RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub?

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RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/7/2005 9:44:21 AM

LadyTantalize

Posts: 242
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Thank You so much for the response, GentleLady!!! Over the years, My outspoken observances do ring truth, but are hard for some to see or understand, so I am so glad that someone out there could relate to my opinions.

I might add that I too am DOMME every moment of every day, and it is not rooted in BDSM, nor does it have to be - I do not "act" the part, I live it every day in an very intertwined, personalized style of BDSM and vanilla - life will always contain certain degrees of vanilla or it becomes merely a fantasy or a fairy tale and I am all about making BDSM work in a REALISTIC format!!! I sell the fantasy in My ProDomme work. My boy submits to My daily, in vanilla submissive ways and via BDSM elements, I dom My boss every day, as well as my secretaries on a vanilla level, I can dominate a conversation, or I can dominate a room merely be entering it - I am Domme, period.

Anyway, just because the nature and structure of My D/s household and life is hard to be interpreted or understood by some, it makes Mine no less a "real" D/s 24/7 relationship, and it's been a fulfulling, lasting one at that. And it's so good to read the insightful words of another who agrees!!

Thanks again so much and I wish You so much happiness with Your relationship and with the right mindset the BDSM blessings will come and you will have a long, fulfilling D/s relationship as well as a deep vanilla love!! The best of all worlds to You and yours!!!!!!

Truly,

Lady T.

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Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

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RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/7/2005 5:54:20 PM

GentleLady

Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
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*warm smiles*...I certainly consider My relationship to be 24/7 and it is diffuclt explaining to O/others how that can be. One of the first responsibilities I assigned My submissive was to make sure that My basic needs were met...ie....that I ate on a regular basis...I tend to get so wrapped up in what I am doing work wise that I forget to eat or forget I have put supper on and it burns. To carry out this duty means that he must think for himself and take independant action and sometimes ride herd on Me...*chuckles*...it can be a fine line some days because I get very touchy when I have forgotten to eat.

For Me the Lifestyle has to be practical for it to work. I will 'dress' for parties and clubs but have never required certain clothing or toys to "get in the mood for play". I frequently work out ahead of time what I want to do during a play session but I rarely follow My own script...instead I go with what flows naturally from what is being done and the responses I am getting.

Mine has discovered that I am often Dominant even in My sleep and has been woken up a couple of times with Me touching only to discover that I am deep asleep. I have found that the longer he is My submissive the more I have fallen in love with him. It does indeed seem the best of both worlds.

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RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/7/2005 6:07:39 PM

superniceone1

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/10/2004
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I have read the postings here and can only admire the men who have been lucky enough to find the "PERFECT" relationship. I have spent a LONG time searching for a Domme who would LET me be the boss of my Business in the "vanilla" world and expected me to submit to her when in her presents. I am NOT submissive to other men, in fact I am a leader of men! On the other hand I will roll over and expose my belly to a truely dominant woman.
One of you said it is hard to walk up to a woman and announce " hello I want to be submissive to you". I agree! How can one go alone to a D/s group meeting? I do not wish to appear needy to the woman I may want to spend the rest of my life with.
Here in SoCal I am a business owner and have a full "vanilla" life in so many ways but I am always ready willing and able to submit to that one woman who is wise enough to see and read me.Thank you all for the wonderful thoughts.

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RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/9/2005 11:15:23 AM

Mlicious

Posts: 75
Joined: 8/5/2004
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I am currently in a relationship and my BF is submissive. I did in fact meet him at a bdsm party. Meeting a potential BF at a fetish club or a vanilla setting each presents themselves w/ their own challenges. In a fetish club, IMO, you may find a guy who is into bdsm, but you run the risk of him lacking in other areas. My experience is that this community can attract a disproportionate number of folks with issues to work out. Or, they may not look vanilla enough to take home to meet the family.

The other end of the spectrum is that looking for a partner in a vanilla setting means you have to be very selective about to whom you reveal yourself. And, as you said, he may otherwise be terrific but have no interest in bdsm. Then you can be left feeling like you have to divide your life up into what you can or cannot talk to him about. That for me would create a lot of stress.

I too, want a guy who has the versatility to be in every part of my world. I have interests and activities outside D/s and I want to share that w/ the guy I'm with. In addition, if vanilla people knew I was seeing someone but never brought him around, that would attract even more attention to the situation.

