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[Poll]

Competiveness amongst subs


girls are more competitive than boys
  38% (10)
boys are more competitive than girls
  19% (5)
neither is more competitive than the other
  42% (11)


Total Votes : 26
(last vote on : 11/9/2006 9:50:17 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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Competiveness amongst subs - 11/8/2006 8:32:41 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		Ok, here's the situation; until recently, i never really spent much time around other subs and i am now in a poly family.  We have a male Dom (who i treat with respect, but am not submissive towards), his wife who is a switch (sub to Him and Domme to us subs), there are the two sub-girls who both were there before me and are His/Hers/or Theirs to various degrees depending on the particular dynamics of their relationships, and then there's me... i am of course a subbie-boy and i find that i have been unofficially placed in the role of alpha-sub and everyone seems to come to me, including the Dominants (even if it's as nothing more than a sounding board)

ok, now to the question... like i said, i've never really spent much time around other subs, and now i'm around a number of female subs... i have noticed that the girl-subs are very competitive with one another, and Ma'am is also quite competitive with subs outside of our family (particularly with subs under her previous Master, who She's very protective of)

i still have yet to spend any real time around other male subs, and am not competitive by nature... is this competitveness and infighting and vindictiveness primarily a feminine trait amongs subs? do boy subs also act this way, or do they suppress that competitive instinct that most men have as part of being a sub?

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Competiveness amongst subs - 11/8/2006 8:37:37 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Well, from personal experience, Angel can be VERY competitive with other male subs. He defers to female subs, becasue he beieves he is lower than any female, even if they are submissive. However, I do know that he believes that he could best any male who was trying to compete with him for my attentions. He remindes me... often.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Competiveness amongst subs - 11/8/2006 8:43:40 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Well, from personal experience, Angel can be VERY competitive with other male subs. He defers to female subs, becasue he beieves he is lower than any female, even if they are submissive. However, I do know that he believes that he could best any male who was trying to compete with him for my attentions. He remindes me... often.
DV


thank you DiurnalVampire (i always think of Blade when i see your nick, but you are much more attractive than Wesley Snipes)

i would appreciate that others also bring in their unique observations  Need more input. Johnny 5 from Short Circuit

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Competiveness amongst subs - 11/8/2006 10:18:32 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Sir is poly and i tend to be monogomous.  Yes i have some competiviness but don't really feel all that threatened at this point.  I don't like the idea of playing with others but that is not my decision.  My decision is whether i wish to remain in a relationship where there will always be interest on his part in other subs.  I don't think i have it in me to be particularly mean to another sub but then i guess will only know that when the right one comes along to awaken those feelings. 


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"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Competiveness amongst subs - 11/8/2006 10:22:45 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I am VERY competitive and I get VERY jelouse.  I am to be the only one period. So maybe I am not the right person to ask lol.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Competiveness amongst subs - 11/8/2006 10:23:50 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe you just happen to be involved with a group of highly-competitive people.
Some people tend to be competitive in and out of their love relationships. I don't enjoy a spirit of competition at home. I much prefer cooperation.
I don't think that competing for the attention of another in a triad* is something that ultimately benefits the relationship. Some people might act out their feelings of insecurity in the relationship indirectly, by being competitive about other things.
I don't think it has to do with male vs female but rather personal inclination, maybe in some cases even a little bit of emotional maturity or lack thereof as well. But, each relationship dynamic is different. If all the people in the relationship enjoy it and thrive under those circumstances, let the games begin!


* or other configuration

< Message edited by justheather -- 11/8/2006 10:24:46 PM >

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Competiveness amongst subs - 11/8/2006 10:40:15 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I don't have a competitive bone in my body in regards to relationships - if I felt a situation arising where I have to compete - I would withdraw. I think it may have something to do with pride..perhaps, maybe, I don't really know..something inside me says I'm beyond competing, it seems inane and childish and cough "below me".

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Competiveness amongst subs - 11/8/2006 10:55:11 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

i still have yet to spend any real time around other male subs, and am not competitive by nature... is this competitveness and infighting and vindictiveness primarily a feminine trait amongs subs? do boy subs also act this way, or do they suppress that competitive instinct that most men have as part of being a sub?



The economic principles of suppy and demand apply in this
situation.  Men and women express competitiveness in
different manners.  Men are usually more direct and
prone to physical agressiveness.  Women are usually
more subtle and likely to use emotional tactics.
 
YMMV,
 
Vendaval


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Competiveness amongst subs - 11/8/2006 11:07:29 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I think its all about personality and how someone was raised, honestly.  If someone was raised in a household where competition was the way of life, be it with multiple siblings or a group of friends who made everything into a competition, then you are more likely to carry that into your romantic or home life.   I dont necessarily think competitiveness and jealousy are one in the same.  Angel isnt jealous, hes more than happy to share my attention if I choose to do so. He does, however, not see other males as a threat to his position.  His competitive nature does lead him to want to outdo anyone else who is trying to get my attention.  This is not necessarily only in romantic situations, eithe, since I have no other romantic interests aside from him.  This is in general,even among his vanila friends.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Competiveness amongst subs - 11/8/2006 11:09:13 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		fast reply

This is why I would not make a good submissive in a poly household unless I was the alpha of the group and the other subs looked up to me for guidance. If someone challenged my place I would either leave the situation as not worth dealing with, or they would be gone very quickly. I play second fiddle to no one though... period end of story.

I would rather be alone then deal with catty vindictive or competitive people in my zone.. life is hard enough without that drama in it. I do not like drama and avoid it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Competiveness amongst subs - 11/9/2006 3:51:41 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
i still have yet to spend any real time around other male subs, and am not competitive by nature... is this competitveness and infighting and vindictiveness primarily a feminine trait amongs subs? do boy subs also act this way, or do they suppress that competitive instinct that most men have as part of being a sub?


I have found that competitiveness varies widely by individual among male submissives. 
 
Currently, I am seeking only one sub, but have owned multiple subs at the same time in the past.  Some of them didn't seem to mind at all and accepted it as My choice and their fate.  In a way, I think it turned some of them on to be in this situation.  Others expressed that they would have preferred to be the only sub, but were basically okay with there being others.  One willingly entered a multiple sub situation but didn't like it at all and clearly said so, yet chose to remain in the relationship for over a year.  This one was very competitive and would have been a real trouble-make if I had not kept him in line constantly.  Fortunately for him, he had compensating qualties that made him with the effort, or I would have gotten rid of him much sooner.  I met another Domme who owned him after I did and found out that he felt very competitive with her female sub and tried to stir up trouble with her also.  With the very last sub I owned, he was the only one and stated that he would have taken a hike if any other subs were brought in.
 
So I would say I have experienced the whole spectrum.
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Competiveness amongst subs - 11/9/2006 9:57:00 PM   
farmbound1


Posts: 46
Joined: 7/29/2006
Status: offline 		i'm not really competitive, don't need to be the only slave or sub, but one thing i don't want to do is to be an alpha sub.  if there are other subs in the household, i prefer to be at the bottom of the heap (so to speak).  i don't care if the subs are male or female or both, the same with the dominant.  I feel submission is submission whether to a man or a woman.  whatever the Master says, goes.

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 12
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