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people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 11:53:43 AM

Darthbetta

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline

I have been "around" long enough to know this lifestyle is where I am and where I belong.

What do we do about people who are NOT good for the name of BDSM ?

What about people who think BDSM and BDSM websites are just an easy way to fuck chicks and tie people up ( and fuck them again) and to gag them, (and fuck them somemore) then laugh about it later after their "sexperience"?

to quote a friend in IM.. "some person who is chickenshit to be quoted : it's as if they are striking out vanilla so they'll decide to be a sub or a Dom. I so badly want to get up on the desk in front of the class and yell "My God People, what the fuck are you thinking?!?"

I agree.
ARE THEY THINKING ?

and if they are, what does that make those of us who are in this for more than just a kinky fuck ?

the "players " tend to weed themselves out after a while, and loose gumption and through disinterest tend to faze out. Then again, some just can't take the hint and facts laid out infront of them...

ps... this may sting a bit to a few people......

NO ONE WANTS YOU. GO AWAY.

RANT OVER.

< Message edited by Darthbetta -- 2/7/2005 12:00:21 PM >

_____________________________

Some of us have an inane knack for calling people on their Bullshit... I just choose to retort with bitter dry Sarcasm, and occasionaly it sinks in. Mostly, I just look like an ass.

Post #: 1

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 12:08:22 PM

roughleather

Posts: 232
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline

What about people who post pictures of themselves with a bucket over their head?

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 2

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 12:09:08 PM

panthergoddess

Posts: 93
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: Bessemer City, NC USA
Status: offline

Stands up and gives a hardy applause to that rant!!!

There seems to be a huge influx of those people (although i'm sure most of you that have been on this particular site could lable me as one of the many that landed in the influx, but I am not one of "them thar 'nilla peeps" lol sorry...the accent comes out when I'm upset) who are as Lily indicated...struck out in the 'nilla world and are trying to make it here. Just wanting to exorcize their kinks but have no clue of the real joys this lifestyle can bring.

_____________________________

"No good deed goes unpunished."

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 3

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 12:09:48 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darthbetta

What about people who think BDSM and BDSM websites are just an easy way to fuck chicks and tie people up ( and fuck them again) and to gag them, (and fuck them somemore) then laugh about it later after their "sexperience"?

I don't see what's wrong with this, nor what about it is detrimental to "bdsm" as a whole. It's one facet. Sure, it's a facet that lacks the emotional depth many on here prefer, but that doesn't make it a bad thing.

Similarly, what is -wrong- with people who just like a kinky fuck? What is so bad about individuals who just like to spank their lovers on occation? I consider that to be BDSM in that it's definatly the bondage and discipline part.

I don't quite get why everyone needs to have the emotional bits in order to be non-detrimental. It's not what -you- are looking for. It doesn't mean it's not what everyone is looking for.

BDSM is NOT all about deep service relationships. it isn't all about individuals giving themselves up to others, nor about someone taking control of someone else's life.

It's -also- about tying up your girlfriend/boyfriend and beating him/her. It's about getting turned on by wearing latex, or heels, or a collar. It's about liking the sensation of getting hit, or kneeling, or beating someone.

Someone who is just into the sensations does not degrade or reduce BDSM for those of us who are interested in the emotional connection. It just expresses a different facet.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 4

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 12:11:11 PM

panthergoddess

Posts: 93
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: Bessemer City, NC USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: roughleather

What about people who post pictures of themselves with a bucket over their head?

LMAO...good question but....well I kind of dig it. the mystery and the "I don't take myself too aweful seriously" ness about it look.

_____________________________

"No good deed goes unpunished."

(in reply to roughleather)

Post #: 5

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 12:12:46 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

some person who is chickenshit to be quoted

Ok, I said it, I cop to it, I let the thought move down my nerve pathways from my brain to my fingers and I actually did say this.

I just didn't think I was going to say this to the boards. However, I do actually feel this way.

Lily (who's friendship with the bucketed one is in serious jeopardy ~grin~)

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 6

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 12:29:04 PM

Darthbetta

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline

LOL....

lilly gotz ballz !

nah yer OK in my book there lady ;)

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 7

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 12:30:34 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

Personally, I don't have a problem picking out those who are knowledgable and serious from those are just into "trying something kinky".
Isn't that why it makes sense to get to know people first before agreeing to play with them...so you can weed out the people who aren't on your wavelength?
To each their own, I just excercise my right to say, "No thanks, have a nice day."
Being submissive doesn't mean I'm a helpless victim to anyone...except perhaps some wonderful man I chose to be "victim" to...Wherever he may be hiding at the moment...::laughing::

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 8

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 12:47:34 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

M. Lily-

Say it loud, say it proud, sister!

