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RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 6:09:53 AM   
DaddiesLilGirl06


Posts: 52
Joined: 2/23/2005
Status: offline 		He felt like it but did not do it. He did not want His lil girl to be displayed with another Dominant publicly without His permission. Which She did not have.

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 6:10:01 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		This sounds like a whole lot of hoopla over something fairly minor.  What happened to a polite discussion?  Ya know, it could be you were partying, she was having a good time and being casual.  Could a polite "Ma'am, would you mind if the pic was just us" or "Please do not put this on your website, that would make me uncomfortable" have worked? 

When I first read this I thought a dom did something in a play aspect without asking permission from the sub's dom.  My question was about to be "did you tell the other dom to ask or did you just submit".  This seems to me, though I could be wrong, a simple misunderstanding that has the potential to blow up.  Perhaps making a mountain out of a mole hill?

Not knowing the specifics, there may or may not have been a breach of etiquette here.  But, it sounds to me like it was an unintentional one not something maliciously done.  I'd discuss how to handle such things in the future and let it go.  Maybe I'm missing something though...

< Message edited by MsKatHouston -- 10/30/2006 6:11:34 AM >

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to DaddiesLilGirl06)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 6:11:37 AM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		I don't care who it is if respect for me as a sub is not present there is nothing going to happen.  That said i tend to be a rather outspoken sub.  There again my Dom would not have tolerated disrespect to me and would have held His temper and addressed the Domme immediately by pulling her aside and discussing it.  No one is allowed to touch me without His permission and supervision.  As for commands if my Dom wished for me to follow them He would say so and if it was simply a request for something to eat or drink i would have looked at my Dom and asked if He would also like something.  That would give Him the opportunity to indicate verbally or nonverbally His preference for my behavior.  In most cases that would not be a problem.  I understand your Masters preference for not creating a scene however it sounds that the incident was severe enough that it needed immediate attention.  In the community that we are a part of the Domme would likely have heard from several people about her behavior and would have been put on notice that further behavior such as this boundary issue would not be tolerated.  Sometimes Dominantes make mistakes just as sub/slaves in using good judgement and hopfully the Domme has learned a lesson that will not be repeated.  That said i would continue to be myself which is respectful to all but keep my distance until she apologised to Sir and by extension to me for her behavior.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to DaddiesLilGirl06)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 6:13:31 AM   
Contesaluv


Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Respect should be directed toward your Dom/Domme and anyone who has not earned your respect outside of that just doesn't get it.  If, from observing and getting to know someone you've grown to respect them as well, then they have earned your respect.  I would never disrespect anyone by overstepping my bounds.  I live by the rule, "Do unto others as you expect them to do unto you".  So, if I want someone to respect me and mine, then I need to extend the same courtesy to others.

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

(in reply to DaddiesLilGirl06)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 6:19:12 AM   
DaddiesLilGirl06


Posts: 52
Joined: 2/23/2005
Status: offline 		After all was said and done in a quiet manner the pic never made it to her hands. All I wanted to know was should i respect her after the fact that she did not ask. The picture was approved for just the other sub and i. Did not know until the very end that she was going to be in it. i indeed looked at my Dom with some concern. As well as the Hostess made sure that the other Domme knew she messed up with her and my Dom. Everything was settled. I just dont know about the respect issue because i felt ashamed that someone could have just pushed her way through like that withou asking. I dont know. I am confused over the matter is all.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 6:22:26 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		I would say it was a mistake.  Did she apologize?  Take your respect or lack thereof from her actions post issue and her continued behavior toward you both henceforth.  Chalk it up to an error, that anyone could have made, and just realize she's human and can make a mistake.  You don't have to make a decision about it right now.  Just go with the flow.  A calm heart to heart talk between the three of you to clear the air may do wonders.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to DaddiesLilGirl06)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 6:22:40 AM   
Contesaluv


Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddiesLilGirl06

After all was said and done in a quiet manner the pic never made it to her hands. All I wanted to know was should i respect her after the fact that she did not ask. The picture was approved for just the other sub and i. Did not know until the very end that she was going to be in it. i indeed looked at my Dom with some concern. As well as the Hostess made sure that the other Domme knew she messed up with her and my Dom. Everything was settled. I just dont know about the respect issue because i felt ashamed that someone could have just pushed her way through like that withou asking. I dont know. I am confused over the matter is all.


Well, then.  To err is human right.  If she's someone you know and up to this point have been fine with than maybe it was an oversight on her part that should be forgiven.  Now if it or something similar happens again then you'll know that there's an issue there for this individual regarding them knowing how to respect others and their property and such.  Then you will know how to proceed from there.  One day at a time, always taking notes as you go.

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

(in reply to DaddiesLilGirl06)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 6:24:57 AM   
DaddiesLilGirl06


Posts: 52
Joined: 2/23/2005
Status: offline 		No my Dom and i never knew her prior to this. W/we all just met that night. She never apoligized to my Dom either.

(in reply to Contesaluv)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 6:26:22 AM   
DaddiesLilGirl06


Posts: 52
Joined: 2/23/2005
Status: offline 		Mistress C that is why i asked if respect should be shown. This is the first time i have ever encountered someone who does not ask.

(in reply to DaddiesLilGirl06)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 6:30:26 AM   
Contesaluv


Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddiesLilGirl06

No my Dom and i never knew her prior to this. W/we all just met that night. She never apoligized to my Dom either.


