emdoub
Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nephandi
i have one question if i may. i find it a bit confusing how to adress a Dominant. Some wish to be adressed as Master by all slaves and submissives, while others would find the adressing as Master by a stranger as anoing or even insulting, some wish to be called Sir some dont and some is insulted if a slave dont use Master or Sir. What am i to do, how should i adress a Dominant to have the least chance of being displeasing to any Dominants.
How to address a dominant? Well, fine handwriting with a fountain pen or dip pen in blue or black ink is always impressive - and don't forget to use the correct postal code.
This does happen to be one of my favorite pet peeves - and I run, so often, into reasons to stroke, feed, and love it.
First off - if they expect you to simply know how they should be addressed before they make their wishes plain, they're clueless dweebs who don't deserve polite behavior. Everyone knows that it's the doms who can read minds, not the subs.
Second - if they're insulted by someone who is trying to be polite, but simply guessed wrong off of the varied menu, then they're awfully easy to insult. Knowing themselves best, they probably know why they're so easy to insult - you can take their word for it without knowing the details. Their self-image issues are not your responsibility, and hopefully, not your problem.
If they've picked a scene name/title that requires everyone to verbally bend at the knee to address them politely, like Lordliest DomOverAllDoms, then the easiest response is to fail to address them at all - ignore them. If I simply must address such, I usually pronounce their scene name "bobo" - it's a pleasant sound, easy to remember, and shows every ounce of the respect they've earned.
Some pick a name that's not too over-the-top - Master Chumbley or somesuch. While my personal opinion is that someone should, upon some acquaintence, be able to guess their orientation without having it on a nametag, this is so common that allowances must be made. To be polite, address them by their scene name.
If they insist that the submissives should address them by a self-appointed title, while other dominants can just call them Chumbley, it's an underhanded play to get their jollies by having every submissive seem to submit to them. Politeness is good, but respect must be earned, and these folks start with a handicap in my estimation.
If they acknowledge that they're not your dominant, and accept you addressing them as you would address any equal, 'Sir' and 'Ma'm' are correct in ettiquette. Come to think of it, 'Sir' and 'Ma'am' are correct ettiquette if they're vanilla, and it's hard to go wrong with that.
For myself, my scene name is Midnight Writer, which is a bit of a mouthful, so many people shorten it to MW. My friends shorten that further, to emdoub (which is, after all, shorter than emdoubleyou).
The ones who expect more than good ettiquette just because of their orientation are, generally, the ones who least deserve any show of respect beyond the dictates of ettiquette.
Short answer - their name, if known and not absurd, should work for anyone, regardless of orientation. If the name is not known, 'Sir' or 'Ma'am' is polite. If they've made other wishes known to you, it'll all depend on how important pleasing them is to you.
Midnight Writer
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Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.
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RE: How to adress a Dominant. - 
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