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How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 7:50:14 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

i have one question if i may. i find it a bit confusing how to adress a Dominant. Some wish to be adressed as Master by all slaves and submissives, while others would find the adressing as Master by a stranger as anoing or even insulting, some wish to be called Sir some dont and some is insulted if a slave dont use Master or Sir. What am i to do, how should i adress a Dominant to have the least chance of being displeasing to any Dominants.

Pleese forgive me for taking up a topic that have been adressed before.

Post #: 1

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 7:54:49 AM

desoutter

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

Just dont call me late for dinner...
In my opinion... there is a time and a place for everything... If I attend a 'get together' and its clear that there is a system in place... I like to participate...

If Im on Collar Me, or in the world... 'hey you', 'the guy with the tattoo', 'handsome' - These are my favorites...
desoutter

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 2

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 7:57:30 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Anyone who "demands" you call them a certain way is a putz.

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 3

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 8:24:01 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Why would you bestow an honorary on someone you barely know? I think that is goofy.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 4

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 8:33:28 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you don't know how to address them, simply ask. Sometimes you can get clues from their screen name.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 5

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 8:36:11 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

There is nothing confusing about dressing a dominant, you lay out what they tell you, other than that, they will dress you, pretty much.

God dag, Neph!!!!!!!

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 6

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 8:39:38 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Thank you, Sir Ottertail.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 7

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 8:43:01 AM

ExtremeOwnerIL

Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

i have one question if i may. i find it a bit confusing how to adress a Dominant. Some wish to be adressed as Master by all slaves and submissives, while others would find the adressing as Master by a stranger as anoing or even insulting, some wish to be called Sir some dont and some is insulted if a slave dont use Master or Sir. What am i to do, how should i adress a Dominant to have the least chance of being displeasing to any Dominants.

Pleese forgive me for taking up a topic that have been adressed before.

To my knowledge, I've never seen a "real time" Dominant/Master/Mistress discourage courtesy and politeness. I tend to revert back to my German upbringing, which was to respect one's elders and treat others with courtesy.

When in doubt, if you wish to address someone with more protocol than courtesy demands, then ask - either your own Dominant or the person in question.

My preference is to be called "Sir" by those who wish to respect me with such. Titles further than that are reserved for my own property or those who submit to me temporarily (in the case of scenes or specific time periods.)

Regards,
EO

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 8

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 8:50:36 AM

boobacuda

Posts: 16
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline

My Sir wants me to address Him in a respectful manner, which I thought I was doing this. He feels I need to ask for help in the manner and ask others to give me ideas on how to speak to Him. In Your opinion how would You like to be spoken to from a sub? I have tried the third person and did not like it.

(in reply to ExtremeOwnerIL)

Post #: 9

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 8:56:08 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I would not do it in a vacuum, I would ask him what he wants, 'cause like for me, I would have you run around the house and say your nick all the time, I would be laughing like woody woodpecker and slobbering like cujo................. You wouldn't have to say another fuckin' thing to me.........(but that is me)

So, evetually, what we say don't count..........

It is all about you two.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to boobacuda)

Post #: 10

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 8:56:58 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Until you have formed a specific relationship with that person, you should address them as you would any other person. Being dominant in orientation should have no effect on how a person is treated by anyone else, and any dominant who expects unique treatment from people by virtue only of being a dominant is a dork.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 11

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 9:15:50 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Thank you all for your replys. i think that then what i will do is that when i dont know how a Dominant wish to be adressed i will ask and unthil i have an aswer just tread him or her politly like i would any other stranger.

God dag til deg også Ron.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 9:52:39 AM

MstrJohnJ

Posts: 82
Joined: 5/5/2006
Status: offline

most of the time I prefer to be call John
The title means less to me than the tone behind it.
You can call me Master and have it roll off the tongue as an insult
and conversely, you can simply call me by my name and have it show respect

so for me it's tone and inflection rather than the word itself.

I do agree with LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Until you have formed a specific relationship with that person, you should address them as you would any other person. Being dominant in orientation should have no effect on how a person is treated by anyone else, and any dominant who expects unique treatment from people by virtue only of being a dominant is a dork.

I have see too many people pull the pose with hands firmly planted on hips shouting to the world
"I am a dominant... kneel and worship!!"

