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RE: attitude adjustments - 11/10/2006 8:51:48 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Masters knows when i am PMSing and thus a little more cranky then normal.  I guess we are not talking about PMS though.  One day i was just in a mood and i told Master when he came over i was in a mood and i really needed a hug.  he gave me hugs and kisses and my mood was changed to a much better one.  I think much of it stemmes form just wanting attention.  Even though my Master gives me a lot of attention.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: attitude adjustments - 11/10/2006 11:27:24 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Littleone I know that feeling. Sometimes Im feeling sad of cranky just because I need Master to huggle me some. I always feel much better after he does... What I love doing and always makes me feel better is snuggling with my ear against his chest listening to his heart, it calms me down makes me feel peacefull inside!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: attitude adjustments - 11/13/2006 9:10:11 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43
He would rather slow down and allow me to come along at a speed I can handle then push me too far and break the relationship. Would your dom?

Likely no.  Burnin has had numerous issues with this dom, this is just a recent manifestation.


LA, you are correct.  But, the answer isn't so simple - or, perhaps it is... I'm trying to figure it out. 

I truely love this man - on many levels.  But, I cannot count on a future with him. I think we are destined to part ... it breaks my heart.  The closer we become, the more we both see this must happen - not because we don't get along, but because we want the best for one another.  For all here - he is a wonderful man.  I just need more than he can give - like a future together.  He is a pain in the ass, but a perfect gentleman too.  He has a heart of gold.  I adore Him.    

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: attitude adjustments - 11/15/2006 10:42:24 AM   
princessrn


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne

When my sub gets in the door after a day at work, I require her to relax and not speak for at least 20 minutes.  She may watch TV, read, meditate, etc. as long as she doesn't do something she needs to do.  This is her "down time."  She then presents to me and I rub/scratch her back before putting her collar on.  This seems to help her make the transition from her work day and definitely puts her in a submissive mode.
i read this and thought wow  what a careing lovely person You are

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: attitude adjustments - 12/1/2006 6:11:08 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: princessrn

quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne

When my sub gets in the door after a day at work, I require her to relax and not speak for at least 20 minutes.  She may watch TV, read, meditate, etc. as long as she doesn't do something she needs to do.  This is her "down time."  She then presents to me and I rub/scratch her back before putting her collar on.  This seems to help her make the transition from her work day and definitely puts her in a submissive mode.
i read this and thought wow  what a careing lovely person You are

Thanx but I require much in exchange and can be quite relentless when the situation calls for me to be.  I do care about the needs of  my sub and take my responsibilities seriously.  My sub has adult ADHD and though on medication, has a demanding job.  Previously, she struggled quite overtly to settle down when she first came in the door; her eyes large like dinner plates, fretfully beginning one task before you completed the first, things she felt she must do (in her own mind) immediately. Being more laid back in that respect, it was virtually making me crazy and put me in a difficult mind space as well.  I strive for the win/win resolutions first, and if there is no compromise available. its always my way.

(in reply to princessrn)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: attitude adjustments - 12/1/2006 7:15:10 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		I've sorta been there girls.. After ages of *not* saying anything and things going down the drain, you do learn to speak up.  Luckily for me, my Dom knows me pretty well and i have a variety of ways of telling him something.  The better your Dom's get to know you, the better they'll be able to see your attempts at communication.  Though it doesnt always go that easy.  I've gotten really good at saying "hey i need this"  Last night, instead of saying "hey i feel like shit and i need you to be there" i broke down and cried on the phone about not being able to figure out what specific thing he wanted for his birthday.  While i was able to list why i felt like shit i wasnt able to say "hey its been a rough week, i need some extra love"  My Dom understood it for what it was and is taking steps accordingly to help me get through this tough week. 

::sigh:: i still feel like shit and i dunno if i'm making sense.  I'm trying to make the point of any communication is better then none.  There are several ways to attempt communication.  Generally once a Dom sees you are trying to communicate they'll jump in and help you get through the rest of it.  If they know you well enough, they might be able to interpret your clues.  When it comes down to it - sometimes you just have to speak up.  If you dont communicate - things will go down the tubes.  Its okay to have needs and wants and its okay to broadcast them to your Dom. 

If you think about it - you are actually serving your Dom when you broadcast your needs and when you communicate.  They are rendered useless if they havent a clue what you need or what is going on.  So if you dont let them know, you are actually doing a disservice to them.



(in reply to LeatherBentOne)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: attitude adjustments - 12/1/2006 3:10:01 PM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		If you think about it - you are actually serving your Dom when you broadcast your needs and when you communicate.  They are rendered useless if they havent a clue what you need or what is going on.  So if you dont let them know, you are actually doing a disservice to them.


i can't agree more with this statement.  but i see a common comment from subs that they have trouble with this (as do i).  why is this? is it something about our submissive personality that keeps us from speaking up?  i never had a problem in our vanilla relationship but in the D/s dynamic i do.  why??????

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: attitude adjustments - 12/1/2006 3:14:37 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa
i can't agree more with this statement.  but i see a common comment from subs that they have trouble with this (as do i).  why is this? is it something about our submissive personality that keeps us from speaking up?  i never had a problem in our vanilla relationship but in the D/s dynamic i do.  why??????

It's the people pleasing aspect- we hate to think we're "burdening" people with our issues, specially the ones we've committed to pleasing!

It's the perfectionist aspect- we hate to admit we're "not right and need help."

