punish first, explain later

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

punish first, explain later

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> punish first, explain later

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 4:34:05 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

Is it a common thing for a master to punish a sub and refuse to explain why until afterwords? It seems to me that without an explanation, a master could misunderstand a situation or action and the sub could end up being punished unjustly. Do es a sub have the right to an explanation before a punishment is carried out? Any thoughts on this?

Post #: 1

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 4:41:54 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I can't imagine my Dom giving me a punishment that I didn't fully understand what it was for. I have been punished twice, both in the very early months we were together, and both times he sat me down and explained what my punishment would be and why. Afterwards we discussed it even more and I was given forgiveness. That is the way it should be handled in my opinion. But, of course this sub feels her Sir can do no wrong.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 2

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 4:44:00 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Is it a common thing for a master to punish a sub and refuse to explain why until afterwords? It seems to me that without an explanation, a master could misunderstand a situation or action and the sub could end up being punished unjustly. Do es a sub have the right to an explanation before a punishment is carried out? Any thoughts on this?

Do YOU, as a normal, healthy human being, deserve the right to an explanation before you are chastised for something?

The answer is actually very simple.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 3

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 4:57:26 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

It depend on your type of relationship, in some D/s relationships the Dominant party can do whatever he or she like and never give an explenation and the submissive party is okey whit that, for that is how their relationship work, in other relationships such behavior might be sonsiderd abusie, it all depend on who you ask. In my opinion it is a bit useless, if i get a punishmet i dont understand, i will not be able to modyfy my behavior as i did not know what was wrong and the puishment would be pointless. Beside to have the submissive constatly living in fear of random punishment is not a good idea either, in my opinion.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 4

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 5:00:46 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

I wonder if the sub ends up resenting the dom in these types of relationships if the punishment turns out to be unjust.

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 5

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 6:02:15 AM

sintralgasub

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

i couldn't imagine my Dom punishing me without His advising me of my transgression first.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 6

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 6:09:33 AM

NYMaster101

Posts: 107
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

I don't see the point of punishment unless it is for transgressions. If the sub does not know what action brought about the punishment how can she grow and learn?

(in reply to sintralgasub)

Post #: 7

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 6:18:57 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Ofcourse anyone can make a mistake. When i was in school, i once resived an unjust pnishmet from a teatcher, and i never resented the man and indeed grew to respect him alot becouse he when he found out he had been mistaken made a sinsere apology. It is human to fail and it is a test of strengt to have the ability to say you are sorry.

(in reply to NYMaster101)

Post #: 8

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 6:20:07 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Usually if I am being disciplined I know what I did wrong. I do not get blindly disciplined. Most always I am told while I am getting disciplined what it is for.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 6:34:56 AM

notsurebutsweet

Posts: 36
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline

when i did have a trainer and i did recieve punishment twice form Him the first time He told me what i did wrong and gave me punishment the second time He had me tell Him what i did wrong. it took Him a couple days to cool down before we talked about it again. He never had to give me punishment after that. but i knew why i was being punished before the punishment

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 10

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 6:59:53 AM

SumterDom

Posts: 60
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline

I personally don't agree with not explaining why one is being punished before being punished. I establish my rules in writing and the sub/slave has a copy of them for reference. I basically have a "3-strikes" method to my madness. After the rules are established, with the first infraction I sit the little one down at my feet and confess that apparently I did not make myself clear on what my expectations are. Then we go over the broken rule again. At the 2nd infraction they are disciplined. Which may take the form of writing the, yet again clearly defined rule, amoung other possibilities. At the 3rd infraction they are informed of exactly why they are about to be punished and the punishment is severely dealt with. At this level I believe in very intense punishment. PUNISHMENT is not suppose to be "fun", and they are not permitted to go to their "happy place" during this punishment phase. IF there are further infractions there is a very real possibility that they will be released and sent on their way. If for some reason this girl has a very special place in my heart then I may choose to again punish her, even more severely with probable removal of almost all privileges and/or confinement to a very small specified area or cage for a period of time. I guess that's one of the differences between BEING a dominant and a wanna-be. BEING a dominant is "hard-work" in it's own way and doing both what you say you will and what your sub/slave is told/expects isn't really an easy thing to do.

< Message edited by SumterDom -- 11/4/2006 7:13:51 AM >

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 11

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 7:28:53 AM

darksdesire

Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

i can't understand why you would be punished without explanation. That defeats the whole purpose of punishment and discipline, which is to teach. Whether the punishment is just or unjust seems a moot point. The fact that the punishment occurs without explanation would be frightening and confusing. Imagine sending a child to her room and removing her priveleges without telling her why. It just makes no sense.

