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Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 1/29/2005 10:05:28 PM

MistressInNYC

Posts: 29
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline

Hi, I'm a pro-domme.
I always had BF outside of BDSM world.
He usually doesn't know what BDSM is really....
I never brought it up and he was never interested into..
Just it's hard to find a BF from a Vanilla world who understands what I do.
... and I like to get married someday.
I seek a guy who can have a vanilla life at the same time enjoys or at least understands my world....

Here I want all of Mistresses on this board to ask;
Is your BF/Hubby a sub?
Is he into BDSM or at all?

I just want to hear from your view regarding the above.
You can e-mail me directly as well.

Thanks,

Post #: 1

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 1/29/2005 10:49:40 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

I'm not dating or married... but I thought I'd give my $.02 just for fun.

Those types of guys are out there... they're just harder to find because it isn't as easy to walk up to a Lady somewhere and say, "Hi! I'm a sub... So uh... you into having your feet worshipped?" as it is to walk up to them and say "Hey! I'm a Leo... What's your sign?"

But with patience and persistence you ought to be able to find the subby/hubby of your dreams.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 2

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 1/30/2005 5:16:12 AM

substephen59

Posts: 24
Joined: 1/11/2005
Status: offline

i am only sexually submissive not a slave or a real sub.i understand it is hard to find a bf or in my case a girlfriend/wife who shares the "normal" things needed for a vanilla relationship let alone one with a twist.i wish you the best and all out there in finding what each of you seek.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 3

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 1/31/2005 1:17:38 PM

LadyTantalize

Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline

I'm a Lifestyle Mistress and part-time ProDomme, and I am married to a man who is My "bedroom slave", or sexually submissive, as also mentioned. While My man is not submissive in his daily, vanilla outside life, and his an independant free-thinker, I am the "boss" in the household. I do maintain a small group of personal playmates, kinky friends and work-subs, have had a collared slave at one time within My stable, and am currently considering taking one a new submissive to be part of our poly-family, all of which are discussed and negotiated between My hub and Myself. He is very aware of My needs, and he does know his place within My world. Sometimes, I know it's frustrating for him, but his philosophy is that he would rather have a piece of the pie than none at all, and he would rather know than not.

Although, My momma always said you never meet a quality man in a bar, I met my boytoy husband in one of our local fetish nightclubs. He is younger than I am, and was new to the fetish world when I met him ten years ago. (We've been six years!) I say this because I thinking finding a man who is open to alternative lifestyles might be a bit more logical to find in an alternative environment. (If that makes sense!)

So, yes, they are out there. Having a BDSM and vanilla relationship is absolutely the HARDEST thing to do, but to Me, it's so worth it as I cannot imagine a relationship where I couldn't share my "work issues" or really communicate with my friend and lover about anything in My life that is important to Me, especially BDSM.

Don't give up!!

Truly,

Lady T.

_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 4

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/1/2005 4:56:36 AM

MistressInNYC

Posts: 29
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for the replies, all of you!

Really? Fetish club? Well, that is a good option to think about.
Since my friends like 90% don't know what I do for living (part-time), my activities are always in a vanilla world, thus limited the search.

So, I'm even using this site (my profile) to look for my sub/BF!

I have some slaves (no sexual relations!), but all of them are simply 100% BDSM people that I do not seek in a monogamous relationship.

My ideal man is a sub/sub tendancy (I always ended up dominating my partner anyway) who doesn't have to be interested in BDSM, but understands my needs.
That is all I want.

Oh, I envy you, lady T!!

I wonder if there are some domme who found their partners via BDSM or any other protocol?
As BDSM is like more of my secret side (not that I'm trying to hide, just happened like that), I have never attended/participated in any of BDSM activities in public.

Care to comment, anyone?

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 5

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/1/2005 7:40:21 AM

uponmyknees

Posts: 35
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline

MistressinNYC May I offer you some entertainment?
uponmyknees

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 6

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/1/2005 8:14:23 AM

MadameBette

Posts: 62
Joined: 9/8/2004
From: Long Island, NY
Status: offline

quote:

I wonder if there are some domme who found their partners via BDSM or any other protocol?

Care to comment, anyone?

I met my BF through my BDSM group. We are both Switches. I just can't imagine vanilla sex anymore.

