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RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/30/2006 5:53:58 PM   
SissySean


Posts: 376
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with the person (sorry haven't figured out how to quote yet), who said it depends on the type of relationship you want to have with the person. Plus there is the issue of personal info, with caller ID etc...But then again if someone is typing in IM speak "Liek ,ur so kewl LOL" I have no time for that.

_____________________________

"I know it hurts too much, I know you're scared. I know you're running out of trust, wishing you were dead. Drown in your misery, you're not alone, come share your tears with me and witness it all go wrong."

Amanda Palmer is HOT!!

(in reply to LordBennett)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/30/2006 6:15:47 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		When making friends or potential more than friends, i always liked chat rooms.  i liked to see how peopel manage themselves in group dynamics, quick wit, diplomacy, ability to go from serious to goofy.. all those hare important to me in friends and more than. 

i'd seen Master in chat rooms, and good gawd, was He goofy.   Could not multi-task, could not change topics easily, could not keep up, DAYUM.   But i'd met him offline a few times, and those same qualities offline made Him great..   He could focus on one person, (me!)  or whatever single topic had His attention..  His eyes danced when His hobby was discussed,  there was a fire and passion to Him that was like Steve Irwin, it made ya giggle.

When W/we started IMing, omg. Is this guy on goophenol?   He insisted on stupid Capping conventions.  i was not allowed to be reading elsewhere, chatting elsewhere, or IMing with others..  my choice if i wanted to do those things, but not when talking to Him.   Others had pulled those reqs on me and i'd just laughed as i clicked the big X in the corner.  Who knows why that was acceptable to me for this One person. 

i'll say now, that W/we do most of O/our contact by phone, i like not having to type like a yutz, but in some ways, i miss IMs when W/we phone too much.   i have a record!  If i forget the details of a convo, i can go look it up.  Even when He is here in person, i get txt msgs to my phone.. it is often simpler than shouting room to room.   So my vote is..  hell.  Do whatever seems to fit for that person at that time of day and don't let the mode define or limit communication.  i'd use an etch-a-sketch if line drawings worked best with someone i really wanted to communicate with.

(in reply to LordBennett)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/30/2006 7:12:49 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		This is a fast reply and a complete hijack.

I keep reading people say that IM is cheaper than paying long distance for phone service.  I call internationally on a daily basis for a couple hours every day to Canada and it costs less than $30 per month.  All I need is high speed internet and my Lord and I can talk as long as we want over the phone.

There are ways to significantly cut the costs of long distance bills if that is all that is holding you back from talking on the phone.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/30/2006 10:56:30 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

This is a fast reply and a complete hijack.

I keep reading people say that IM is cheaper than paying long distance for phone service.  I call internationally on a daily basis for a couple hours every day to Canada and it costs less than $30 per month.  All I need is high speed internet and my Lord and I can talk as long as we want over the phone.

There are ways to significantly cut the costs of long distance bills if that is all that is holding you back from talking on the phone.

Knight's kyra


You mean voip. :)

Also a trick to IM and multipul messages is to put a full dot in the window that way it looks like your writing a msg and you can say your a slow writer... Although I often have about 5 or 6 ppl on IM and never have a problem. Although if it is someone i'm wanting to meet I usually concentrate on the one window.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/30/2006 11:11:21 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		~ Fast Reply ~

Depends on what you're using IM for.

Take a work environment - you're in a tech support group, on the phone with a customer who is having a really challenging problem.  Rather than putting the caller on hold so you can call someone else for help, you IM your tech support buddy down the hall and trouble shoot together, all the while, a few other people with simple questions (including "Where do you wanna go for lunch?") are messaging you.

Also take a work environment - I can multitask with the best of them.  There are times if I need to talk to someone (or vice versa) I would rather not pick up the phone and let everyone in my office know what's going on in my life, so I IM, while continuing to do my work.

At home, maybe I'm reading the message board, or watching something on TV (okay that's rare) or doing my homework.  I can IM in between, during breaks, and carry a couple conversations at a time.  The only one who receives my undivided IM attention is my Master, or a friend I might be having a serious conversation with.