Amen!

actually, there is a subset of the people I know that are just in this for the kinky, that don't get my johnson in a knot. They are pretty much upfront that it's just the kinky sex that drives them, they cop to it, and don't suddenly shift intensity/role/persona/gender/whatever when a different prospect appears.

Hmmph. come to think of it, that is just the thing I find in those I count as friends, scene or no scene. A certain solidity-of-self, a feeling of 'realness' in their presentation.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 9

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 12:53:02 PM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darthbetta

I have been "around" long enough to know this lifestyle is where I am and where I belong.

What do we do about people who are NOT good for the name of BDSM ?

What about people who think BDSM and BDSM websites are just an easy way to fuck chicks and tie people up ( and fuck them again) and to gag them, (and fuck them somemore) then laugh about it later after their "sexperience"?

to quote a friend in IM.. "some person who is chickenshit to be quoted : it's as if they are striking out vanilla so they'll decide to be a sub or a Dom. I so badly want to get up on the desk in front of the class and yell "My God People, what the fuck are you thinking?!?"

I agree.
ARE THEY THINKING ?

and if they are, what does that make those of us who are in this for more than just a kinky fuck ?

the "players " tend to weed themselves out after a while, and loose gumption and through disinterest tend to faze out. Then again, some just can't take the hint and facts laid out infront of them...

ps... this may sting a bit to a few people......

NO ONE WANTS YOU. GO AWAY.

RANT OVER.

After several years in the r/t lifestyle the flogNfuckers are easy to spot, they generally contact me asking if I like young guys and we should get together for some fun (translation - sex). They know nothing about BDSM, but are determined I will teach them when we get together for "fun" (again, translation - sex). They ask what I am into so I send them this picture.

Well Geez louweeze, they asked! *lol*

** image deleted due to TOS violation**

Ok, so verbal description of pic - it is the backside of my roomie/playpartner showing a bruised bum & thighs, usually makes the flogNfucks run for the hills. Apparently it is a bit too graphic & squicky for the site. I understand, but boy howdy my play partner LOVES his marks!

< Message edited by LadyShoshin -- 2/7/2005 1:24:46 PM >

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 10

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 12:56:03 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

Help!! Ever since i read the title to this thread i've had that dang song running through my head "should I stay or should I go" grrrrrrrr

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 11

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 12:57:13 PM

match2u

Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

of course they are players here - like everywhere too

but at least imo where should be the line to define thats nilla and thats bdsm?

just cause someone enjoys only being tied up makes she/him neither sub/slave nor Dom/Master better either worser

there exist a lot of threads here on the forum to put a label on...

at least its unique

and its a question of compatibility in the end

i have always seen in that lifestyle the freedom to be what You are...
without a label of wrong/ right - bad/ good.. etc....

but may i am wrong??

hug

petra

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 12

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 1:01:23 PM

sting516

Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline

one of the more disturbing things i've found during my years associated with bdsm has been the lack of tolerance for what others are into, if it doesn't coincide with what we think of as (ycch, here comes the word) 'true' submission or dominance.

for a group of people who wish for many of the vanillas to tolerate WIITWD, i'm always astounded that many of these same people have no tolerance for those who might just be in it for the kinky sex...most of those profiles make it evident that the person is a player...take the time to read it...or are you the only person who gets to seek for what you want?

my two minutes are up,

sting

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 13

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 1:10:15 PM

Darthbetta

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline

I completely agree about the lack of "tolerance", but some kinks are just "wrong".

oh, and PS: took off the bucket....

better now ?

_____________________________

Some of us have an inane knack for calling people on their Bullshit... I just choose to retort with bitter dry Sarcasm, and occasionaly it sinks in. Mostly, I just look like an ass.

(in reply to sting516)

Post #: 14

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 1:21:21 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I agree yet at the same time I do not agree.
People judge other's all of the time. We've all been judged more than we know.

What about the people who go from person to person without any regard for safety in a purely sexual sense? Should those people be banned from having sex because they are reckless?

