RE: Does One Just Give Up (Full Version)

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aurora31 -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/29/2006 2:16:19 PM)

truesub,

My heart goes out to you as do my prayers and wellwishes.

I undrstand all to well what you are going through. Not so long ago I started a thread on a ill sub/slaves. I have adrenocortical carcinoma. A very rare and dealy form of cancer. The reality of it is that 5 yrs from now I probaly won't be here. And becuase of that I also know the reality of me ever being owned is slim. Yet I refuse to give up hope that I will find that or that I will survive this whole mess.

I can only hope and pray that somewhere out there is a master who does not care how long or short my time here on this earth is. But would rather focus on the here and now and who will stand by me no matter what. Who will appreciate that my submission is in my mind and heart and is not a matter of what I can do or not do physically. That no matter what my abillities or limitations are that I am giving 100% of what I am capable of at that given time. To me this is the sign a good master and a good person. It shows great integrity and strength of character. (I am so temted to use true here. But I so hate that word when used to describe someone.) I could never serve one who doesn't have these qualities.

As for giving up...I refuse to and so should you. Even today when I am feeling at my lowest and sorry for myself. I try and find the positive and focus on that. Find the things you can still do and focus on them and doing them the best you can.

My reality is that I may never be owned that I may never get to truely serve to know the feeling of giving myself 100% heart, mind, body and soul. Yet that does not mean I am giving up nor will I ever give up. 

I hope my ramblings make some since as my head too is realing today.

aurora



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/29/2006 3:49:18 PM)

Hugs Jessica...I was sorry to hear of your illness, there is no advice to offer that hasnt been given by many more people in the know or who have experienced thus.But I do want you to know that my prayers are with you and to feel free to write on the other side if you have a need.....take good care of yourself...Tempting



dsamethyst -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/29/2006 7:53:13 PM)

true sub
in answer to your question   should you just give up?

lets see....

if it were your child that was sick  would you just give up your relatiohsip with him becasu ehe could no longer mow the lawn?
if it were your mom  would you just give up because she coulnd make yu chocolate chip cookies and drive you to girl scouts??

if it were your master would YOU just give up??  well then think think think....your relatiohsip is morethan getting nekkid and getting apanked...or i would hope it is~!  my advice to you on this front is to talk to him...and decide for you both...having deal with this exact situation...i will tell you that only the thoguht that My daddy was still there for me got me through some very hard and joyless times....so you must be truthful with both yourself and your master...and  wellwhat ever with be will be...but do not cut someone from your support systemm that may very well be the one that can get through to you when noone else can

have a nice day
little red



theRose4U -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/29/2006 8:24:38 PM)

There are no words to describe how much I hate this disease and the misery it causes. In 90 days I lost 3 members of my family. HATE IT!
If there is anything that I learned it's that you fight. Fight the battles that you can win, fight those that you don't think you can because those are the real trials and don't push away those that love you...because you're gonna need them. On paper it seems so much kinder to "spare them the pain" and in reality it doesn't.
I would not only be crushed but angry if one of mine decided that they needed release, when it's obvious they need me, because they won't be of service. Given the choice of the company of the one I chose to collar for as long as it takes and having to do my own dishes and laundry verses being alone, miserable and not knowing what happened to my beloved...umm easy choice.
Giving up on submission that drives you means giving up on one of the very things that keeps you alive. There are many ways to be obedient and serve even if it's as simple as following orders, taking your medication and staying in bed. These are orders to be followed and thus a dominant is pleased. Yeah play parties, heavy bondage  and even sex may be out for a while but you never know he may discover that he has a new kink for bald chicks, rubbing their heads get him off. Stranger things have happened.
Have a long talk, grab a journal and write out all the things in your head. You're going a million miles a minute with everything going on. Making life changing decisions like ending relationships isn't stuff to do now. Focus is on you which for most subs is a wierd thing but think of it as submission to the process and let master help you along the way. Just remember that submission to the process doesn't always mean the doctor is right, question, research, question some more and if you don't like the answers you're getting jump a plane and talk to someone smarter than the doctor you had.
Good luck chica, time to harness some of laitant Domme energy and kick some cancer butt, flog it, cane it and tie it into submission...you have it in you.



MasterNdorei -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/29/2006 11:13:26 PM)

My heart goes out to you at this difficult time. i recently went through a bout of chemo with a dear friend. If you need to *talk* on the other side, feel free to contact me.

You ask a difficult question... it is hard to remain focused on service, and on your Dom/Master when life is demanding so very much of you. i am impressed with your desire.

i have never had to face the challenge of such a long illness, but i have had an injury interupt my ability to serve for up to a few weeks. It was hard for me to accept Master taking care of me until i was able to realize how well He cares of other possesions in His life (His Harley, His truck, His house, etc). It was easier for me to be reminded of my place when i saw His caring for me as another expression of ownership. Perhaps there is mindset you can adopt that will allow you to feel what you need from Him, even though your abilities to serve and focus may be interupted a bit. Only you can decide when enough is enough.

