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RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 1:36:54 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I think *acceptance* is in a different realm to many other things. You can really rather dislike someone but still accept them as they are.

You don't need agreement, love or understanding to accept who someone is. All that needs is acknowledgent, really. 

Whether you want someone in your life is a very different matter.

agirl

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 1:46:39 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
We do not choose our family,


Actually, I believe that we do. It's part of the Sacred Contract we made with the Universe in order to become who we are...and to learn the lessons that being this person affords us. We chose our parents. In fact, I believe this so strongly that the only really selfless reason I can think of to have children is so that we give another soul an opportunity to learn life lessons. Flame away. LOL

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 1:51:00 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
We do not choose our family,


Actually, I believe that we do.
Master Fire



Well we might be getting a little off topic here..but I kinda agree with both statements. I don't think we sit around and choose who we are going to be born to..but I believe our karma puts us into the exact right circumstances ( a little less personal view). So on one hand, our karma is choosing but on the other hand we aren't choosing at all hehe

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 2:15:17 PM   
raiken


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Joined: 10/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
We do not choose our family,


Actually, I believe that we do.
Master Fire



Well we might be getting a little off topic here..but I kinda agree with both statements. I don't think we sit around and choose who we are going to be born to..but I believe our karma puts us into the exact right circumstances ( a little less personal view). So on one hand, our karma is choosing but on the other hand we aren't choosing at all hehe


i agree with the statements agreed upon thus far. ~grins~  i believe that when we chose our parents, how ever we arrived at that choice, it is because we saw ~something~ in them that we ~recognized~ within ourselves.  However, we can't predict the future outcome of what those we chose, will teach us.  The future lessons we may have to learn or experience, while with the parents we chose, does relate to our karma.  For once we truly are able to learn the lesson, we never have to repeat it.  But it is this ~recognition~ in my mind, that leads us ~or fosters the conditions~ for understanding, and after understanding, we can decide to accept or not to accept.  We can decide to tolerate or decide to judge and ostracize.  It is about choices to the nth degree, with each choice, no matter how small, having an effect on the next moment of choice.  Karma teaches that it is better to make choices from of a place of patience and understanding and forethought, that will not leave us with regrets upon hindsight.  For those regrets, in my mind, mean that we still have lessons yet to be learned through repeats. Just me.

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 4:01:40 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		I concur with the concept of "acceptance" as a necessary foundation for a healthy relationship.  Though interestingly, I have observed that generally speaking people seem to be more concerned with acceptance as it relates to others outside of their relationship, and both within and beyond the lifestyle.
 
John

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 4:07:46 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Well wanting to get back on topic, accepting another person as a lifemate and partner is what the OP in this thread is about.. not our parents, brothers, or children... although if people enjoy talking about other people they accept or do not accept I will enjoy reading that too..smiles.

I have people in my family that I love but still annoy the hell out of me, or worse, have been toxic. I accept that they are this way and do not try to change them. In order to have a relationship with someone, especially one that is healthy that is built on trust and communication I think that one needs to accept who the other person is. If I do not feel as though I am accepted by my partner I am not going to be open about the things that could cause them to pull back acceptance of me. Because I am not open about things I might even extend this to being dishonest about whatever it is I cannot be open about. If I am being dishonest that harms communication at a spiritual level.

Lets say someone is a switch but their primary orientation toward a person is as a dominant. They feel they cannot tell their submissive that they desire to switch for fear they will appear less domly to their primary partner. Because of this they are not open about their fantasies and how they may or may not be fulfilled. This causes a lack of communication. I do not know how common it is for these scenarios to happen in WIITWD, but it is one example of how acceptance of each other is crucial to a partnership. The submissive may not want to top her dom, or be jealous of the idea of her dominant being topped, but if the relationship is an accepting one he will be able to voice it knowing his submissive accepts him as a human being anyways. I hope this makes it clearer as to what I am talking about.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to raiken)
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RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 4:09:36 PM   
Sinergy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

We all want to be accepted for who we are. But that dosent always happen.


To take this one step further, I would point out that many of us want to accept ourselves for who we are, that doesnt always happen either.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 5:11:36 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have noticed that there is a concept that does not get talked about much here, we talk about communication, honesty, trust… what I think that we are missing in our discussions is talking about the power of acceptance. I was wondering if this is important to people?

What are your thoughts? Does this concept figure into your relationship, if you are single still, is acceptance something you feel is important?



The wise learn to accept many things. We may have our preferences, but denial is seldom a wise stratagem for dealing with the world. Most grow to hate those to whom they must lie for acceptance; this is a serpent found in the garden of human affairs far too often.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 5:39:20 PM   
Kalira


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Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
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quote:

I am speaking of a specific type of relationship, which is an intimate one.. not of friends and family and our children. I thought I was explicit about that in the opening post in regard to WIITWD.

and I answered it perfectly
quote:

  Acceptance by Master for the kind of life I live? Umm, well...duh  If Master did not accept me and what I do, we would not be in a relationship.