Are you in NYC? Manhattan, that is?
You may want to try Dom/sub Friends. They have meetings on Friday nights at Paddles over on W25th and 5th. Also, Applemunch. The links are below. If you are 'on the island', my group LI Leather and Roses meets on Tuesdays.

http://www.applemunch.org

http://www.DomSubFriends.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LI_Leather_N_Roses

~ Bette

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 7

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/1/2005 9:48:26 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

My sub is my boyfriend. We met at a play party for Club FEm So Cal in November and have bonded quite closely. For the first time ever, I'll be collaring someone. (And yes, collaring is something sacred to me.) He is a real sub (this is not a "value judgement".. to me it is a definition. A real sub is one who is submissive to his Domme in every day life. The female is the head of the household. The other type of sub to me is the "bedroom" or "role play" submissive- one who likes to submit in the bedroom or on a part time basis when they are in the mood for it. This type of sub usually wants to be in charge of the household in daily life.) I had mostly encountered role play subs before my current honey and was left very frustrated. I don't role play being Domme.. I AM Domme. I got sick and tired of a man saying he'd do ANYTHING for me meaning that he'd do anything for me as long as he was horny or in the mood. Having a "real" submissive man is the difference between night and day. Things are finally working the way I think they should. *smiles* I would say that I'd look for my next sub the same way I found this one (through a high protocol FemDom group) but I am monogamous and hope that this is the sub who forever ends my search.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 8

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/1/2005 12:52:06 PM

PurpleMistress

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/15/2004
Status: offline

I think that it is very possible to find a BF or Hubby to be a sub/slave. I personally am looking for a BF and sub/slave all rolled into one. I do find it is harder to find this, because most just want to be dominated and then go home alone. I also feel it's quite possible to be dominated and sexually dominated within the BF/GF/sub/slave, Mistress/Master relationship. Any thoughts about this? I just wanted to voice my opinion. Goodluck!

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 9

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/2/2005 2:25:01 AM

MistressInNYC

Posts: 29
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline

Hi,
MadameBette,
Yes, I live and work in Manhattan (I'm new to the city from another state).

My Brooklyn slave once brought me to a "Fetish house" (?) in Brooklyn, where all kinky jerk-offs are the majority....
Oh, that was just disgusting.
Paddles, right. Every slave mentions to me, so I guess I go check out...
Thanks for the links, too !

BeachMystress,
Yes, my dilemma is just you had pointed out;
Many people on this site or somewhere else that are not my definition of "submissive", which happened to be as exactly the same as your definition.
I'm not looking for "bed time only sub" or " when sub-mode" type at all !!

The real sub - his nature is "submissive" type....again it wouldn't matter he is not 100% into BDSM as long as he understands I'm "dominant" in nature and BDSM is a part of me/my life. (Especially this "BF/Hubby" topic).

PurpleMistress, Good luck to you, too.
It's not really hard to find if I just seek for slaves (I should say my definition of "slaves");
Their pupose is to serve me in terms of BDSM perspective.
They are not there for me in my private/intimate life (which consits of vanilla + BDSM activities).

Maybe I have a double life - I exist in a vanilla world at the same time in BDSM world.
My life style in public eye is vanilla. When you look closer or got to know me, then you'd find some BDSM part of me.
I mean, my nature/tendancy of "being dominant" shows in either side of the world, though.

Anyway, I appreciate everybody's perspective/story/opinion on this subject.
I enjoy BDSM activity via professional service of mine and some private time (by having personal slaves) so far, and finally I find what I want in my life for myself as well as in my partner to be.

Just that partner of mine hasn't shown up yet!

To read other mistresses' experience is so informative and educational!
Please do give me more opinion if you can contribute...

Thank you,

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 10

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/2/2005 4:50:09 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Here I want all of Mistresses on this board to ask;
Is your BF/Hubby a sub?
Is he into BDSM or at all?

I date men and women in and out of the BDSM world. My kink spans many areas and I'm open and honest about what my kinks and expectations are.

At the moment I'm single in that I do not have "a partner". I do see people on a regular basis as a lover/submissive without getting into the traditional relationship with them. I have been in relationships before and I will again but right now, that's not on the agenda for this Lady.

In my past experience, it takes one hell of a strong "vanilla" man (though how vanilla is he if he has a Domme as a bed mate!) to be involved with a Domme. I know of 3 instances where it is working very successfully. The husbands in these unions are basically secure in the relationship they have with their Domme wives and they do not make futile attempts to try and control them.

I'm not sure if I'll end up in the above scenario. On some levels I could see it happening. On other levels, I would love to find a submissive who I could get the balance right with in order to have a long lasting relationship.

Hope that helps in any way.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 11

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/2/2005 9:27:46 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

As usual LadyAngelika's post is very thought provoking. Lately the idea has been rolling around in my head that there is something paradoxical about looking for a submissive that also has the amount of assertiveness, independence and strength that attracts me. Sure, they're out there, but just to toss out an estimate I'll say maybe 20% of submissives have those traits; however, I see those same qualities in about 100% of the dominant ladies.