Back when I used to go to chat rooms, I could participate in chat while talking to a couple other people on the side.

If I'm sitting in the airport and the flight is going to take off late, I can IM from my mobile "We're departing a half an hour late" rather than pick up the phone, dial, wait for the ringing, listen to the voicemail greeting, leave a message....blah blah blah.

Really, I could go on....but I have some IMs to get to, lol.

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/30/2006 11:14:11 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

This is a fast reply and a complete hijack.

I keep reading people say that IM is cheaper than paying long distance for phone service.  I call internationally on a daily basis for a couple hours every day to Canada and it costs less than $30 per month.  All I need is high speed internet and my Lord and I can talk as long as we want over the phone.

There are ways to significantly cut the costs of long distance bills if that is all that is holding you back from talking on the phone.

Knight's kyra


To continue your hijack (sorry OP), Master and I have iVisit.  Webcam with hands free voice. Works on both PC and Mac.  $50/year and we can hang out and talk "in person" unlimited.  The sound quality is really good and you don't even have to have the cam on.  There's an IM feature in it, too and I believe you can conference as well.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/30/2006 11:19:08 PM   
jdtallfem


Posts: 180
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		I do like IMs but I also believe that after awhile it's really great to hear the person's voice on the phone.  Gives me another dimension to that person, another sense of who he is before I meet him and even after I meet him and helps fill up my memory banks.  And with IMing so many and emailing so many, that's always a good thing.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/30/2006 11:41:33 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

why do people im instead of talking on the phone?


Many reasons as listed already here, but there is an added reason for me

If he and I are both posting here, reading emails, sometimes I am playing a game online, we can message each other. He may send a link, or I will send one his way. It is like reading the newspaper together. It is a quiet thing where we can share time without having to be actively yapping at each other. I like that feeling of easy comfort and being able just to make a comment here or there without the pressure of heavy conversation. We talk on the phone quite a lot too mind you, but it is nice just to passively spend time together when we live so far apart from each other. 

quote:

Is the phone inherantly more risky than instant messaging? 



When I was looking it went from emails through the system of the personals site i was using, then to personal email account associated with the site, and then to an instant message account that I used to screen people. I would then move to cell phone, and if I really like someone after a few phone conversations I then added them to my main messenger ID that I use for most of my messaging. They get the landline only after meeting me (except Daddy, he got it a couple of days before we met...smiles).

I used this system and I am glad I did because it was a screening device for me leading to giving someone information that maybe used to stalk me. I have been stalked before and wish to avoid it in the future. This process does not take a long time btw, and when I am searching for someone I talked to a lot of people, not just a few. I was in no hurry to make them the centerpiece of my life.  

quote:

I've been going over it in my mind, and aside from the possibility of someone getting a small bit of identifying information by reverse looking up my phone number, I can't come up with a good reason not to talk on the phone with someone instead of im'ing.



You would be completely surprised at what someone can find out about you from your landline number.  A few extra emails, IMs, and then using a cell can save you a lot of headaches

quote:

Am I missing something?



No, you are not missing anything, you just think differently is all, and there is nothing wrong in that. I am a single mom, and I do not want to leave bread crumbs to my door to people I have not had the opportunity to gauge. I know some people are not what they seem. There was one other dominant I used to talk to that was extremely attrractive and successful, well travelled... the whole 9 yards... yet when I told him I had decided that Sinergy and I seemed like a very good match and that I did not think that he and I should meet, he kinda got somewhat bent out of shape. He emailed me a couple of weeks later that if I wanted to interact with him again he would have all these stipulations on things. He seemed somewhat demanding and irrational in that email, and I was thankful I had not given him my landline number. He had seemed very normal until he was rejected.. then he was not so normal. I am somewhat careful about things though

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 10/30/2006 11:42:43 PM >

_____________________________

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/31/2006 12:02:52 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

I apologize if this hijacks the thread and I am not meaning to put anybody down as I think this has far more with me not understanding the IM culture, but is it not somewhat frowned manner wise to IM multiple people at once? Is it not like someone on the phone constantly interrupting you to take another call?