I've got certain people within my group. Who are not subs nor doms but tops and bottoms. They can and will play with anyone willing to hold a paddle at a party. I've even seen these same people screwing people in the jacuzzi...only to walk back into the house an hour later and see them doing someone else.

We have to have our own morals. While we may not like others choices, what in society can we really do about it?
If you start trying to take matters to the extreme it is not them you punish but yourself.
Take a look at the other recent threads here on collarme. The one's trying to state this is the definitions for these terms. The one true way of BDSM and this is what it means to me...and oh by the way you are'nt allowed to have your own views because they don't agree with mine. Type of thread's.
Exactly how do we view those people?
There is nothing we can do. We do not have the right to ask certain people to withdraw from the human race.

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 15

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 2:39:12 PM

Shayna

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

oh, and PS: took off the bucket....

better now ?

HAHAHA!

As to the topic, I found out recently how fast a "thinks he's a subbie" runs for the hills: I talked to him about orgasm denial and he said "you mean I can't jerk off whenever I want to??"

Sigh.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 16

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 3:05:42 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

one of the more disturbing things i've found during my years associated with bdsm has been the lack of tolerance for what others are into, if it doesn't coincide with what we think of as (ycch, here comes the word) 'true' submission or dominance.

for a group of people who wish for many of the vanillas to tolerate WIITWD, i'm always astounded that many of these same people have no tolerance for those who might just be in it for the kinky sex...most of those profiles make it evident that the person is a player...take the time to read it...or are you the only person who gets to seek for what you want?

my two minutes are up,

sting

Sting, my private comments to the one now sans bucket had nothing to do with a particular kink or BDSM practice. My problem is with some attitudes. What they had to do with (which were in context at the time and now cause me to freakin have to explain myself ~rolls her eyes and grins~) were mitigated by the fact that I've felt lately that there's an attitude of "hey, kink sounds cool, I should try this." Now, that in and of itself is not a problem.

What I find problematic is this idea that people show up here, drop an intro that basically says "Ok, this looks (insert adjective here) and I'd like to try it. I'm new, so please spoon feed me all the basics so I can go find a Dom/me or sub and be 'lifestyle'.

I don't mind helping someone out. What I do mind is being expected to be the Albert Schweizer of kink and lay out the compendeum here.

What I don't think people who are new realize is, this isn't easy. This isn't something that I came to and immediately found a partner and the situation of my dreams. There have been, and remain sacrifices that I make because I'm not wired for vanilla. I literally live 2 lives. Was I afraid to go seek out my local scene? You freakin bet! But, I did it. I didn't stand around with a sign around my neck saying "I"m new, will bottom for food." I took a chance, and trusted that the thoughts and feelings I had were best addressed in a realm other than the one (vanilla) I was trying to operate in.

This isn't for everyone. BDSM isn't a singles bar. And my frustration is manifested from the fact that I find it inherently disrespected by those who treat this as a place to come for an easy lay.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to sting516)

Post #: 17

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 3:33:25 PM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

I freely admit that I'm only into this for kinky sex. I don't want to be told what to wear, and I don't want to clean someone's home, and I don't want to move to Outer-Mongolia and live in chains.

If someone breaks one of my hard limits, they might as well kill me, because lots of Texas girls carry handguns and know how to use them, and the cops always fall for a crying woman. ;-)

I guess in some people's minds, that makes me a player.

Sucks to be me!!!

(in reply to Shayna)

Post #: 18

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 3:43:35 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily
This isn't for everyone. BDSM isn't a singles bar. And my frustration is manifested from the fact that I find it inherently disrespected by those who treat this as a place to come for an easy lay.

Lily

Agreed, here.

THis isn't what I read the OP as complaining about though. It's one thing to dislike people who act like they think sex is easily accesable here b/c BDSM practitioners are "easy"

That's just plain insulting.

The OP read as if he were complaining about individuals just into it for kinky sex. That, to me, is different than an easy lay.

I have a problem with people who act as if they are trying to get kinky sex simply because they couldn't get vanilla sex. I don't have a problem with people who just plain like kinky sex. Even lots of promiscucous kinky sex, as long as everyone involved knows what's going on.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 19

RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 2/7/2005 3:46:46 PM

Darthbetta

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline

I have a problem with people who act as if they are trying to get kinky sex simply because they couldn't get vanilla sex

thankyou for understanding what I said.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 20

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