Warm Hugs & Best Wishes~*
Master's dorei



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/29/2006 11:27:34 PM)

Why would I give up on a sub simply because he is ill?  Why would you give up on a relationship simply (for example) because you're no longer able to make his favorite meal?   You don't cease being who you are when ill; you are physically limited due to illness, and hopefully connected to a decent human being who realizes "there but for the grace of God," and helps you through this time, even if it means he has to get off his ass and do most of the work until you are better.
Supportive/warm hugs go out to you,   M



Aubre -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/30/2006 5:39:43 AM)

I hope your treatment goes well and you make a full recovery.

People who care about you should stay involved through good and bad times, and you shouldn't try to cut people off because now is when you need them most.



LeatherBentOne -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/30/2006 5:52:43 AM)

I have a life-threatening rare/chronic bone disease, spent 3 mnths in hospital and 1 yr bedrest before I met my sub.  I fully informed her and sent my medical records so that her brother (MD) could fill her in on the magnitude of my illness.  Nonetheless, we enjoy a 24/7 now 2yrs after the onset of my illness and we live life to the fullest even with my medical disabilities. 

I'll never give up living until I have both feet in the grave.  I've learn to cherish the "here and now" because nobody is promised tomorrow and the past is, pardon the pun, dead and gone.  I have a new appreciation for life and as such I live with much more intensity in that I see all the beauty I'd overlooked when my mortality wasn't in question.

Do we make compensation for my illness?  Of course we do, but it has enhanced my pleasures within BDSM and therefore I rely on the quality rather than the quantity in regards to my disability.

Never think that you are unworthy because you aren't 100%.  Who is?  Rather, focus on what you  have to offer a Dominant; yourself and make the best of it.  Life is short, so don't short change yourself and others of your full capacity despite your illness.  I would think you have much to offer, regardless.

This may sound strange but I've been enlightened in many aspects of my life since I became ill:  a sincere appreciation for the small stuff if you will, reorganizing my priorities in life thus enhancing my relationships, considering the spiritual being that I have become, increased my empathy for others.  I could go on and on.

In short, take the negative and turn it into the positive.  Make it work in your favor.  As my Mom used to say, "We complain because we have no shoes.  Look at the guy next to you. he has no feet."  Is my life all fun and rosey?  Nope, I do have my share of pity parties, frustrations and anger because I'm ill.  But, I refuse to make my illness a Master. 

I've been fortunate enough to have started a non-profit for people with life-threatening illness to fund, find treatment and expand Medicare.  In fact, I pestered Congress hard and long enough that a bill was written and now in several committiees to eliminate the 2 yr waiting list for Medicare if one suffers from life-threatening illness.  It's a bitch to rely on permanent disability and Medicaid; the average SSDI check is $800 which doesn't include rent subsidies and few MD's, not counting specialists are willing to be paid via Medicaid/Medicare because it renders too little money.  (Sad state of affairs: don't get me started.  LOL)

Feel free to email me for moral support if you wish.  Best to you and remember that you have the power and worth to move ahead in a positive fashion.  (Kiss on the cheek.) 

LBO



Contesaluv -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/30/2006 6:46:40 AM)

Jessica,

Whatever your ailment, I can only say that I wish you a speedy recovery and that you will by sheer force of will and with all the positive energy that will be sent your way, recover 100%.

As for giving up.  Don't!  Not until it is clear that you should.  That depends on the parties involved  (you and your Master) and what is decided upon in regard to this.

For me, if I collar someone, then that means that I am willing to care for them when they're down.  We're in it together until we both decide that it is no longer to be.  That is why it's taking me so long to collar anyone.  It is something not to be entered into lightly but, once there it is also not something that I would so quickly toss away because of an illness.

My thoughts, prayers and positive energy is sent your way from today on.



Dnomyar -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/30/2006 7:05:05 AM)

This is the first time that I have seen a post where everyone gave a good reply. As Senergy said you will find out who your true friends are. Go at this with a positive attitude.



jthorne -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/30/2006 8:22:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

In off topics... I have a thread I started a few weeks back about chemo starting...

The docs decided it best to forego the chemo and do surgery. Upon getting ready...and more testing.. they've discovered a few things and tested for them. Long story short... i'm sick...and will be for awhile.

Now my question here is.... when dealing with a sick sub/slave...single or already owned...
When does one begin to realize it's time to give up.... or continue to hold on to the hope that one can be able to continue once everything is said and done?

Over the past few months..... i've been feeling more like it's time to grip reality and realize my life as a submissive is over. I know inward i'll always be submissive... but my submissive actions are as good as no more. Due to my illness... I know I can't be 100 % anymore... so it's time to step back... though my heart doesn't want to... my body needs too...and will do so.

