Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

What is it that keeps you 'there'


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What is it that keeps you 'there' Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/17/2006 6:02:25 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
Master and I were talking yesterday, and he asked me a question that really got me thinking.

We were talking about ownership and he asked me "In your own mind, what is that tells you that you are mine; and what is that keeps you mine?" My immediate answer was simply "You do Master, by being you and by letting me be me".

However, it really got me thinking about this.

We are constantly hearing from others how hard it is to be in a LDR and keep the dynamic flowing. And we have heard from others who ARE in LDR's that it is quite easy to keep the dynamic flowing. For some it easy, for some it is harder, and then for some, it is impossible.

I have heard most say that they use rituals on a daily basis to keep themselves in that mindset during the separations. BUT, what if you did not use rituals? What would keep you there?

When Master heard my answer, he asked me to expand on it a bit. I told him that it was more of a connection that I felt the second time we talked on the phone. Something within me connected and came to life again; woke up, so to speak. It was not physical, since we had not yet met; nor was it emotional at that time. Yet, mentally, I could feel myself slip into a cocoon of warmth and contentment.

Master and I do not use daily rituals to 'remind' me of who owns me; yet there is never any doubt in my mind about it. I am mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually bound to him.

And yet, it's still hard to pinpoint the reason WHY.

So, I thought I would ask others.

What is it that keeps you bound to your Dominant, Master, Lord, etc? What mental aspects always keep you in that mindset?

( Just for the sake of argument, I would like to remove the fact of marriage and the emotion of LOVE between partners and look at the mental aspects only )

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/17/2006 6:46:56 PM   
WiseCracknSadist


Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		   I've been wondering about the true nature of Doms and subs myself. Is it nature or nurture? In other words are you born this way or were you taught this way? But regardless of which it is you have an overwhelming want to have certain needs met. Needs that make you feel more complete as a person and help to make life make a little more sense or a lot more sense. But in the end that's just a part of the equation.

You should feel safe with them. If you have any question of whether or not they'll be good to you or for you the probability is minimal you're going to want to stay with that person.

Another basic need we have is companionship. Everyone who has ever had more than one relationship knows that there has to be a chemistry there for things to have any chance in working out. For things to really get rolling that person has to have that x-factor. That thing that makes them unbelievably appealing to you.

Now I personally don't believe in soulmates. But I do believe that there are people out there that are our puzzle pieces. They fill in the gaps in our lives and make us whole. They balance us out.

Finally or perhaps firstly in many cases you have to be attracted to that person. Looking at them has to stir primal urges, dirty thoughts, and make you smile for being able to be around them.

So if you find someone who embodies all these things why would you leave? Everything you want is with them and that's what keeps you "there".


(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/17/2006 7:11:36 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		ok, since I'm now allowed to use the word "love"....

I guess it is my sense of commitment to him.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/17/2006 7:13:43 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		The fact that I have absolutely no desire to be with anyone else, even though I only get to see him usually 4 days out of 21 *S*

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/17/2006 7:18:43 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		Hi Kalira,

LDSs  are hard  but as you said there has to be that connection ( at least for me ) to make it work. For a long time i couldnt totally figure out what that connection was and i still not sure i have it all figured out but alot of it does have to do with me being able to  find the freedom i need to be myself and he is has been the only one i find that freedom with.  We built a relationship based on trust and communications. He has helped me ding deep and find myself. He knows me better then anyone else, because he  took the time to find out .  He has broken down all of those walls. Held my hand throught the painful times, encouraged me to pick up the pieces and  put them back together again. He allows me to be who i need to be weather it be  a stong mother of 3, the strong person i need to be at work , or that begging crying **** at his feet, he is always in  control and yet always allows me to be myself. That is why i stay .. That is why it works for us. We both get what we need .


_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/17/2006 7:30:34 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

  I've been wondering about the true nature of Doms and subs myself. Is it nature or nurture? In other words are you born this way or were you taught this way?


I think it is both ... We are subs and Doms by nature, But not many people know how to nurture the relationship or the person to get it to the point it needs to go so we can let go and be person we need to be... I have also found that if by chance they get you to the point that you can be free and be who you need to be , they are like  " fuck what do i do know now." 

