RE: Honesty in a relationship

RE: Honesty in a relationship (Full Version)

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thisishis -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 2:20:13 PM)
It really will depend upon the circumstances, for me. i'm honest 99.9% of the time. i do not use dishonesty to cover up mistakes. i do believe in 'white lies'. While some may see it as dishonesty by omission, there is that small percentage of the time when i will keep something to myself to spare the feelings of those i care for, when warranted. In that case, i follow the rule of, "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.". i believe that communication in any relationship is very important and i understand from past experience, that there are times when honesty is not the best policy. Sometimes it's best to keep my feelings to myself. Sometimes the expression of my thoughts and feelings is a venture in which much can be lost, with nothing good gained. Sometimes being honest does nothing more than hurt others.

Kalira -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 4:42:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordVelvet LA I am not stating that someone is afriad to be honest but rather using caution with some topics. Like "does this make me look fat" as an example. While the honest answer might be yes it does many would not be as bold to say that. What i was saying with compassion is that if you were asked that question and responded "yes it makes you look like a fat cow why did you ever buy it" would be constitued as creulity not honesty. I disagree with this. I firmly believe that if someone asks the question, they deserve an honest answer ( and yes, I use this with my teenager also ) I don't hedge on the answer. If asked if someone looks fat in an outfit, I am going to say either yes, you look fat,or no you do not; whichever happens to be the truth from my perspective.

Dnomyar -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 4:51:00 PM)
I think that there are times that you should use tact.

Kalira -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 4:55:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar I think that there are times that you should use tact. Why? If they are asking that question anyway, you can bet they already know the answer. Why sugar coat it?

diamonddreamlove -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 5:27:10 PM)
I believe in honest and that is what Sir demands. On the other hand there are some things i would not want him to share with me

MmakeMme -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 5:31:36 PM)
No one can be completely honest 100% of the time. However, there is no trust without honesty, and trust is imperative. If I ask what he wore today and he says "A red shirt" when I know it was blue, no real big deal, but it makes me wonder about how he treats matters of importance and I am less likely to trust him on the larger issues.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 7:27:37 PM)
I believe in honesty.....but as someone says there are all kinds of honesty...for me tactful honesty is usually more palatable...why make honesty hurt?....Tempting

agirl -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 1:29:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kalira quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar I think that there are times that you should use tact. Why? If they are asking that question anyway, you can bet they already know the answer. Why sugar coat it? Why?........I can think of a few reasons why I'd use tact. I COULD stick to honesty the whole time, in fact it's easier to be honest as it is less effort for me. I don't sometimes, because it would be selfish, unkind, unnecessary and no-one will benefit from it. It depends entirely on each situation and the person, where I'm concerned. At college last night some guy asked me to read a poem he'd written and it was bloody awful, SERIOUSLY awful.......he asked me what I thought of it, did I like it and did I get it.........He's new to my class, so I don't know him at all and wish he hadn't asked me but he did. I read it through and was inwardly GROANING...........I couldn't bring myself to say that I liked it , so fobbed him off saying that it was interesting. There was no way that I was going to impart my honest thoughts and believe me, there was nothing positive to say about it whatsoever. I've also lied countless times about gifts that people have given me. agirl

krzykay -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 5:03:19 AM)
I may tell lies to my husband, but to my sexual partners I find that honesty frees me to be myself. It has cost me at times. But I find honesty is best.

gardenbluebird -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 7:16:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar How much honesty should there be in a relationship. If you make a mistake that your partner dosent know about should you tell them. Is a little white lie ok. It seems that you have already made your perspective quite clear on this topic in another thread. You seem to think that it is perfectly OK to lie. If your partner believes you then that is her own fault - right? Anyone who believes a liar deserves whatever they get.

gardenbluebird -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 7:52:47 AM)
Sorry, that post was uncalled for. My simple answer is this honesty is best. The hurt that can be caused by dishonestly, especially dishonesty with the intent to manipulate, can be quite extreme. People get hurt and sad and gun-shy. Please don't contribute to the problem by giving them reason to feel that way.

desiremaker -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 7:55:52 AM)
It ain't the outfit that makes them look fat, it's the fat that makes them look fat!!