_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 5:52:09 PM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

and I answered it perfectly


Thanks for letting me know that you understood the premise of the original question

quote:

Acceptance by Master for the kind of life I live? Umm, well...duh  If Master did not accept me and what I do, we would not be in a relationship.



For you it maybe a no brainer that does not need exploring or contemplation, others like to contemplate acceptance they feel with their partner that they express WIITWD with, and feel more acceptance as a result. But good for you that it is just an automatic thing for you. Personally speaking it has not been the case for me in my vanilla relationships, and I am finding acceptance with my Daddy that I did not have before because I can express my sexuality more fully in addition to my submissive nature. I am reveling in this.. but that is only my experience.

I started this thread to find out what other's experiences were in regard to acceptance.. thanks for sharing yours.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 5:59:12 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I concur with the concept of "acceptance" as a necessary foundation for a healthy relationship.  Though interestingly, I have observed that generally speaking people seem to be more concerned with acceptance as it relates to others outside of their relationship, and both within and beyond the lifestyle.
 
John


I agree with this very much so.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 6:01:50 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		One could say that half the complaints we get on collarme is just people not accepting how things are- and they end up wasting so much energy just being unhappy with it.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 6:28:48 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
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quote:

What are your thoughts? Does this concept figure into your relationship, if you are single still, is acceptance something you feel is important?


In my relationship i am very very accepted.  Every odd quirk and wierd emotional outbreak and different sides of my personality that pop out - is accepted.  Everything about my past, present and future is accepted.  I've honestly never felt such acceptance in my life.  I never realised how much of a difference it can make on the way one views the world.  With his acceptance, i've been able to make leaps and bounds and started slowly showing myself to the rest of the world.  Really being who i am.   With the acceptance he gave me has just really set me free.  Its odd, as it seems with just that - i dont need any other acceptance.  I get it in some places and i dont get it in others and i'm not too bothered either way.  I am finding that i seem to be getting it every where now too.

i even got it when i blurted out "sodomy" in my humanities class.  (hey were were talking about why citizens were not happy with the catholic church)



_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 6:28:58 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
We do not choose our family,


Actually, I believe that we do. It's part of the Sacred Contract we made with the Universe in order to become who we are...and to learn the lessons that being this person affords us. We chose our parents. In fact, I believe this so strongly that the only really selfless reason I can think of to have children is so that we give another soul an opportunity to learn life lessons. Flame away. LOL

Master Fire



I agree with Master Fire, but from more of a selfish perspective.

I am who I am to greater or lesser degree because of how I was raised by my parents.

I view them as something I need to learn how to face and accept and live with, as opposed to being people I want to rail against and complain about having them in my life.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 10:59:39 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Personally speaking it has not been the case for me in my vanilla relationships, and I am finding acceptance with my Daddy that I did not have before because I can express my sexuality more fully in addition to my submissive nature. I am reveling in this.. but that is only my experience.

I started this thread to find out what other's experiences were in regard to acceptance.. thanks for sharing yours.

You pretty much wrote what my thoughts were when reading your OP.  I never experienced acceptance (being accepted, as opposed to accepting others) in my "vanilla" relationships or even in my familial relationships.  Funny that I thought my husband was the first person to ever really accept me for who I was, but that changed after we said "I do" and he spent the next 17 years trying to convince me how everything I thought and felt was unacceptable. 

However, I can recall clear as day, the first time I felt 100% completely and totally accepted and safe with my Master.  Trembling in my skin, I revealed to him the most "out there" outlandish fantasy I had, which I felt a strong desire to experience, and then I cringed, waiting for him to think twice about me, or to criticize me and then totally reject what I shared. Quite the opposite occurred.  He kept talking, asking me questions to understand me better, to know why I thought these thoughts, and what they did for me.  And then he made me explore myself...I realized it was I who wasn't accepting these things in me - he accepted all of it.  And once I could come to terms with myself, he turned my fantasy into a very profound reality.  No matter what I reveal to him about myself, it's okay, it's safe, it's taken seriously.  There is nothing I can tell him that I would regret telling him later. I have shared some unusual proposals with him, too, and even for those which he chooses not to consider much, I never felt "bad" for mentioning them.  I have never felt so free to be me in my life.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 11:06:46 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Funny that I thought my husband was the first person to ever really accept me for who I was, but that changed after we said "I do" and he spent the next 17 years trying to convince me how everything I thought and felt was unacceptable. 


I went through something similar. I had this blossoming sense of self when I first married, only to have him nit pick every little thing about me, damaging my sense of self and acceptance of self.

quote:

I revealed to him the most "out there" outlandish fantasy I had, which I felt a strong desire to experience, and then I cringed, waiting for him to think twice about me, or to criticize me and then totally reject what I shared. Quite the opposite occurred.  He kept talking, asking me questions to understand me better, to know why I thought these thoughts, and what they did for me. 


