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TOP + TOP relationships - 2/4/2005 6:28:58 PM

Darthbetta

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline

AS many subs as I have seen, I still find female TOPS to be far more alluring and erotic. the Power play and inner struggle between the 2 is intoxicating. Perhaps this is why I also like my subs to have a "spite" streak and be a bit of a spitfire attitude.

Yet some part of me wants a TOP + TOP relationship.

any of you Misses ever felt the same ?

M. Darth

Post #: 1

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/4/2005 8:22:18 PM

SecretDomme

Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline

Why do I picture a scene like this: "Get on your knees." "No, YOU get on your knees" ;-)

Seriously, I enjoy a sub who offers a bit of resistance at times when I am approaching him with something I know isn't his favorite thing. I don't view this resistance as dominating, however. I haven't had a desire to be with another "top" because I enjoy the control I have and the way a sub gives me his mind and body. I don't care for "topping from the bottom", which is what I have encountered when speaking with a top or switch who is interested in being dominated.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 2

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/5/2005 12:04:03 AM

ladyrestraint

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/15/2004
Status: offline

Nope.

(in reply to SecretDomme)

Post #: 3

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/5/2005 7:00:06 AM

RosaB

Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline

Yes. But after recently experiencing being with a Dom, I can say, it was quite the challenge. I had once stated that I wanted to try switching just to see what it would be like, I've been cured of that curiosity.

If ever again, the lines would have to be more clearly drawn and it would not be a d/s exchange. There would have to be a no topping rule for both of us, which is somewhat of a near impossibility due to the fact we both are used to taking the lead.

Rosa

(in reply to ladyrestraint)

Post #: 4

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/5/2005 8:01:54 AM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darthbetta

AS many subs as I have seen, I still find female TOPS to be far more alluring and erotic. the Power play and inner struggle between the 2 is intoxicating. Perhaps this is why I also like my subs to have a "spite" streak and be a bit of a spitfire attitude.

Yet some part of me wants a TOP + TOP relationship.

any of you Misses ever felt the same ?

I love powerful people. I agree that they are alluring and attractive. I think it's important to quote Margaret Thatcher at this point, however: Power is like being a lady, if you have to tell people you are, you aren't.

Personal power comes in many forms and types of people. I find self confident people who are not afraid to be vulnerable incredibly attractive and significantly more alluring than someone who is unable to achieve vulnerability; but I'm sure that's because I see a willingness to be vulnerable as a strength.

My preference is to be involved with a partner who is willing to allow mine to be the last word, but that does not preclude me from being willing to compromise with someone who's needs are similar. I'm more interested in the person than I am which end of the whip they prefer and sometimes that means being involved with a Top.

What I will not do, however, is be involved in a significant other capacity with someone who will put someone else before me. So if I were involved in a Top/Top relationship it would have to be with a top who is adament about making it clear to whoever he tops that I am the primary commitment.

I am friends with a top/top married couple. They each have their own submissives and those submissives don't necessarily submit to the other partner. They (the top couple) have both made it clear to whoever is submitting to them, however, that "X" is my PARTNER, if you wish to stick around it is important that you make them happy too; because if you create a situation in which I have to choose, you will lose.

I have been involved with someone who was already dominating another when we got together and who professed to want to be in a significant other relationship with me in which he submitted. I would not be in a hurry to jump into that situation again.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 5

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/5/2005 10:41:40 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

In other threads LadyAngelika made some comments that got me thinking along the same lines, and I posted the bit below where it was not quite on topic and so didn't get any reaction. So I'll drop it in here again with minor change because it is exactly on topic.

Lately the idea has been rolling around in my head that there is something paradoxical about looking for a submissive that also has the amount of assertiveness, independence and strength that attracts me. Sure, they're out there, but just to toss out an estimate I'll say maybe 20% of submissives have those traits; however, I see those same qualities in about 100% of the dominant ladies.

So that makes me wonder about a few things. Perhaps instead of just looking for a dominant-submissive relationship it might also make a lot of sense to consider mating with another dominant and then we could have our "toys". There are folks out there who make it work, and it could make sense as long as a battle of wills or pigheaded resistance to submitting to another doesn't result in neither taking the garbage out for a week.

Anyway, these are just some ideas I still haven't quite sorted it out.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to MizSuz)

Post #: 6

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/5/2005 11:04:10 AM

NATI

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

I wouldn't immediately rule it out, but I also believe that two very dynamic and powerful people would most likely end up at loggerheads - and often. that's not my idea of great fun.

(in reply to happypervert)

Post #: 7

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/5/2005 3:33:30 PM

MissP

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline

I know a few very well-matched top/top couples, and it does seem to work! i think as long as both can overcome any possible jealousy issues over bottoms, there's no reason not to do it.

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MissP xx

http://www.mistress-p.co.uk/

(in reply to NATI)

Post #: 8

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/5/2005 4:18:41 PM

DreamyLadySnow

Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline

Yes. Have done it, twice.
Not that those were the best/smartest relationships that I've ever been in, but I like the dynamic of being with someone who will stand up to me.
That said, we did not Top each other.
There would need to be acceptance of each other's need to dominate, and have their own subs, though.