It's the vulnerability aspect- it's HARD to just open up and admit what's really going on.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: attitude adjustments - 12/1/2006 5:01:38 PM   
lighthearted


Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		babysburnin,

I feel for you, I have been in the same position before.  I know how difficult it is once you realize what the future holds, and despite how badly you want things to change, you know the other person isn't capable.

good luck to you.

(in reply to babysburnin)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: attitude adjustments - 12/1/2006 5:34:03 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa
...i'm sure i'm not the only one who (on occasion) doesn't want to fulfill their 'duties' as a submissive...any ideas?


if this slave ever felt, for any reason, that she didn't want to fulfill her duties she would most definitely 
a) seek Master's guidance
and/or
b) beg release

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: attitude adjustments - 12/1/2006 6:07:23 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

i can't agree more with this statement.  but i see a common comment from subs that they have trouble with this (as do i).  why is this? is it something about our submissive personality that keeps us from speaking up?  i never had a problem in our vanilla relationship but in the D/s dynamic i do.  why??????


Or...only the submissives who can relate to this issue are writing.  I did not write because while at times there may be something he wants of me that I am not enthusiastic about doing, I could not relate to your OP of not wanting to fulfill my duties.  My Master knows full well which things are difficult on me and which things I may not enjoy, because I tell him everything about everything.  But I do them because when he instructs me to do them, then that must mean he wants me to go through that particular situation for his own reasons.  Most of my challenges are from the mental/emotional exercises he pushes me through. They are not always pleasant, lol.

A submissive/slave can not communicate upward enough.  If someone is feeling less than enthusiastic about serving, that needs to be communicated as soon as possible.

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: attitude adjustments - 12/1/2006 8:50:47 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
A submissive/slave can not communicate upward enough.  If someone is feeling less than enthusiastic about serving, that needs to be communicated as soon as possible.

I took as more of the times when I needed to study for a big exam, but I was just tired and frustrated and it all seemed "too much" to do.  I didn't want to study for the exam, even though I knew it was the right thing to do and was "really what I DID want."

It's a confusing, frustrating, tiring place.  I'm glad Subsa was able to communicate through it, get better and learn a GOOD method to get through that frustration.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: attitude adjustments - 12/1/2006 9:07:19 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
A submissive/slave can not communicate upward enough.  If someone is feeling less than enthusiastic about serving, that needs to be communicated as soon as possible.

I took as more of the times when I needed to study for a big exam, but I was just tired and frustrated and it all seemed "too much" to do.  I didn't want to study for the exam, even though I knew it was the right thing to do and was "really what I DID want."

Okay, on a re-read, I can see where she may have meant that.  Even still, when I have those tired and frustrated moments within that bigger picture of what I do want, I do communicate that upward.   He should always know where my head is.  He can make informed decisions that way. If I am tired and frustrated but whistling happily because I don't want to burden or upset him, he might pile more on me and then not understand when I crumble.

quote:


It's a confusing, frustrating, tiring place.  I'm glad Subsa was able to communicate through it, get better and learn a GOOD method to get through that frustration.

Agreed, and I know early on in my relationship with my Master, there were times I was so tired I wanted to throw my arms up and scream "I GIVE UP!!!"  I have had those moods.  Even after I worked through them, I did let him know about them, as my pattern was always - have a mood, work through it, all is good, oops - another mood only a little bigger than last time cuz now I'm remembering the last time too, whew - worked through it, it's all good again....omg THIS mood is even BIGGER since I'm carrying all those past moods as resentments now....and so on. 

Gotta communicate all of it, no matter how small, even if you worked through it.  At least for me, that was a must.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: attitude adjustments - 12/1/2006 10:52:22 PM   
timeoutgurlie


Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		I've battled depression/mood disorders for most of my life, past traumatic events caused them, and everyone in my life that is close to me knows my issues and accepts the ways they effect me.

This means I'll feel badly about not being able to fulfill something I would otherwise do were I not having a bad day, but at the same time I've learned carrying tremendous guilt only makes matters worse and I need to cope with the fact I can't be everything to everyone all the time.

I think that same sentiment stands for every individual, regardless of whether they are a submissive or not.  There will be times in life for bad days, for absolutely everyone, and nobody should feel like a failure when they happen.

Maybe I just got extremely lucky to be surrounded by people who care for/love me enough to understand that, but I couldn't have it any other way.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: attitude adjustments - 12/1/2006 11:02:03 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa
i can't agree more with this statement.  but i see a common comment from subs that they have trouble with this (as do i).  why is this? is it something about our submissive personality that keeps us from speaking up?  i never had a problem in our vanilla relationship but in the D/s dynamic i do.  why??????


I know that a big part of why Angel has problems communicating certain things to me is that he is worried that he is going to upset me by not wanting to do what I want. There are things in a new relationship that need to be communicated, and without that communication, nothing is learned. He and I are still learning about one another, still discovering limits and pleasures. Until he is comfortable communicating upward, whether or not its necessarily something I wil want to hear, we are going to stalemate. He is getting better about it, it is not an easy thing to overcome.  As a sub or a slave, your main focus is pleasing your owner/master. There are things you might have to communicate that eont be pleasing, but you have to learn to do so in order for the relationship to be functional.

Not always simple, but always necessary.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: attitude adjustments - 12/2/2006 8:25:49 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth


if this slave ever felt, for any reason, that she didn't want to fulfill her duties she would most definitely 
a) seek Master's guidance
and/or
b) beg release


Obviously you've never had a root canal done.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 36
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