punish first, explain later

punish first, explain later (Full Version)

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defiantbadgirl -> punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 4:34:05 AM)
Is it a common thing for a master to punish a sub and refuse to explain why until afterwords? It seems to me that without an explanation, a master could misunderstand a situation or action and the sub could end up being punished unjustly. Do es a sub have the right to an explanation before a punishment is carried out? Any thoughts on this?

Littlepita -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 4:41:54 AM)
I can't imagine my Dom giving me a punishment that I didn't fully understand what it was for. I have been punished twice, both in the very early months we were together, and both times he sat me down and explained what my punishment would be and why. Afterwards we discussed it even more and I was given forgiveness. That is the way it should be handled in my opinion. But, of course this sub feels her Sir can do no wrong. [;)]

Kalira -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 4:44:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Is it a common thing for a master to punish a sub and refuse to explain why until afterwords? It seems to me that without an explanation, a master could misunderstand a situation or action and the sub could end up being punished unjustly. *Do es a sub have the right to an explanation before a punishment is carried out? Any thoughts on this?* Do YOU, as a normal, healthy human being, deserve the right to an explanation before you are chastised for something? [:)] The answer is actually very simple.

nephandi -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 4:57:26 AM)
It depend on your type of relationship, in some D/s relationships the Dominant party can do whatever he or she like and never give an explenation and the submissive party is okey whit that, for that is how their relationship work, in other relationships such behavior might be sonsiderd abusie, it all depend on who you ask. In my opinion it is a bit useless, if i get a punishmet i dont understand, i will not be able to modyfy my behavior as i did not know what was wrong and the puishment would be pointless. Beside to have the submissive constatly living in fear of random punishment is not a good idea either, in my opinion.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 5:00:46 AM)
I wonder if the sub ends up resenting the dom in these types of relationships if the punishment turns out to be unjust.

sintralgasub -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 6:02:15 AM)
i couldn't imagine my Dom punishing me without His advising me of my transgression first.

NYMaster101 -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 6:09:33 AM)
I don't see the point of punishment unless it is for transgressions. If the sub does not know what action brought about the punishment how can she grow and learn?

nephandi -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 6:18:57 AM)
Ofcourse anyone can make a mistake. When i was in school, i once resived an unjust pnishmet from a teatcher, and i never resented the man and indeed grew to respect him alot becouse he when he found out he had been mistaken made a sinsere apology. It is human to fail and it is a test of strengt to have the ability to say you are sorry.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 6:20:07 AM)
Usually if I am being disciplined I know what I did wrong. I do not get blindly disciplined. Most always I am told while I am getting disciplined what it is for.

notsurebutsweet -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 6:34:56 AM)
when i did have a trainer and i did recieve punishment twice form Him the first time He told me what i did wrong and gave me punishment the second time He had me tell Him what i did wrong. it took Him a couple days to cool down before we talked about it again. He never had to give me punishment after that. but i knew why i was being punished before the punishment

SumterDom -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 6:59:53 AM)
I personally don't agree with not explaining why one is being punished before being punished. I establish my rules in writing and the sub/slave has a copy of them for reference. I basically have a "3-strikes" method to my madness. After the rules are established, with the first infraction I sit the little one down at my feet and confess that apparently I did not make myself clear on what my expectations are. Then we go over the broken rule again. At the 2nd infraction they are disciplined. Which may take the form of writing the, yet again clearly defined rule, amoung other possibilities. At the 3rd infraction they are informed of exactly why they are about to be punished and the punishment is severely dealt with. At this level I believe in very intense punishment. PUNISHMENT is not suppose to be "fun", and they are not permitted to go to their "happy place" during this punishment phase. IF there are further infractions there is a very real possibility that they will be released and sent on their way. If for some reason this girl has a very special place in my heart then I may choose to again punish her, even more severely with probable removal of almost all privileges and/or confinement to a very small specified area or cage for a period of time. I guess that's one of the differences between BEING a dominant and a wanna-be. BEING a dominant is "hard-work" in it's own way and doing both what you say you will and what your sub/slave is told/expects isn't really an easy thing to do.

darksdesire -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 7:28:53 AM)
i can't understand why you would be punished without explanation. That defeats the whole purpose of punishment and discipline, which is to teach. Whether the punishment is just or unjust seems a moot point. The fact that the punishment occurs without explanation would be frightening and confusing. Imagine sending a child to her room and removing her priveleges without telling her why. It just makes no sense.

