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RE: Very Sad - 11/10/2006 10:49:49 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		That's very true and that had a very big influence on the way they all turned out, in a positive way.
They appreciate small things more than their peers, they quest for incredibly little materially and they KNOW that all *upsets* WILL pass. It's made them quite strong individuals. Also, all four of them are the one that their friends turn to.

The two little-ones used to have re-occuring nightmares about Mummy or Daddy dying, so basically, their *worst nightmare* came true.

I don't think that things *happen for a purpose* or anything like that......It's just a matter of fact....but I do think that a positive aspect can be found to most tragedies.

Regards, agirl





(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Very Sad - 11/10/2006 1:34:33 PM   
MasterKalif


Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline 		juliaoceania and others, I am sorry for your loss....all I can say from my very limited experience (of having someone close to me die) and seems feckle compared to what everyone has mentioned...was that when my grandmother died (I was very close to her and I was already an adult)...she passed away suddenly (she was in very good health and didn't even need a cane) and I had seen her on vacation a month and a half before she passed away....I was haunted for a long time when I last saw her, unusual for me (because I always did it) I gave her a quick hug and told her I would see her soon...its something that bothered me for a long time, even giving me nightmares...I don't know maybe I am over sensitive. In any case....what really helped me was that everyone was in it together with me, and we consoled each other...it was a time that brought everyone in the family together...and the funeral also helped me.... to accept my loss I guess is the only way to put it. Its helped me to be around people, talking about her, what she did, what she liked, what she would have said or thought....the support link is very important. So be sure to spend time with your son, talk to him, take him out for a hot chocolate, something nice and warm.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Very Sad - 11/10/2006 7:18:31 PM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		My condolences for your son's loss. And I agree, there is no handbook that explains exactly what we should say at times of grief.  From the way I have read you talk about your son in the past on here it sounds like you both have a close bond and an honest one.  Let him know that you are unsure of how to best support him at the moment, let him know that if he wants to talk, cry, scream or stay silent, that you will be around. Let him make his own choice about attending the funeral, see if he can add something such as a piece of prose to say during the service, give him a special notebook to write down anything he wants in that is his and his alone, talk about his friend, smile through your tears and remember the person he was.  Let your son see your own sadness, show him that it is ok to cry.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Very Sad - 11/10/2006 7:50:30 PM   
sissifytoserve


Posts: 1016
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

quote:

ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


Yes it does put things in perspective quite a bit

Im sorry for your loss sissify.


It made me think..this is true.

I think my brother is more shook up over it than I am.

He just talked to him 15 minutes before it happened...and was friends with him...
at work anyway.



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sissifytoserve:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
thompson




Thanks Thompson...But I was in the Navy....not the USMC.

So thanks to you Devil Dog...and Semper Fidelity (Always faithful)

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(in reply to thompsonx)
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RE: Very Sad - 11/10/2006 7:59:54 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		The only thing I can suggest is do not FORCE him to express how he feels.  WAIT for him to do it.
When I lost my close friend, his wife and my 2 godsons, everyone wanted me to "show how I felt" and to make sure I didnt bottle everything up.  I wasnt ready to let it all out just yet.  No one understood how hard it was to come to terms with how I felt and figue out what I needed to do to feel better. The emotions came eventually, but the more people pushed me to feel them, the farther away from them I moved.  Let him know you are there, and will be there when he is needs you, but let him have the time he might need.  In all probability he doesnt even know how he feels right yet, becasue the first time you lose someone, there are too many things to sort out before you can even understand what hurts and why.
Make sure, though, that he has the chance to say goodbye, at the memorial or if he need s to go later. 

DV

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(in reply to sissifytoserve)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Very Sad - 11/10/2006 8:17:59 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		     Ultimately, he is going to have to find his own terms to deal with this.  Encourage him to participate in some memorial activities with the others close to the loss, building a cross (or other marker) to place at the scene for example.

    Give him what comfort you can, but give him space as well. 

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Very Sad - 11/10/2006 8:21:13 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

     Give him what comfort you can, but give him space as well. 

This was important when my nephew lost two teenage friends in a car accident.  There can be such a desire to want to reach out and constantly comfort, when all he really wanted was some space to process it.

Julia: I am sorry for your son's loss.

(in reply to WyrdRich)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Very Sad - 11/10/2006 10:00:21 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

    Ultimately, he is going to have to find his own terms to deal with this.  Encourage him to participate in some memorial activities with the others close to the loss, building a cross (or other marker) to place at the scene for example.

   Give him what comfort you can, but give him space as well. 


I went online to see about flowers to be sent and found out her family have a scholarship fund for her, so I will donate a sum in her name when I get my tax refund backj in my son's name. He seemed to really like that idea.

quote:

This was important when my nephew lost two teenage friends in a car accident.  There can be such a desire to want to reach out and constantly comfort, when all he really wanted was some space to process it.

Julia: I am sorry for your son's loss.


Probably some good advice. He spent the day with a couple of other kids that were close to her also, I think they need each other to process it too.

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(in reply to WyrdRich)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Very Sad - 11/10/2006 11:09:46 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I'm sorry to hear of this sad news.
I'm terrible at talking to people about loss, and find it difficult to make sense out of it oftentimes...  So I try to preach (to my family) regularly on the importance of being kind to people (especially friends/family) while living.   M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 11/10/2006 11:10:13 PM >

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(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Very Sad - 11/11/2006 5:58:58 AM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		It sounds like you are doing all you can julia, and have this pretty well thought out.
 
Bad events are hard to deal with .. but the sun always seems to rise in the morning.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Very Sad - 11/11/2006 8:07:11 AM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline 		Juliaoceania:

Just some more support and caring for the sadness of loss - for you, your son, his friend's family- all.

humbly, fawne 

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 31
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