Another words, It takes a special person to be able to nurture a person to the state were they are most natural and exceptional person to know what to do with them once they get them to that state.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/17/2006 10:08:22 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

What is it that keeps you bound to your Dominant, Master, Lord, etc? What mental aspects always keep you in that mindset?

( Just for the sake of argument, I would like to remove the fact of marriage and the emotion of LOVE between partners and look at the mental aspects only )

 
I am not in that mindset 24-7, I do not know if I could function in my normal life if I was feeling  submissive all the time. I am his submissive, I project that in my life everyday on some level. To me the mindset of being submissive is a headspace thing, which is hard to be in all the time for me. He has a series of things that he says to me to put me into that headspace when he desires, but that is not the place we interact from all the time.
 
I cannot separate the "why" I am in this with him without love, because it plays an increasing role in the "why" I am pursuing this over long distances. It is the glue that binds in my opinion. There is a peace and serenity that comes over me when we interact in person, and most of the time over the phone. I am at peace with him, and I love him, so how can I separate the love from the peace when I think they are connected?
 
The peace I feel as his submissive transcends being "happy", because being at peace is the highest compliment we can give each other. And yes it is the "why" for me.
 


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/17/2006 10:19:09 PM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

I have heard most say that they use rituals on a daily basis to keep themselves in that mindset during the separations. BUT, what if you did not use rituals? What would keep you there?

It is a specific presence, a presense that is within me, that recognizes the same in him, like a kindred spirit of sorts...and if i try to analyze  it, it then becomes data, and turns into statistics...to be compiled at a later date.  So i won't dare to define what i am not sure of.  i will say, that it has an energy flow of it's own, like a third entity between us, that neither of us own...but only when we are in alignment, we own "it" as one.

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/17/2006 10:46:29 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's the knowing/being that I am more "me" and fulfilled with being together.

Same as what keeps vanillas together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/17/2006 10:59:54 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

What is it that keeps you bound to your Dominant, Master, Lord, etc? What mental aspects always keep you in that mindset?

 
To answer the second question first: Acceptance of my status from decades of self-reflection, inner feeding and concentrated effort to be better today than I was yesterday combined with the knowledge that I can be better still tomorrow so that there is always hope for improvement.
 
To answer the first question: His stability and his ability to maintain his character, hold the power and wield it well with integrity and compassion and yet still allow me to work on question #2 even as our flaws sometimes cause a bump or two in the road.
 
That and he keeps me off the street at night so the community at large is a much safer place to be.
 
Celeste



_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/18/2006 1:30:10 AM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira
What is it that keeps you bound to your Dominant, Master, Lord, etc? What mental aspects always keep you in that mindset?

( Just for the sake of argument, I would like to remove the fact of marriage and the emotion of LOVE between partners and look at the mental aspects only )


I think I would have to say it is the feeling of freedom and respect I experience.

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/18/2006 2:29:01 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		His energy...his power...this magnetic pull that I could not resist if I wanted to. In the best of times I soar with him, in the worst of times, he remains my foundation.  Things aren't always bliss.  And when they are the opposite of bliss, the only choice I have is to strive for bliss again.  There is no other option.  He owns me, that's what keeps me. 

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/18/2006 2:44:01 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I know what you mean, julia.  I'm not in the mindset 24/7 either.  I definitely couldn't function in my everyday life.  Yes, it is difficult over a long distance, certain times more difficult than others. 

I understand what you mean about the peace and serenity.  And I agree that being at peace (at least for me) transcends being happy, although they are sometimes one and the same.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/18/2006 5:02:32 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		An interesting question that I was asked a version of; I was asked, “Do you feel like my slave?”  When I was asked several weeks ago my answer was most times and what kept me there was an answer similar to yours, interacting with him.  This answer is something that we are working on changing because the reassurance, validation, connection was coming from outside of myself and the goal is to maintain this connection within and not rely on external validation from him.

This past week I have done a pretty good job of that.  He has been unavailable for the most part with work and I have been rushing around trying to get everything ready for his and alandra’s visit.  There just hasn’t been time to interact with him and yet I was able to maintain the connection with him on my own.  Each time a negative thought would come up to break that connection I made a conscious effort to think the thoughts that maintain it.

