Difference between an online and cyber Sub

Difference between an online and cyber Sub (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

AlexAussieSub -> Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/18/2006 7:47:01 PM)
Last week I got a message from a Domme saying she would be interested in chatting with me as we had "similar thoughts on sex and BDSM". Her profile said that she was from England and wanted "to keep things online". Now I'm only interested in real-life (I thought I made this clear in my profile), but her message was polite so I messaged her back saying that I was happy to discuss BDSM philosophy, but I wasn't interested in being an online Sub, even though I had nothing against cyber it just wasn't my thing. She wrote back (in what seemed like a rather aggressive tone, but it's hard to judge online) saying why did I assume that online meant cyber. I'm not writing back to her, but I'm a bit perplexed by the difference she implied existed between online and cyber. I always thought that they meant the same thing. Do people here see a difference between them? Thanks, Alex

stef -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/18/2006 7:57:54 PM)
No. ~stef

Kalira -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/18/2006 8:02:26 PM)
I agree with stef, I see no real difference between the two. Yet, on that same note, Master and I spend ALOT of time talking online, and cyber is never a part of our discussions. So, it's possible she meant just 'chatting'. I doubt it highly though. Your best bet might just be to write back to her and ask her to define HER difference between the two.

feylin -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/18/2006 8:24:37 PM)
If I hear the word "cyber," I immediately connect it with online sexual fantasies being typed out in the dead of the night until carpal tunnel sets in -- or their spouse wakes up, whichever. Sometimes I might use the term "online friends" to let on that these are people I chat with and rarely (if ever) meet up with in person on a regular basis. I consider them friends but tack the term "online" to it because it can imply physical distance so you know right away they won't actually be able to make it to bowling next week and to admit that I cannot be entirely sure they do not pick their nose in public (having never been out with them -- unless I have been out with them and found they couldn't hold their alcohol and had to back slowly away, step by step). With the little detail from your instance, cyber and online would seem to be the same thing. <grins> How could it not if she wanted someone to submit to her online only -- but maybe she only wanted to talk? Remembering the convenience of a cyber buddy, Christine

SamKeithsslave -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/18/2006 8:44:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub Last week I got a message from a Domme saying she would be interested in chatting with me as we had "similar thoughts on sex and BDSM". Her profile said that she was from England and wanted "to keep things online". Now I'm only interested in real-life (I thought I made this clear in my profile), but her message was polite so I messaged her back saying that I was happy to discuss BDSM philosophy, but I wasn't interested in being an online Sub, even though I had nothing against cyber it just wasn't my thing. She wrote back (in what seemed like a rather aggressive tone, but it's hard to judge online) saying why did I assume that online meant cyber. I'm not writing back to her, but I'm a bit perplexed by the difference she implied existed between online and cyber. I always thought that they meant the same thing. Do people here see a difference between them? I do. For me Cyber has the connotation of cam2cam sex or sex talk/chat, whereas being online with someone is more "innocent" - lol if you catch what I am throwing at ya [:D] The fact she only wants online suggests that she may be living out her fantasies that for one reason or another she can not do in real life. I have met a number of my Masters online, the relationships have initially been online, then cyber, but always with the intention of meeting (eventually) face to face. Unfortunately I waited too long in a recent case, but I have learnt from that and now have made a "rule" that I make prospective Doms aware of, ie I will not have long term, long distance online/cyber relationships that last longer than 2-3 months without meeting.

onlythewindknows -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/18/2006 9:07:12 PM)
i think cyber might sometimes imply calling a person as well, or a more explicit sexual exchange. like, you can email someone here or go on boards - this kind of commenting in a virtual public space like this would be more what i consider "online" and not doing the electronic equivalent of meeting up in a cheap motel.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/18/2006 9:38:13 PM)
I don't really see that there's much of a difference. Both involve sitting at a keyboard and typing rather than getting out there and experiencing real life.

onlythewindknows -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/18/2006 9:41:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood I don't really see that there's much of a difference. Both involve sitting at a keyboard and typing rather than getting out there and experiencing real life. i think that what could be called "cybering" (and it is tricky to use the term as self-defined since we are not in agreement on it) has a higher chance of leading to a r/l meeting due the the (albiet ersatz) intensity that has been experienced.

