goes without saying , yes it is alot of pressure on the dominant but that is why we are dominants
 
mons

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Happiness - 10/29/2006 5:19:18 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

greetings
 
i think it is my place to make my submissive happy i am his world


So, you're responsible if he's unhappy with the boss at work, or that his Tuesday night bowling game sucked? 
 
What control do you have over the thousands of external things that impact a person's life and emotions each day?  And if you have no control, how can you be responsible for it?
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Happiness - 10/29/2006 7:33:07 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

greetings
 
i think it is my place to make my submissive happy i am his world


So, you're responsible if he's unhappy with the boss at work, or that his Tuesday night bowling game sucked? 
 
What control do you have over the thousands of external things that impact a person's life and emotions each day?  And if you have no control, how can you be responsible for it?
 
John

I think she means his overall happiness. 

Example:  My Master can not control the issues that come at me in life, but he can teach me how to deal with them so that they do not control me, nor do they affect my overall state of mind.  I, however, must be open to such teachings, and put them into practice.  So I feel I am ultimately responsible, but that Master has a huge influence.  Perhaps Mons means something similarly.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 10:10:23 AM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		julia: i've wanted to post this since last friday but just haven't had the time.   i'm not sure if it was my post you were referring to or not.  i did say that my Master was responsible for our composite happiness.  in no way did i mean that Master was responsible for my happiness.  how i feel is entirely up to me.  and i feel that every person (slave, sub, dom what ever) is responsible for their own happiness.  but Master controls our relationship and so is responsible for the happiness of it (the relationship).  He decides when or if we play.  He decides the tone of our relationship (ie :if He's serious than i, too, am serious; if He's playful than i follow suit.)  He decides if our rules and protocols are being effective or if they need to be added too or modified.  through those things he directs the happiness of the relationship.  does that make sense?
to answer one of yor other questions.... i do work to enhance His happiness by meeting/anticipating his needs but ultimately He is responsible for His own happiness

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 10:23:41 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		No, it was not just your post, there were several posts that made me think of this topic. And also I did not feel that you or others were saying that their dom was necessarily responsible for their happiness, but that impression could be gotten from reading certain posts. I wanted to know if people feel that way...

It looks like many people don't feel that their dominant is responsible for their happiness...including you...smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 11:50:17 AM   
SweetEscravo


Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		Another person can never make you happy long term.  The joy has to come from within yourself. 

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 11:53:09 AM   
LadyOunce


Posts: 126
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		You can't be responsible for another's happiness. You can contribute to it but it's not as if a dominant can order their sub to be happy and expect it to happen. Dozens of things, not the least of which is hormones and chemical imbalances, contributes to a person's feelings of happiness, or lack thereof.
 
Now, a dominant may give the submissive the 'tools' to achieve happiness such as love, affection, training and control but in the end, they can not be the one to make the sub happy. Each person must do that for themselves.

_____________________________

Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. -Jackson

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. -Einstein

Do not consider painful what is good for you. -Medea

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 12:14:04 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

greetings
 
i think it is my place to make my submissive happy i am his world


So, you're responsible if he's unhappy with the boss at work, or that his Tuesday night bowling game sucked? 
 
What control do you have over the thousands of external things that impact a person's life and emotions each day?  And if you have no control, how can you be responsible for it?
 
John


A wise Canadian named Red Green once gave me a bit of advice that has served me well in life.

When faced with an issue to be solved, simply look at it with an open mind and think to yourself "How can duct tape solve this problem?"

Of course, he also had such things to say as "Spare the duct tape, spoil the job" which I suppose works with WIITWD.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 12:56:05 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Julia.... I just seen your post. And before I read any other responses.. I'm gonna respond to you.

No..I do not think anyone is responsible for my happiness but me. If I spent my time waiting for someone to ensure my happiness... I would always be alone.  LOL

No I leave my happiness up to me and me alone. When I am happy... I like to make others happy.  When i'm not happy... I would just as soon be alone anyways.