onestandingstill -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 7:59:15 AM)
COMPLETE HONESTY = YOU GET COMPLETE RESPECT AND TRUST EVEN IF WE DISAGREE BECAUSE I KNOW WHERE I STAND NOT HONEST = I WOULDN'T TRUST YOU AS FAR AS I CAN SEE YOU & EVEN THEN I'LL DOUBT YOUR REAL I DON'T PLAY WITH PEOPLE I CAN'T TRUST LIE AND YOU HAVE NO PLACE IN MY LIFE PERIOD!!!!!!

sapphirepleasure -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 8:05:07 AM)
http://www.queendom.com/tests/minitests/fx/white_lie.html This is a 10 question test to see how prone you are to lying in relationships. I recently used it in one of my classes when I was making a presentation on deception. You might find it interesting, too. sp

Mikal -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 8:18:07 AM)
Spiffy test - I got a 20 in the lies department. Apparently, I'm 'truthful', to the point of hurting others' feelings [:o] Meah. In real life, I try to be tackful (except with family members who wouldn't understand tack if it bit them on the @$$), and lie when the occation calls for it (ie Grandma wants to know what I think of her "darling little bonnet". I tell her the colours are nice, the flower is nice, etc. Which is usually true. Overall, the hat is ugly as sin, but individually, it has nice points [;)]). Blunt honesty imo is not a good thing all the time. Telling me I look like zombizilla in the morning isn't going to get you anywhere nice. Telling me I'm cute (I KNOW I'm not) will. [:D] If what you're lying about WILL affect your relationship, be honest. Your partner will find out anyway, and it'll be worse. My two cents worth.

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 8:19:13 AM)
Self-deception is a part of the human condition, and in being false with ourselves, we are necessarily false (to whatever extent) to the rest of the world. To express a "no tolerance" policy to lying and deception seems like the first lie (OK -- my first response was "Cut the crap."). I read the results of a survey asking people if they ever lied. 90 percent said yes. The only thing surprising about this statistic is that it seems rather low. If lying weren't pandemic, it wouldn't be brought up as a sin or indiscretion by ... um ... most religions. Do I strive for honesty in relationships? Yes. Do I always hit it? No, of course not. I think white lies can ease us into a pattern of being less than transparent with our partners, and agree that something is lost. In general, though, I see answering "Am I fat?" questions with something indirect as being of a different quality than "Are you married?" MSS

Sinergy -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 8:31:59 AM)
Hello A/all, I had a few comments on this thread. I was raised in a household by somebody who resorted to the telling little white lies in order to avoid upsetting everybody. When I grew older I realized that what s/he ended up accomplishing was very wonderfully shown by the character Wormtongue (Grima) in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Nobody else in the room was on a certain footing about anything, which just seemed really odd to me. At some point in my life I realized that I too was following in her/his footsteps, and really did not want to. So I guess my take on telling little white lies is exemplified by another movie, "About A Boy," where Hugh Grant makes the comment "I had told so many lies I was having trouble keeping them all straight." So then I had a security clearance, and I learned to clamp down on things I was doing at work. I determined after a while that this was not a bad approach to my general life. 1) Is the other person actually interested in what I have to say? 2) Do I feel a need to say it? There was a comment about using tact. The serial liar in my house of origin considered all the white lies s/he tells constantly to be a shining paragon of tactful behavior. I consider it rude and offensive. On the other hand, my approach over the last 6 years has been to develop more control over what I let myself say. It is sometimes as easy (or easier) to not say something as it is to say something. Just me, etc. Sinergy

onestandingstill -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 2:38:56 PM)
Results of "The Test" How many white lies do you tell? Your score =5 Thanks for the link. I'm thinking about using it with potential friends. I posted my results just because I was glad to see it agrees I'm honest.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 8:31:24 PM)
I got a 35..so I am honest for the most part unless it serves no useful purpose...Tempting

ellecid -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/7/2006 10:49:48 PM)
Honesty??????? Considering I am married to a very vanilla man, and am sculking here, learning about my submissive side??? Dare I even comment:?? [X(] I think if I were a true lady, I would leave and venture out on the path of self discovery. Yet... I have young children, and I feel that would be a selfish thing to do, unless and until I am totally sure of things. So.... for now, I am honest with those who understand.

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