You give people the respect that they earn and they deserve, not always the respect they desire

note: edited to put [quote in the proper syntax

< Message edited by MstrJohnJ -- 10/31/2006 9:54:40 AM >

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 13

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 10:13:41 AM

Tatsunojin

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline

Hello miss nephandi,

When I entered the lifestyle 14 years ago, my Mentor and Teacher was an Englishman who taught me that it does not matter wether you know the person or not, you must always greet them with respect wether they are dominant or submissive, male or female. I have since strived to live up to his teachings and have adopted the following personal policy which I've since taught to both male and female dominants and submissives.

1. When the title or the status of a person is unknown or in doubt, they should be addressed as Mister for males, and Miss for females.
2. Male and female submissives should be addressed as mister and miss respectively, unless the submissive is owned by you, in that case address them as you see fit.
3. The use of titles, Master, Lord, Knight, Mistress, Dutchess, Goddess, ect, must only be used in a formal setting or if the person holding the title is your Owner.
4. The use of Sir and Ma'am should be used to address dominants that you are casually aquainted with or if they are your Owner and require such an address.
5. The use of Mister and Miss can be used inplace of Sir and Ma'am when addressing a dominant.
6. Always address a dominant that you are acquainted with in the manner they request. Some dominants do not wish to remain formal or be addressed by a title, they may choose to be addressed by their first name or scene name.

Finally, the above is not meant to impose any restriction on anyone, it is simply a guideline in the mutual display of respect and courtesy between dominants and submissives, males and females, in other words...people.

I am Tatsunojin and I prefer to be addressed as such.

Peace to all.

< Message edited by Tatsunojin -- 10/31/2006 10:14:42 AM >

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 14

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 10:52:16 AM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boobacuda

My Sir wants me to address Him in a respectful manner, which I thought I was doing this. He feels I need to ask for help in the manner and ask others to give me ideas on how to speak to Him. In Your opinion how would You like to be spoken to from a sub? I have tried the third person and did not like it.

Your Sir does not know how He wants you to talk to Him or address Him???

How does He do on the more difficult stuff??

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to boobacuda)

Post #: 15

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 1:09:35 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Forms of address folks prefer are as varied as the names they use online and in person. Tere is no formal agreed on standard address for all Tops, Basic manners are all most expect when in the Hi I'm _______________ stage. Get a little beyond that stage to the "Yes we're a possible match for something bigger and only then would I think it becomes reasonable to ask for anything beyond basic respect.
Then when it get to the point of Yes we're a good match and we're working on the foundation negotiations for the relationshipwould I think I could tell the other person what I expect them to call me or any other folks by an honorary term.

That said My personal format works like this take what makes sense to you and toss the rest:

All dominant's beyond their first year are called Sir/ Ma'am by default and may request other forms of address and so long as they don't contradict this format they will be used.
The honorarium of Master/Mistress is reserved for use inside this relationship or for those persons I advise you I wish you to use it with.
You may when you feel appropriate upgrade the honorarium you use with a person you have built respect for.
It is expected that you advise me of that shift.
You may not unilatterally downgrade someones "title"
You are expected to advise me of the reasons why you wish to downgrade, after which I will make the decission.
You can ask that anyone at all be downgraded including those I originally told you I want you to address with title.

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)

Post #: 16

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 1:19:03 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

I call male Dominants "Sir"...except for the two Jeff's I know who prefer 'Jeff' (well, I'd call others by their names, too...if they prefered.

I call female Dominants which ever they prefer.

But, I'm not likely to call anybody 'Master'...as a matter of course.

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 17

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 1:32:42 PM

TrueCalling

Posts: 97
Joined: 1/28/2005
Status: offline

Call him late for dinner...if he doesn't like that perhaps he'll suggest something more to his liking!

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 18

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 1:34:27 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Or call him asshole..................

I believe these are the sorts of things that will garner you his undivided attention, if that is what you are after.........................

LOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to TrueCalling)

Post #: 19

RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 10/31/2006 2:01:30 PM

swtsouthernsub

Posts: 477
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline

growing up in the South it was common courtesy to always speak with respect always saying yes ma'am yes Sir or addressing someone Mr or Mrs thank you and please and always your welcome
my two cent

_____________________________

DEBBIE
Messenger Of Truth
Let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart,
be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and redeemer
Psalms 19:14

Those with a closed mind live a sheltered life.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 20

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