For the most part..... I don't have to deal with the hurt of asking for release... or being released due to not being able to fullfill my submissive duties. But if others have had to go thru this...or are going through this... I would like to know how to handle it. Steps I should be taken to cone to grips with it... deal with it... understand it...and live with it. I know I'll live with it... it's just my head is swimming so much lately...and meds have my head not being able to think to clearly....so I guess seeing how others handle it will help me out some....

Thank you in advance for any help you might be able to give me on being able to understand my screwed up thinking on this matter...

Jessica





Jessica,
If your dominant values you, he/she will certainly work around this. Your duties might be changed, possibly to include "take care of yourself". I have chronic diseases myself, and in my last relationship my domme got highly upset if I stopped taking care of myself and fell ill. The first two things on my "duties" list as it were consisted of "Take care of yourself" and "Eat well, sleep well". Having a happy and healthy sub was important to her and came before anything else I might be asked to do, because she valued and loved me. Any caring dominant would do the same!

If I had a sick sub, knowing as I do what it's like, I would take care of them and ask of them only what they could give. My one demand would be that they take care of themselves carefully and scrupulously. There would be an emphasis on the mental over the physical, for sure. My care would be indicative of how I value my sub, and also my focus on pleasure and happiness. I certainly would NOT give up on a sick sub, just as I expect my own diseases to be taken into account by any domme.

Don't give up. There is no reason why you should let this take over your life to this extent and force you to give up what you love.

~Julia



ExtremeOwnerIL -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/30/2006 11:02:13 AM)

A fast reply

To emdoub - what a wonderful story and very uplifting.

To Original Poster - my wishes to you for a full recovery. I have seen this mindset from another 24/7 slave who had served her Master for over 25 years - as husband/wife and as Master/slave. She felt that the surgery and resultant loss of physical activity meant she was no longer a slave. It took some work, but they grew even closer as she realized that He wanted her submission, not what she did. They are still together this day. She cannot perform but maybe at 10% of what she used to do, yet her submission to him, her devotion to him and her mindset has still remained strong.

Best wishes to you.
EO



truesub4u -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/31/2006 8:31:57 PM)

<Fast Reply>

Thank you all for yur responses... sorry i've not answered sooner... been real sick. Not being able to get damn blood sugar under 300... grrrrrr...

Anyways.... I understand what all have mostly said. Not being owned... I don't have to worry about an owner feeling trapped... or having to feel worse for not being able to serve. The doms I were involved with have pretty much disappeared when I got sicker... and couldn't submit to them.... good ridness  I say....

To answer all.... no I wouldn't personally give up on anyone that needed me... Dom... husband.. child... parent. I was speaking on a personal level of when ones self feels it's time to step back. I guess not being owned... it's sort of easier for me to step back. My health is more important to me than my submission. My girls need me.... so I am fighting hard to get through this.

Again I thank you for others insight on this situation.... gives me more to ponder too....

Hope everyone had a happy and safe halloween....

Jessica




SweetSarijane -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (10/31/2006 10:03:50 PM)

I want to extend my wishes for your full recovery. Don't give up the fight. There is a lady dominant here locally who battled 3 different cancers simultaniously for over 2 years and this summer became cancer free. Never give up hope. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours as you go through this.



aurora31 -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (11/1/2006 5:16:38 AM)

jessica, I am sorry to hear you are not feeling well. I spent several days on insulin while I was recovering from my surgery so I understand your frustration in trying to keep your blood sugar down. I also understand what is to be fatigued beyond reason and the fear and unfairness of having cancer and trying to sort through all the treatment options or lack of them.

I like your attitude and your are right good riddance to the Doms who are not standing by you. I was under consideration when I first got sick and was let go not because I couldn't serve but because of the strain my medical bills would bring to the household. I was absolutely devastated. But in the long run I am glad I learned about his character sooner rather then later. I count myself extremely fortunate though I am part of a wonderful lifestyle community here who have stood by my side. Offered me rides to doctor appointments when I couldn't drive. Brought me books to read. One friend even brought me her laptop to use while in the hospital so I could chat and visit with friends across the country. Others came and took me out to lunch just to get me out of the house for a bit.

For now I am on the other side my surgery was successful in removing the tumor and all the margins were clear but it had spread to my liver. I had my first CT scan since the surgery and it was clear. My hormone levels are returning to normal and I am feeling human again. I even went to an event a couple of weeks ago and got to scene with a very dear Dominant friend. But I still long to find one to serve on a full time basis, one who will be there for me through thick and thin a shoulder to cry on when the reality of it all gets to be to much. It makes me so mad when in the initial stages of talking to some one and I tell them I have cancer and just how deadly the type of cancer I have is that they just drop of the face of the earth. Yet there are a few who have stuck around who are taking the time to get to know me and to see if we might be compatible no  matter how long or short my time may be.