So that makes me wonder about a few things. Perhaps instead of just looking for a dominant-submissive relationship it might also make a lot of sense to consider mating with another dominant and then we could have our "toys". There are folks out there who make it work, and it could make sense as long as a battle of wills or pigheaded resistance to submitting to another doesn't result in neither taking the garbage out for a week. But this is along the same lines as Angelika's strong vanilla guy with a domina.

Anyway, I figured I'd toss that out for reactions because I still haven't quite sorted it out.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 12

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/2/2005 9:44:05 AM

LadyTantalize

Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline

MistressInNYC, Thank you for the kind words!! But, don't envy me at all, as it ain't easy, I will promise you that, but it can be done!!! I too live a double life, I have a vanilla career, family and friends, yet I am a ProDomme, a Lifestyle Mistress and involved in My local leather community. It's just a matter of compartmentalizing, hanging in there, fighting for what you want, and finding enough time for all!!
*big smiles* But, My point, You can have it ALL !!!!!!!

I agree about getting out into the BDSM leather lifestyle world more, as that's the best way to meet someone open to kink. I co-host a local munch and we've two success stories of couples who met at our munch.

As for My hubby not being a "real sub" as mentioned in another post, just because he is not submissive to everyone, does not mean it is not submissive to Me. I consider him to be an equal partner who does submit to My will, just what I prefer in a kinky marriage. He would cut off his own dick rather than loose Me, so is that not "enslavement" to a certain degree? I am the Dominant partner, I run the household, I make the decisions, I pay the bills, I get what I want when I want how I want - we don't have to "act" the part, as we ARE a married D/s couple living with BDSM in our lives every day according to My terms, rules and definitions. I consider him a "slave to my soul"!! After all, a leather lifestyle is as individual as the people in it, and it is what we make it after all, and possibly it's a personal perference also. I've had collared submissives and slaves, who over a long period of time, MIGHT could become much like doormats, robots or infants if I had to live with them on a daily basis ....... "whatever you want, Mistress, whatever pleases you, Mistress"...yada, yada, and all that micromanaging ..egads!!! .., as for My collared subs that do not live with Me, that's great and I require obediance and I am very demanding, but in My daily, poly-amorous, personal life, I want a free-thinking slave able to make the daily decisions needed to fulfill their priority of making My life better. I want a strong man and that is what I got!! So, the comment about the partner of a Dominant Woman, especially a ProDomme, must be a STRONG person!! Ahhh, truer words have never been spoken!! I also have someone (a female) under consideration for slavery to Me with the same dynamic, and I've found this works best long-term for Me. I feel living a realistic-type of D/s to be more viable long-term than trying to incorporate more fantastical elements of complete servitude into a marriage or committed relationship that must also exist in a daily, vanilla life. Just My opinions! Anyway, again the "real sub" concept works great in a daily relationship for the person who desires that, but again, if the Dominant is the one in control and gets what they want from any type of relationship, who is to judge whether it's "real" or not. Again, it is what we make it!!

Fantastic responses here from A/all!!! Do get out more and ejoy the lifestyle, and I wish you much luck, MistressInNYC!!!

Truly,

Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"Thou art to me a delicious torment."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 13

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/2/2005 10:58:17 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

My sub is my boyfriend. We met at a play party for Club FEm So Cal in November and have bonded quite closely. For the first time ever, I'll be collaring someone. (And yes, collaring is something sacred to me.) He is a real sub (this is not a "value judgement".. to me it is a definition. A real sub is one who is submissive to his Domme in every day life. The female is the head of the household. The other type of sub to me is the "bedroom" or "role play" submissive- one who likes to submit in the bedroom or on a part time basis when they are in the mood for it. This type of sub usually wants to be in charge of the household in daily life.) I had mostly encountered role play subs before my current honey and was left very frustrated. I don't role play being Domme.. I AM Domme. I got sick and tired of a man saying he'd do ANYTHING for me meaning that he'd do anything for me as long as he was horny or in the mood. Having a "real" submissive man is the difference between night and day. Things are finally working the way I think they should. *smiles* I would say that I'd look for my next sub the same way I found this one (through a high protocol FemDom group) but I am monogamous and hope that this is the sub who forever ends my search.