subfever -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/18/2006 10:11:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub Last week I got a message from a Domme saying she would be interested in chatting with me as we had "similar thoughts on sex and BDSM". Her profile said that she was from England and wanted "to keep things online". Now I'm only interested in real-life (I thought I made this clear in my profile), but her message was polite so I messaged her back saying that I was happy to discuss BDSM philosophy, but I wasn't interested in being an online Sub, even though I had nothing against cyber it just wasn't my thing. She wrote back (in what seemed like a rather aggressive tone, but it's hard to judge online) saying why did I assume that online meant cyber. I'm not writing back to her, but I'm a bit perplexed by the difference she implied existed between online and cyber. I always thought that they meant the same thing. Do people here see a difference between them? Thanks, Alex No, I see no difference. I had something similiar happen to me once. I invited "her" to discuss it over the phone with me. Needless to say, it ended there.

emdoub -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/18/2006 11:03:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood I don't really see that there's much of a difference. Both involve sitting at a keyboard and typing rather than getting out there and experiencing real life. I beg to differ - this is real life. I'm a real person, sitting and typing in response to something that you sat and typed - and I believe that you're a real person, too. We will probably never meet F2F, but that makes our communication no less real. The only difference between 'cyber' and 'online' that I'd heard of before was a sub friend of mine, who had an 'online' relationship with her dom - who lived several hundred miles away, so most of their communication was via the internet. It wasn't 'cyber' because they both expected to meet F2F eventually. (They did - which cured her of online dominants - his skill was at keyboard only. She insisted on going F2F soon after that.) In any case, does it matter? Everyone will have different definitions, so the next time, you'll have to have them clarify what they mean anyway. This time, it looks to be something other than what you were looking for, or I'd suggest that you ask her what she meant by those terms. Midnight Writer off in search of the One True definitive online slang dictionary or just off....

BitaTruble -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/18/2006 11:15:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub Last week I got a message from a Domme saying she would be interested in chatting with me as we had "similar thoughts on sex and BDSM". Her profile said that she was from England and wanted "to keep things online". Now I'm only interested in real-life (I thought I made this clear in my profile), but her message was polite so I messaged her back saying that I was happy to discuss BDSM philosophy, but I wasn't interested in being an online Sub, even though I had nothing against cyber it just wasn't my thing. She wrote back (in what seemed like a rather aggressive tone, but it's hard to judge online) saying why did I assume that online meant cyber. I'm not writing back to her, but I'm a bit perplexed by the difference she implied existed between online and cyber. I always thought that they meant the same thing. Do people here see a difference between them? Thanks, Alex Well, I may be totally off base here, but if she wrote to you offering discussion and chatting, why 'did' you assume she wrote to you offering more than that? She offered online chats and you presumed cyber (as in cyber sex/service?) ::shrugs:: That's what it sounds like from what you posted. As I said, I may be totally off base. Celeste edited to add bold was mine

AlexAussieSub -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/19/2006 12:54:44 AM)
Thanks everyone, seems like cyber specifically means either more explicit chat or chat leading towards a face to face meeting. BitaTrouble, you're one step ahead of answering the question. I've always just taken the online and cyber to mean the same thing and was asking if people made a distinction between the two because I didn't understand what she meant. Reason I asked is I'm not really into either and I'm trying to work out how to edit my profile so people who are after cybersex/long-distance relationships/online romance save their time and message someone else.

BitaTruble -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/19/2006 1:18:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub BitaTrouble, you're one step ahead of answering the question. Opps, my bad. I skipped second grade and it's been biting me in the ass ever since. ::laughs:: quote: Reason I asked is I'm not really into either and I'm trying to work out how to edit my profile so people who are after cybersex/long-distance relationships/online romance save their time and message someone else. I think your profile spells that out very clearly. That said, what you have as 'actively seeking' includes friendships only, so people who are also looking just for friends, and find in you a kindred spirit, might write to you with no intention 'other' than just being friends and indulging in discourse on mutual interests .. which may have been the case with the dominant in question. Celeste PS: I don't automatically assume that 'online' equals cybering since I'm online with a lot of different people via IM and email but don't 'cyber' with any of them. When I think of 'cyber', I do assume cybersex. That's probably my bad, too.