I agree that for now you need to focus on your health and getting better. But I also know for me being able to express who I am as a submissive plays a vital role in my well being emotionally and helps to give my the strength to stay positive and carry on. We will both beat this thing of that I have no doubt. That and a good beating does wonders for my stress levels.

I wish you all the luck and a speedy recovery from this ugly and unfair diagnoses and my thoughts and prayers are with you always.

aurora



truesub4u -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (11/2/2006 12:49:23 PM)

Aurora..... thank you for your kind word ...and encourgament. Strong words of wisdom. Huggggggggggggggggggggs



aryan -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (11/6/2006 7:11:23 PM)

Jessica -

I'd say that if you gave up on your submission, you'd be giving up on yourself. Submission is not limited to acts. It is a state of mind and the soul. Submission spans the emotional and psychological as well as the physical. Over the decade I've been exploring my submission, one fact has always shone bright and clear, and that is that being submissive is a part of who I am, down to the spirit. It's not a facade, act, or role I play. To give up on that part of yourself would be akin to dousing a flame. Submission is also strength. Strength in knowing who you are and being true enough to yourself in this "quick-judge" and "label-phyllic" society of ours to pursue your nature and need. Use that strength to help you in your fight and recovery. I would hope that any Dom/Master would encourage you and support you, not abandon you, in your time of need.

No, don't give up. Hold tight to the energy that helps feed the soul. The specific energy just may need to change focus a bit and morph and adapt to your abilities, limits, and strength.



mons -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (11/8/2006 3:40:39 AM)

greeting
 
i am so mad so mad for i hd breast ccancer i can oh yes you do know what it to go throught an illness and have other leave you your master let you down but this happen to me but it was not a submisive or a master it was my family when i told them the women in my family to go get check i never in my life thought they would do this but 3 members just give up on me and then two of my family members i am a stamp and doll collector they had me as death before i was gone they wanted my stamps and one said oh my daughter love your dolls. when people do this kind of thing and just decide to drop you or leave you i know your so hurt and when you sick you do not think of it until later. this master who has realsed you i am deeply sorry but never give up never. no matter what the doctors say no matter what anyone says you keep strong i was so ill for so long i never thought i would ever be able to live again but i am a christian and i read my bible this may not be for you but find something that hold you together you going so much better then i i could not go to my computer i was so weak, it took me 2 years to get some strenght back then i injure my head that took another thing to deal with but i stood strong i had my twin help me and her son and my son. if you have on person who cares that is enough to carry you through, and you not able to be a submissive is not as important as you may think now. now you a submissive you still are one just as i was still a domme even though i was ill. your mind is so important right now it is the part of you that will nott give up use it make and find things you like to do and do them a lot, i had a dairy that i wrote in every night the people my fmaily who left me and did not ask how i was they never called again ever. i cried and just had to move on fast it was making me ill. what you feeling now and i hope you do not mind is the pressure of not be able to be what you want to do and that is serve you master. i come back to this for him to release you at the moment in you life when you needed him most is horrible he is not a man to do this to you this will hurt and i am sorry but love is all not just serving him he should had been there for you as well. i know who to trust now and who really loves me i thought i would never be the same, never get up and that was one of you thought is of giving up. hold on to youself your faith no matter what it is but hold on. i will keep you in my prays do you have a home to go to? who is helping you with things and helping you cook and clean you must have someone to do these things, i was blessed with my twin and it was so hard are you saying things are so bad with your illness? i hope you write to me and tell me how you doing. please take care let no hurt come into your life now keep your mind free of thinking of what happen your still you proud and strong if i can be of help please write me someone to write to is good . let me know
 
mons



SweetBobbie -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (11/8/2006 5:11:39 AM)

truesub4u-
First i am sorry to hear of your illness and will keep you in my prayers.

Second though i am very new to this lifestyle and only  in my first relationship i also have a chronic illness, diabetes, and am an amputee.  There are things that i cannot do and others that are much more difficult for me than for others but She understands this.  At times i forgot or feared to interrupt Her activities with the fact that i needed to eat or take meds, after a couple of ass chewings i learned that taking care of myself is as much my responsibility as cleaning the kitchen or preparing meals.  i know that she cherishes me and my submission even with my needs and limitations.  Submission is a state of mind not a set of acts, or so it seems to this novice.

"i am only an egg" Martian phrase to express ignorance, Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert Heinlein



Fawne -> RE: Does One Just Give Up (11/8/2006 10:55:41 AM)

truesub4u:

Deepest sympathy to you.

Your real self, your submissiveness cannot be displaced or reduced by the experience of of any outside circumstance or condition.

When you are able, rested, calmed and stable you'll be back to realize the full experience remains open to you.

Wishing you peace and harmony in your healing.

Sincerely, fawne



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