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Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 5:45:26 PM

pattiann

Posts: 48
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline

I have been chatting with One online for a month and on the phone. We have both been open about family and lives and are getting close to meeting.
I don't know how to verify that he is who he says he is, ie: widowed, business and home owner, etc. I was instructed to offer my webcam whenever we chat, so I feel that any question of my identity has been answered. I am also able to be "googled". He says he only uses a cell phone and doesn't have a home phone and that is one reason why he can't be located on the internet. I have chatted with and seen a picture of a friend of his, but this, too, can be fake.
What can I ask for as proof?
PattiAnn (for some reason, my profile has been turned off)

Post #: 1

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 5:59:13 PM

sharainks

Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline

To me the fact that you are asking speaks volumes. Is he not willing to webcam back though he wants to see yours? Something about this smells fishy to me. I'd take considerably more time than this before meeting him. You have every right to ask questions about things that will allow you to both feel safe and be safe.

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 2

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 5:59:47 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

If he is a business owner ask if he has a website for his business, usually there is a phone number and business address on the site.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 11/9/2006 6:00:08 PM >

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(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 3

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 6:24:09 PM

gardenia100

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline

You are doing the right thing, question. The ones I have found to be true and not just out for what they can get, are open about who and what they are. From what you have said its a very one sided relationship, you give he takes. From truly honest people looking for something more are as open with you as you are with them. Home numbers, cell numbers, work numbers, also have learned to require those before a first meeting. Just safety measures. I offer openness and truefulness and expect the same in return. Then again we are all looking for something different.
Guess you need to decide what you want and willing to accept. By you being here and even asking what we think, your also thinking somethings not as good as it seems. Some Doms/Masters like to do that, but not a thing I'm personally into, to many users and abusers out there, and I refuse to end up someones statistic.
Just my opinion...

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 4

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 6:25:35 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

This line of his sounds like bullshit, but...

Meet him in a public place and say something like "Let's exchange driver's licenses. I'll show you mine and you show me yours." If he's not ready to do that, I don't think your suspicions are ever going to be allayed about him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pattiann

He says he only uses a cell phone and doesn't have a home phone and that is one reason why he can't be located on the internet.

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 5

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 6:36:40 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Take a cab to the first meeting and make sure the cabbie doesn't share info later by taking the cab to a location where several cars are. Don't go to your immediately but make sure you are safe. LOL police station parking lots are great places to leave the car. This way if you feel like he isn't ok there is no problem.

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(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 6

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 6:56:52 PM

empresschaos

Posts: 84
Joined: 10/23/2005
Status: offline

I think it's more important to be safe than submissive in this case. If he's for real, and he's really worth your time, he'll happily cough up some proof. Eeeeeeverybody has some way of proving themselves in this day and age, home phone or no. The idea about his business site is a great idea. Even if he doesn't have a site, you'd be able to find his business in Yellow Pages.com or similar. For all its magic ability to bring together niches, the internet is still a scaaary place to find love. Protect yourself until you KNOW (as in, have rock solid proof) that he'll protect you. Good Luck!

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 7

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 8:50:40 PM

pattiann

Posts: 48
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline

I like the driver's license thing. Unfortunately, we live about 4 hrs apart. Just a quick side note, He said that he will fly down in about 2 week (after deer season). That is one of the questions I had, because he owns his own plane.
Thanks

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 8

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 8:59:37 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I am dead against the sharing of drivers licenses, becasue they have your home address and otehr information on them that I dont think Id want someone to have until I was ready to give it to them.
There are many other ways of proving your identity, and doing so at work is the best way. I know that I have never had a problem giving someone my work number and allowing them to call me there, if they wanted to verify. Since I work in a store, Ive even told them they were welcome to come shop at my store before we met, so they could see ina safe venue. Not everyone has that sort of arrangement.
Id say at th every least you need to get him on webcam before you meet face to face. Though, a VERY public first meet might be safe enough as long as you coe and go on your own.

DV

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VampiresLair

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 9

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 9:00:08 PM

MzTlaz

Posts: 140
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

Ok....people with nothing to hide, hide nothing!!!! In my experience anyone not wanting to ease your mind with actual proof is probably not going to be very genuine. What you've said about him so far has all my alarm bells going off...be very, very careful!

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 10

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 9:03:26 PM

WantFemSubLover

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pattiann

I have been chatting with One online for a month and on the phone. We have both been open about family and lives and are getting close to meeting.
I don't know how to verify that he is who he says he is, ie: widowed, business and home owner, etc. I was instructed to offer my webcam whenever we chat, so I feel that any question of my identity has been answered. I am also able to be "googled". He says he only uses a cell phone and doesn't have a home phone and that is one reason why he can't be located on the internet. I have chatted with and seen a picture of a friend of his, but this, too, can be fake.
What can I ask for as proof?
PattiAnn (for some reason, my profile has been turned off)

You webcam he doesn't, cell phone no home phone, picture of friend....WOW WOW AND WOW!!!!
What about any of this has not set off your red flags???

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 11

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 9:11:23 PM

WantFemSubLover

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline

I have sent my driver's license in emails to prospectives to show my sincerity. As for the information on it...I black out my license number. I want them to know my name and address if I am expecting them to come and meet me so they can give the info to their safe call...not that they need to worry about me. Now if they are some psycho crazy when they come to my home I have protection so I am not harmed. If he is sincere and not some whacko or married moron then he will send you proof after he has webcammed for you to see him. Just my opinion and way of doing things. Good luck but please be very, very careful.

(in reply to WantFemSubLover)

Post #: 12

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 9:18:07 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear pattiann, Ladies and Gentlemen;

With the age of identity theives about, it is difficult for anybody to just give a stranger their driver's license or some other identity.

