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Warning: this joke may be religiously offensive - 10/29/2006 12:48:34 AM   
shynewboy


Posts: 47
Joined: 2/7/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, a bit of a bad joke here, so read at your own risk-


How do you fist a dyslexic nun?








Tell her you're Jesus and talk about the holes in your hands
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Warning: this joke may be religiously offensive - 10/29/2006 12:57:48 AM   
LadySeraphina


Posts: 931
Joined: 3/28/2006
From: Calgary, Canada
Status: offline 		Ouch.

Okay, while we're busy offending people...

This fellow is golfing on a little course in Ireland, and when he sinks his putt on the 13th green, a leprechaun pops out of the hole.
"Ach! Ye got me! Now I owe ye three wishes," says the leprechaun.
Without hesitation the man replies that he is very happy, and has no need of three wishes, thank you anyway.

As the leprechaun walks away, he thinks to himself, 'if any man deserves three wishes, it's that one. Let's see... What does every man want? A good golf game, money, and a good sex life. Granted!"

A few months later the man is golfing at this same course, and the leprechaun pops out of the hole.
"I thought I'd check up on you and see how you were doing," says the leprechaun.
"Oh, very well, thank you," replies the man.
"How's your golf game?"
"Never better!"
"How about money? You doing well in that department?"
"Funny you should ask, my uncle passed away a few months back, and left me a tidy sum."
"What about your sex life?"
At this, the man blushes, but he replies slowly, "not bad, once or twice a month."
The leprechaun nearly tears his hair out. Things had gone so well until this. "Once or twice a month?!"

"It's a small parish..."

_____________________________

"Men are like wine. They start out as grapes and its up to the woman to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with." -Unknown

www.LadySeraphina.ca

www.SeraphinasToybox.com.

(in reply to shynewboy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Warning: this joke may be religiously offensive - 10/29/2006 6:23:57 AM   
swtsouthernsub


Posts: 477
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		lmaooooooooo I love them both and I'm a preachers kid
Thanks for the laughs

_____________________________

DEBBIE
Messenger Of Truth
Let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart,
be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and redeemer
Psalms 19:14

Those with a closed mind live a sheltered life.

(in reply to LadySeraphina)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Warning: this joke may be religiously offensive - 10/29/2006 7:34:40 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Father McBride was hearing confessions.  Suddenly, he has an overwhelming urge to have a bowel movement.  He tries and tries to hold it back, but the cramps are overpowering.  So, he sticks his head out the door and calls one of the altar boys over. 

"Okay, Billy, you just listen to the people's confessions, and give them a penance from this list.  Just find the sin and the penance is listed right beside it."  And he runs for the bathroom.

Billy shrugs and takes the next confession:  "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.  I told a lie this week."

Billy checks the list....lie...."Say five Hail Mary's".  And takes the next one: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.  I committed adultery this week."

Billy checks the list.....adultery....adultery....ah here it is.  "Say 25 Our Father's and 25 Hail Mary's."  And takes the next one.  "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.  I gave a man a blow job."

Billy checks the list....blow job....blow job...can't find blow job.  So, he sticks his head out the door and whispers to the other altar boy, "Jimmy, what does Father give for a blow job?"

Jimmy replies, "He gave me a Big Mac and fries!"

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to swtsouthernsub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Warning: this joke may be religiously offensive - 10/29/2006 8:17:04 AM   
Saratov


Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Umm, Debbie.. preacher's kid?  Does that mean you were in charge of sex ed for the youth group?

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Warning: this joke may be religiously offensive - 10/29/2006 9:13:19 AM   
subinside


Posts: 233
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Toronto, ON
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes
Jimmy replies, "He gave me a Big Mac and fries!"


Oh ouch, too funny.

_____________________________

~si

You want me to call You what?... i'll take it under advisement.

000-150-313

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Warning: this joke may be religiously offensive - 10/29/2006 1:02:22 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Warning: this joke may be religiously offensive - 10/29/2006 1:27:18 PM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline 		As long as we're doing bad Catholic jokes...

Q: How does a nun get laid?

A: She dresses up like an altar boy.

Midnight Writer


_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Warning: this joke may be religiously offensive - 10/31/2006 10:44:30 AM   
Cutiepie74019


Posts: 106
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline 		lol never herd those ones before * grins *



_____________________________

"There are thorns everywhere, but along the path of vice, roses bloom above them."

Marquis DeSade

(in reply to emdoub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Warning: this joke may be religiously offensive - 10/31/2006 5:55:05 PM   
LadySeraphina


Posts: 931
Joined: 3/28/2006
From: Calgary, Canada
Status: offline 		Cool, it's always nice to hear new jokes that will send us all straight to hell in a handbasket! (If we believe in hell.)

_____________________________

"Men are like wine. They start out as grapes and its up to the woman to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with." -Unknown

www.LadySeraphina.ca

www.SeraphinasToybox.com.

(in reply to Cutiepie74019)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Warning: this joke may be religiously offensive - 10/31/2006 6:03:03 PM   
lilmakwa


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		omg this is some funny stuff.....  oh no i can't stop laughin

(in reply to LadySeraphina)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Warning: this joke may be religiously offensive - 10/31/2006 7:26:03 PM   
shynewboy


Posts: 47
Joined: 2/7/2005
Status: offline 		Oy, enough with the hands! :D

(in reply to lilmakwa)
Profile   Post #: 12
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