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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 11:58:07 AM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant

Before we actually married, even before we were engaged I often refered to him as fiance' to the PTA types of friends.


*falls out laughing all over the floor*
I used to be the PTA  president of my unmentionables' school.  It used to make me giddy inside, knowing that their outwardly appearing member of the upright citizens brigade was kinky to her core. 

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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 12:12:30 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		My Master and I have used various labels during the past three and a half years.  We have used "friend," "my best friend," and sometimes "girlfriend-boyfriend," (though in our 30's, I think it sounds a little funny), so it usually gets shortened to "My girl," or sometimes I use "Big Daddy," (people just think I'm being cute about it and the fact that He is a huge man). 

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Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 12:13:59 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

I am known for hating labels but the reality is society thrives on them.
 
Many people for varius reasons are not "out" about their lifestyle choices (ie D/s or M/s relationships) to friends, co-workers, or the general public. My Master is one of those people. We struggle with a way he can introduce me to "vanilla" friends without outing himself or us.
 
I know for me being called his girlfriend bothers me. In fact in my eyes calling me his girlfriend takes away alot from the role I have with him and the roles we have with each.
 
I am curious as to what labels others use in "vanilla" situations to intorduce their Master, Mistress, Dom/me, submissive, or slave.
 
Thank you in advance for your imput.

My teenager calls him by his nickname on here; I call him Master ( including in front of her ); my sister knows him by his nick on here but with her I always refer to him as Master. In public, I would expect that he would introduce me as 'his property or his slave", its his choice how he would do so. I, always, refer to him in private and in public as Master.

< Message edited by Kalira -- 11/4/2006 12:15:25 PM >

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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 12:16:46 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

I disagree. If society did not care then people would not constantly ask for labels that define relationships. Married, single, divorced, widowed. We are not married yet "most" people infer that if your not married your not in a commited relationship. 


I understand in what sense Joe or Jane or Jill or Mustafa can "care," and how in very particular cases you might do well to care that they care.

Any sense in which "society" cares seems to me so abstract as not to be worth your trouble until the day when your pal finds it necessary to introduce you to "society."

I think E1956 and Holly are both talking good sense above and that it would be worth your time to reconsider what they have offered with an openness to the possibility that they are on to a couple of things that you just might benefit from taking on board personally.

By your own account you aren't motivated to choose a label by a desire originating in you. This is put all in terms to living up to the expectations of others. In particular you seem motivated to meet the expectations of lots of strangers you've never even met and people who even once you may have met them will have no claim on nor stake in your relationship.  I mean what else does "society" mean?

So if as has been suggested your motivation is not just this reflexive desire to fit in and meet others' expectations, if your motivation actually is internal you might make better progress toward your goal by acknowledging this.

As for the percieved unfitness of a term like girlfriend for someone with whom a person has been for two years and with whom one is raising children, please consider the following.

Picture a couple with a raft of grandchildren together who seldom use any label but boyfriend/girlfriend for the purposes under discussion here.

It would seem to me that each time they use one of these terms they could be reaffriming something good as well as paying one another compliments--on more than one level if they chose to view it that way.

If it would climb irritatingly under some insecurity of yours to be intruduced or described as (ONLY) his girlfriend, well maybe the energy being spent on label searching could be better invested in leaving that particular insecurity behind.

As for: yet "most" people infer that if your not married your not in a commited relationship.
 
That may have been true a generation or two ago about "most people" but honestly that would be a grossly unsophisticated, even naive view to hold today.

If--once again referring to the insights of those other posters--"unmarried" means "uncomitted" to you, well that's a different story.


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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 12:18:13 PM   
MadamShy


Posts: 173
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		the men I own call Me "Kashna" .. around lifestyle and out in public ... it is taken from the Book's of Gor it is Red Savage for  Mistress ..vanilla think its simply My name ...

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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 12:24:55 PM   
nikaa


Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline 		Noah,
 
I don't care how society at large labels me, or us for that matter.However, I do care how co-workers, vanilla friends, and his unknowing family members label us and more specifically me. I do care about finding a label that we are both comfortable using with THOSE people because those people are part of our lives on some level.
 

 
 
 
 



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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 12:26:54 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I'm usually introduced as Marsha.

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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 12:46:38 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Significant Other



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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 1:05:57 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa
 
I am curious as to what labels others use in "vanilla" situations to intorduce their Master, Mistress, Dom/me, submissive, or slave.
 
Thank you in advance for your imput.


