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Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 3:50:46 PM   
LaMinx


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have managed to get myself into some serious trouble today.  I have been very upset by a number of things that have occurred with my Master recently.  I made the mistake of sending him a text message telling him honestly how upset I am and now he is furious with me and has told me not to contact him the rest of the weekend.

To be fair, I had managed to get myself into enough of a state by the time I composed the text (REALLY not a good time to contact anyone) that my comments may have come across rather more like accusations than I intended.  I wasn't asking him to change or do anything, I was just stating that I accepted my plight but was really struggling with the emotional pain it caused me.

Now I'm thinking I really ought to have kept my distress to myself, because my honesty has caused me almost as many problems as I was upset about in the first place.  My profuse apologies via text and an email that explained things rather better now both seem to have been ignored.  I'm simply in knots over the whole thing. 

Anyone else ever done this ?  What has helped in making things better above and beyond profuse apologies ?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 4:02:40 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		LaMinx; while I would in no way try and minimilize the struggle that you are going through right now, it is obvious from this, and other postings that the two of you have some SERIOUS issues to overcome. I suggest that you do what he says, and use this time to examine your own agenda in regards to this relationship, and do so very seriously. Then, when it is approiate to do so, talk with him about your decisions.

Your relationship is not going to last if this keeps up. PERIOD.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 4:05:57 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		 
quote:

have managed to get myself into some serious trouble today.  I have been very upset by a number of things that have occurred with my Master recently.  I made the mistake of sending him a text message telling him honestly how upset I am and now he is furious with me and has told me not to contact him the rest of the weekend.


I would use this time to reflect on what made you angry enough to lash out when you should not have. In other words, what within you causes you to react this way. When you begin your reflection of this you may see it was not him at all, but instead something that exists within you.

People have the right to their feelings, but by the same token, we have to own our feelings, no one else is responsible for them but ourselves. We can justify any feeling we like, and perhaps it is logically justifiable, but that does not mean it is a good idea to fly off the handle about things.

I had some residual anger left over from a previous relationship when my Daddy and I first started seeing each other, I had to let it go or risk not having him in my life any longer. Sure there were things we both needed to address concerning how we act toward each other, but nothing that truly justified the level of anger I felt at times. The reason I was so angry is because I was afraid of being hurt again... and nothing he had done justifed my demonstrating anger against him

No relationship with a lot of anger in it is a good one. You decide what kind of relationship you want to build.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 4:09:33 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		obey him.... and take this time to reflect on both you and this relationship your in

With all that you have posted... I am serious in wondering if poly-relationship is healthy for you

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 4:10:22 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Fast Reply........ I've got a few of those T shirts.  What I've learned is to think before speaking, and by that I mean give it time so your thinking clearly.  Second is how you word things, everything can be said, it's just how it's said.  You'd be surprised at the results of these two little actions.  (although neigher of them are easy to perfect!)

Good Luck

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:05:01 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		i've been guilty of premature pop-offiness, said things before i really thought through the best way to word them, but feelings are feelings.  Sometimes you have to put them out there and take whatever lumps come as a by-product.

Don't assume because you're out of communication this weekend that it's a bad thing!  Use that time.  for one, to go grab a book called "The 5 languages of Love", Smalley.  ..  it might truly be that to you, love equals time spent together, while for others, that might not be as important as HOW that time is spent. 

Also,  remember your attitude of feeling deprived is going to make you the least comforting thing in His day, and that's only going to exacerbate your situation.  If you really, really cannot be content unless you're getting the bulk of His time, then you're in a place that will probably not get much better for you.

If however, you could be happy that way, but WANT to be the main attraction, consider when it's time to set aside what you want for what is best for the long run, and accept that you may not always get what you want, but you might be getting exactly what you need, a lesson in acceptance of His authority to make those choices for you?

(PS, sorry it hurts so much, i hope this gets better for you soon.)

