RE: "Everyone has limits."

RE: "Everyone has limits." (Full Version)

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Lordandmaster -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 8:42:09 AM)
One thing that really sucks about using chainsaws on people is that you're apt to sever an artery, and then they die before you can inflict much more torture. OK, OK, I'm joking. Christ.

Aileen68 -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 8:47:00 AM)
mmmmm...chainsaws!

Bearlee -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 9:00:28 AM)
Let me start by thanking Celeste for yet another wonderful post. You write so well and your willingness to share is most appreciated. You give a person so much to think about…thank you so much! quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I believe that we set up psychodramas in order to heal ourselves, whatever shape they may come. The onus is always on us to heal ourselves and create our own reality. When we truly want peace we will find it. Sometimes peace can come from unexpected places, like a D/s relationship, but we must first create the groundwork for this to happen. ... Julia, you never cease to amaze me! Obviously I started a post BEFORE I read this thread. Perhaps this is a better place to include a link that I found quite interesting: http://members.aol.com/rebelcoupl/rgpg10.html It says better than I why it is I don’t need safewords. The one and only time I freaked during play ( http://www.collarchat.com/m_141160/mpage_3/key_/tm.htm#660164 ), I didn’t/couldn’t use a safeword anyway…yet all play stopped immediately. Thank you all for a most interesting thread; every one of you has given me much to consider, beverly

Dnomyar -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 9:05:02 AM)
Mmmm if you are gaged and your safeword is snapping your fingers. If your fingers are snapping does that really mean stop or is it a reaction from the chainsaw?

heartfeltsub -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 9:13:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 like you, i am a slave, and i have no limits. also like you, i have my share of war wounds. whether or not the two are related, i really do not know, i try not to let myself dwell in that space too long...but yes, i suppose it's a likely possibility. from an early age, the idea of my death was a happy thought. it seemed the only escape to the neverending cycle of pain that was life. my apologies in advance for the jumbled, confusing way in which this is likely to come out. it started around 5 y.o...rape, bondage, torture, humiliation. i never once tried to fight him...that weak submissive in me i guess. i still have so many vivid memories, things more clear and alive to me than anything that happened last week. like hiding in his bedroom closet, nude bound and gagged, because it tickled him to have me there close to him with his wife walking around the house, clueless. or leaving me outside tied to a tree for hours, sometimes til nightfall. or the time i got a whoopin from my mother for ruining my new white pants..they were stained brown and yellow from crotch to toe...she thought it was mud. it was actually my own blood and pee, but how could i tell her that? every night i would pray with all my heart to god to please let him kill me...please let me die, just please god let me die. by 8, i was an expert at things many grown women never learn. early on i learned how to just zone out...physically i'd be listening to his every word and doing everything he told me....mentally, emotionally i had left the building. this became my natural sexual state on into my adulthood. emotionless, cold, clinical, but very active and functional. earned the label slut in the teen years because all the boys knew i never said no, and i did EVERYthing they wanted. never got asked on dates, to dances, etc. but pretty much every day at some point i'd be in the boys' bathroom, or in the stairwell, or in the woods behind the school on my knees sucking off some guy or other. it was all i was familiar with...and seemingly all anyone wanted me for. so fast forward to my discovery of the D/s lifestyle, and of the slavery possible within that slavery. it spoke to me. instantly i knew that this and only this was what i needed. all that i read a heard: a slave has no limits...a slave has no power...a slave doesn't say no or fight....this was me! there was actually a place for me...Men who want this?? it seemed too good to be true. some question how one can "instantly" have no limits upon becoming a slave...well it is easy when one never has limits in the first place. and maybe it is so easy for me to say and mean, "i have no limits", and say that yes i would put a gun to my head and pull the trigger if my Master demanded, and yes i would put him even before my children, because of my scars and the general outlook on life they have given me. a part of me still welcomes death...sees it as a happy place where the pain will finally stop. that part grows a bit smaller with each passing year my Master showers me with his love and need, but it is still there and likely always will be. edited to add, Bita you are much farther along on your journey than i am. i can only hope to reach the state of contentment in which you now thrive. tho i love/adore/worship my Master, even he cannot kill all the darkness within me and show me the light. it may be true that lasting happiness can only come from within. i do not look to him to heal or cure me. only to give me a place and purpose in this life, which he has done, with the added bonuses of love and support and guidance and care beyond measure. the things this Man has endured because of me! i shudder thinking of some of the things i've put him through...but still he has not given up on me, has not released or sold me, and still thinks i add great value to his life and to the world, which is far more than i ever imagined possible for me. so while no i am not generally "happy", i have no complaints. life is no longer hell. i laugh a lot. someone loves me as much as i love them. in general, life is good. (Bold added by me for purpose of response). Prop, as someone who also went through sexual abuse as a child (though i don't think to the same extent) i highlighted those words to try to say, that at age 5, whether one is submissive by nature or not, when someone who is older, bigger, and in authority over us, the fact that we don't fight back is not a sign of weakness (submissive or otherwise) but rather the natural response of most children. i also wonder, though i realize that this is an extremely personal question, if there is a part of you, like there was a part of me that blamed myself and my submissive nature for what happened to me, that somehow who and what i am brought it about. It took many years and a lot of growth for me to realize and actually believe that how i was treated was not my fault, i didn't cause it to happen and i didn't deserve it happening to me, whether i am submissive by nature or not. The place i ended up at was that while my submissive nature may have made me more susceptible to the abuse (my desire to please), it did not make it my responsibility or my fault. That blame belongs firmly elsewhere. i hope that you continue to heal from your childhood experiences and find the happiness and inner peace that you deserve. heartfelt