It depends on the people and my connection to them, and it also depends on what I am doing at the time. I used to go into topical chat and have a few friends IM me, my sister, maybe my brother... they all knew I would be in several windows at once. If they are important enough to have a claim of exclusivity on me and my time, they can call me on the phone. I will stop and talk to one person if I feel like it and they seem to need that.

Even when messaging with my Daddy I will have other friends message me, I do give him priority, but he knows others message me while he does and so far he hasn't seemed to care.

It is only rude if the people involved have a different expectation... instant messaging holds no expectation of undivided attention to me, and if I want that I will call the person.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 10/31/2006 12:03:19 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/31/2006 1:31:41 AM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

Over the past 4 or 5 years, I've spent the better part of my free time instant messaging and sitting in chat rooms.  I reached the point of saturation a month or so ago and decided  I wont do it anymore.  My fingers are tired, my wrists hurt, and I just cant stand the thought of being tied to my computer waiting for a slow-typer to respond.

My thinking right now is, why do people im instead of talking on the phone?  Is the phone inherantly more risky than instant messaging?  I've been going over it in my mind, and aside from the possibility of someone getting a small bit of identifying information by reverse looking up my phone number, I can't come up with a good reason not to talk on the phone with someone instead of im'ing.

Am I missing something?



I much prefer Ma Bell ; It's a priceless medium  ; }




 - R


_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/31/2006 6:13:15 AM   
sappatoti


Posts: 14844
Joined: 10/30/2006
From: the edge of darkness...
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

...why do people im instead of talking on the phone? ...



Perhaps a physical disability allows communication where telephones only impede the conversation. For some people, myself included, it's simpler, easier, and a more coherent way of communicating.

Using myself as an example, I am a complex migraineur. The limited frequency response of a telephone conversation can quickly bring about mild to moderate migraine episodes. Shortly after the onset of a migraine, I can no longer think straight, and when I can, the words come out all jumbled up. Thus, I'm not able to carry on a voice conversation anyway. Since it's not likely that telephone conversations will be made full fidelity, I avoid all telephone conversations whenever I can. Hence, typing messages is my solution.

At this time, typed messaging is my tool of choice. Even when having a mild complex migraine attack, I can take the time to compose a message making sure all the words are correctly placed. Yes, this does make me a slow responder on IM. But, at least I can prepare responses. In a voice conversation, whether on the phone or in person, a mild complex migraine attack will make me look lost or spaced out to others while I trip over the words I speak.

Simply put, IM or typed messages gives me control over what I say. Telephones don't.


(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/31/2006 6:30:19 AM   
namasteguardian


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		One thing that hasn't been brought up, and the primary reason I do not IM, is that too many phoneys and wannabes like to play the IM game. They sound great over the 'net, but after awhile, when it is time to move onto the phone call or public meeting, they suddenly vanish. I have wasted a lot of time with these kinds of people, and there seem to be a LOT of them of this site.

If I am interested in someone, and the feeling is mutual, I try to move onto a phone call as soon as reasonable. As several have already said, if you have a cell phone, your identity really cannot be easily traced, so it is quite safe. Over the phone, I can at the least know that I am really talking to a woman! lol.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

(in reply to sappatoti)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/31/2006 7:05:07 AM   
demistress


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline 		I don't like the phone.  For the reasons LA has mentioned among others.  I prefer IM and email over phone any (and every) day of the week.  I have had guys tell me they don't believe I'm a woman, well, fine, their loss. 

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to namasteguardian)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/31/2006 7:17:12 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		To the people I know in real life I have no troubles using my mobile..wouldn't know how to survive without that cute little thing....well I use both IM n mobiles lol but anyhow, people I haven't met personally..I prefer sticking to them in IM even though I don't always do it but for one reason or another I feel awkward when talking to them even though I'm not a very shy person. so ye i'm phone-shy to ppl abroad so one big clap for IM's!

(in reply to demistress)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/31/2006 7:51:23 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I guess I was right it is just a different culture and not bad manners at all when on IM with multiple people. IM is just not for me on so many levels and one of those is I always know when the other person is distracted by other IM, TV or something else and that just bugs me. But that is my problem totally.