I've seen men and women, dominant and submissive sorts, regret giving their real identity. We all are prone to being victims of stalkers, nut cases and yes, even identification can be false and such.

I've always been grateful, when I meet a stranger; its at The Crucible or in a public place. If the person has a credit card and paying for the meal, I give them an E-mail screen name and tell them to hold that information for a while, until I contact them and I'm ok. Its in the hands of different and authorized people having a service transaction.
You can tape over the driver's license number and address, leaving the first name, date of birth exposed.

I'll also mention, that some of us just cannot really risk being exposed at this point and time in our lives. In the Master-slave conference in Washington, DC; a presenter told the audience that we (in general) need to look out for ourselves and follow our gut and do what is right for yourself.

As for me, I'm reliant on my gut instinct. If I'm that nervous, I meet people at The Crucible, a BDSM club in the city of DC.

As for flying a plane in, he allegedly said that he was flying it in pattiann? FAA will have that plane registered and has to have a license to fly. Airports will have records also. So, if he lands somewhere, jot the plane's tail number and you'll have his identity.

With camera phones, you can shoot off a picture of the vehicle he's driving and send it to your contact source/buddy list. If something happens--they'll find out who it is. Before the tech age, the good ole pencil and paper, write information and send it to yourself at a mailbox routine often kept people on their toes--once out of your hands, they can't get it--so you better come home alive. [Chuckles]

I'll also mention at any service firm, such as Denny's Food place, hotel/motels, if you mention that you're meeting a stranger, they're very good about making sure you're alive. When I'm done, I let them know I'm ok and departing their premise. So--if there is a will, there is a way to be safe.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 13

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 9:29:59 PM

cabernet

Posts: 40
Joined: 4/10/2004
Status: offline

You said that he only has a cell phone. Do you know the number? Has he told you that you can call him any time? Or only at certain times, or if you have online permission first. If it's the latter, then that is a HUGE red flag. I don't put much weight on being able to Google someone because I know lots of people for whom nothing comes up if I do a search on them. I do have to say that the fact that he doesn't use a webcam sounds a bit fishy, but I also have to say that I have chatted with men who went on their webcams and they can be just as deceiving as those who haven't.

Pay attention to your gut feelings, they are usually right. And DON'T send anyone your driver's license.

(in reply to WantFemSubLover)

Post #: 14

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/9/2006 10:32:36 PM

Mikal

Posts: 3673
Status: offline

If you have his first and last name, do a police check on him. It might cost you a little money, but if you're nervous... it's money well spent imo. Also, who has their own plane, but no webcam (or friend with a webcam) and no landline? Why can't he go to a internet cafe and use the webcam there? I'm assuming you use MSN or something similar, so it's no threat to him if someone looks over his shoulder.

If you don't have his first & last name by now, I'd RUN!!!

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(in reply to cabernet)

Post #: 15

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/10/2006 12:18:12 AM

WishkaWriter

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline

Sorry to say, but this also raises HUGE red flags for me. No last name, no landline phone, no webcam while having you get on yours? This sounds like something I would walk away from.

(in reply to Mikal)

Post #: 16

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/10/2006 12:25:31 AM

ChaOz

Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pattiann

I have been chatting with One online for a month and on the phone. We have both been open about family and lives and are getting close to meeting.
I don't know how to verify that he is who he says he is, ie: widowed, business and home owner, etc. I was instructed to offer my webcam whenever we chat, so I feel that any question of my identity has been answered. I am also able to be "googled". He says he only uses a cell phone and doesn't have a home phone and that is one reason why he can't be located on the internet. I have chatted with and seen a picture of a friend of his, but this, too, can be fake.
What can I ask for as proof?
PattiAnn (for some reason, my profile has been turned off)

I wouldnt ask for documentation as it can be faked and I generally wouldnt give any personal ID documents or scanned copies over the internet even if asked. You've talked so you know he is male, next step would be to meet in real life. Just wait two weeks until your due to meet and minimise contact until then.

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 17

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/10/2006 12:25:43 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

When I met my Daddy he had me give his license number off his car, his drivers license number and look at his car registration before we spent anytime alone together. He also lived over 5 hours from me at that time. I gave this info to two separate people at his insistence. I would not meet anyone without a landline, and when he called my landline from his landline, his name came up on my caller ID

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/10/2006 12:26:29 AM >

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(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 18

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/10/2006 1:31:48 AM

MzMinx

Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

not haveing a landline at home isnt always an issue ,,,,, I dont have one ... both my phone and my internet conection are both mobile (cellular) conections

but I would be surprised at a business (that generates enough income to buy your own plane ) doesnt have them ...

He might believe he is at risk in giving out such ... afterall its much harder to change business numbers if things go pearshaped ..... but it seems not so great if he expects to get more things from you than he gives ....

Have you asked him for verifiable information? ... Its one thing not to have specific things such as a land line ... its different to not be willing to share something else ...

Although I do not give out such on a first meeting .... I only meet people for coffee in public places ... and then take things from there ..... ( I choose the place and I follow all sorts of things to keep me as safe as possable, such as not taking my car.... arriveing before them ... leaving before them ... etc )

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 19

RE: Asking for proof of identity...respectfully - 11/10/2006 5:10:58 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

You don't need to exchange any info because you aren't going to be meeting. If you do meet for coffee, all you need to do is say you'll wear a red shirt and have him say he'll wear a blue one or some such.

However if all he will give you is a cell phone number, then that's all you should give him. If you're using a cam, then he should also. Until such time as you know him well enough to accept him as your dom, then he has no right to demand things he won't do.

(in reply to MzMinx)

Post #: 20

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