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 12:59:00 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Happiness is a warm gun...................


John

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 7:44:57 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		ok I gotta ask....... Ron?.... a gun?.... 

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 8:00:09 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		First, let me say i only skimmed the responses so I'm likely going to re-iterate what most everyone else said.

The only person responsible for your happiness is you. Others can only infuence you as much as you allow them to. The more you care for someone, obviously the more influence they will have on your but ultimately it's still your choices as to whether you are happy in your life or not.

There are so few things we can actually control in our lives, even more so for those of us that are bottoms/ submissives and slaves. Why choose to stay in a situation that makes you consistantly unhappy. To me that is just foolish.

I admit it though, I'm an eternal optimist. Even in the middle of a mass disaster I tend to always find something to be happy about. I'm kind of wierd that way

I veiw happiness as a personal choice. I find it easier and better to just choose to be happy. I'm not saying i'm always singing and swinging from the rafters, but when i am down it's never for long for i always find a reason to raise back up and smile.

< Message edited by akisha -- 11/2/2006 8:02:49 PM >

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

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(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 8:04:40 PM   
adommeforu


Posts: 847
Status: offline 		..............is a hard prick in My hand.....................

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Bad hair day!!

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 8:07:45 PM   
Powerman40


Posts: 510
Joined: 7/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: adommeforu

..............is a hard prick in My hand.....................

WAIT!
hard covered in Chocolate.. right ADFU? *S*

(in reply to adommeforu)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 9:42:31 PM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Dominants, do you feel as though it is your responsibility to make a submissive happy?



Absoluetely not.  I provide the direction, training and environment. Either a submissive is happy with what is given or she isn't.  I think a lot of unhappiness in relationships, and I mean both D/s and vanilla relationships, is that people aren't completely honest about who they are or what they want from their partner or the relationship. 

Just look at all of the stories we read online about some submissive moving across the country to be with The One....who suddenly turns into some emotional trainwreck whos only knowledge of BDSM is what they learned on castlerealm.  Somehow, I feel there was probably some level of dishonesty there.

Another example might be some singles bar scene and watching some woman become suddenly interested in Classical music...just because the guy she's talking to looks really good in those jeans.  When she finds herself sitting through some Viavaldi festival and being bored to tears, it's because the guy she's with is, in her mind, boring.  Again, the unhappiness is due to a lack of honesty at the beginning of the courtship.

I'm beginning to ramble, methinks... off to bed.

Night all,

~Thorns 

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 10:15:53 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

ok I gotta ask....... Ron?.... a gun?.... 


I got an email from one of the posters here tonight who begged to be invited to the Lair to witness me shooting strumpet with a bb gun.

I cannot really determine if this resulted from a profound dislike of strumpet and her opinions, or from a completely dispassionate desire to learn a new kink.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy


_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Happiness - 11/2/2006 11:56:22 PM   
AbstractSavant


Posts: 149
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline 		In my vanilla relationships, I always said that each person is responsible for their own happiness, but that both are responsible for the happiness within the relationship.

That opinion didn't change when I went kink.



(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Happiness - 11/3/2006 2:11:35 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings
 
i do remember that thread about the happnises of the submissive and how it is the dominant place to keep him happy. but now it is the thought i have on how to be happy when you alone? as a dominant my true happiness is with in me. i must not depend on my submissive to make me happy. i have wonderful thing i do that help me i am more then just a dominant i am a dollhouse maker i am an artist i am a woman who see all the color in the world the blue in the sky or the eye of a love one or the green in the trees and on the grass with my eyes i use them for more the beating or using my submissive i am more then just s dominant i live for more then just that and it is nice and can be wonderful to have that person but i do not need someone to make me happy. so a submissive should have something to make they lives whole someone said " chasing the wind" this is true stay and be still and happy with oneself
 
mons

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 60
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