sub4hire -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/19/2006 7:28:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub She wrote back (in what seemed like a rather aggressive tone, but it's hard to judge online) saying why did I assume that online meant cyber. I'm not writing back to her, but I'm a bit perplexed by the difference she implied existed between online and cyber. I always thought that they meant the same thing. Do people here see a difference between them? Thanks, Alex Alex, One thing you are forgetting here and you may not even know is most people don't read profiles. She probably never got to the area where your profile said real life only. Even if it were in the very first line. It has happened to all of us more than we can count in the past where someone just does not read at all. Or, perhaps she thinks online is online..and cyber is cyber sex? When I hear cyber that is the first thing that comes to my mind. Many different ways to look at something..and I've given you a couple.

ElektraUkM -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/19/2006 9:12:31 AM)
Well, there is a definite difference between typing that you're doing something and actually doing something* and reporting (or viewing) that via typing/cam. What one choses to call those different things is open to debate, but certainly I would differentiate the two by calling the former 'cyber' and the latter 'online'. 'cybering' by this definition is fantasy... no one is actually domming anyone: the scene exists solely in the created reality of the minds of those chatting. Contrast that with a Dom telling someone to do something and they actually do it whilst reporting it (this can be done over the phone too) or being watched on a cam. Of course neither of these is done in the direct presence* of the other person, and some people will therefore dismiss both as being equally not 'real'. But I would say that if my Dom is standing ten feet from me telling me to do something to myself, there is also no physical contact... and yet most would agree that this is 'real'. Also, there is the whole idea of 'mind-fucking' in which someone in the same room will claim they're going to do something, and do no such thing. Is that 'real'? I suppose it all depends where you want to draw your definitions. It's nice and complicated.

AAkasha -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/19/2006 12:35:40 PM)
I've had a few "online" relationships that were intense and fulfilling, but very little (less than a handful of my experiences) have consisted of "cyber roleplaying" -- where we are chatting together in a chatroom or IM talking and roleplaying as if it were a real life encounter. ie, me typing "I bind your hands behind your back," and him typing "I squirm." -- downright silly. Except when trying to flesh out a story, which I find interesting as an approach. The fulfilling "online" relationships I had were only considered online because we used email to exchange photos and videos - -which were proof that he was doing the acts I ordered him to do. I don't enjoy "online" unless phone is a primary part of it, because I really get off on sounds and voice. The written word can be very powerful. If a man is able to really get me off by writing to me, enduring acts on film for me, and using the toys in the way I instruct..then it shows he has something special. Most men bore me pretty quickly when limited to the online realm, but if he can be dynamic and exciting, it's extremely hot. Nothing replaces real life, though. Nothing. Any "online" play or phone domination I do is just to supplement my real life encounters. Akasha

CelticPrince -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/19/2006 1:18:05 PM)
Alex, In my view, while there should not be a signifficant difference, to many, on line refers to a higher lever exhange while cyber has taken on a role play fantasy image. Many need the cyber aspect as a form of release when because of vanilla life circumstances, there is no other outlet. ps, you owe her a reply! CP

proudsub -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/19/2006 2:09:42 PM)
I've always undestood cybering to mean typing out what you would be doing sexually to each other and probably masturbating to it, more of an enhancement to self-pleasuring. It can also be role playing fantasy scenes through a typing exchange. I think you can have a very satisfying online relationship, even a D/s one, without cybering. I don't think a discussion of sex or bdsm is considered cybering. JMHO [:)]

MagiksSlave -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/19/2006 2:25:59 PM)
Id write her back just to find out what the heck she was talking about, then again Im the curiouse sort!! Magik's slave

theRose4U -> RE: Difference between an online and cyber Sub (11/19/2006 8:07:52 PM)
I have friends that I have made off of here that are all over the globe. One that I would consider a close friend is on the other side of the globe and not going to be much help at 4am when I get a flat tire. Cyber usually does imply sex. Though you will find doms on here that identify as cyber or online only dominants. As was explained by abother, there is usually a reason for that...wife, restraining order, bad manners that on here even make them seem like a tool...you name it. A polite line that you're not seeking an online relationship should suffice. I mean in reality we're cyber apparitions too.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875