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:12:26 PM   
deltadawn


Posts: 224
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMinx

I have managed to get myself into some serious trouble today.  I have been very upset by a number of things that have occurred with my Master recently.  I made the mistake of sending him a text message telling him honestly how upset I am and now he is furious with me and has told me not to contact him the rest of the weekend.

To be fair, I had managed to get myself into enough of a state by the time I composed the text (REALLY not a good time to contact anyone) that my comments may have come across rather more like accusations than I intended.  I wasn't asking him to change or do anything, I was just stating that I accepted my plight but was really struggling with the emotional pain it caused me.

Now I'm thinking I really ought to have kept my distress to myself, because my honesty has caused me almost as many problems as I was upset about in the first place.  My profuse apologies via text and an email that explained things rather better now both seem to have been ignored.  I'm simply in knots over the whole thing. 

Anyone else ever done this ?  What has helped in making things better above and beyond profuse apologies ?


Obedience. 

He has told you not to contact him and to take this time to think.  Do that.  Communication is important, but a text message?  It is so easy for us to confront a situation in an absent format.  He left only to read it and figure out the meaning of your words. 

Take the time to reflect and be completely honest with yourself.  Write down the problems you are finding and figure out a way to speak to him respectfully and in a way that he can question or respond directly to you. 

Relationships are not easy, you must decide if you really want to work on it in a more positive way.  Good luck to you both.

dawn

_____________________________

Beneath his wings, I can fly.

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:15:32 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		some people can't handle the truth while others can't seem to recognize it

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to deltadawn)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:18:26 PM   
Badkitty0810


Posts: 223
Joined: 2/18/2006
From: NH
Status: offline 		I have to agree with KnightofMists with regard to whether or not a poly relationship is right for you.  That is perhaps the first thing you should examine.  You mentioned in another post how you feel like you're being eclipsed by your sub-sister.  I know that I could not, nor will I share my One with another person and I know he feels the same way.  We've discussed bringing a female in for play, but as far as having a serious poly relationship, no way. 

There are some people for whom that works and they are genuinely happy with the varied dynamics in the relationship.  Really take some time to think about whether or not this is the right thing for you.  Like juliaoceania said, you have a right to your feelings, but you do have to accept responsibility for them.  It's not ALL about what your Master wants.  You have a right to be in a relationship that is emotionally healthy and nurturing.  If you're not happy and you're not getting what you need, then get out now before further damage is done.  Keep in mind that sub/slave does not equal doormat.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:18:45 PM   
MissUnleaded


Posts: 60
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline 		I've said some honest but negative things to my current and past Masters, but it has never been bad enough for them to shut down communication with me.  Had they done so, it would have caused me to lose trust in their control of me and of our relationship.  I don't think giving someone the 'silent treatment' is a particularly effective way of resolving problems.

I don't know the exact circumstances you are in, what you said or how you said it, and what has passed between you two.  What I've picked up from your posts is that you are feeling neglected and unloved.  You communicated this to him, probably not in the best way.  His response to that is to neglect you further, in spite of your apologies and email clarification.  To me this smacks of a passive-aggressive punishment of you for expressing an honest dissatisfaction with the way he is handling this poly situation he initiated.  Withdrawal is not the act of a loving and committed dominant.

Anyway, I think you should take the weekend to reflect on whether he really is a good dominant for you and whether this is the relationship you want.

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:20:39 PM   
givemyall


Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		So he is punishing you because he misunderstood you, instead of contacting you and checking if you were ok...Mmmm well, personally i'd leave the thinking till later, get yourself glammed up and go and have a nice weekend - stop punishing yourself for his lack of understanding.

Im sure you wont, but whatever you do, I hope it works out for the best!

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:20:41 PM   
velvetnleather


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline 		ive done the same and as you i was ignored ...............now if you ignored him oh boy big trouble is it worth it

(in reply to michaelGA2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:25:18 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		 
~fast reply to no one in particular~.  i agree with some of the others.  He has decided to ignore you for the weekend....hmmm.... well the post that said get glammed up and go out and have yourself a good time, was damned good advice... but then again... ignoring me is a very big hard limit.  If he's too immature to try to find out why i responded the way i did, he isn't what i want or need.  (As always, just my opinion).

