ProtagonistLily
Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
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NOTE: Your milage is probably going to vary on what I have to say.
quote:
This is really a cool thread, and has a lot to offer those that are just learning ... but I do think an important point is being missed, that being addressing the motivation of people new to all of this.
Motivation, or lack there of, is no reason to act in an inappropriate manner, from either side of the whip. If you show up in 'BDSM' whether on-line, or god forbid you get off your keester and actually go to a munch, no matter how motivated you are, if you act like an asshole, people notice.
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Yes, there are players, but the way some dedicated lifestylers act towards those that are new, tends to make players out of those that never intended to be players.
I'd like some hard evidence that it's someone else's fault that these poor new (young) people are being forced into being 'players' by the big bad (old) BDSM'ers.
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As a young person, I get so many emails from so many slick talking people, and they all have wonderful things to offer. It's hard to say no, because probably deep insider somewhere, there must be a part of me that wants to say yes. If that wasn't the case, would I even be here in the first place?
Its all so very tempting!
Something inside me want to stay up late every night, eat exclusively chocolate and cheesy poofs and blame others for my problems. But here, in the real world, those things are impossible to do all the time. With age comes discernment...
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At the same time, new (read, younger) people get approached early and often by older people wanting a total committment, and making them feel somehow "less than" if they are not looking for that, even to the point where they make them feel that they don't know themselves, and don't know their inner desires.
Those damned old BDSM'rs....how dare they want someone in their lives too.
I can't make you feel anything you don't decide to cop to. If you want to make yourself a victim and blame other people who send you offers, that's purely your choice. However, at some point you have to take some responsibility for your own growth, or lack there of.
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Well, DUH ... tell me something I don't know ... but don't tell me, because that's a really hard thing to hear form another person! Come to think of it, who here really wants to hear that you don't measure up to what they should? That in essence is what Darthbetta is saying here ... if you don't measure up, than just get the hell out, because you are making us look bad.
Life is hard kiddo...get used to it. And this isn't about measuring up, this isn't about who's making me look bad. The only person who can make me look bad is me. This is about whether you decide to conform to a loose set of standards for behavior or decide that the internet is your playground and act like an ass because you have the benefit of anonymity. This is what this original post was all about.
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End result, its not easy when you are new, to say no to someone that has been around ... but the certain reality is that most people my age just got a bit of freedom in their lives, and the last thing they want, is to get in a situation where they are surrendering their freedom to another person. Does that make them "less than?" Probably. Does that make them players? Again, probably.
Where do you think everyone else came from around here? Do you think we just grew off the "Kink" tree and fell off with a copy of SM 101 in our hands? Please, enough already. We were all new once, all trying to find our way....this is not age exclusive by any means.
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BUT, take note that those are not things they themselves are doing, as much as the intolerance of some within this lifestyle is empressed upon them. Not everyone is going to fit within the narrowly defined standards of another, and if people are going to judge everyone by their own standards, they are going to be making worlds full of players to wade through.
This isnt' about some narrow definition. Again, this is about not acting like a complete asshole.
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Who then, is really the one that needs to go away, and stop damaging the lifestyle?
Thank you, and thank you for listening to my rant.
caitlyn
Oy the drama. Well, according to you, all of the young people are the way they are (which I haven't even noticed if asshole behavior is somehow more prevelent in the younger set; frankly I think assholitus does not discriminate on the basis of age) because of the intolerant old people. Yawn...do you want some whine with that cheese darlin? ~wink~
If you are new, and you want people to take you seriously, then perhaps instead of blaming 'the other people' for why you are having a hard time, and expecting them to change, I implore you to seek out your local BDSM group. There are groups from coast to coast in this country, holding munches and gatherings all over the place. The internet is an interesting medium to connect with other kinky folk, but it will never be the place where you will really get a feel for what BDSM is all about. The Interent is largely theory...the real life scene is where we practice.
Lily
< Message edited by ProtagonistLily -- 2/9/2005 2:39:00 PM >
_____________________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~
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RE: people who should STAY or GO-BACK to vanilla. - 
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