RE: How soon is too soon?

RE: How soon is too soon? (Full Version)

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SamKeithsslave -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 3:26:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: my telling him that I was willing to wait for him for however long it would take, What? Are these relationships on-line only? If so, does it really matter what you do? This sounds like fantasy play to me. Fantasy play? Sorry if I sound rude but I really dont believe you have a right to judge my relationships. I am a little offended by the suggestion it was "fantasy play" - play? We spoke online daily for months, then via the phone daily for well over a year. We would have met had there not been on going problems and issues in him getting here. We had, for the most part a "normal" relationship, we talked about life, kids, money - we fought, laughed and helped each other through lifes problems. I'd hardly call that play. I am not the only person here to have met someone online and developed a relationship with them, in fact in this thread someone mentions how they chatted online for 3 months before meeting their partner. Granted my online relationship was much longer than that but would not have been if things went as planned, instead obstacles kept us apart. Every time we thought we finally made it, something else went wrong. So please, dont judge my relationship as "fantasy play" because it doesnt fit into what you believe is a relationship. Again, I am sorry if I sound rude or abrupt, but I found your comment very insulting, hurtful and belittling.

KatyLied -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 3:35:43 PM)
If you are gonna put it out here, people are going to judge you. You are posting about two relationship with Doms whom you've never met. Until you meet, how real can it possibly be?

SamKeithsslave -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 3:36:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied What? Are these relationships on-line only? If so, does it really matter what you do? This sounds like fantasy play to me. I don't think it's fantasy play, I think these feelings and senses of commitment are very real to her. However, the responsibility that people have to put forth with an online only commitment is extremely different from the responsibility that comes with an long distance and a daily offline relationship. It's real based on what she knows. But I think she doesn't know what she could really have and what that will demand of her. That's not a bad thing in itself, but she needs to be making these choices for the reasons of security and happiness, not out of fear and lack of options. The feelings of a sense of commitment feel real to me because they *are* real!! I'm sorry, but I really dont see how either or you can judge me or state what you think I know or dont know. To have your own opinions about online relationships is one thing, but to try to second guess what I do or do not know is wrong. I have had offline dom/sub relationships, I am 39, just because I have only mentioned 2 of those relationships isnt to say they are the only two I have ever had, so I do "know what she could really have and what that will demand of her." Again, sorry if this sounds rude or abrupt, but I feel like a teenager being told that I dont know what life and love etc is all about and its very insulting.

jdtallfem -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 3:38:43 PM)
Ok, you now have a new Master. I see nothing wrong with the fact that you took on a new Master so quickly. After all, you had spoken to him for a year. But when do you have plans to see him face to face? Because that is when the truth will tell, old Master or new Master, when you actually meet face to face and have a real time relationship with him. It's not that your online relationship isn't real, it is, it's just that your face to face relationship will be a different one and you won't know that until you have it.

KatyLied -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 3:39:57 PM)
quote: The feelings of a sense of commitment feel real to me because they *are* real! It is difficult for me to have a sense of commitment to a person whom I've never met. I wouldn't make any commitment to a person I've never met or spent real time with. To me it's not real until you meet and make it real time, as opposed to on-line.

SamKeithsslave -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 3:42:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied If you are gonna put it out here, people are going to judge you. You are posting about two relationship with Doms whom you've never met. Until you meet, how real can it possibly be? I asked a question, a general question about how long it took before people committed to being a sub. I did not ask for people to judge me personally (especialy as they dont know me or the circumstances of my past relationships). I would not dream of telling someone their relationship was just online "fantasy play" whether I thought that or not! I *might* consider saying it to a long term girlfriend whose online relationship I was aware of and knowledgeable about, but never about someone when I didnt know what I was talking about.