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to velvetnleather)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:28:21 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Angel did this one time.  While I understood plainly why he was upset, I did not apreciate the way it was presented.  If you are in a relationship, you have to pick your confrontations.  Was your Master upset at what you said, or more how you decided to deliver the message.  I would be furious if someone sent me a text message about a problem rather than calling me or speaking t me face to face about it (I add calling ebcasue with the distane isues sometimes face to face isnt always plausible). If he has tld you not t contact him for the restof the weekend, all your profuse apologies aregoing to do is make the situation worse, since each and every one of them is disobedient. Dont think about it too much, let the thoughts settle for the weekend. Your Master might be forcing you to take the time to think so that when you do have your confrontation over the issue, you have had time to put your thoughts right rather than jump on an argument that is unnecessarily heated.  Take the oppertunity ad sort everything out. 

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to velvetnleather)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:32:42 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Reply to OP:

Why was it a problem for your master that you expressed to him that you were upset?  Is it because you did it in a text message?  Or were you nasty in your wording of the message?  I dont understand why he would he be mad at you for this.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:33:53 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissUnleaded

Withdrawal is not the act of a loving and committed dominant.



Withdrawl isn't, true, but cutting off communication for a time isn't always withdrawal.  It can also be an effective tool for correction, or giving a slave time to re-think something,  it can be most loving to stop a whine in it's tracks rather than allow us to go on to a self-destruct.

There are two ways to see it, both valid at different times:

Stop.  I am sick of what you're doing to inconvenience Me.

Stop. I am sick of watching you feed on unhealthy attitudes or emotions.

Dominant can call Red when what we're doing is harming them, or when it's harming us. we're just as enjoined to observe Their red as they are to respect ours.

(in reply to MissUnleaded)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:41:27 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Badkitty0810

I have to agree with KnightofMists with regard to whether or not a poly relationship is right for you.  That is perhaps the first thing you should examine.  You mentioned in another post how you feel like you're being eclipsed by your sub-sister.  I know that I could not, nor will I share my One with another person and I know he feels the same way.  We've discussed bringing a female in for play, but as far as having a serious poly relationship, no way. 

There are some people for whom that works and they are genuinely happy with the varied dynamics in the relationship.  Really take some time to think about whether or not this is the right thing for you.  Like juliaoceania said, you have a right to your feelings, but you do have to accept responsibility for them.  It's not ALL about what your Master wants.  You have a right to be in a relationship that is emotionally healthy and nurturing.  If you're not happy and you're not getting what you need, then get out now before further damage is done.  Keep in mind that sub/slave does not equal doormat.


a lovely post...

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Badkitty0810)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 5:54:32 PM   
Badkitty0810


Posts: 223
Joined: 2/18/2006
From: NH
Status: offline 		*bow* Thank you kind sir. :)

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 6:18:20 PM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic


~fast reply to no one in particular~.  i agree with some of the others.  He has decided to ignore you for the weekend....hmmm.... well the post that said get glammed up and go out and have yourself a good time, was damned good advice... but then again... ignoring me is a very big hard limit.  If he's too immature to try to find out why i responded the way i did, he isn't what i want or need.  (As always, just my opinion).


Same for me angelic.  A potential partner once told me that he would use ignoring me as a means of punishment...as in i would not be able to talk with him during the week...or perhaps for a weekend.  i never bothered with him again...that is not the type of partner i could be happy with.  Some may be able to deal with that type of punishment, but not me.  Not talking does not solve the problem....nor make it go away.   It only feeds into any insecurities. 
 
BTW....love that little quote on your profile about not being an option.  Same here! 
 
DG

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 6:24:51 PM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..~smiles~

Being alone, and kept from serving your Owner is a very effective tool. As long as this is known upfront for what it is, and not being ignored/alone without a known reason. In the mind of a slave..the drive is to serve, and when that is denied..it makes a great impact to not try and do whatever it was you did again.

Well Wishes

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to adaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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