Perhaps when you go to the fetish club, look for the guy who is very vanilla looking. The fact that he's there tells you he's into the life. I take that person as the one who has a life that requires a vanilla look when he's not chained up and getting tortured. In addition, when doing a personal ad, specify that you require a sub who looks and acts vanilla b/c you will require him to accompany you to vanilla events. Start there.

Good luck.

< Message edited by Mlicious -- 2/9/2005 11:20:12 AM >

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RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/9/2005 7:36:55 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady

.... that I ate on a regular basis...I tend to get so wrapped up in what I am doing work wise that I forget to eat or forget I have put supper on and it burns. To carry out this duty means that he must think for himself and take independant action and sometimes ride herd on Me...*chuckles*...it can be a fine line some days because I get very touchy when I have forgotten to eat.

LOL, My sub is having to learn this also. If left to my own devices, I'll often eat once a day. Low blood sugar can take me from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds

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*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/9/2005 7:50:44 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: superniceone1
.
One of you said it is hard to walk up to a woman and announce " hello I want to be submissive to you". I agree! How can one go alone to a D/s group meeting? I do not wish to appear needy to the woman I may want to spend the rest of my life with.

What you do is go to http://clubfemsocal.com and if it sounds appealing, you go join the yahoo group. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/clubfemsocal/ Then you post a letter of intro to the group. Read and reply to other postings made in the group. Then on March 3rd, you show up at the munch. You really DO want to come alone, since coming with someone else might make people think you're unavailable. It is a friendly group. If you still feel a bit odd about coming to the munch, contact the head of the group and ask her to do a bit of "hand holding." She is more than happy to help you get your feet wet. You're the only one who can make this happen for yourself.

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/12/2005 1:34:10 PM

GentleLady

Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

LOL, My sub is having to learn this also. If left to my own devices, I'll often eat once a day. Low blood sugar can take me from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds

*bursts out laughing*....I know what You mean. My submissive goes to bed long before I do because he has to get up around 5 am for work. I am a night owl. There was one night where I was not paying attention to the time and it got late. I decided to stay up rather then disturb him by climbing into bed (it was already 3:30 am). he woke up and came flying out of the bedroom.....stood there in the doorway absolutely furious at Me for not getting some sleep....the look on his face was priceless. he wanted so badly to yell at Me for staying up so late and did not dare open his mouth....with his hands on his hips and his eyes glaring he finally...very calmly... asked what I thought I was doing and did I know what time it was before pointing out that it was not good for My health to miss so much sleep. I chuckle every time I picture the look on his face and the clear body language.

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RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/12/2005 3:41:34 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

LOL, My sub is having to learn this also. If left to my own devices, I'll often eat once a day. Low blood sugar can take me from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds

*bursts out laughing*....I know what You mean. My submissive goes to bed long before I do because he has to get up around 5 am for work. I am a night owl. There was one night where I was not paying attention to the time and it got late. I decided to stay up rather then disturb him by climbing into bed (it was already 3:30 am). he woke up and came flying out of the bedroom.....stood there in the doorway absolutely furious at Me for not getting some sleep....the look on his face was priceless. he wanted so badly to yell at Me for staying up so late and did not dare open his mouth....with his hands on his hips and his eyes glaring he finally...very calmly... asked what I thought I was doing and did I know what time it was before pointing out that it was not good for My health to miss so much sleep. I chuckle every time I picture the look on his face and the clear body language.

I am enchanted! This is exactly what I am looking for! Now I don't feel like it is quite so hopeless!
Thank you, Ladies!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 2/12/2005 3:42:30 PM >

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RE: Your BF/Hubby is a sub? - 2/13/2005 2:33:20 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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The type of sub you want is out there. He's just hard to find. While the adage about subs being a dime a dozen is true, GOOD subs are as rare as Domme. Often times when you find a good sub, he's already been snapped up. I'm sure you're already involved in your local scene, but in case I'm wrong...

http://members.aol.com/arizonaamazons/
http://www.arizonawomenofleather.com/
http://www.arizonapowerexchange.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ArizonaLeatherCoalition/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Arizona_BDSM/
http://femaleleather.tribe.net/

The best place to find someone is someplace you can watch them in action. As I keep saying, actions speak louder than words. They can tell you how submissive they are till they are blue in the face, but when you see them not hold a door for a woman or rush to take packages from a woman, you get a better sense of the sincerity behind the words.

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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