SamKeithsslave -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 3:53:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jdtallfem Ok, you now have a new Master. I see nothing wrong with the fact that you took on a new Master so quickly. After all, you had spoken to him for a year. But when do you have plans to see him face to face? Because that is when the truth will tell, old Master or new Master, when you actually meet face to face and have a real time relationship with him. It's not that your online relationship isn't real, it is, it's just that your face to face relationship will be a different one and you won't know that until you have it. I agree, face to face there may be no chemistry, no spark etc. I certainly have no fantasy that everything will be perfect etc I hope to meet up with him by Christmas of this year. One thing I did learn from my previous relationship is that I will not allow myself to get involved in another long term, long distance internet relationship and I have stated this to my new master. The reason I allowed the other to go on so long was because he was always *just* about to come etc, then another hurdle would manifest itself. Although I find it very difficult to lay down the law, so to speak, I will be making one demand/condition of my new master and that ill be that we must meet within 2-3 months. And the reason that gap is so long is that I have 2 children I have to consider, finding someone to care for them while I either a) go to meet him or b) have him come to me, either way I will not introduce any man (master or not) to my children until I am satisfied he is no psycho. I guess this is one reason I like to meet people online, you can talk more and hopefully get a sense of someone before you engage in a sexual relationship.

KatyLied -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 3:59:41 PM)
Well just remember not to get caught up in some sort of sub frenzy, take time to get to know this guy. People can present on way, on-line, and be completely different in real life (and not always for the best). I'm not preaching to you, just reminding you that there is nothing wrong with going slowly before deciding that he is your Master.

SamKeithsslave -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 4:09:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Well just remember not to get caught up in some sort of sub frenzy, take time to get to know this guy. People can present on way, on-line, and be completely different in real life (and not always for the best). I'm not preaching to you, just reminding you that there is nothing wrong with going slowly before deciding that he is your Master. Oh I agree 100%. And although I have agreed to be his sub online, thats not written in concrete till we meet face to face. All it means to me is that I will perform for him what he wants and will be exclusive to him till either one of us either decide a) its not working or b) we meet and seal the deal, or not. I tend to go too slow, preferring to meet and chat online before meeting in person. This is mainly beause I do not need my kids seeing a parade of different men through my home. And because my ex is an ass and rarely has the kids or says he will then changes his mind - I find myself unable to get out there and meet people. I belong to a swingers club that has social meet and greets monthly, which I ty to attend, but other than that my social life is limitted to online with the view to meet at a later date. I have done this a number of times, met someone online then met for coffee later, sometimes it works out other times it doesnt, thats life I guess lol.

KatyLied -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 4:34:47 PM)
quote: sometimes it works out other times it doesnt, thats life I guess lol. Yep, it's like that for most people. Sometimes you get lucky, sometimes there's some frog kissin' [&:]

orfunboi -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 4:37:50 PM)
As a rule of thumb, i try to at least meet someone a couple times in real life before commiting myself to a relationship. So my answer would have to be yes, it is too soon.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 5:16:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave And although I have agreed to be his sub online, thats not written in concrete till we meet face to face. So in one post you're getting all outraged at us judging you and going on about how solid and sincere and deep this all is....and the next you say it's "not written in concrete" even though you've created a cyber name to tell everyone you're his slave, and you started out saying you're his slave. Not to mention, you're asking a basic question about people getting into relationships, but now you're saying you've had a few offline relationships? Not to mention, this guy just happens to be available all that time and not make a commitment to anyone and then HAS to have you a week after you're single? All of this really screams "newbies playing around online." Now, it might not be- this could be the match made in heaven and stars aligned and will work itself out to be great for you both. But nothing you've said so far gives the impression of that being at all likely. As for who am I to judge...you'll have to read all my posts and judge for yourself if I know what I'm talking about.

cariad -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 5:34:46 PM)
i have to agree with LA on her last post about "newbies playing around online," however that said .......... i too jumped in a little too soon after asking for release from my ex-Master for various reasons and although i've not yet met the Master i am with right now, my feelings are very real for Him and have been for some time now. i've known him for around 3yrs now and would not change how things are between us now because He makes me as happy as a clam and punishes me immediately instead of saying "That will cost you when you come here," and various other things like that, that my ex-Master used to say. Any way........as LA said: "All of this really screams "newbies playing around online. Now, it might not be- this could be the match made in heaven and stars aligned and will work itself out to be great for you both. But nothing you've said so far gives the impression of that being at all likely." LA has given me lots of great advise for which i am very grateful and if she gives a suggestion then if i were you i'd weigh it heavily against others given, then go from there to make your own choice.