Well then my first response to you applies.  For me the first time I meet someone tells me alot about them whether they know it or not.  I do no t have a collared slave or sub yet.  I am still working on trying them and testing them over time as I don't jump into anything lightly.  However, even with the ones that are at this stage with me are not to be disrespected by anyone, Dom/Domme or sub.  Especially not upon the first meet.  That tells me that there is something missing in that persons makeup that makes them be this way and that it is true to their  nature.  Then that's not someone that I want to continue to associate with or even get to know better but, that's just me.  I have been known to give second chances in the hopes that maybe I read them wrong, or they were having a bad day, or whatever.  However, the majority of the time it just proved them to be who I thought they were in the first place.

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

(in reply to DaddiesLilGirl06)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 7:19:05 AM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		There's no way to know if the Domme was being disrespectful or just honestly didn't know she was doing something that made you uncomfortable. Unless you or your Dom said something to her beforehand, it could have been an honest mistake.
However, in response to your question, the only respect that you owe anyone (except your Dom) is the respect you would give to any fellow human being.

Edited to add: Sorry this was meant to be a fast reply to the OP... put it in the wrong place. :)

< Message edited by Lorelei115 -- 10/30/2006 7:20:08 AM >

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to Contesaluv)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 7:44:30 AM   
demistress


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline 		Ok, I went to a party this weekend myself, and I committed a faux pas.  I asked what appeared to be an unattached submissive male to clean up my slave girl (she had cupcake icing on her nipples, and was having difficulty avoiding bumping into people and getting orange icing all over them, due to being shackled).  At that point, he said "would you mind if I asked (Mistress's Name Here), Ma'am?"  I was embarrassed, and apologized for not knowing he was owned, and told him to please of course ask his mistress, and I also gave her my apologies for asking him directly rather than asking her.  All was resolved quite happily and in a friendly manner.  But, if he hadn't said something, things could have gotten very uncomfortable.

Mistress Heather

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to Contesaluv)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 8:32:29 AM   
jthorne


Posts: 99
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddiesLilGirl06

Lets say when a Dom/Domme wants to do something with someone elses sub and doesnt ask the subs Dom what do you do? How are you to show respect for that particular persons Dominance but respectfully show how ashamed you are of that person who disrespected your Dom and you? Its a very confusing thing for me. i have never encountered this before. Until now.


WHOA! No respect! NONE! And don't talk to the person who disrespected your relationship with your Dom, either of you! That is BAD FORM.

(in reply to DaddiesLilGirl06)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/30/2006 9:20:27 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Contact your lawyer. Have him send a letter stating you do not grant permission for any pictures of you to be posted on her website and that you will take further legal action if she does do so.

I get the feeling this wasn't a picture of two people in street dress drinking coffee. What you should have done right then was demand the photographer destroy the film in front of you, or erase the pic if digital while you were watching. Not just complain to the hostess who presumably wasn't the person taking the pictures.

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/31/2006 4:35:32 AM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddiesLilGirl06

Mistress C that is why i asked if respect should be shown. This is the first time i have ever encountered someone who does not ask.


It sounds like your whole issue with this is if you still need to show this domme respect.  Are you in the habit of showing respect to any person who calls themself a dom or domme....without knowing anything about that person?  And if so, once that person has undermined that respect, do you still feel a need to show them respect?
 
i'm just not sure why you are in such quandary to show this person respect that they may (or may not) be worthy of in the first place.  i mean, it's not like you have to be 'un-sublike' and call her a bitch or something but she does not own you, you don't even know her....so why all the struggle about the ongoing respect for her? 
 
DG

(in reply to DaddiesLilGirl06)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/31/2006 5:59:34 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: demistress

Ok, I went to a party this weekend myself, and I committed a faux pas.  I asked what appeared to be an unattached submissive male to clean up my slave girl (she had cupcake icing on her nipples, and was having difficulty avoiding bumping into people and getting orange icing all over them, due to being shackled).  At that point, he said "would you mind if I asked (Mistress's Name Here), Ma'am?"  I was embarrassed, and apologized for not knowing he was owned, and told him to please of course ask his mistress, and I also gave her my apologies for asking him directly rather than asking her.  All was resolved quite happily and in a friendly manner.  But, if he hadn't said something, things could have gotten very uncomfortable.

Mistress Heather


I most assuredly agree that this is the way to handle such things.  It's a Dom/Dommes responsibility to protect their submissive and a Dom/Dommes responsibility to consult with another submissive's Dominant.  In the event that a Dominant isn't aware that a sub is collared, Mistress Heather expertly handled the situation.

I'm surprised that the OP's Dominant didn't address the situation at hand when it occured for lack of anger management skills (as the OP suggested) and the Hostess was called on to defuse the situation.  Perhaps the OP might have gotten her Dominant's attention by making her uncomfortable feelings known before blindly submiting to the requests of another Dominant. 

I would certainly have spoken up in a polite manner after taking the other Dominant aside and explained to my sub that she submits to only me, that she should have asked my permission if the other Dominant didn't have respect or knowledge to do so.  That's why before I take any sub to a public event for the first time, I have her study a list of protcols to discuss and sometimes roleplay to be sure she has a true understanding of what is expected.

Thanx again, Mistress Heather, for setting such a good example.

LBO

(in reply to demistress)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: When to and when not to? That is the question. - 10/31/2006 6:51:11 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		In my circle such a grievous act of slipping unasked into a picture would result in her arm being cut off.  For overreacting to such a tiny frigging break of plain vanilla etiquette, you would be asked not to return to any event I ever held.

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 37
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