Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Difference between an online and cyber Sub


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Difference between an online and cyber Sub Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/18/2006 7:47:01 PM   
AlexAussieSub


Posts: 70
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline 		Last week I got a message from a Domme saying she would be interested in chatting with me as we had "similar thoughts on sex and BDSM". Her profile said that she was from England and wanted "to keep things online". Now I'm only interested in real-life (I thought I made this clear in my profile), but her message was polite so I messaged her back saying that I was happy to discuss BDSM philosophy, but I wasn't interested in being an online Sub, even though I had nothing against cyber it just wasn't my thing.

She wrote back (in what seemed like a rather aggressive tone, but it's hard to judge online) saying why did I assume that online meant cyber. I'm not writing back to her, but I'm a bit perplexed by the difference she implied existed between online and cyber. I always thought that they meant the same thing. Do people here see a difference between them?

Thanks,

Alex
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/18/2006 7:57:54 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		No.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/18/2006 8:02:26 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		I agree with stef, I see no real difference between the two.

Yet, on that same note, Master and I spend ALOT of time talking online, and cyber is never a part of our discussions. So, it's possible she meant just 'chatting'.

I doubt it highly though. Your best bet might just be to write back to her and ask her to define HER difference between the two.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/18/2006 8:24:37 PM   
feylin


Posts: 182
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		If I hear the word "cyber," I immediately connect it with online sexual fantasies being typed out in the dead of the night until carpal tunnel sets in -- or their spouse wakes up, whichever.  Sometimes I might use the term "online friends" to let on that these are people I chat with and rarely (if ever) meet up with in person on a regular basis.  I consider them friends but tack the term "online" to it because it can imply physical distance so you know right away they won't actually be able to make it to bowling next week and to admit that I cannot be entirely sure they do not pick their nose in public (having never been out with them -- unless I have been out with them and found they couldn't hold their alcohol and had to back slowly away, step by step).

With the little detail from your instance, cyber and online would seem to be the same thing. <grins>  How could it not if she wanted someone to submit to her online only -- but maybe she only wanted to talk?

Remembering the convenience of a cyber buddy,
Christine



(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/18/2006 8:44:50 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub

Last week I got a message from a Domme saying she would be interested in chatting with me as we had "similar thoughts on sex and BDSM". Her profile said that she was from England and wanted "to keep things online". Now I'm only interested in real-life (I thought I made this clear in my profile), but her message was polite so I messaged her back saying that I was happy to discuss BDSM philosophy, but I wasn't interested in being an online Sub, even though I had nothing against cyber it just wasn't my thing.

She wrote back (in what seemed like a rather aggressive tone, but it's hard to judge online) saying why did I assume that online meant cyber. I'm not writing back to her, but I'm a bit perplexed by the difference she implied existed between online and cyber. I always thought that they meant the same thing. Do people here see a difference between them?


I do. For me Cyber has the connotation of cam2cam sex or sex talk/chat, whereas being online with someone is more "innocent" - lol if you catch what I am throwing at ya
The fact she only wants online suggests that she may be living out her fantasies that for one reason or another she can not do in real life. I have met a number of my Masters online, the relationships have initially been online, then cyber, but always with the intention of meeting (eventually) face to face. Unfortunately I waited too long in a recent case, but I have learnt from that and now have made a "rule" that I make prospective Doms aware of, ie I will not have long term, long distance online/cyber relationships that last longer than 2-3 months without meeting.

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/18/2006 9:07:12 PM   
onlythewindknows


Posts: 259
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline 		i think cyber might sometimes imply calling a person as well, or a more explicit sexual exchange.
like, you can email someone here or go on boards - this kind of commenting in a virtual public space like this would be more what i consider "online" and not doing the electronic equivalent of meeting up in a cheap motel.


_____________________________

As Darth once said: "you are beaten. It is useless to resist."

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/18/2006 9:38:13 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		I don't really see that there's much of a difference.  Both involve sitting at a keyboard and typing rather than getting out there and experiencing real life.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to onlythewindknows)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/18/2006 9:41:08 PM   
onlythewindknows


Posts: 259
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

I don't really see that there's much of a difference.  Both involve sitting at a keyboard and typing rather than getting out there and experiencing real life.


i think that what could be called "cybering" (and it is tricky to use the term as self-defined since we are not in agreement on it) has a higher chance of leading to a r/l meeting due the the (albiet ersatz) intensity that has been experienced.