SamKeithsslave -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 7:17:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave And although I have agreed to be his sub online, thats not written in concrete till we meet face to face. So in one post you're getting all outraged at us judging you and going on about how solid and sincere and deep this all is....and the next you say it's "not written in concrete" even though you've created a cyber name to tell everyone you're his slave, and you started out saying you're his slave. Not to mention, you're asking a basic question about people getting into relationships, but now you're saying you've had a few offline relationships? Not to mention, this guy just happens to be available all that time and not make a commitment to anyone and then HAS to have you a week after you're single? All of this really screams "newbies playing around online." Now, it might not be- this could be the match made in heaven and stars aligned and will work itself out to be great for you both. But nothing you've said so far gives the impression of that being at all likely. As for who am I to judge...you'll have to read all my posts and judge for yourself if I know what I'm talking about. Check again, I was/am "outraged" that you dared to try and know what I know, think and feel. I said my feelings of commitment are *REAL* and for me they are. Solid, sincere and deep? They are your words, not mine. As for concrete? I am a realist I dont live in some fantasy world. I realise that once we meet all may not be as it is/was online, but that should not and does not stop me from wanting to be someones sub? Why should I pass up an opportunity at happiness by not being willing to commit and answer yes when asked if I will be his sub. As for my ID being SamKeithsslave, so what Emeraldslave? ID names can be changed, ditched and other names used. Yeah I want people to know I have a master, that way I will not have other doms pestering me to be theirs (though I did read here somewhere that one dom feared his sub would be stolen because there were some doms who did not respect the dom/sub relationship he had and they were contacting his sub behind his back) As for asking a basic question............ what the....?? What? I asked a question about how soon people got into new dom/sub relationships after having left an old one. (BTW if you check the thread you will see someone did the same as me - almost - they met someone online 4 days after one relationship ended and had an online relationship for 3 months before meeting face to face - so I aint so unusual!) I used my current circumstances, ie ending one relationship and being another as a prelude/example to my question. If you took this to mean that these were the only 2 dom/sub relationships I have ever had, thats your problem not mine. As for the new master wanting me. He wanted me 12 months ago, I said no, cos I was in a relationship already. Why is it so hard for you to cope/accept the fact that he wasnt already in another relationship? People go years without committing to anyone for lots of reasons. And what does that have to do with anything anyway? So he was available and "HAS to have me" (to use your own words), why is that so hard for you to believe/accept? FWIW he is a US Marine stationed in Japan, his time is limited and being in Japan finding the type of woman he prefers, ie BBW subs, is almost impossible. Why I should have to feel the need to explain this to you I dont know. As for reading your posts to find out if you know what you are talking about? LOL, I dont think so. You have over 7.460+ posts (and thats not counting Emeraldslaves). I can judge for myself right here and now that a 26 year old who probably has had no kids cant tell me, a 39 year old woman who was in an abusive relationship for more years than she cares to mention with 2 almost teenage kids, anything. Come back and try and tell me something when you have lived a little. You assume way too much about me from the little I have written.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 7:23:02 PM)
Actually, your original post said nothing about wondering about other people and new relationships, you presented your sitaution and ended with Is it too soon? That gave us all the impression you were looking for opinions on your situation in particular, annd not asking for ours. When asked for our opinions, we judge the person asking, otherwise how do we form an opinion? If you do not wish to have your situation picked apart and posibly hear things you dont wat to liste to, then putting it in an open forum for discusion is not the way to go. Anyone who posts here does so with the understanding that some of the posters will pass judgement and most of them arent shy about sharing that judgement with you. Sorry it upset you, but thats the nautre of the forums. DV

