RE: home for abused subs and slaves (Full Version)

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InYourEyes -> RE: home for abused subs and slaves (1/31/2005 10:51:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Having worked as a counselor in the domestic violence/substance abuse field for 7 years I have to agree with thnkiwntaspank on this one. The women who work in community centers are primarily volunteers who have been in abusive situations themselves. They are not educated in alternative lifestyles and quite frankly could not begin to comprehend the dynamics involved. I can think of several occasions when a client was involved in a lesbian relationship and I can tell you that even that was more than most could relate to.

The link that I posted is an organization run entirely by lifestyle people. I know the people involved firsthand and can tell you that they help countless women.


It is true that many women who volunteer their time to shelters may have been abused themselves, or in the case of alcohol or drug-related safe houses, were out of control with abuse of that substance once themselves. Finding a shelter where the lifestyle is fully understood would be a challenge, regardless of one's gender. Remember too, that many shelters report cases of abuse to the authorities if they feel that someone's life may be endangered. That's another can of worms altogether for those in the lifestyle.

There's nothing wrong with people wanting to help others as long as they are well-informed as how to handle those that are incoming. A militant ex-user, or abused person that has no training may do more harm than help. Some cannot tolerate the overzealous as a leader on the path to recovery of their life... and flee without getting help. I've seen that happen firsthand, and it was very sad.

When should a no-limits slave seek help? When they are able to recognize that their relationship no longer serves their own needs, only the life of one that finds pleasure in the betrayal of one's sensibilities by belittling them emotionally until the inner self no longer exists. (I won't comment on physical abuse because one person's ecstasy may be another person's heaven) This is simply my own opinion, and I do not expect all to agree.

mistoferin, I don't recognize the support group that you posted, but we visited a BDSM B&B in Southern MI two summers ago that offers help for abused submissives. I do not know the extent of help that they provide, but if they are involved in the group that you mentioned, all that I can say is "bravo." What a wonderful family!





suberic -> RE: home for abused subs and slaves (1/31/2005 11:04:02 PM)

Okay, I am glad to hear that this idea doesn't intend to discriminate.

I'm not upset, I just wanted to get everyone thinking in terms of men being abused too, cuz it's gonna happen. Efeminate males who are beaten by their gay lovers, really submissive men who are abused verbally by their "loving" spouse. All that's gonna happen and if it's know that there is a place to help those in the D/s community out of those situations, some men are going to find their way there.

I mentioned it because at one time I thought that was what I wanted, found out REALLY fast that it wasn't and managed to get out before it got really nasty. Some scars, lesson learned. But I can't help thinking about what might have been had I a shade less self esteem and she has been a bit more subtle in her attacks....



Destinysskeins -> RE: home for abused subs and slaves (2/1/2005 8:43:20 AM)

Greetings,

i've heard of at least one location which serves as a safehaven for battered/abused sub/slaves - Shadowfind. It's located in Michigan and also serves as a school for both Tops and bottoms as well as a B&B. i'm willing to bet that they would be both willing and able to help you with these questions/concerns.

Shadowfind




firefey -> RE: home for abused subs and slaves (2/4/2005 11:03:48 AM)

http://www.phillyfetish.com/btsprofessionals.htm

http://www.cufsmaine.org/kinkfriendly.htm

http://www.bannon.com/kap/mainlist.htm

http://www.revisef65.org/amsterdam1.html this one would be a good resource for finding mental health professionals who share the belief that sadomasochism, transvestitism, and fetishism should be removed from the World Health Organization’s list of mental disorders.


the first three links are for kink friendly and kink aware professionals. the first two are area spesific to Pa and Me. but the last is nationwide...i think. ther are many professionals out there who, while the many not be involved in bdsm, believe we have the right to do as we please while it remains consentual. maybe you could find a kink aware/friendly pro to get involved with your shelter. maybe even help you get your grant money.



Darthbetta -> RE: home for abused subs and slaves (2/4/2005 7:46:07 PM)

My place has been used on 3 occasions for friends to have a "safehouse".

It is part of being a great Master to help out people in situations as such.
For which, I haev had some very good friendly relationships bloom, and the healing was expedited on the abused hersons end... simply by having someone to listen to them, and give sound advice based on the circumstances.

Luckily I have not had any "DRAMA WHORES" or "LEACHES" come to me and mooch off of my hospitality and abuse my kindness. I think that they know better than to do that.



Tristan -> RE: home for abused subs and slaves (2/7/2005 1:21:36 PM)

Much of what I've seen of domestic violence counsiling and shelters is exactly what suberic describes. I've had several male friends in very abusive situations who had absolutely no where to go for help. One friend was a 200 pound driller who was being physically abused by his 125 pound wife. His wife had some unresolved emotional issues from her childhood. She hit him with just about anything in the house she could find. He never hit her back even though he suffered some fairly severe injuries. He tolerated the abuse partly because he thought he could "take it" while he tried to help her work out her emotional problems. The abuse got so bad that my friend finally had to move out because he was afraid his wife was going to kill him (and get away with it).

I don't think there was a single support group for my friend or at least he did not know of any. DV is almost exclusively thought of as a situation where a man beats a woman. This creates a problem not only for male victims, but also for the female abusers who also have nowhere to turn for help. From what I've seen and read, there are far more female abusers out there than most people realize.

Getting back to suberic's comments, I have another friend who works as a county social worker. She tells me that all of their training is in the male abuser/female victim scenario. She has never had any training to deal with any other situation, and has never even heard of another DV scenario being discussed by her agency. She believed that the male abuser was the only possible scenario because men are physically stronger than women. This is probably society's view also. Verbal or emotional abuse is sometimes mentioned, but only when there is a male abuser.

DV from what I've seen is far more complex than a one sided situation where the physically stronger person beats on the physically weaker person. Afterall, what's to stop the physically weaker person from taking a baseball bat to their sleeping partner? Including the bdsm aspect of the relationship might help social workers recognize other dynamics besides physical strength in a DV situation. It would automatically include male submissives as potential victims. It might also be good for all DV victims, but would probably be bad for the bdsm lifestyle.



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