Communication Advice. (Full Version)

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WorldofSilence -> Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 9:52:18 AM)

Hello E/everyone

I'm a Deaf Dom, I need to let that be known so this thread makes sense.

I'm beginning to feel that maybe the barrier I present to a potential sub in contacting me is limited because I can only give a very limited form of communication ie: Email/Pm messages, face to face.

So the question really being just how important is this knowing you can just pick up the phone and talk to your Dom/sub, having that instant communication.

I won't lie I have been looking for some time roughly 8 years, so it's either an image/personitly thing that puts them off, I try not to ever use My deafness as an excuse but I think My question is valid, as I have specfic communicational needs so again is that off putting.

Just trying to keep an open mind and putting it out to the community thank you everyO/one who replies.

WoS



justinasamerk -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 10:01:43 AM)

Greetings World of Silence,
I  am from NY, and there is a small lesbian community comprised of deaf individuals. It touches  my heart to see them, i have attended a few of there open workshops  where they give  the demo  in both  verbal and sign language. Find myself truly attracted to how  the voice can be expressed through hands.

This must be a challenging situation, but a challege to the submissive as well. And this is the opportunity to share this with a submissive you find. A dominant is soon to be training me in total silence.  I am very vocal and i  tend to say things  that are completely out of place, and  i need to learn how to hold my tongue, simple cure, you are not allowed to  speak.

As far as  how important  is it  to just  pick up the phone? Well it  is if the relationship is only online or long distance. If  it is face to face..then there is  no need for it.  When you see your submissive  face t o face..you know that they would have  to be in  total attention to you in order to understand and please you.  That is so beautiful.
If i may also be so bold to say,  never use your deafness as an "excuse" it makes it  sound so negative, turn it into a positive light (i know its hard) But when you do find that submissive who can serve  you for being  YOU..not the fact that you can't hear them.  Also try local groups or establishing on on your own..even if you start online, try to find others in your situation..o0(YES the Deaf can be kinky)....and you may be s uprised at the silent world  out there...

Good luck



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 10:37:34 AM)

You've got a hard time of it for sure, but not impossible.  Try and not go the long distance route- stay local so you can meet face to face and not have to rely so much on long distance communication methods.

Don't worry, you can make it work.



myratha -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 12:11:57 PM)

Actually, I tend to avoid talking on the phone. I'm not deaf, but i have a problem hearing consonants, so when i cant see people's faces i have difficulty making out what they're saying.
I'm getting better at understanding my dom now, but phone conversations still happen very rarely, and only for a couple of minutes at a time. This doesnt seem to affect us at all really. If we want to talk when we're apart, we talk over the internet, and thats just as good.
Stay hopeful. Some people find it more important than others, but i've never found it to be a deal breaker with anyone that i'm hesitant about phone conversations.



WorldofSilence -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 1:20:00 PM)

Thanks for replies I'll keep my fingers crossed, I might brave a munch but I struggle to no end with them, but I'll try :)

To  justinasamerk I must admit I'm confused how me admitting not using My deafness as an excuse sounds negitive? Surely saying I use My deafness as an excuse is negitive? *chuckles* That did get My attention and made Me cock My head slighty, but regardless thanks for the reply.

Lets just hope I find an open minded person, and this might sound bad, I just hope it's not another 8 years *chuckles*

Thanks for the advice again with the local comment I will attempt the local munch, while it might be difficult, I don't often shy from a challenege :)

WoS



windchymes -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 1:34:04 PM)

There may be those out there to whom being able to pick up the phone at any time and "connect" is very important, true.  My own personal view would be that, say I met a potential partner/Dom who I found out was deaf....if I found that we had other traits and interests in common and felt that he was someone I wanted to continue getting to know, then I would find the deafness merely a bump in the road to be worked around.  In other words, if someone was special in other ways, I would not want something like deafness, or blindness or whatever to come between us.  I would learn sign language and forget about phone communication![:)]

BTW, the avatar of your puppy is cute!  (I think it's a puppy!)



slavejali -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 1:44:28 PM)

My Master is deaf, so don't give up hope..and we came together from a long distance away from each other. What percentage hearing loss do you have?

I could talk a lot on this subject but will watch thread and see how it goes first.

Deafness:

Having a deaf partner does not only pose challenges when first approaching someone but after the relationship is established. My Master has a 70% hearing loss in both ears. Both his mid and high range hearing are totally shot. His low range can be perfect.

