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Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 10:43:02 AM

desoutter

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

Hey all,
Im a little long winded but I should get to a point with this question. I have been in the lifestyle for a few years... twenty something? Cripes... a long time. Im from a small New England town and always enjoyed the lifestyle and the network of subs/friends I have had. Of course things change and life moves on and I was out of it for years and years... Things are not as they once were.... internet... multi-media... and the few bad apples that have given the internet and meeting online somewhat of a bad name....
I have road tripped for various companies for what seems like an eternity and have noticed many different attitudes and mentalities, from Tucson to West Palm Beach, people in our lifestyle have now... some great... some downright rude and some scary... unfortunately I am never in one place long enough to get to know anyone...

I have met a few woman online, from time to time and have always had a good experience... I always have a computer with me...
I think the question I am getting at is... for those subs that have met Doms online with success... what is your story?

I am curious as to how you progress from meeting online to meeting in the world from a subs perspective.

Thank you,
desoutter

_____________________________

When the going gets weird... the weird turn pro.

Post #: 1

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 10:53:13 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

When I first started out it was a lot of meeting at a diner type things after a few phone calls, sometimes leading to sex and play afterwards and sometimes not. For a few serious ones when I'd been talking for awhile and felt very strongly connected, we met eachother at my place and usually went off to a hotel somewhere for a weekend together.

I've evolved to the point where I rarely make NEW contacts from the internet and when I do, I simply tell them to meet me at a party or social event I already plan to be at so I don't go out of my way, it's a no-pressure environment and I don't lose any time if they don't show up.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 2

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 12:00:45 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Whenever I meet someone from the net I usually just meet at a pub or something. Its a safe environment.

Im glad to see someone else have realised the lifestyle has evolved and so must they..

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 12:17:15 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I met my Master on line. he e mailed me i responed and we talked by e mail for a few weeks then i gave him my phone number then we talked on the phone for another few weeks then we set up a meet. First meet is always in a public place we picked a Starbucks we both knew we met (instant conn ection)and the rest as they say is history. It has been 9 months and we are still going strong.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 4

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 12:19:48 PM

onlythewindknows

Posts: 259
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline

cyberDomage aside, pretentions aside, the 'net is just another of a number of places to meet people.

sometimes local "scenes" can get a little incestuous and it is nice when new people come in by whatever means.

personally - my experiences have been pretty great w/online. if you can get past the bs you can find wonderful people you NEVER would have met otherwise.

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 5

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 12:33:00 PM

desoutter

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Whenever I meet someone from the net I usually just meet at a pub or something. Its a safe environment.

Im glad to see someone else have realised the lifestyle has evolved and so must they..

Thats the word I was looking for - evolved - Thank you.
phew - I could have just said that and trimmed that paragraph down to a sentance...lol

Thank you all...
desoutter

_____________________________

When the going gets weird... the weird turn pro.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 6

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 12:38:48 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

First I feel that there is enough of common interests, vision and of course that something that cannot be quantified. The biggest thing though is when I feel I have punctured the guarded/guess what they think I am wanting to here and the man has let his guard down enough to get an idea that I am talking to the real person, then I try to meet as soon as possible.

I always meet in a public place and prefer during the day so there is little confusion of what is expected. The man I am currently getting to know we drove roughly half way each and met a week and a half after first contact. One thing that has seem constant though, it always feels very natural and the progression was never forced and tied into some perceived/expected time table.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to onlythewindknows)

Post #: 7

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 12:45:15 PM

collareddreams

Posts: 25
Joined: 2/21/2006
Status: offline

I met my first master on the internet in a regular yahoo chat room, and after being exposed to that much dominance online and TRYING to be a SWITCH when we met I cryed when i realized that I was wanting to SUBMIT rather than be both roles....I don't really believe in the online dom/sub relationship- I feel that people that take this avenue over the real life are merely SCARED of the individuals that may become...and GOD I know so much about me mentally, emotionally, and sexually after my JOURNEY into SUBMISSION! I wouldn't trade the person that I have become for anyone- it is what makes me ME!

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 8

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 12:49:01 PM

Betacoywolf

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/29/2006
Status: offline

I know kinky and non-kinky people that have met their mate/SO's online and are living happily everafter so far....
I think with any meeting care should be taken. I will be honest sometimes I want them to meet at local event... sometimes I am willing to meet at like a caribou....BCW

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 9

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 1:53:12 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have met both men that have dominated me online first. The first was a friend before we ever discussed BDSM, and when we became interested in more we explored this, and submissiveness fit me to a tee. We met in the real world but it did not last....

