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Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 12:40:33 PM

PALittleGirl

Posts: 31
Joined: 7/9/2006
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I've been seeing a therapist for many years now but I've only just starting talking about my involvment with BDSM and the lifestyle. He's completely clueless about all of it and I really don't want to spend my 50 minute hour explaining the "code" to him. Is there a book I could get him that sort of lays it all out and is fairly easy to read?

Thanks.

Post #: 1

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 12:42:13 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
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Perhaps if this is something you are going to get in depth with you should look for a therapist who does understand.. I mean..

I dont go see a proctologist if I am having a foot problem :)

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RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 12:43:46 PM

Silvermoon

Posts: 156
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Most likely you will find yourself soon being schooled under the classification of 'abnormal psychology' be very careful. There ARE lifestyle-friendly people out there, but not nearly enough, which is what has prompted me further into my field.

Silver

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RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 12:45:10 PM

Elegant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

I dont go see a proctologist if I am having a foot problem :)

Unless someone kicked you in the ass and their foot is stuck.....grin

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Post #: 4

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 12:46:24 PM

RedSavageSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

I dont go see a proctologist if I am having a foot problem :)

Unless someone kicked you in the ass and their foot is stuck.....grin

I was waiting to see how long it would take for someone to go there LOL

(hands you the quick draw mcgraw award)

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 5

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 12:50:55 PM

Elegant

Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

I dont go see a proctologist if I am having a foot problem :)

Unless someone kicked you in the ass and their foot is stuck.....grin

I was waiting to see how long it would take for someone to go there LOL

(hands you the quick draw mcgraw award)

Maybe I should make a butt plug to match our Motorcycle Boot Gag or Ladies Shoe Gag. http://www.fantasiesinleather.com/gags.htm

< Message edited by Elegant -- 11/15/2006 12:51:32 PM >

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Post #: 6

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 1:04:50 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PALittleGirl

I've been seeing a therapist for many years now but I've only just starting talking about my involvment with BDSM and the lifestyle. He's completely clueless about all of it and I really don't want to spend my 50 minute hour explaining the "code" to him. Is there a book I could get him that sort of lays it all out and is fairly easy to read?

Thanks.

Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D. "Health Care without Shame: a handbook for the sexually diverse and their caregivers" from Greenery Press.

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to PALittleGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 1:11:25 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
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Miss, disregard the hostile or futile replies. I think your desire to educate your therapist is admirable, and I hope your therapist is one of the many competent, caring therapists out there who can become kink-friendly if so educated. If you have a working therapist - client relationship you should not jeopardize that valuable relationship.

I like the "Screw the Roses" book. It is broad, nonjudgmental, and easy to read. I'm less fond of Jay Weissman's "SM 101" but it isn't all bad...read it thru first before you give it to your therapist.

I have asked my girl to review your post, and to make suggestions. This is her field.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to PALittleGirl)

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RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 1:49:58 PM

Caitriona

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Are you completely against the idea of finding a "kink friendly" therapist so that you don't have to "teach" your current one?

You might look through this link:

Kink Aware Professionals Listings
http://www.ncsfreedom.org/kap/mainlist.htm

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(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 9

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 1:52:41 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
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From: All over now in Minnesota
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You have a tough combination to deal with. Finding a therapist that you like and respond to and also finding one that will be open to the lifestyle.

It can't hurt to give them a book on the subject, but remember therapist are people and depending on their experience, previous interaction with someone similar and their actual engagement with you, they might just uses this life against you before they have time to really get to know you. If your therapist is overworked be careful they tend to diagnose quickly and push a patient through a tunnel of what they know.

No matter what you do, make sure they concentrate on treating the problem and not focusing on a symptom fake or real.

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RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 2:02:05 PM

windchymes

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I don't think it's her responsibility to educate him, per se, but by helping him along a little, he might become another kink-friendly professional to add to the ranks!