Some of the challenges I've faced and still face are:

1. I like to be vocal. Yet there is no point speaking dirty to someone who can't hear you.

2. When I'm emotional, its very difficult to communicate with someone who is missing what you are saying. We actually type a lot to each other, which works well for us (while sitting next to each other lol).

3. It can be difficult to keep a flow going when you have to repeat every word you say.

4. Short funny remarks that may be a part of peoples everyday communication with someone that keep things lighthearted might as well be non-existant. Easy to take that stuff for granted in a hearing world.

5. Being able to function socially is effected, not that I am very social myself really...but simple things like having a group conversation is nearly impossible for Master.

Some of the positives of having a deaf Master.

1. His deafness has really fine tuned his other senses. He is incredibly observant, doesn't miss a thing, which keeps me on my toes [;)]

2. He has a sense of peace about him, probably from not having to put up with all the junk noise around.

3. He has a keen sense of self, having trained himself not to rely on outside information that is so easy to do in a hearing world.

4. Being dominant and deaf is the easy route I think. He speaks, I listen *grin* Think it would be much harder for a deaf person to be submissive.

Regarding our coming together as Master and slave:

We met online, so for 11 months or something, we had 3000 hours of typed communication between us. (Probably more communication than what most people would have in a lifetime being face to face lol). We got to know lots of things about the other, our hopes, histories, dreams, desires...when we came together, we knew so much about each other, all there was left to do was put it into action.

We used to speak on the phone a lot, however Master did most of the talking..and being the good slave I am, I listened.....it was wonderful and good.

Masters deafness has never really been an issue between us, sure there are obvious challenges to face like the ones I mentioned above....but there really is more to communication than speech.

Good Luck

P.S. Feel free to email me or ask further stuff on here if you have specific questions or whatever... I could even ask Master stuff if you want to hear from his perspective.



WorldofSilence -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 2:11:37 PM)

Hiya again.

To windchymes, thank you kindly for your message, I'm glad you think the puppy is cute, however I think he might be a little upset as he is a young skunk *smiles* He is a cutey isn't he? He has the most adorable button nose I've ever seen.
I agree with alot of what you said, and I'd like to think I can offer something thats honest through expression and touch, it's however good to hear of open minded people exist in the world, I still have a few problems with some Doms/subs who think I should be shot as I'm too "dangerous", I mean I'm perfectly aware some things would have to be changed in order for safety to prevail, common sense really. *grin*
You did however hit on one thing I'm quite set on, and that is My sub (when I get one *see positive reinforcement* ) to learn sign language for reasons I'll explain into slavejali reply.

To slavejali

Thank you for your reply and to your question. I am classified as "Profoundly Deaf" so your looking at a 80% ish hearing loss, My left ear is about 70 something loss and my right is high end 80, so pretty deaf *chuckles*, I'm one of this "weird" ones that exist I have a voice that confuses people, as even My own family at times forget I'm deaf, I taught Myself to speak since I was small, I copied the vibrations from My mother when she used to sing songs, and over the years I taught Myself to make this vibrations = (hopefully) this sound, with that said talking takes a huge amount of mental concentration and effort on My part, so I would hope a sub would be open to learning sign language to help Me out for the times when I just simply don't want to use My voice or I'm just mentally knackered from chatting, it's something I don't take for granted My voice is important to Me as is My deaf culture.
I look forward to more from you if you feel confident enough to expand on this.

Thanks again.

WoS (Pronouced woss, if anyone is curious)



slavejali -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 2:18:12 PM)

Hi again, scroll up, I just edited my last post before I saw your reply [:)]



slavejali -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 2:25:28 PM)

A lot of people do not believe Master is deaf as from his voice you would have to be really observant to tell. (Sometimes he carries his "s' a bit long...but 99% of the time...he talks like everyone else.) This has been an issue for me to face too, as sometimes I actually forget he is deaf.

He lost his hearing in his 20's, he is now 47. He doesn't know sign language but can read lips quite well (that doesnt help in the middle of the night in the dark though *grin*)



WorldofSilence -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 2:40:40 PM)

Just read your post, it's really good to hear someone simliar to Me existing, no offence to your Master. I carry My "s" as well as I'm not always such if I say so I extend it to be doubly sure I've said it.

you have mentioned the 4 things I can relate to very very heavly.

This might sound negitive but I do find the hearing world confusing at times and feel some unwritten rules I break often, I can be very attentive which been told comes across as needy, or I express My feelings openly and thats weak etc etc, but at the end of the day I am what I am like Me or not, I'm not changing for anyone.