I tried to date vanilla after that relationship ended, but it just felt unnatural to me, so I put my profile up on alt, and my Daddy was the first one to email me...I did meet a couple of other people for coffee that I met through alt, but they were not for me, and although my Daddy and I were both outside of our distance preferences, we really liked each other right from the start, just this spark there.

We first emailed March 10th, we met May 11th, and I love him very much. I do not say those words very easily, and when I do say them I absolutely mean them. He is just so very dear to me. I would tell people that think everyone on the internet is fake that this is just not true, they just haven't met the right person. It is best to try several ways of meeting people, and this is just one more tool among many.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 10

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 2:09:28 PM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

If a person employs the same kind of judgement and thoughtfulness to meeting people online as it requires to meet someone who is genuinely compatible off-line, then I think that their chances of "being successful" (for the sake of this discussion, we can call meeting someone and developing an enduring mutually satisfying relationship) are just as good as, if not better than, meeting someone off-line.

As far as my personal experience goes...my local munches are relatively (no pun intended) in-bred (same people who've topped and bottomed and switched with one another in different configurations over and over again for years) and the TNG group near me, while a good group of people, seem to be primarily "into" sensation play as opposed to D/s. My kink has more to do with submission than sensation. So, for me, meeting a person with whom Im compatible in most areas, including my kink, most likely would have been a lot more drawn-out had I only been searching in my area. I happen to work in a profession that is in demand in most of the country, so eventual relocation was not ruled out....so why not look for the best match and deal with geography issues as they present themselves?

I happened to be contacted by an amazing, intelligent, funny, sadistic (and often verbose) man about a month and a half after I signed up here. We exchanged emails and chatted online for about a week before we started talking on the phone. Less than three weeks after the initial contact was made, we met in person and we have been together since. Our work schedules permit us to spend several days in a row together, several times a month.

That first email was one year ago on November 12.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 11

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 3:27:36 PM

SlaveAkasha

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I met my Master here on CM. I think what impressed me about him was that he had been reading my journals for a couple of months before he wrote me. Something in the one I had just written at the time, he could really relate to, so he wrote. I think we talked on the phone that day or the next, and everyday since then. We met two weeks later in person, he came here. I have now accepted his collar, and will be living with him in a matter of days.

Not every story ends that good, but I am grateful this one is. I have made bad judgements on here also, but I have learned from them. It just takes time and a whole lot of patience.

Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 12

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 5:09:12 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

That first email was one year ago on November 12.

That is a very nice story heather *ss* There must be something about November and sadists.

November 8th will mark two years since I met my Lord in an alt chat room. It was my first time in a chat room, he said hello and we have chatted, emailed or talked practically every day since then. At first he was just "safe" because he already had two girls and lived about 3,000 miles away. However rather quickly we both realised just how special the other was and the relationship just naturally developed into more. It was 6 months before I went to visit for that first time and I became his. The distance has been challenging but hopefully next year I will be moving there for good.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 13

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 6:28:09 PM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

At first he was just "safe"

"Step into my parlor, said the spider to the fly..." *WEG*

quote:

The distance has been challenging but hopefully next year I will be moving there for good.

I have wondered when you were going to make the big leap!
Congratulations on two years and many many happy returns.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 14

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 6:31:27 PM

thisishis

Posts: 278
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: Southeastern MA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: desoutter
.............I think the question I am getting at is... for those subs that have met Doms online with success... what is your story?

I am curious as to how you progress from meeting online to meeting in the world from a subs perspective.

Thank you,
desoutter

Short version: We happened upon each others' profiles on June 25, 2004 ... met face to face, in person, the next day.... we married 10 months later ... April 25, 2005.
We're now busy living our happily ever after.

Longer version: http://www.collarchat.com/m_31865/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm .

_____________________________

Sincerely, his

How I'm kept busy these days: http://modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=368120

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 15

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 7:10:55 PM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thisishis
June 25, 2004 ...

Which also happens to be my birthday!
Congratulations on your meeting, your continued happiness and your awesome anniversary date!