I don’t have many rituals, mostly it is a mental exercise to think the thoughts that keep me connected to him, think the thoughts that remind me who has the authority in the relationship.  I may be making a lot of the decisions and handling most everything, but that is only because he delegated it to me.  He set the expectations and I am now making the decisions needed to meet those expectations.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/18/2006 5:50:58 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

It is a specific presence, a presense that is within me, that recognizes the same in him, like a kindred spirit of sorts...and if i try to analyze  it, it then becomes data, and turns into statistics...to be compiled at a later date.  So i won't dare to define what i am not sure of.  i will say, that it has an energy flow of it's own, like a third entity between us, that neither of us own...but only when we are in alignment, we own "it" as one.

LOL Raiken. For some reason, I tend to analyze EVERYTHING. And what's worse is when I try not to and just let things be; I start to analyze WHY I am not analyzing lol.

/shakes head sadly

Sometimes I am a lost cause lol.
quote:

  I guess it is my sense of commitment to him.

Ok Jali, I am going to do the unthinkable here and ask the question that has been bugging me since you answered

Why is your sense of commitment to him so strong that it's enough to keep you there? What is it that makes it so strong?

My first Master and I were together for almost 10 years; and though we did end up marrying in the last year; I can honestly say that love never entered into our relationship at all ( not the kind that you are speaking of ). We cared for each other, obviously, but we did not love each other in that sense. Yet, even with him, my sense of being 'home' was so strong that it kept me there; even through the times that I hated him

edited this post to add more answers instead of posting separatly

< Message edited by Kalira -- 11/18/2006 6:02:10 AM >

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/18/2006 6:26:56 AM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

...What is it that keeps you bound to your Dominant, Master, Lord, etc? What mental aspects always keep you in that mindset?


Without doubt, I am bound to FirmHandKY... but what keeps me bound?  That is indeed complicated. 

There is love there, but it is almost incidental.  It is who he is being perfect for me... I cannot help but love him.  But love is not what binds me... I was made for him; when I am with him, I can be me... the person I am deep inside... the natural me without the practiced veneer, without the carefully built walls and studied behavior.  We fit together seamlessly.

To be so far from him is hard.  In a way, it is like life itself is on hold until I can join him.  But while waiting is difficult, to walk away would be like walking away from myself.  With so much to gain and so little time until we can be together, to sever the connection between us would be a foolish sacrifice.

And I cannot imagine myself without him.

In essence my bindings are made up of emotions... of faith and hope and conviction.

As for mindset, this is where we part from many involved with long distance D/s relationships.  We do not try to build on and maintain a D/s relationship while apart.  There are no rituals... there is no "lifestyle" while we are separate.  He has influence over me now that comes naturally, but to attempt to cultivate more would adversely impact the organic nature of the relationship we desire to have once we are together.

That, to us, is worth waiting for. 

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/18/2006 6:46:38 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

This answer is something that we are working on changing because the reassurance, validation, connection was coming from outside of myself and the goal is to maintain this connection within and not rely on external validation from him.

Hmm, that's interesting Kyra. I had never stopped to think about it in that way before. Thankyou

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/18/2006 2:39:59 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Respect...........everything else sprung from that and still does. It's actually got nothing to do with *submissiveness*. I don't have to *feel* submissive to be owned and stay owned by him and mostly I do not *feel* submissive at all.

agirl



(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/18/2006 3:52:27 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I have heard most say that they use rituals on a daily basis to keep themselves in that mindset during the separations. BUT, what if you did not use rituals? What would keep you there? 
Daily rituals such as keeping a journal and the teddy i named after him held the threads together for a long time. They don't anymore, i rarely write in the journal and the teddy gets kicked out of bed (subconciously) most nights.
What is it that keeps you bound to your Dominant, Master, Lord, etc?
My belief in 'us'.
What mental aspects always keep you in that mindset?
My own mental strength did.
 
Needless to say the health of this relationship wasn't good.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What is it that keeps you 'there' - 11/18/2006 5:24:29 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		I am addicted to his essence. I need to hear from him every day. Thats what keeps me going. Is knowing he is there for me, wherever there might be. 

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What is it that keeps you 'there' Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.096