< Message edited by darksdesire -- 11/4/2006 7:29:32 AM >

(in reply to SumterDom)

Post #: 12

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 8:28:06 AM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

(fast reply)

is he lashing out in anger and then later when he has calmed down told you what you were punished for?

does he say you are being punished..punish you then sit down and discuss it?

does he punish you not in anger but when the punishment is over, he no longer wants to discuss it so you do not know what it is you are being punished for?

can you please enlighten a bit more as to what is going on when this happens?

As far as the "having a right to explain her side" well... that one is not a right unless the owner gives it to her..but it is considered to be part of communication and therefore I see it as being important.

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to darksdesire)

Post #: 13

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 8:31:49 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

(fast reply)

is he lashing out in anger and then later when he has calmed down told you what you were punished for?

does he say you are being punished..punish you then sit down and discuss it?

does he punish you not in anger but when the punishment is over, he no longer wants to discuss it so you do not know what it is you are being punished for?

can you please enlighten a bit more as to what is going on when this happens?

As far as the "having a right to explain her side" well... that one is not a right unless the owner gives it to her..but it is considered to be part of communication and therefore I see it as being important.

her question actually stems from the thread she started on the other section
http://www.collarchat.com/m_665548/tm.htm

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)

Post #: 14

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 8:37:47 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have never been punished. I am disciplined. I do not see the point in discipline in which I do not learn from it. How can I learn if I cannot explain things from my POV. He needs that information in my mind to discipline correctly. When tutoring people I cannot instruct them unless I know where they are at.

Just because a dominant listens to an explanation of "why" something has occured does not mean they are not going to correct the submissive. It may end up that way, but that is not necessarily the reason to listen to the explanation.

Does the sub have a right to hear her dominant's explanation before he corrects her? It depends I suppose. I would say that in most cases it would be productive, but she does not have a right to it, no.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/4/2006 8:38:37 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 15

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 10:14:38 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

No way.. Master would never ever do that to me!!! It would hurt me so bad, and I dont mean the punishment. My heart would hurt that he wouldnt trust or listen to me!!! but I know he would never do that to me he never has. Comunication is just so importent!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 16

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 10:30:26 AM

SumterDom

Posts: 60
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline

Good point. I did forget to mention that in my "3-strikes" way above. When I sit them at my feet I then inform them of why they are in trouble and ask them why it happened. I want to know what was going in in the mind that allowed them to break the specific rule. Maybe they weren't thinking and just reacted...but I want to know. There may be other issues that need to be addressed.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 17

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 10:56:14 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SumterDom

I personally don't agree with not explaining why one is being punished before being punished. I establish my rules in writing and the sub/slave has a copy of them for reference. I basically have a "3-strikes" method to my madness. After the rules are established, with the first infraction I sit the little one down at my feet and confess that apparently I did not make myself clear on what my expectations are. Then we go over the broken rule again. At the 2nd infraction they are disciplined. Which may take the form of writing the, yet again clearly defined rule, amoung other possibilities. At the 3rd infraction they are informed of exactly why they are about to be punished and the punishment is severely dealt with. At this level I believe in very intense punishment. PUNISHMENT is not suppose to be "fun", and they are not permitted to go to their "happy place" during this punishment phase. IF there are further infractions there is a very real possibility that they will be released and sent on their way. If for some reason this girl has a very special place in my heart then I may choose to again punish her, even more severely with probable removal of almost all privileges and/or confinement to a very small specified area or cage for a period of time. I guess that's one of the differences between BEING a dominant and a wanna-be. BEING a dominant is "hard-work" in it's own way and doing both what you say you will and what your sub/slave is told/expects isn't really an easy thing to do.

If I directly disobeyed my Daddy three times I would probably not have a dom anymore...lol

I am his submissive by choice. He does not have rules written down for me, he tells me something and I do it. He has the approach, those who boss the least lead the best. If I intentionally disobeyed him over and over again over something I had agreed to I think he would question my desire to submit... but other dynamics work differently.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SumterDom)

Post #: 18

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 12:15:01 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I don't know how common it is, but is does happen. In my opinion, it's in bad form. It doesn't correct the action and leads to either a fearful or defiant slave, neither of which are healthy. Of course, if you're an abusive Dom, it's perfect.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 19

RE: punish first, explain later - 11/4/2006 3:54:58 PM

Sissypinky

Posts: 52
Joined: 10/10/2006
Status: offline

cant fathom rendering punishment minus an explanation or one before it happening.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> punish first, explain later

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094