Beach!!!!! I am so happy for you. I hope that things continue to work out well. And I absolutely agree with your assessment of the boys who will do ANYTHING when they are horney and in the mood. *S*

For Myself, and in answer to the OP, I simply will not have a boyfriend or a hubby who is not submissive or slave to Me. And I mean 24/7. I am working on that now, and have high hopes, but I won't settle for less. I would rather be alone, or just have some play partners and good friends, than get into another vanilla relationship. Just doesn't work for Me. They are out there. It just takes alot of looking.
I need patience...AND I NEED IT NOW!!! *laffs at Self*

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 2/2/2005 10:59:30 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 14

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/2/2005 11:44:06 PM

MistressInNYC

Posts: 29
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline

GoddessDustyGold,
Good luck to you, too!

Yes, I don't want to settle for less either !

=====================================
Oh, BTW, I have a question;
This applys to mistresses who have sub- BF/Hubby.

How your BF/Hubby call you (or make him call you)?
Vanilla world - "baby", "honey", "sweet heart" etc....
How about when BDSM involved...Domme/sub....will be changed?

In public ?
In private ?
In bed/play?

Or would that be the same in all ?

Just curious. As I said before I'd NEVER had BF from BDSM world, it made me curious to ask you....

Anyone?

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 15

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/3/2005 12:57:27 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

Mine uses Ma'am in all settings. It is his pet name for me. *smiles* Twice in bed, he has called me baby. (I've never given him instructions on what to call me.) I call him lil one, little boy, baby doll, fuck puppet, toyboy, sweetheart, sweetie and the normal range of slut/bitch/whore.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 16

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/3/2005 8:43:57 AM

LadyTantalize

Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline

I feel it's often hard to explain My relationship to those who do not know Me. I've been into kink for over 20 years, studying the lifestyle and experimenting... living in leather, so to speak. I've had many failed relationships of ALL leather variations due to unrealistic expections and/or not settling for less, which was actually My same stance many years ago. I've seen many more partnerships of others fail also, and I often pose the question on boards, at events and munches or such, I ask leather elders, friends, etc. .... "How many D/s or Master/slave relationships based on the formal "24/7 complete submission" or that "real sub" attitude (i.e. don't speak until spoken to, loose much total control and all else that goes with the type of D/s relationship that I assume others here are referring to...) that type of model or concept for a D/s relationship which you know for a fact has lasted long-term"???????? Granted with today's divorce rate, it's hard enough to make a vanilla marriage work, and I've have found a few M/s partnerships that have lasted five years, one I know has lasted ten - that's ONE, but considering the lengthy history of BDSM of all varities, I'm looking for a multitude of good, viable examples with "24/7 total submission" for a M/s relationship which are actually WORKING!

So, years ago, after seeing so many failures in M/s-D/s-BDSM relationships I started rethinking My concept of slavery to Me and what I actually wanted, as opposed to what I was taught, via leather elders, classes, books, etc., that a M/s relationship was supposed to be. I feel that ONE person cannot fulfill most kinsters, which is why I have a poly-family. My husband is My slave, but not a "collared submissive" (umm, but he looks HOT in his collar! *chuckles*) and I own a collared slave, who has his own vanilla life and who does not live with Me. Each one brings a different, but necessary aspect of BDSM to My life as a Dominant. I now have had My boy for ten years, and married for six, and I've My "non 24/7 slave" for four, and I've one under consideration now join My poly-family as a "collared slave" to live with Me under the M/s model that I define. I have "submissives" who are very "real" that I see as a ProDomme and a few of those I've maintained for years. I feel that My experience alone and My amount of time invested into living the leather lifestyle makes My statements viable.

I'm very glad that I am not alone!! I was alone most of My life, it seems, and I didn't ever marry until age 34, so now that I am 40, I am VERY GLAD that I am not alone in life and that I have a partner who can be so adaptable to My Dominant personality and My lifestyle preferences. I certainly do not feel like I settled for less. To the contrary, I feel like I have the best of all worlds!

Nevertheless, again it's what we want as individuals and it is what we make it!!

My husband refers to Me by My real name, or My nickname of "T" that all else also call Me, or he refers to Me as Mistress, just as My slaves do, and as a ProDomme I am called "Lady T". Sometimes, in sweet moments, he may call me "darlin" which I like, and I would slap him if he dared to call Me by "Ma'am" - maybe it's a "southern thing" but that makes Me think of My mother! *chuckles* Often his referral to Me as Mistress does occur on a daily basis and even in vanilla settings, if it's discrete and appropriate. We've developed a sort of BDSM/vanilla blend that works good for us, where it's all mushed together so to speak, from day to day, and a sort of flow occurs naturally. When we are in a "scene" or do actual "play", more of the S&M or fetish variety, the "headspace" seems to naturally get amped up a bit, but the D/s just sort of flows and occurs from who we are as people. I'm the Dominant and he submits to My will, but still retains his individual, intellectual freedom as a human being.