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Post #: 11

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 2:21:58 PM

ChainedExistence

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If you are going to have to "school" him on the code, perhaps you might work out an arrangement for that time to be "off the clock" or in exchange for later sessions that are free?

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 12

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 2:33:50 PM

PALittleGirl

Posts: 31
Joined: 7/9/2006
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I have actually tried to find a Kink Aware therapist but there are none to be had. Also I don't really want to change therapists if I don't have too, I get alone well with the one I have and for me and particular issues (Borderline Personality) that's important. I've been seeing him for over 3 years, so he knows my individual pathology pretty well.

He seems completely open to the idea of the lifestyle but he just doesn't know anything. I don't think he's going to blame all my problems on it, but given my diagnosis and the issues we've been discussing (the ending of a relationship where I was collared to my Daddy) it's important he understand what the hell I'm talking about.

(in reply to ChainedExistence)

Post #: 13

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 2:38:59 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
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well, he "is" a man and men make terrible therapists. that's why i don't go any more. men are generally not very sympathetic about anything (unless it's crying over their favorite sporting team losing some damned game...LOL)

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RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 2:51:53 PM

agirl

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I had a therapist for two years and she knew nothing about M/s or bdsm etc.... until I explained my relationship etc. I didn't have to *educate* her, she GOT educated just through our usual interaction. Of course, that only meant that she knew ME and my relationship. She has access to the internet and the ability to find out about things she doesn't have expertise with.........I'd expect a good therapist to do that.

agirl

(in reply to PALittleGirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 2:55:56 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
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how does one broach the subject with such a person? i guess i don't quite understand the facets of discussing these matters with a therapist. i'm always concerned that it would get out somehow...i don't trust people that much.

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RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 2:56:08 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
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As a therapist i agree you should not find a new therapist unless this one decides everything is bdsm related. I am glad you trusted him enough to tell him because otherwise he will have to guess about things which skewes the overall picture. It sounds like he is open to the lifestyle knowledge and that is wonderful. Try suggesting or taking the book to him to read. Since you have a good relationship already it is doubtful that his knowing about bdsm is likely to interfer. Yes it is difficult to find kink aware therapist only 4 in my state and i am one of them. Having my own grief issues right now so not practicing much so that narrows the whole concept of having kink aware proffs. Just keep in mind that unless the therapist is extremely open he will not be able to comprehend wiitwd. Good luck and i personally am relieved there is another therapist that is atleast willing to learn.

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Post #: 17

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 3:00:09 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
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From: Nashville, TN
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My therapist was clueless as well, when I began discussing my relationships. There was the initial shock as to what I do enjoy, but he didnt have much trouble with it after that. He never seemed to realy need to know much about the lifestyle persay. He needed to listen to me, and what *I* needed him to know. After all, if the therapy was to help me, then he doesnt need to know about all the kinks I am not into, just the ones I might discuss.

DV

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VampiresLair

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Post #: 18

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 5:12:00 PM

candystripper

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Joined: 11/1/2005
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i admit i am a bit torn. i don't understand how a licensed therapist could be "clueless" about D/s. Seems as if this sort of thing would have been taught in school; though i suppose He might be so old He's never been taught or forgotten.

Anyway, on the other hand, you feel you need Him, He seems open to "learning" but i do wonder what you two are going to discuss as He goes through His learning curve? If you're like me, submissive is not what i do, it's who i am. i keep my family and some friends out of the loop, but i also consider that because of this, they do not really know all of me.

i wish you peace and well-being.

candystripper

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 19

RE: Talking to a therapist - 11/15/2006 8:16:12 PM

Emperor1956

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Joined: 11/7/2005
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quote:

michaelofgeorgia whined again: well, he "is" a man and men make terrible therapists. that's why i don't go any more. men are generally not very sympathetic about anything (unless it's crying over their favorite sporting team losing some damned game...LOL)

oh, littlemichael...such anger. you know, there is an entire psychopathology of anger and repression over not being able to live with what you are. I know several gay-friendly therapists who I could direct you to. They can help you accept yourself.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 20

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