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Leonidas -> RE: a little something I don't understand (2/3/2005 4:56:28 AM)
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In all probability, she's saying that she's a serial monogamist. The enlightened wisdom of our culture says that you must:
1. Work yourself up into being unhappy in the relationship that you are in. You can usually do this by not communicating your needs to your partner, and then blaming them for not meeting those needs.
2. Soundly fuck up said relationship, and end it on suitably nasty and antagonistic terms. You can usually do this by attempting the clandestine fulfillment of the uncommunicated needs mentioned in #1 above.
3. Go on to attempt happiness in a new relationship.
4. Repeat as necessary.
The woman in question is currently on #2. She's saying that she doesn't want to be poly, because she isn't poly. She wants her co-conspirator in #2 to be her #3. Of course, she doesn't see the fatal flaw in her plan, namely that if he'll do #2 with her, he'll do it with someone else behind her back, because he either thinks #2 is wrong, and he's lacking the moral fiber that would make him think better of it, or #2 is not wrong by his standards.
She's not poly. People who are poly have broken the cycle above. They recognize that human beings are not gibbon apes. Gibbon apes mate for life, and will chase all other gibbons out of their territory once mated. We don't do that. We don't generally mate for life, and we are, even after mated, open to intimate relations with others of our species. Being poly, in it's true form, is bringing your ethics in line with your natural drives and desires. The ethics of the woman in question (namely that she believes that monogamy is the right and good state of affairs) isn't in alignment with her drives and desires (namely that she's willing to engage more than one other human to satisfy all of her needs). When you have that kind of mis-alignment, you have a good recipe for pain (and not in a good way).
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