SamKeithsslave -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 7:30:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cariad i have to agree with LA on her last post about "newbies playing around online," however that said .......... i too jumped in a little too soon after asking for release from my ex-Master for various reasons and although i've not yet met the Master i am with right now, my feelings are very real for Him and have been for some time now. i've known him for around 3yrs now and would not change how things are between us now because He makes me as happy as a clam and punishes me immediately instead of saying "That will cost you when you come here," and various other things like that, that my ex-Master used to say. Any way........as LA said: "All of this really screams "newbies playing around online. Now, it might not be- this could be the match made in heaven and stars aligned and will work itself out to be great for you both. But nothing you've said so far gives the impression of that being at all likely." LA has given me lots of great advise for which i am very grateful and if she gives a suggestion then if i were you i'd weigh it heavily against others given, then go from there to make your own choice. I'm appreciate that you may find her advice and suggestions helpful. Thus far she has not given me any advice or made any suggestions. All she has done is assume things about me and my life that she knows nothing about. If I sound like a "newbie playing online" then you too have made the same misconceptions she has. [&:] I wonder if she ever questioned the genuineness of your feelings for your new master? Is your realtionship also online only? Have you met yet? It wasnt too clear, it sounds like he is apart from you, but I am not clear on whether or not u have been together etc.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 7:40:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave BTW if you check the thread you will see someone did the same as me - almost - they met someone online 4 days after one relationship ended and had an online relationship for 3 months before meeting face to face - so I aint so unusual! You're absolutely right, people repeating their dysfunctional relationship mistakes and going on the rebound with someone they find "safe" are extremely common. quote: I have ever had, thats your problem not mine. Oh trust me, I don't find it a problem at all. quote: Why is it so hard for you to cope/accept the fact that he wasnt already in another relationship? People go years without committing to anyone for lots of reasons. And what does that have to do with anything anyway? So he was available and "HAS to have me" (to use your own words), why is that so hard for you to believe/accept? FWIW he is a US Marine stationed in Japan, his time is limited and being in Japan finding the type of woman he prefers, ie BBW subs, is almost impossible. Why I should have to feel the need to explain this to you I dont know. Maybe you should try and answer that particular question. He's a marine stationed in Japan and yet you were able to cyber chat for months and then talk on the phone nearly every day for a year? quote: As for reading your posts to find out if you know what you are talking about? LOL, I dont think so. You have over 7.460+ posts (and thats not counting Emeraldslaves). I'll just point out the obvious that YOU are the one questioning whether I am qualified to make a judgement in this case. You are now the one refusing to educate yourself to answer your own question. quote: I can judge for myself right here and now that a 26 year old who probably has had no kids cant tell me, a 39 year old woman who was in an abusive relationship for more years than she cares to mention with 2 almost teenage kids, anything. So you can judge me but I can't judge you? You're right and I'm wrong because you say so? quote: Come back and try and tell me something when you have lived a little. You assume way too much about me from the little I have written. I think you're making the mistake of assuming way too little of me. But that's ok.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 7:44:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave I wonder if she ever questioned the genuineness of your feelings for your new master? Absolutely, and quite openly. Here is the link to the post where you can read what I wrote and what Cariad responded with: http://www.collarchat.com/m_669579/mpage_1/key_sister/tm.htm#670228 When master seems pathetic... quote: Is your realtionship also online only? Have you met yet? It wasnt too clear, it sounds like he is apart from you, but I am not clear on whether or not u have been together etc. They haven't been together yet, and I regard their relationship with high suspicion and scrutiny. Cariad also has a lot more history on the collarme boards so I know a lot more about her personality and how she processes things. I also regarded Katy's relationship and Julia's relationship and Owned's relationship and Pita's relationship with high suspicion at first. The good news is with them that they've all proven in time that they simply are who they are and have shown in every way that they are more secure, happy, stable, aware and fulfilled than they have ever been before. Whether the same will hold true for Cariad, you, or even myself, we can only see in time.