_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/31/2006 8:01:21 AM   
UnvailedPurpose


Posts: 61
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		namasteguardian:
Regardless if dominant or submissive, I believe it reasonable logical and realistic to insist on the occurence of a sequential series of events prior to physical meeting. Prolonged telephone conversations are not numbered among those events neither is the exchange of e-mail more numerous the five. I will file a flight plan and be anywhere in the continental united states in two days and not consider it a waste of time energy or dollars if I have eliminated another club playing Internet dominator.  








(in reply to namasteguardian)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/31/2006 8:06:29 AM   
jesskitty


Posts: 185
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

I apologize if this hijacks the thread and I am not meaning to put anybody down as I think this has far more with me not understanding the IM culture, but is it not somewhat frowned manner wise to IM multiple people at once? Is it not like someone on the phone constantly interrupting you to take another call?




i think it more has to do with age. i'm of course probably one of the youngest/younger ones in the bunch here and people my age grew up with computers. most of us talk to multiple people at a time and it's just expected. it's not rude, bad behavior etc. it's just the culture of kids that grew up on the computer. such as a website called ytmnd(your the man now dog). it is a website full of internet humor, if you haven't grown up or spent much time in forums, instant messeaging people, and just looking at and knowing the same events you wouldn't understand the website nor why it's funny. i think it has a great deal to do with age and culture. such as most people that grew up interacting only in real time find talking online to be less personal than real time whereas i find it to be just as personal as real time.

EDIT: i see that most people here are talking about relationships/potential relationships with instant messaging. most of the people i instant message are my friends and are not into the bdsm scene. my friends and i are extremly open usually, so we will be possibly looking at t.v. together as we are instant messaging, looking a website, etc. etc. so once again it just really depends on your audience but i hardly im someone from any bdsm website let alone someone i'm intersted in or potentially talking to, therefore i think what others are talking about are abit different than what i am talking about.


< Message edited by jesskitty -- 10/31/2006 8:11:43 AM >

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/31/2006 8:30:57 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		To you perhaps, but not to every one. I have adhd, I need to split myself off into multi task portions or I loose the ability to focus. I write on here talk in ims and am frequently on some other site and nobody cares.  I'm a very fast typer and to sit there and wait for someone to take 5 mins to reply would have me buzzing them to hurry up and reply, now that would be rude lol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

I apologize if this hijacks the thread and I am not meaning to put anybody down as I think this has far more with me not understanding the IM culture, but is it not somewhat frowned manner wise to IM multiple people at once? Is it not like someone on the phone constantly interrupting you to take another call?





toservez,

Doing any of the above is impolite, disrespectful, and just bad manners.

(in reply to ToGiveDivine)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/31/2006 9:52:51 AM   
namasteguardian


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Regardless if dominant or submissive, I believe it reasonable logical and realistic to insist on the occurence of a sequential series of events prior to physical meeting. Prolonged telephone conversations are not numbered among those events neither is the exchange of e-mail more numerous the five. I will file a flight plan and be anywhere in the continental united states in two days and not consider it a waste of time energy or dollars if I have eliminated another club playing Internet dominator.


UnavailedPurpose, I would respond to your comments, except I have no clue what you are trying to express! After reading this multiple times, what I think you are saying is that the email, phone call stage should be very short and the actual meeting very soon. Was this your intent?????

Namaste, Sir Dominic

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: chats and im vs. phone - 10/31/2006 11:57:50 AM   
WhiteRadiance


Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I hate talking on the phone and I hate IM's too. 
IM's and chat rooms are so slow and time-consuming!! I realized one day- after engaging in what would have been a 20-minute phone conversation- that 4 hours had elapsed!  I just don't have that sort of time to engage in bantering.
 
I prefer to get to know someone via email, then we begin phone calls.  But no device or person manipulates a majority of my time.  I refuse to be a slave to a computer or a phone.

_____________________________

Staci

The drop of rain makes a hole in a stone not by violence, but by often falling.



(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 40
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