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to thisishis)

Post #: 16

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 7:16:51 PM

HollyS

Posts: 230
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline

My first experiences with D/s were online - conversations with people I met in Yahoo chat. My first Dom was purely online (and phone, but no face-to-face d/t distance), which worked for both of us at the time. Since then I've met others by chatting in IM first, then progressing to the telephone before agreeing to meet in person. This was how I met Sir this past January and I couldn't be happier.

For me, lots of talk time online builds a foundation for being willing to meet. I know many people don't understand the attraction to IM, but I greatly prefer it over the telephone. Either way, use whichever mode of conversation works best for you but use it liberally. My closest relationships that began online -- D/s and friendship -- developed with those whom I spoke to nearly every day.

Best of luck to you.

~Holly

_____________________________

I wish my lawn were emo, so it would cut itself.

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 17

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 7:27:06 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I met my Dom online. We got to know each other, became friends, discovered our mutual interest in the lifestyle, fell in love and after 10 months of being online and long distance finally got to be together to live our lives as Dom/sub, best friends, lovers, and partners. We have been very happy for the last 7 months and only seem to get better everyday.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to HollyS)

Post #: 18

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 8:16:03 PM

ladychatterley

Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline

In my always humble opinion (and if you believe that, I have some terrific oceanfront real estate available in Kansas...) internet relationships can often fall into a very specific set of traps. Specifically, people (vanilla or not) connect with this one shared interest/passion/hobby and they tend to be much more open about vulnerabilities/things they haven't shared much/letting down their guard very quickly because the internet gives us a feeling of anonymity. If a relationship stays on the internet for very long, in my experience (and the experience of quite a few friends), it has little chance of actually working (not none, but little) because you develop this intense, passionate, vulnerable and really quite profound connection and then you meet this person in real life and realize you shared all these things with them too quickly and you can't get real-life to match the level of emotional vulnerablity/intimacy you've developed. (I even had this happen with a gay pen pal, and I'm a straight chick, so we had NO romantic intimations of any sort, but it still happened.)

The real difficulty is moving a relationship from on-line to real life and I think it is a hard one to pull off.

So for me, before I found my Dom (here), I wanted to meet as quickly as possible. In my experience, people just aren't the same in real life as they present themselves on-line. Even if they are totally, 100% honest, they are presenting themselves as they see themselves (or possibly as they wish to be) and it is nearly impossible to know who you really are in all areas. So for me, I would screen for a couple of things (and make sure we were looking for the same things) via e-mail, move to a phone call as soon as possible. For me, discussion of sex needed to be relatively clinical on e-mail—I didn’t want to talk about sex at all on the phone. I just didn’t do phone sex and I didn’t like it when I felt like I was being pushed there. If I was attracted to their voice (which is actually more important to me than looks) and there was chemistry (for me, I really wanted someone who I could have intellectual, quick conversation with that kept me intellectually engaged), I would try to get together quickly.

I always met for coffee, usually with a planned event a couple of hours later so I could get out if there wasn't chemistry. In my opinion, in an ideal world, 3 or 4 e-mail exchanges and 20 minutes on the phone should be enough to risk an hour on coffee within a week, although the person I'm now with, we talked for about 6 hours in the 24 hours after we started e-mailing and met the next day. I'm not nearly as concerned about developing an intimate connection over the phone as I am over e-mail. I don't have the tendency to overshare the same way.

(in reply to Littlepita)

Post #: 19

RE: Doms question on online Doms - 10/31/2006 11:32:25 PM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

When I first decided to start my search for a Master I placed an ad on another BDSM site. I was completely new to the lifestyle but had a pretty good idea of what I wanted. I was contacted by so many potential Doms in the first couple of weeks. Many lasted for a quick 5 min chat before I reaslised they were not for me. Some lasted longer and progressed to phone calls and a couple made it to the meeting for coffee stage. One made it as far as lunch followed by an afternoon discussing art and media.

One Dom that contacted me the first day the ad went up chatted for a couple of days before insisting we meet. His idea of meeting was play on the first date which scared me silly. Looking back I have no idea why I agreed to this with him. We chatted for a couple of weeks, never spoke to each other on the phone apart from one very short call the day before we were due to meet to confirm hotel bookings. We met and played just as he had said and I had my first taste of needle play. Of course I broke all the rules, met someone without much real contact, played on the first date etc. Neither of us can say now what made us do that at the time.

We have now been together for 2 and half years, bought a house together and have set up and run a successful business. So I guess that there are times when even online you can just click with someone.

(in reply to ladychatterley)

Post #: 20

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