(in reply to MissP)

Post #: 9

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/5/2005 8:30:14 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

any of you Misses ever felt the same ?

As most of the Older Members allready know I come from
a Poly Home of a Three way Dominant Long Term relationship
with all Three of Us Owning Our Own slaves together. This was a
Alpha Dom, Alpha Domme, Dom relationship which lasted
27 and 16 years concurrently. I am a Widow now twice. It
can and does work and work well for those whom are willing
to make it work. It does not matter a persons personality but
what matters is that all involved, be it just one other person
or several have a totally honest and open and truthfull communication
and respect for one another, and a littlbe bitta Love thrown in
doesent hurt either. ~wink~

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 10

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/6/2005 3:11:55 AM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

Ray is a dominant, and he doesn't switch. I am primarily a dominant, and I have a hard time switching. It works, but we aren't rigid in our expectations with each other either.

We are also fairly laid back people.

I am considering a submissive that is local to me, he knows exactly what Ray means to me, and knows there isn't going to be a choosing between them. He is fitting into our lives, not the other way around. He has a wonderful interaction with Ray, they are both brats lol, but Ray isn't going to top him - he will be basically mine, not a shared submissive. Though if he is in dog mode, he knows if he misbehaves as a dog, Ray will most likely scold him, we tease him about brandishing a ceramic newspaper (I keep telling him one day I'm going to get a hold of one for real just to waggle it at him lol), but as for topping him, no. But then for him submission and puppyplay aren't 100% intertwined - so there is a small degree of separation there as well.

It CAN work. I'm sure part of Ray's interest in me as a submissive is my internal struggle, and the fact I have a LOT of fire and spark in me, and I think the challenge is something that he enjoys as well.

I'm not so sure I'm wired the same way. I don't think I'd react to the way I am as a switch or a submissive from someone else as a dominant. I don't think it makes me less of a dominant than he is cuz he can handle it and enjoys doing so, just makes me different.

We've been doing pretty well over the years - time will tell if it's a lasting life long thing, but we think it can be and will be.

I don't think it's a mix that is meant for everyone though.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
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Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 11

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/8/2005 1:25:54 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I am a Dominant that is married to a Dominant and I have never been happier in my life. Yes we are a poly household, and yes I have mine and he has his, but the possibility of sharing is there as well. We are both very secure in the devotion we have for each other and make it very clear from the beginning that no one will ever come between us. I believe that because we stress the importance of totally open and completely honest communication that we have little trouble dealing with day to day life.

Jewel

(in reply to ShadeDiva)

Post #: 12

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/8/2005 1:27:19 PM

Darthbetta

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
APPLAUDS

I believe that because we stress the importance of totally open and completely honest communication that we have little trouble dealing with day to day life.

thank you :)

nice to know that this works for others too

< Message edited by Darthbetta -- 2/8/2005 1:28:31 PM >

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 13

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/8/2005 3:47:13 PM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

While I haven't personally gone this road in my own life, I've certainly considered it. In the end, I would have to say Suz hit the nail on the head - I'm more concerned about the person I am with, then which end of the whip they hold.

On the other hand, while I have a great deal of respect for many dominant women, many of those same qualities that make most male subbies drool might be attractive to me as well, but not necessarily a good match for a home life, so naturally it would depend on the person.

I was having this conversation with my girl the other day in fact, and used an example of a gothic style girl. I don't know why, but I happen to find tattoos, piercings (lots of them) and black lipstick very sexy. At the same time, the type of interests that drive most women to wear these things usually make such a woman rather dull as a girlfriend. There are only so may conversations I can have about paranormal activity, ghosts, dead things, and ESP while watching one joint being inhaled after another. Granted not every woman who wears black lipstick & clothes, has tattooes and piercings, and smokes pot is like this - but generally speaking, I know that while it looks hot for a minute, it isn't usually going to be the type of girl I want to share breakfast with the next morning. So, the girl remains a fantasy, never to tarnish or dissappoint.

A dominant would be a great partner in some respects, as a dominant is usually responsible, intellegent, often has a great sense of humor, and extremely charasimatic. Then again, we all know both male and female dominants who are lazy, not so bright, dull witted, and as attractive as a dead rat.

I guess in the end, I don't find dominance attractive, specifically, but rather the kind of woman who makes a good dominant, usually will also make a good woman period - not so different from the qualities that make a good submissive.

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 14

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/8/2005 8:01:05 PM

Grlwithboy

Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

I can't really see this working with a male or a really butch Dom for me-- that energy is just not a turn on, much as I may enjoy being around Doms and much as I may find some of them sexy people, it just doesn't attract me-- I'd always feel like there was a weird pressure on me. With another woman I think it may have the vague possibility of working out, as long as we stayed on the same page and as long as there's talking and honest listening on both parts.