RedSavageSlave -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 8:28:06 AM)
(fast reply) is he lashing out in anger and then later when he has calmed down told you what you were punished for? does he say you are being punished..punish you then sit down and discuss it? does he punish you not in anger but when the punishment is over, he no longer wants to discuss it so you do not know what it is you are being punished for? can you please enlighten a bit more as to what is going on when this happens? As far as the "having a right to explain her side" well... that one is not a right unless the owner gives it to her..but it is considered to be part of communication and therefore I see it as being important.

Kalira -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 8:31:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave (fast reply) is he lashing out in anger and then later when he has calmed down told you what you were punished for? does he say you are being punished..punish you then sit down and discuss it? does he punish you not in anger but when the punishment is over, he no longer wants to discuss it so you do not know what it is you are being punished for? can you please enlighten a bit more as to what is going on when this happens? As far as the "having a right to explain her side" well... that one is not a right unless the owner gives it to her..but it is considered to be part of communication and therefore I see it as being important. her question actually stems from the thread she started on the other section http://www.collarchat.com/m_665548/tm.htm

juliaoceania -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 8:37:47 AM)
I have never been punished. I am disciplined. I do not see the point in discipline in which I do not learn from it. How can I learn if I cannot explain things from my POV. He needs that information in my mind to discipline correctly. When tutoring people I cannot instruct them unless I know where they are at. Just because a dominant listens to an explanation of "why" something has occured does not mean they are not going to correct the submissive. It may end up that way, but that is not necessarily the reason to listen to the explanation. Does the sub have a right to hear her dominant's explanation before he corrects her? It depends I suppose. I would say that in most cases it would be productive, but she does not have a right to it, no.

MagiksSlave -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 10:14:38 AM)
No way.. Master would never ever do that to me!!! It would hurt me so bad, and I dont mean the punishment. My heart would hurt that he wouldnt trust or listen to me!!! but I know he would never do that to me he never has. Comunication is just so importent!! Magik's slave

SumterDom -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 10:30:26 AM)
Good point. I did forget to mention that in my "3-strikes" way above. When I sit them at my feet I then inform them of why they are in trouble and ask them why it happened. I want to know what was going in in the mind that allowed them to break the specific rule. Maybe they weren't thinking and just reacted...but I want to know. There may be other issues that need to be addressed.

juliaoceania -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 10:56:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SumterDom I personally don't agree with not explaining why one is being punished before being punished. I establish my rules in writing and the sub/slave has a copy of them for reference. I basically have a "3-strikes" method to my madness. After the rules are established, with the first infraction I sit the little one down at my feet and confess that apparently I did not make myself clear on what my expectations are. Then we go over the broken rule again. At the 2nd infraction they are disciplined. Which may take the form of writing the, yet again clearly defined rule, amoung other possibilities. At the 3rd infraction they are informed of exactly why they are about to be punished and the punishment is severely dealt with. At this level I believe in very intense punishment. PUNISHMENT is not suppose to be "fun", and they are not permitted to go to their "happy place" during this punishment phase. IF there are further infractions there is a very real possibility that they will be released and sent on their way. If for some reason this girl has a very special place in my heart then I may choose to again punish her, even more severely with probable removal of almost all privileges and/or confinement to a very small specified area or cage for a period of time. I guess that's one of the differences between BEING a dominant and a wanna-be. BEING a dominant is "hard-work" in it's own way and doing both what you say you will and what your sub/slave is told/expects isn't really an easy thing to do. If I directly disobeyed my Daddy three times I would probably not have a dom anymore...lol I am his submissive by choice. He does not have rules written down for me, he tells me something and I do it. He has the approach, those who boss the least lead the best. If I intentionally disobeyed him over and over again over something I had agreed to I think he would question my desire to submit... but other dynamics work differently.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 12:15:01 PM)
I don't know how common it is, but is does happen. In my opinion, it's in bad form. It doesn't correct the action and leads to either a fearful or defiant slave, neither of which are healthy. Of course, if you're an abusive Dom, it's perfect. Master Fire

Sissypinky -> RE: punish first, explain later (11/4/2006 3:54:58 PM)
cant fathom rendering punishment minus an explanation or one before it happening.

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