The reason I have put this up, is I do have an interest in someone, and I think it's a sign of strength to seek answers, both Dom and sub can learn, neither of us are excluded from it.

I would however really apperiate (sp) from your Master and his prespective if possible.

WoS

P.S Been deaf before I was 2 *grins*



slavejali -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 3:00:25 PM)

One of the problems Master has faced I think is people thinking he is stupid because he can't hear what people are saying or has misinterpreted what people have said. I think this has been a bonus for him as well and developed a strength of character, i.e. not worrying about what other people think etc. This has had its advantages for me to, as he has taught me a lot in that regard. There are tons of advantages to having a deaf Master.

quote:

I can be very attentive which been told comes across as needy, or I express My feelings openly and thats weak etc etc, but at the end of the day I am what I am like Me or not, I'm not changing for anyone.


I think with being deaf you fine-tune your communication. You actually become a better communicator than hearing people oftentimes.....I can see how people could misunderstand that...their loss hey [;)]

I will show Master this thread when he comes home for lunch...if not after work.



juliaoceania -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/14/2006 6:50:14 PM)

I became very interested in and dated a deaf man I met via Yahoo chat about 6 years ago. It was before I made the leap to my submissiveness, but intimate relationships are intimate relationships in my mind. I took ASL (American Sign Language) in order to facilitate face to face communication. We never talked on the phone.

To be honest it was very difficult for me in person as opposed to online when we communicated because I am very verbal, and although he could read lips, it was still hard to communicate with pigeon speak between ASL and lip reading. It did impact me some. I was rather fond of this man though, and was willing to overcome these communication barriers at the time. What happened though was that he was unwilling to move where I am, and I could not move where he was, and we drifted apart.

I think that for the right person it would not matter if they were deaf to me, but realistically it is a big challenge for a couple to overcome, although not insurmountable.... and someone worth their salt will work within that challenge with you to have a fulfilling dynamic.



slavejali -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/15/2006 1:01:48 PM)

hi again,

Sorry I didn't get back to you before this. I just printed out the topic for Master and he made a reply to you. Cutting and pasting it: - Jali


From Master:

Jali pretty much filled you in about  my deafness, and how we communicate. Theres not much I could add to the thread besides to share my personal feelings on this disability.

As jali said my hearing loss wasn't something I was born with, I lost it over a period of time so my speech patterns were formed before the condition existed. I do however know that at times I cannot say a word correctly. She also mentioned the fact that people often form opinions of me based on their impression of my ability to "understand". It's not just that they think I'm stupid( many assume I can't grasp or fathom what they're saying but it has nothing to do with my comprehension ability). Speech is the most widely used form of communication and people like you and I can't utilize that means in group situations very often. I feel like I'm imposing in a group. I can't follow fast enough or hear the murmered interuptions that so often accompany conversation in groups. I usually withdraw which gives them the impression that I'm either, slow, or arrogent. Neither really apply . To me it's an imposition to stop the group and ask for clarification every other word.

One on one I can communicate like anyone else however the fact that I watch a persons lips can make them nervous( why is he watching me so intently). In groups I can only follow if I'm leading( heh ) I run and teach martial arts , currently have around 40 students enrolled, and have no problems running my class effectively. That scenario demands a few things that common settings do not, for instance, its not a place where the others present can simply interject when they feel like it(courtesy and respect are paramount ), also the subject matter is all about what I'm presenting, (it's also not a place or time for random chatter and sharing ) it's a structured environment . I also run the department I'm in at work.many of the same principles apply there. I'm leading.

What jali said about strength of character being developed may be true to some extent. I don't let what others think of me affect me. I've learned patience  and also contentness with myself.
I know that people formulate opinions and usually at that point share them with anyone else who listens. If you have any questions or scenarios you'd like me to comment on please ask.

Eric (Jalis Master)




DiurnalVampire -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/15/2006 1:17:23 PM)

I have deal with deaf slaves before. I have never had the pleasure of being able to just pick up the hone and speak with my pets, those with or without hearing issues. Ive always prefered online and written communication when it isnt possible to be face to face. There are far less misunderstandings online, and you can always go back and see what was said.
Personaly, the one thing I always enjoyed more with my deaf pets was their ability to pick up on nonverbal cues.  I enjoy the ability to excercise my dominance in public using nonverbal cues to elicit behaviors, and they always excelled at that.
When you find the rigt one, it wont matter whether or not you can hear, no matter what accomodations have to be made they will all be worth it.  Havent spent a great deal of time teaching in and working with the deaf communities back in NY, a little work goes a long way and learning to ommunicate isnt really as difficult as one is usualy lead to believe.  OK, learning sign language is a pain, but that isnt always necessary.  I am a failry accomplished lip reader, and those I have worked with taught me to read as well as how to enunciate to make reading my lips simple. Has helped my speach as well.