(Side note... I'm engaged in a stimulating conversation about similar issues of control, submission and slavery on The Bondage Resource Channel!!)

In closing and in My humble opinion, he is always My slave, but he is not always in a "submissive" mindset, but he does submit to My will. It's like that old "Domme joke", just because I order him to get on top doesn't make him the one in control or make Me less Dominant.

Sometimes, things cannot be so cut and dried, in order to make them work long-term.

Anyway, My best wishes for good luck and great success to everyone here in the BDSM relationships and leather life!!

This has really been a great discussion!!

Truly,

Lady T.

_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

Post #: 17

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/5/2005 3:55:06 PM

GentleLady

Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

He is a real sub (this is not a "value judgement".. to me it is a definition. A real sub is one who is submissive to his Domme in every day life. The female is the head of the household. The other type of sub to me is the "bedroom" or "role play" submissive- one who likes to submit in the bedroom or on a part time basis when they are in the mood for it. This type of sub usually wants to be in charge of the household in daily life.) I had mostly encountered role play subs before my current honey and was left very frustrated. I don't role play being Domme.. I AM Domme. I got sick and tired of a man saying he'd do ANYTHING for me meaning that he'd do anything for me as long as he was horny or in the mood. Having a "real" submissive man is the difference between night and day. Things are finally working the way I think they should. *smiles* I would say that I'd look for my next sub the same way I found this one (through a high protocol FemDom group) but I am monogamous and hope that this is the sub who forever ends my search.

I really appreciate the way You have worded this. I always struggle trying to put the difference into words. I had an on-line submissive for close to 2 years who presented himself as being more a slave then submissive. W/we had stopped interacting before I met him real time and I was shocked to discover he was the "bedroom" type.

That being said I have been with My current submissive real time for a year and a half now. I met him through a BDSM Introduction Agency and W/we will be married within the next few months. he is a submissive through and through and shares My values and interests. No way could I return to a vanilla relationship. There is no time in My day when I am never Dominant but there are days when I am less Dominant...*chuckles*. ..fortunately he is able to roll with the punches.

< Message edited by GentleLady -- 2/7/2005 5:31:52 PM >

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 18

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/5/2005 8:12:10 PM

GentleLady

Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

I so enjoyed reading Your post Lady Tantalize. I found it encouraging. I met My current submissive roughly a year and a half ago and W/we have lived together for 6 months. It has not been continuous yet because W/we are still in 2 different countries but I am in the process of moving to his country to marry him. Friends who know I am into the Lifestyle often ask Me how someO/one can be 'doing' BDSM 24/7. I try and explain that of course W/we are not 'doing a scene' constantly but that the D/s relationship is always there. W/we share the daily aspects of life and I expect him to make whatever decisions are needed to keep things running smoothly. All the major decisions that affect O/our life are My responsibility. he has strong opinions about certain things and I expect him to voice them. There are areas where W/we have had to agree to disagree as there are in any relationship. I listen to his views and take his needs and desires into consideration and then make the decision that I feel is best for all parties.

I think what I enjoy most is the way W/we interact at a D/s level while in a vanilla setting. W/we can be out doing something as prosaic as grocery shopping and the flavour of what W/we are doing will suddenly change simply because I add candles to the cart.....or browse through the grades of sandpaper....or stop and look at dog collars.

he is comfortable with his submission and very proud of knowing that he is making My life more enjoyable by serving Me. For Me there is little that can compare to the pleasure of having the hot cup of coffee placed in front of Me just as I realize I would like some....or opening the fridge to find he has prepared a salad (which he hates) for My lunch as a treat on the day I wake up craving salad.

he is secure within himself and knows the place he holds in My life. That also means he is secure enough that I can use other submissives to fill My needs. In the vanilla relationships that I have had the male always seemed to think he should be able to meet all My needs. In reality this is not possible.

Pet names?...he calls Me Princess...what I call him depends on what mood I am in and what I need

Gentle Lady

< Message edited by GentleLady -- 2/7/2005 5:30:28 PM >

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to GentleLady)

Post #: 19

RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/6/2005 12:19:59 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
Beach!!!!! I am so happy for you. I hope that things continue to work out well.

Thanks :-) I'm excited and nervous at the same time. *smiles*

quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady
I met him through a BDSM Introduction Agency

What a neat idea. How did it work? Good luck to the both of you :-)

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 20

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