juliaoceania -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 9:19:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Let me start by thanking Celeste for yet another wonderful post. You write so well and your willingness to share is most appreciated. You give a person so much to think about…thank you so much! quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I believe that we set up psychodramas in order to heal ourselves, whatever shape they may come. The onus is always on us to heal ourselves and create our own reality. When we truly want peace we will find it. Sometimes peace can come from unexpected places, like a D/s relationship, but we must first create the groundwork for this to happen. ... Julia, you never cease to amaze me! Obviously I started a post BEFORE I read this thread. Perhaps this is a better place to include a link that I found quite interesting: http://members.aol.com/rebelcoupl/rgpg10.html It says better than I why it is I don’t need safewords. The one and only time I freaked during play ( http://www.collarchat.com/m_141160/mpage_3/key_/tm.htm#660164 ), I didn’t/couldn’t use a safeword anyway…yet all play stopped immediately. Thank you all for a most interesting thread; every one of you has given me much to consider, beverly I have read this article, highly interesting, and things we have discussed. He is right about consenus.. but I would add this, Sinergy is gaining veto power all the time. If one looks at the checks and balances within the relationship as if it were a small government, then there is always the final decision. He gets the final decision on things...

daddysprop247 -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 9:39:12 AM)
heartfeltsub, no i don't blame myself or find myself responsible for what happened to me back then. at least not directly. as i said and you mentioned also, a submissive nature does in fact make one more vulnerable to abuse. and by the time i was a teenager, i grew to hate the thing inside of myself that constantly wanted to please people, that couldn't say no or refuse anyone, that couldn't fight back, etc. i knew that i was not like everyone else in this way, i knew it was something somewhat unusual, and i knew that i was abused so frequently throughout life because of it. so no, while i didn't think it was "my fault", i did realize that it was not a coincidence or just bad luck that i was abused so much, i knew it had something to do with my nature/personality, and because of this i hated myself for a very long time. have grown past that point thank goodness, but it was no easy road.

KatyLied -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 10:01:20 AM)
quote: a submissive nature does in fact make one more vulnerable to abuse. I think that comments such as this perpetuates thinking that subs are weak and not in control of decisions they make in their lives. In my case, that is not true. And I think many others would agree that being a sub does not make them vulnerable.

mistoferin -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 10:16:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: a submissive nature does in fact make one more vulnerable to abuse. I think that comments such as this perpetuates thinking that subs are weak and not in control of decisions they make in their lives. In my case, that is not true. And I think many others would agree that being a sub does not make them vulnerable. Thanks Katy...I agree. I have been called alot of things over the years....but somehow....vulnerable is just not an adjective that comes to people's minds when they are looking for a word to try to describe me [;)].