I usually just introduce him by, "This is Ken."  I generally don't bother explaining what he is to me.  If I'm referring to him I'll use the word partner because I just can't think of a term.  I think partner suggests same sex, but boyfriend sounds so juvenile to me that I can't really use the term much.

C~


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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 1:50:58 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

Noah,
 
I don't care how society at large labels me, or us for that matter.However, I do care how co-workers, vanilla friends, and his unknowing family members label us and more specifically me. I do care about finding a label that we are both comfortable using with THOSE people because those people are part of our lives on some level. 
 


Well that strikes me as good progress in your project already, putting the matter in terms more specific than "society".

As for how other people label you, please keep in mind that you can have some influence on this but it really isn't under your control.

Personally I'm quite unconcerned about how co-workers view or label my relationships. Is there a good reason for you to care so much about them and what they say or what words they use to say it? Might everything really important to you about your relationship be able to go along just fine regardless of the label they might apply?

You can take a similar look with regard to your vanilla friends and again with regard to your family members. The issue might shake out differently for each group. Maybe in the end you will decide that it isn't so important what the guy in accounting calls you, or whether your friends from the book club have a clear understanding of (and name for) your relationship power dynamics.

I have a hunch that proceeding just as you are you will come to suitable resolution for this. It does seem important to you and I get the impression that your (whatchamacallit) understands and appreciates this. Good luck to you both.

(in reply to nikaa)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 1:55:06 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		i'm referred to as "kelly, girlfriend, fiance, wife" and now he's calling me his baby's momma.  Which for some reason irks me.  heh.  Generally after he introduces me, depending on the company he goes on to say "my slave" " my sub" ect ect. 

i've referred to him as - my dom, my boyfriend, my daddy, sometimes by his name (which feels wierd).... cant ever say i've introduced him as my Master.  That just seems wierd too.  Most likely because i rarely use it.  Generally use it for high protocol situations or whatever.  AH! Wait, i did it when introducing hiim to other lifestylers... suppose it was appropriate.

Generally i call him Daddy or nothing at all. 

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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 2:04:07 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Simply stated, the union label.

Ron


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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 2:06:49 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50

I'm usually introduced as Marsha.


Hi, Marsha!     *giggles*
 
 
~ Red ~

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 2:46:36 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I disagree. If society did not care then people would not constantly ask for labels that define relationships. Married, single, divorced, widowed. We are not married yet "most" people infer that if your not married your not in a commited relationship. 
 

Perhaps it is my social circles, but I know many people that have had decades long relationships without a marriage license... it is not necessarily an announcment of commitment to me, half the people that get married end up divorced, so marriage is not a definer of love and commitment in my mind


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 2:55:56 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

We are not married yet "most" people infer that if your not married your not in a commited relationship. 


Who are these people?  I find it hard to believe that people think like that.  I certainly don't.  Also, the "committment" of your relationship is no one else's businesses, unless you choose to share that information.


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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 2:58:19 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

We are not married yet "most" people infer that if your not married your not in a commited relationship. 


Who are these people?  I find it hard to believe that people think like that.  I certainly don't.  Also, the "committment" of your relationship is no one else's businesses, unless you choose to share that information.



I know people that think like this, some of them in my family, but that is because they are still stuck in 1955. Things have changed, I think most  people have changed with the times, but the religious right it proof not all have...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 2:59:26 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Well, yes, our parents probably still think like that, and I agree, it's so 1950's.  I hope we can move beyond that type of thinking.  

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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 3:27:13 PM   
MissUnleaded


Posts: 60
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline 		I've always wanted to introduce him as 'significant orderer' but I mostly just use boyfriend.  Others don't need to know the specifics of our relationship.

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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 4:22:27 PM   
SirLordTrainer


Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline 		I'll give the short answer for Me on this and that simply put is when in vanilla company we address one another by our given names. However, at home or out in public she calls Me 'Master. This is a lifestyle and we live it as such.

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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 4:54:11 PM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		generally its my husband Harry, but that is the ONLY time i ever speak His given name, i address Him as Daddy and i am His baby girl rhi....  Though for your situation why isn't fiance or wifey already an acceptable term? (sorry i'm nosey) I hate to admit this but with my previous relationship (babies vanilla daddy) I looked at it as not being a truly commited relationship for the last few years but that was because he was still married to his first wife, and even though he was with me and talked about us getting married i felt that was easy to say when he knew it couldn't ever happpen till he got divorced from her offically. also he cheated alot in the first 2 years we were together which killed any love i had for him besides lying about his interest and ability to Dominate me..... i guess that is more than anyone really wanted to know

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