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 15

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/11/2005 12:23:51 AM

LadyBadger

Posts: 176
Joined: 11/6/2004
From: Lake Forest, CA
Status: offline

I'm a Top/Domme and I am presently partnered with a Male Top/Dom -- have been for nearly 5 years...

we do NOT switch with one another... we have our play partners and I do have a male sub collared to me...

we are quite open about our relationship and others have expressed amazement that 2 Tops can be partnered... I guess everyone else expects opposites to attract...

my sub is part of our poly family... I am in charge of him and my SO will often ask if he can "borrow" the cub for chores... which cub is all too happy to do as through serving others for me, he is serving me... occasionally my SO & I will co-top on the cub as there are times when I'm tiring out (cub is a voracious bottomless pit pain slut) and my SO can give such a good beating/flogging... ::grin::

cub & I discussed quite extensively & deeply his place in our household and that my SO comes first always... just as cub's daughter comes first before me...

when my SO has negotiated a scene with a femsub, he too makes it clear that he & I are primary partners first & foremost... that I'm OK with him playing, but it's just play not sex... the femsubs often come back to ME to ask if it's OK with me -- I guess they have a hard time understanding the relationship we have and how we're OK with outside playing...

most male subs I've played with don't care as my scening is usually at a public dungeon, not at home... their main rule is "no man touches me"... ok, but you're missing out on a great flogging (my SO isn't bi either)...

sometimes my SO will ask me to come into his scene and co-top with him... then we do a tag-team bit, trading off one another or even dual flogging/singletails... but only if the femsub is OK with me participating... he doesn't tell them when I'll come in -- I just do and they are SO surprised at the energy difference... LOL!

I like the energy of a Dominant/Top man -- it's very exciting to me... like two predators circling one another till the energy is so strong/tight that it explodes!

otherwise at home, we are like any other vanilla couple... sharing chores, etc. -- he's MUCH better at housekeeping than I am and I'm a better cook... the weekends when cub is staying over, he helps catch the odds & ends...

tween the two of them (cub & SO), I am quite well taken care of and pampered... I love it! it's what I've always dreamed of!

and I'm really happy to see so many other Top/Top couples represented here... we're a rare special breed altogether!

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 16

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/11/2005 4:57:29 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

In other threads LadyAngelika made some comments that got me thinking along the same lines, and I posted the bit below where it was not quite on topic and so didn't get any reaction. So I'll drop it in here again with minor change because it is exactly on topic.

Lately the idea has been rolling around in my head that there is something paradoxical about looking for a submissive that also has the amount of assertiveness, independence and strength that attracts me. Sure, they're out there, but just to toss out an estimate I'll say maybe 20% of submissives have those traits; however, I see those same qualities in about 100% of the dominant ladies.

I agree with you in that I find most submissives that I meet lack the strength I need for that lovely "tango". However it is not impossible and I believe that I have been blessed with some very lovely and strong subs in my life.

Most recently I met a boy who is a switch who truly wants to explore his sub side. In fact his situation is quite particular. When looking at him, you see a tough/rough boy. He has the whole shaved head, goatee, muscle and tattoo Fred Durst thing going on. Anyhow, every time he met a Domme woman (whether it be via online or in a club), she ended up only wanting to have sex and in a few situations to submit to him. Poor thing got utterly frustrated! Now this doesn’t surprise me one bit because he has a very dominant personality and aura about him. It’s totally hot to be honest and to bring a boy like that to his knees is a bigger turn on then most of the things I’ve ever experienced.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz
I love powerful people. I agree that they are alluring and attractive.

You took the words right out of my mouth Suz.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to happypervert)

Post #: 17

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/11/2005 6:18:45 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

most male subs I've played with don't care as my scening is usually at a public dungeon, not at home... their main rule is "no man touches me"... ok, but you're missing out on a great flogging (my SO isn't bi either)...

Great post Badger!

I don't get this myself. I've always played with people of both genders and I don't think of myself in terms of being 'bi'. When I've bottomed to woman (who incidentally, I've found for the most part to be bigger sadists than men for various reasons) I've negotiated the level of touch I was comfortable with. I don't understand why that seems to be so difficult for people who are 'not bi'.

Some of my most thrilling scenes have been done with Female Tops. I would hate to discount a large number of tops simply because I was sexually uncomfortable with a high degree of sexual touch. I always thought that was what the negotiation process was all about.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to LadyBadger)

Post #: 18

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/11/2005 7:18:05 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darthbetta
Yet some part of me wants a TOP + TOP relationship.

I have discovered that my primary relationship must be with a Top, or at least a non-sub. My girlfriend is a Top, though I didn't know it when we started going out. She is not at all submissive, though she has bottomed for me. I am not submissive, but I am a service Top. It is really working for us...

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 19

RE: TOP + TOP relationships - 2/14/2005 7:22:13 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I love the way you put that.....

quote:

I like the energy of a Dominant/Top man -- it's very exciting to me... like two predators circling one another till the energy is so strong/tight that it explodes!

And like you, my husband and I do not share the intimacy of intercourse with our submissives. We have also experienced the "tag-team" scenerio, mostly I am his ears, I stand at the subbies side and listen for the "yellow" and on rare occasion "red". In doing so I allow them both to become deeply involved in their own space with out having to worry that one might get carried away.

Ok, so I tend to babble.....

Jewel

(in reply to LadyBadger)

Post #: 20

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