And that was a powerful gift in and of itself.

quote:

No matter what I reveal to him about myself, it's okay, it's safe, it's taken seriously.  There is nothing I can tell him that I would regret telling him later. I have shared some unusual proposals with him, too, and even for those which he chooses not to consider much, I never felt "bad" for mentioning them.  I have never felt so free to be me in my life.


This is just the type of acceptance I long to give, and if I am lucky in this life, continue to receive...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Acceptance - 11/7/2006 11:17:58 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Funny that I thought my husband was the first person to ever really accept me for who I was, but that changed after we said "I do" and he spent the next 17 years trying to convince me how everything I thought and felt was unacceptable. 


I went through something similar. I had this blossoming sense of self when I first married, only to have him nit pick every little thing about me, damaging my sense of self and acceptance of self.


I think we may have had similar marriages, unfortunately. I pretty much had no sense of self by the time I got out.  I didn't even know what I liked.  I remember going to the grocery store for the first time as a "single" person and I didn't have a clue what to buy.  I didn't know if the stuff I always bought was because I liked it or because he liked it - he just dictated it and I bought it, and anything I wanted to get, just a simple grocery item, resulted in criticism...and of course we didn't get it.  So I pretty much had to discover life all over again.  It was very bizarre, actually.

quote:


quote:

I revealed to him the most "out there" outlandish fantasy I had, which I felt a strong desire to experience, and then I cringed, waiting for him to think twice about me, or to criticize me and then totally reject what I shared. Quite the opposite occurred.  He kept talking, asking me questions to understand me better, to know why I thought these thoughts, and what they did for me. 


And that was a powerful gift in and of itself.

More so than you can imagine (or maybe you can).  The thing about asking the questions that he did, is he forced me to understand myself and how I ticked, and in doing so I was finally able to accept myself, too.

quote:


quote:

No matter what I reveal to him about myself, it's okay, it's safe, it's taken seriously.  There is nothing I can tell him that I would regret telling him later. I have shared some unusual proposals with him, too, and even for those which he chooses not to consider much, I never felt "bad" for mentioning them.  I have never felt so free to be me in my life.


This is just the type of acceptance I long to give, and if I am lucky in this life, continue to receive...


My problem was I gave that type of acceptance too often, to my own detriment.  I had to learn to practice bettern discernment as to what I found acceptable - that came with getting to know myself.  As for being lucky to receive it....I am grateful every day.  :)

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Acceptance - 11/8/2006 2:07:31 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

[ I have never felt so free to be me in my life.



That is something I feel profoundly, too.


I don't have the oft-expressed *deep desire* to be submissive or to belong to someone but in my relationship as a slave I have never been freer to be myself in every way. I don't have to edit my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions or my outlook.

One difference in this relationship is the depth of understanding and the time and effort that's been taken to acheive that.

In my vanilla marriages what was viewed as *bad* about me, meant *I*  was bad or at least *not good*. The message I lived with was ...* Hmmm, you're not quite what I want*.

Part of the wonderful liberation I have now is that I'm free to be as *bad* as I like........I don't have to constantly worry whether I'll still be liked..........I can rest in the knowledge that if he isn't keen on something he has the power to change it, if he wants to, without resorting to criticism, bullying, displays of dismay and emotional manipulation.

agirl





(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Acceptance - 11/8/2006 6:27:18 AM   
SirLordTrainer


Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have noticed that there is a concept that does not get talked about much here, we talk about communication, honesty, trust… what I think that we are missing in our discussions is talking about the power of acceptance. I was wondering if this is important to people?

I will attempt to describe what I am talking about in relation to WIITWD . In my view acceptance is the cornerstone of good communication, trust, and honesty.


Its very important to Me. Adding to that list also mutual respect in regards to those within My intimate circle of those I deal with. Outside as well to those who give it back in return. your mention of 'acceptance' brings to mind a book Im reading presently that deals with 5 A's, in regards to relationships. They are; Acceptance, Attention, Appreciation, Allowing and Affection. Its an intriguing read. Good thread

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Acceptance - 11/8/2006 6:50:55 AM   
SirLordTrainer


Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

I see it in the reverse. If I am open and honest with others, if I communicate in a clear and understandable manner and am respectful of them and their thoughts and ideas then the chances are pretty good that they are going to accept me for who I am and the life choices that I've made. I couldn't possible ask someone to accept, approve of or understand me and mine until there is an already existing mutual respect. As LotusSong said.. the most I hope for is tolerance until such a time that I can provide enough respect, communication, honesty, trust and openness to gain their acceptance. But it isn't something that I strive for and it isn't anything that I've really concerned myself about. If it happens... all the better, someone may end up getting educated about wiitwd... or, like most people I know, they won't because they don't want to... but they still like us.
 
Jewel


I havent had the opportunity to say hello to You yet so Howdy. Adding along with that I like and agree with Your statement.

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 40
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