Good luck
DV



windchymes -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/15/2006 2:17:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WorldofSilence

Hiya again.

To windchymes, thank you kindly for your message, I'm glad you think the puppy is cute, however I think he might be a little upset as he is a young skunk *smiles* He is a cutey isn't he? He has the most adorable button nose I've ever seen.


Ah, skunk!  I wasn't sure....on my computer the coloring looks brown, but it looks like a puppy nose, though I noticed the claws were kinda long...yes, he's adorable!

I think it would be great to learn ASL, and have kicked myself many times in my work life for not learning it.  As a health-care worker, every now and then I have to draw blood from a deaf person, and we usually manage, as I did learn the sign for blood (tapping two fingers on the inside of the elbow), sometimes they write things, or read lips.  And I always think to myself, dammit, I need to learn sign language!

On a side note, I was involved with someone from Amsterdam for a couple years and visited there twice.  I tried to pick up as much of the language as I could, and was going to order one of the courses to learn it fluently.  It's just the way I am when I get involved with somebody.  If they speak another language, then I want to learn the other language. 

I hope things work out for you![:)]



MmakeMme -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/15/2006 2:23:26 PM)

Ohhhhhh, I don't know, WoS! I think there would be subs who would be extremely attracted to you! The challenge would be part of it - she would have to be on her toes so that she could catch the subtleties of you. It's a very erotic thought, really.



windchymes -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/15/2006 2:51:01 PM)

And think of the benefit of being able to scream, "You're a sadistic, evil, motherfucking rat bastard!" at him when his back is turned while switching whips with no repercussions! [:D]



LTRsubNW -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/15/2006 4:21:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WorldofSilence

Hello E/everyone

I'm a Deaf Dom, I need to let that be known so this thread makes sense.

I'm beginning to feel that maybe the barrier I present to a potential sub in contacting me is limited because I can only give a very limited form of communication ie: Email/Pm messages, face to face.

So the question really being just how important is this knowing you can just pick up the phone and talk to your Dom/sub, having that instant communication.

I won't lie I have been looking for some time roughly 8 years, so it's either an image/personitly thing that puts them off, I try not to ever use My deafness as an excuse but I think My question is valid, as I have specfic communicational needs so again is that off putting.

Just trying to keep an open mind and putting it out to the community thank you everyO/one who replies.

WoS



I'm not deaf, but I swear, I still can't hear anything my ex wife says.

(I should probably go see a doctor....nahhhhhh).



MaamJay -> RE: Communication Advice. (11/16/2006 12:15:44 AM)

Dear WoS, i echo what others have said here ... any sub who is attracted to you as a person and potential Dom should only see this as part of their training. Every sub needs to get to know her Master's ways, everyone has their own unique personal language, accent and culture. My Master comes from a different state of Australia and has quite a different accent ... 2.5 years living together and every now and then i still give Him a bemused look and say "What??" And He does the same when i come out with some quaint expression from my English childhood LOL! Your personal language  just happens to be silent, and she would need to learn how to speak with her hands, her face, her body ... her whole being, not just her mouth. I would take that to be a wonderful and beautiful challenge. And as others have commented, i think You would have a lot of strengths ... i am sure You would be very observant, and probably skilled at body language and the use of visual cues. Wonderful skills to pass on to a sub. You both could develop your own secret language, that would appeal to many D/s people in vanilla company! And i admit, i echo what one cheeky one said about the relief of being able to mutter something you really need to voice but Master doesn't need to hear LOL!  Doesn't happen often but sometimes frustrations get to me, and i want to have a little whinge but Master always demands i repeat it out loud! Somehow it sounds so trivial second time around and i wish i could bite off my tongue! 

So, truly, i hope You can find one. i admire You for being willing to go to a munch, though that would be a huge challenge, it can be so for a hearing person when there's a mob of people and background noise. My own hearing isn't what it once was which i find very frustrating at times, and i can find group situations tough, so i appreciate the exhaustion of dealing with such situations. I would think it would be easier to try to restrict Your online search to people who live within a distance that's easily travelled, try to get initial essential communications sorted out online, then take it face to face ... with details of where to learn sign language!  Good luck!

violet[A] aka Maam Jay



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