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Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 1:07:28 PM

marksl

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hi, bdsm interests me but i am so unsure who or what want to be. I want to be sexually submissive but my character can be over powering. in relationships in the past i played the game for a while then reverted back to form, being assertive stubborn etc...

I dont fit easily into the "male submissive box" yet it excites me at the same time although the way i am it can be self destructive. So the question i have is bdsm something in time i can fit into or quit now.

Post #: 1

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 1:21:39 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marksl

Hi, bdsm interests me but i am so unsure who or what want to be. I want to be sexually submissive but my character can be over powering. in relationships in the past i played the game for a while then reverted back to form, being assertive stubborn etc...

I dont fit easily into the "male submissive box" yet it excites me at the same time although the way i am it can be self destructive. So the question i have is bdsm something in time i can fit into or quit now.

Sounds like you are more a bottom than a submissive. You may be the type that would be content with a "girlfriend that spanks".

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 2

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 1:25:13 PM

marksl

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

that doesnt interest me :( i do like the view of bdsm being a submissive but its a ying yang sort of thing, i want to do it but cant act like it, if that made any sense.

btw being a bottom i be in the exact same situation, wanting to be 2 things, i only want one.

< Message edited by marksl -- 11/15/2006 1:29:43 PM >

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 3

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 1:30:24 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

don't get caught up in all the labels
be clear about what you want; and in time, i can almost guarantee you will find someone who not only wants the same as you, but that you are attracted to

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 4

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 1:31:53 PM

marksl

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

good advice but unsure what i want yet apart from a need to be dominated. yes the labels i can never work out, dont fit in the boxes...

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 5

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 1:43:40 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

you'll find that many women are not incredibly specific about what they want and are open to all types of experiences... explain what it is you know you want, and that you are as yet still learning... you'll find somebody who will help you explore this side of your personality with tolerance and understanding

i think if you had to have a label to clarify to others, perhaps you could call yourself a situational switch... you're more comfortable as a top in some areas and as a bottom in others

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 11/15/2006 1:47:03 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 6

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 1:49:05 PM

marksl

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

online i doubt it, too many people playing games with this lifestyle but the way it is.but anyway i have to go, thanks for the tips.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 7

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 1:50:11 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

From what I'm gathering, you haven't gone from a 'this is something that really interests me' (fantasy) to 'I've had this done to me and I want to do it again' (reality).

If you have, it might not have been with someone you felt compelled to be with.

Once it does become an actual 'I've done this' thing, you should know a lot better.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 8

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 1:51:17 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

hehe... i hope this doesn't mean i'm a Mistress... i've known some women to be Masters, but this is silly

just kidding, i hope i was able to help you a little

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 9

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 4:30:27 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Sounds like you are more a bottom than a submissive. You may be the type that would be content with a "girlfriend that spanks".

Hey now...ease up there...there's only a few of those to go around and I'm still looking for mine...don't be sending him all the good chics.

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 10

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 5:00:34 PM

marksl

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

msjtrx should read what i said again, on the internet we go by assumptions too much as dont know any other details to the little supplied. bdsm with all the rules doesnt really inspire me, but the fetish does. Not sure if i want the kink want to play a role or this lifestyle does nothing for me. i am not sure. also to finish this it feels weird talking to strangers on the internet about it, better in real life. Thanks for the advice all. cya

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 11

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 5:20:14 PM

WyrdRich

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

Sounds like you might be a switch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: marksl

Hi, bdsm interests me but i am so unsure who or what want to be. I want to be sexually submissive but my character can be over powering. in relationships in the past i played the game for a while then reverted back to form, being assertive stubborn etc...

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 12

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 6:38:01 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marksl

msjtrx should read what i said again, on the internet we go by assumptions too much as dont know any other details to the little supplied. bdsm with all the rules doesnt really inspire me, but the fetish does. Not sure if i want the kink want to play a role or this lifestyle does nothing for me. i am not sure. also to finish this it feels weird talking to strangers on the internet about it, better in real life. Thanks for the advice all. cya

Sounds like a bottom, fetishist. Since you like labels or are looking for one.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 13

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/15/2006 6:41:43 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I was going to say it sounds like you ahve to experiment a bit and see what it is you actual like before you decide what you are. Having some actual experience would make that a lot easier, just knowing it excites you to think about it doesnt help. How you feel inolved in it would really change your views.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 14

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/16/2006 12:03:49 AM

ineedotk

Posts: 109
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

LotuSong, I'm sure this question has been asked before, but what would be the difference between a sub and a bottom, and for that matter, a dom and a top?

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 15

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/16/2006 12:15:58 AM

leatherzack

Posts: 59
Joined: 7/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marksl

msjtrx should read what i said again, on the internet we go by assumptions too much as dont know any other details to the little supplied. bdsm with all the rules doesnt really inspire me, but the fetish does. Not sure if i want the kink want to play a role or this lifestyle does nothing for me. i am not sure. also to finish this it feels weird talking to strangers on the internet about it, better in real life. Thanks for the advice all. cya

There i a big difference between having submissive fantasies based on fetishes and be really submissive.
i think i was like you at start and i needed several years and some help to discover what i was really looking for.

Although you find that weird, i think that talking with people really involved in the lifestyle (even if they are strangers) would be the best way to learn about what you really want.
And maybe some books could help to.

i wish you good luck.

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 16

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/16/2006 4:22:34 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

I can't see how it's going to matter to hundreds of women here. A majority of us will have some sort of say that it's not "my thing" and then you'll run around in a circle, upset like these other fellows here, hurling insults and having a tantrum. Really, save us from that? It only matters to the person you wind up being partnered with. So why not just be honest with who and what you are with the person, or persons that you approach. Perhaps one of them will appreciate you for who you are, without you compromising it.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 17

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/16/2006 6:16:41 AM

marksl

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

hey again i done all the books, i been in this lifestyle for a long time off and on,the control doesnt interest me, i want something that doesnt revolve around petty mind games, sure many of the women online are in relationships or looking for something on the side. if i wanted just meaningless sex i go clubbing but i want something more from this, but i dont think i find it here, these answers are going no where, continiual circle of what i seen before. btw reason i use labels this whole lifestyle is about labels, ah anyway i am coming to a conclusion this isnt for me, this annoys me too much i am trying to fit in to something that i dont have the patience for. too many words here assumptions, quick answers throw away advice, MisPonda if i was really honest i say i dont really want to be with emotionally crippled women from this "lifestyle" again i seen enough of them but something attracts me. One day i find out what that is. This is addidive though everytime i say i go i am back but this time i mean it.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 18

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/16/2006 6:29:42 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ineedotk

LotuSong, I'm sure this question has been asked before, but what would be the difference between a sub and a bottom, and for that matter, a dom and a top?

The level of commitment and dedication.

(in reply to ineedotk)

Post #: 19

RE: Am i really sub? - 11/16/2006 5:11:58 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

You really sound as though you've had your mind made up from the OP though.... We're ALL giving you answers, but it's not the answers YOU desire or what you want to hear. That's your choice, as is your departure, your assessment that we all play petty mind games, etc. Sorry, you've come to the wrong person if you expect me to try and convince you to stay.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to marksl)

Post #: 20

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