_____________________________

As Darth once said: "you are beaten. It is useless to resist."

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/18/2006 10:11:47 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub

Last week I got a message from a Domme saying she would be interested in chatting with me as we had "similar thoughts on sex and BDSM". Her profile said that she was from England and wanted "to keep things online". Now I'm only interested in real-life (I thought I made this clear in my profile), but her message was polite so I messaged her back saying that I was happy to discuss BDSM philosophy, but I wasn't interested in being an online Sub, even though I had nothing against cyber it just wasn't my thing.

She wrote back (in what seemed like a rather aggressive tone, but it's hard to judge online) saying why did I assume that online meant cyber. I'm not writing back to her, but I'm a bit perplexed by the difference she implied existed between online and cyber. I always thought that they meant the same thing. Do people here see a difference between them?

Thanks,

Alex


No, I see no difference.

I had something similiar happen to me once. I invited "her" to discuss it over the phone with me. Needless to say, it ended there.

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/18/2006 11:03:38 PM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

I don't really see that there's much of a difference.  Both involve sitting at a keyboard and typing rather than getting out there and experiencing real life.

I beg to differ - this is real life.  I'm a real person, sitting and typing in response to something that you sat and typed - and I believe that you're a real person, too.  We will probably never meet F2F, but that makes our communication no less real.

The only difference between 'cyber' and 'online' that I'd heard of before was a sub friend of mine, who had an 'online' relationship with her dom - who lived several hundred miles away, so most of their communication was via the internet.  It wasn't 'cyber' because they both expected to meet F2F eventually.  (They did - which cured her of online dominants - his skill was at keyboard only.  She insisted on going F2F soon after that.)

In any case, does it matter?  Everyone will have different definitions, so the next time, you'll have to have them clarify what they mean anyway.  This time, it looks to be something other than what you were looking for, or I'd suggest that you ask her what she meant by those terms.

Midnight Writer
off in search of the One True definitive online slang dictionary
or just off....


_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/18/2006 11:15:32 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub

Last week I got a message from a Domme saying she would be interested in chatting with me as we had "similar thoughts on sex and BDSM". Her profile said that she was from England and wanted "to keep things online". Now I'm only interested in real-life (I thought I made this clear in my profile), but her message was polite so I messaged her back saying that I was happy to discuss BDSM philosophy, but I wasn't interested in being an online Sub, even though I had nothing against cyber it just wasn't my thing.

She wrote back (in what seemed like a rather aggressive tone, but it's hard to judge online) saying why did I assume that online meant cyber. I'm not writing back to her, but I'm a bit perplexed by the difference she implied existed between online and cyber. I always thought that they meant the same thing. Do people here see a difference between them?

Thanks,

Alex


Well, I may be totally off base here, but if she wrote to you offering discussion and chatting, why 'did' you assume she wrote to you offering more than that? She offered online chats and you presumed cyber (as in cyber sex/service?) ::shrugs:: That's what it sounds like from what you posted. As I said, I may be totally off base.

Celeste

edited to add bold was mine

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/19/2006 12:54:44 AM   
AlexAussieSub


Posts: 70
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone, seems like cyber specifically means either more explicit chat or chat leading towards a face to face meeting.

BitaTrouble, you're one step ahead of answering the question. I've always just taken the online and cyber to mean the same thing and was asking if people made a distinction between the two because I didn't understand what she meant. Reason I asked is I'm not really into either and I'm trying  to work out how to edit my profile so people who are after cybersex/long-distance relationships/online romance save their time and message someone else.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/19/2006 1:18:13 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub

BitaTrouble, you're one step ahead of answering the question.


Opps, my bad. I skipped second grade and it's been biting me in the ass ever since. ::laughs::

quote:

 Reason I asked is I'm not really into either and I'm trying  to work out how to edit my profile so people who are after cybersex/long-distance relationships/online romance save their time and message someone else.


I think your profile spells that out very clearly. That said, what you have as 'actively seeking' includes friendships only, so people who are also looking just for friends, and find in you a kindred spirit, might write to you with no intention 'other' than just being friends and indulging in discourse on mutual interests .. which may have been the case with the dominant in question.