SamKeithsslave -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 7:45:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire Actually, your original post said nothing about wondering about other people and new relationships, you presented your sitaution and ended with Is it too soon? That gave us all the impression you were looking for opinions on your situation in particular, annd not asking for ours. When asked for our opinions, we judge the person asking, otherwise how do we form an opinion? If you do not wish to have your situation picked apart and posibly hear things you dont wat to liste to, then putting it in an open forum for discusion is not the way to go. Anyone who posts here does so with the understanding that some of the posters will pass judgement and most of them arent shy about sharing that judgement with you. Sorry it upset you, but thats the nautre of the forums. DV My question was not too clear and I did correct this in the 6th and 7th posts of the thread and apologised for any confusion and clarified that it was more a general question about what others have done and did, not what I had done or did. Therefore hopefully dispelling any confusion, it didnt, either people did not see the posts or chose to ignore them. I cant say which, I dont know. When I am asked for an opinion I tend to work in the opposite you mention above. If I dont know the person I either ask more questions to get a better idea or I apply the question to myself only. I can take and hear anything anyone wishes to say, provided they are not jumping to conclusions or making rash judgements about me and my relationships etc I'd be more open to listen to judgements etc IF the person making those judgements asked questions to gain more information about the circumstances etc I shall certainly try to be waaaaay more clear in the future that questions are looking for general responses, not specific responses to my situation only - lol.

SamKeithsslave -> RE: How soon is too soon? (11/8/2006 8:05:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: Why is it so hard for you to cope/accept the fact that he wasnt already in another relationship? People go years without committing to anyone for lots of reasons. And what does that have to do with anything anyway? So he was available and "HAS to have me" (to use your own words), why is that so hard for you to believe/accept? FWIW he is a US Marine stationed in Japan, his time is limited and being in Japan finding the type of woman he prefers, ie BBW subs, is almost impossible. Why I should have to feel the need to explain this to you I dont know. Maybe you should try and answer that particular question. He's a marine stationed in Japan and yet you were able to cyber chat for months and then talk on the phone nearly every day for a year? quote: As for reading your posts to find out if you know what you are talking about? LOL, I dont think so. You have over 7.460+ posts (and thats not counting Emeraldslaves). I'll just point out the obvious that YOU are the one questioning whether I am qualified to make a judgement in this case. You are now the one refusing to educate yourself to answer your own question. quote: I can judge for myself right here and now that a 26 year old who probably has had no kids cant tell me, a 39 year old woman who was in an abusive relationship for more years than she cares to mention with 2 almost teenage kids, anything. So you can judge me but I can't judge you? You're right and I'm wrong because you say so? quote: Come back and try and tell me something when you have lived a little. You assume way too much about me from the little I have written. I think you're making the mistake of assuming way too little of me. But that's ok. 1. You really need to get your facts right. I had 2 online Masters. One, the old one was the one I spoke to daily on the phone, NOT the one in Japan. To date I have only spoke with him once via yahoo computer to computer. So now maybe you will answer that question I asked, seeing as you got your facts wrong. 2. I judge you on your rudness and judgemental attitude because you have *shown* me that you are rude and quick to judge when you dont have all the facts, ie assuming I had only ever had 2 dom/sub relationships, both of which were online. I do not and would never presume to judge your feelings for someone. I would not judge your that you are a "newbie" without getting more facts by asking more questions and even then I would be loathe to do it. And I do not go in for that childish your right and I am wrong cos I said so stuff, I havent said that. 3. Your possibly right, you may have something to share of value. Unfortunately due to your rude and judgemental attitude you have turned me off completely. I have a lot to share and unfortunately because you have judged me as some "newbie playing online" you will miss out too. So? Whose more stupid?

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