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 10:17:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: a submissive nature does in fact make one more vulnerable to abuse. I think that comments such as this perpetuates thinking that subs are weak and not in control of decisions they make in their lives. In my case, that is not true. And I think many others would agree that being a sub does not make them vulnerable. I completely agree. Is it healthy to not have limits? In "normal life circumstances" I think we all wish everyone in the world had limits on their behavior- to not doing harm to themselves or others around them. Given that this isn't how the real world works, I think, under "normal life circumstances" it IS healthy to have limits on one's behavior. Unfortunately, where exactly this line of "healthy" and "unhealthy" is gray- lots of people think that certain forms of sex should be limited and if you do not limit them, then you are unhealthy. When we're discussing "abnormal life circumstances" I think discussions of healthy/unhealthy limits of behavior become even more skewed, if not obsolete. There are things I would do in abnormal circumstances which I consider perfectly acceptable, but consider completely unacceptable in normal circumstances.

Sinergy -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 11:41:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Mmmm if you are gaged and your safeword is snapping your fingers. If your fingers are snapping does that really mean stop or is it a reaction from the chainsaw? There is a Zen koan which relates to this. "When is the sound of snapping fingers not a safeword?" Good luck! Sinergy

Sinergy -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 11:52:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I have read this article, highly interesting, and things we have discussed. He is right about consenus.. but I would add this, Sinergy is gaining veto power all the time. If one looks at the checks and balances within the relationship as if it were a small government, then there is always the final decision. He gets the final decision on things... Hello A/all, I wanted to make a comment on this post. I suppose what juliaoceania states about my gaining veto power is correct, in a sense. I tend to approach the assumption or acquisition of power in any relationship in my life with a great deal of respect and caution. As Lord Acton stated "Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." I have no wish to waltz down tht path, although in this lifestyle being "corrupted" may not actually be all bad. But there is another aspect to this which I find gets more over into the airy-fairy granola eating side of things. Looking at power as an energy field where I derive control from, my power grows stronger the less of it I use. So my approach is to choose my battles carefully, and perfect my negotiation skills so I dont need to bring out the "big stick" as Teddy Roosevelt once opined. So while juliaoceania may feel that the veto power grows, she may never see it used. But it is always there in the background of our collective consciousness, influencing the dynamic at hand. Just me, could be wrong, but there you go. Sinergy

daddysprop247 -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 12:42:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: a submissive nature does in fact make one more vulnerable to abuse. I think that comments such as this perpetuates thinking that subs are weak and not in control of decisions they make in their lives. In my case, that is not true. And I think many others would agree that being a sub does not make them vulnerable. nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree. however i should clarify that i am not talking about all submissives here, simply those who are submissive by nature...meaning, born/instinctually submissive, and not simply submissive by choice or within the context of a relationship. there is a big difference between the two, and from my personal experiences and just observations of life, being naturally submissive does make one vulnerable, it's a sad reality of life.

mistoferin -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 8:35:01 PM)
I strongly disagree. I am naturally submissive and have been since my first breath. That does not mean that I am weak, meek, mild, spineless, easy, timid or vulnerable. Actually....I am the polar opposite of all of those things and I pity the poor fool who would ever make such a mistake in his judgement of me and try to take advantage. I am also far from the only natural submissive I have ever met who shares my characteristics.

KnightofMists -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/6/2006 8:39:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: a submissive nature does in fact make one more vulnerable to abuse. I think that comments such as this perpetuates thinking that subs are weak and not in control of decisions they make in their lives. In my case, that is not true. And I think many others would agree that being a sub does not make them vulnerable. I do not equate Vulnerability to Weakness. Vulnerable to me equates to being susceptible to being hurt or wounded. I find that a person who is in a deeply commitment relationship is very much exposed and vulnerable to being hurt or wounded by the person they expose themselves. However, Trust that is built in a relationship empowers us to become vulnerable. For me personally... Becoming vulnerable can very much equate to a strength of character. not a weakness Weakness to me equates to a person being powerless to act. For example... a person who becomes vulnerable and is hurt demonstrates great strength by over coming this hurt... they have inner power that allows them to act and not allow another person to inhibit themselves. The weak person will become further damage from the hurt that is caused because of their inability to overcome this pain or wound. I would say that vulnerability is a desirable state within an intimate relationship.... If such individuals are of a strong character. vulnerability is an indication of trust

LaTigresse -> RE: "Everyone has limits." (11/7/2006 7:08:52 AM)
Beautifully said KoM.

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