Celeste

PS: I don't automatically assume that 'online' equals cybering since I'm online with a lot of different people via IM and email but don't 'cyber' with any of them. When I think of 'cyber', I do assume cybersex. That's probably my bad, too.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/19/2006 7:28:32 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub


She wrote back (in what seemed like a rather aggressive tone, but it's hard to judge online) saying why did I assume that online meant cyber. I'm not writing back to her, but I'm a bit perplexed by the difference she implied existed between online and cyber. I always thought that they meant the same thing. Do people here see a difference between them?

Thanks,

Alex


Alex,
One thing you are forgetting here and you may not even know is most people don't read profiles.  She probably never got to the area where your profile said real life only.
Even if it were in the very first line.  It has happened to all of us more than we can count in the past where someone just does not read at all.
Or, perhaps she thinks online is online..and cyber is cyber sex?  When I hear cyber that is the first thing that comes to my mind.
Many different ways to look at something..and I've given you a couple.

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/19/2006 9:12:31 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, there is a definite difference between typing that you're doing something and actually doing something and reporting (or viewing) that via typing/cam. What one choses to call those different things is open to debate, but certainly I would differentiate the two by calling the former 'cyber' and the latter 'online'.

'cybering' by this definition is fantasy... no one is actually domming anyone: the scene exists solely in the created reality of the minds of those chatting. Contrast that with a Dom telling someone to do something and they actually do it whilst reporting it (this can be done over the phone too) or being watched on a cam.

Of course neither of these is done in the direct presence of the other person, and some people will therefore dismiss both as being equally not 'real'.

But I would say that if my Dom is standing ten feet from me telling me to do something to myself, there is also no physical contact... and yet most would agree that this is 'real'. Also, there is the whole idea of 'mind-fucking' in which someone in the same room will claim they're going to do something, and do no such thing. Is that 'real'?


I suppose it all depends where you want to draw your definitions. It's nice and complicated.

< Message edited by ElektraUkM -- 11/19/2006 9:14:18 AM >

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/19/2006 12:35:40 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
I've had a few "online" relationships that were intense and fulfilling, but very little (less than a handful of my experiences) have consisted of "cyber roleplaying" -- where we are chatting together in a chatroom or IM talking and roleplaying as if it were a real life encounter.  ie, me typing "I bind your hands behind your back," and him typing "I squirm." -- downright silly.  Except when trying to flesh out a story, which I find interesting as an approach.

The fulfilling "online" relationships I had were only considered online because we used email to exchange photos and videos - -which were proof that he was doing the acts I ordered him to do.  I don't enjoy "online" unless phone is a primary part of it, because I really get off on sounds and voice.  The written word can be very powerful.  If a man is able to really get me off by writing to me, enduring acts on film for me, and using the toys in the way I instruct..then it shows he has something special.  Most men bore me pretty quickly when limited to the online realm, but if he can be dynamic and exciting, it's extremely hot.

Nothing replaces real life, though. Nothing.  Any "online" play or phone domination I do is just to supplement my real life encounters.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/19/2006 1:18:05 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		Alex,

In my view, while there should not be a signifficant difference, to many, on line refers to a higher lever exhange while cyber has taken on a role play fantasy image.

Many need the cyber aspect as a form of release when because of vanilla life circumstances, there is no other outlet.

ps, you owe her a reply!

CP

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/19/2006 2:09:42 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I've always undestood cybering to mean typing out what you would be doing sexually to each other and probably masturbating to it, more of an enhancement to self-pleasuring.  It can also be role playing fantasy scenes through a typing exchange. I think you can have a very satisfying online relationship, even a D/s one, without cybering. I don't think a discussion of sex or bdsm is considered cybering. JMHO

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/19/2006 2:25:59 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Id write her back just to find out what the heck she was talking about, then again Im the curiouse sort!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub - 11/19/2006 8:07:52 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I have friends that I have made off of here that are all over the globe. One that I would consider a close friend is on the other side of the globe and not going to be much help at 4am when I get a flat tire.
Cyber usually does imply sex. Though you will find doms on here that identify as cyber or online only dominants. As was explained by abother, there is usually a reason for that...wife, restraining order, bad manners that on here even make them seem like a tool...you name it. A polite line that you're not seeking an online relationship should suffice. I mean in reality we're cyber apparitions too.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Difference between an online and cyber Sub Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078