RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 12:04:38 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

Been there, done it and got the tee shirt. As far as I'm concerned it is for suckers and if I was smarter I wouldn't have got started on it in the first place. You really don't know who you are communicating with, facts aren't enough in a relationship and if you feel romantic towards the other person it is probably due to your own projection onto the other person.

Yep, some work, most don't. The odds are against it.

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 21

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 12:28:44 AM

SirGordonslil

Posts: 70
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

Master and i lived in seperate states, W/we had an online relationship and phone relationship, tho W/we did not do the whole bdsm thingy on cam, but to me it was a relationship because i committed myself to Him and learned alot about Him online before meeting Him in person, i am glad W/we had that time online, it took away the awkwardness of the first meeting and enabled U/us to be quite comfortable with E/eachother..
i feel it helped a great deal.

_____________________________

collared to SirGordonNo1

"In Him i breathe, move, and have my being"

(in reply to Mikal)

Post #: 22

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 1:39:39 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

That type of relationship isn't comparable with a physical one.

It is what it is....but it's still a *real* relationship.

Pen-friends are relationships ......but they aren't comparable to the relationship you'd have with the friend who is *just around the corner*......because there is a whole spectrum of experiences that aren't there. It will be limited by that fact.

agirl

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 23

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 2:28:53 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

Thorns and i corresponded daily.......for hours on end for months before we actually met. He lived in Germany, i was in Michigan. We met for the best 10 days of our lives, not knowing if we would ever be able to see each other again...or only once a year.
Was it real? every feeling we had was real. We spent so much time together in chat, on voice, in e-mail....we knew each other better than we knew ourselves individually.
The rest is History........He moved back to the states, i moved down to Arizona, we were married last December. 03 January 2007 will be six years we have been together. I thank God everyday for blessing me with this Man. Had it not been for chat at the time..........................who knows where my life would be right now.

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 24

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 7:41:49 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I disagree with the blanket idea that you cannot be in a relationship with someone that you have never spent time with "in person". Is it as satisfying? No. Should a meeting take place? Well, if you are talking about a romantic relationship or a relationship in which both of you want to bring BDSM into the equation, yes. But when that happens is up to the two people involved.

Remember, physical proximity is not a guarantee of satisfaction or of giving the relationship a better chance to work And it does not necessarily have to be anything within the relationship itself that makes it work or not work. I sent my first LTR/LDR submissive home after she'd been here with me for almost 4 months. And the main reason I sent her had nothing to do with anything between her and I but it certainly impacted what we had between us. And it certainly impacted her life in terms of how she chose to handle it.

I agree that if you are looking for a partner to eventually live with and serve/dominate, it would probably be wiser to deal with those who are willing to relocate. But then, right here on this thread, we have Mikal telling us that her mind got changed. In all actuality, it would be best if you stuck to your own town or at least state, but you know...oddly enough, I can't seem to find any people from my hometown or within a 45 minute radius who belong to collarme or to the BDSM group in my home state. There might well be submissives out there, in other groups or on other sites...how many should I search? How much time, with work and family should I devote to that? Should I hit the bars at night? Should I go down to Denver every weekend and mix and mingle with everyone? Been there and done that...it was fun and I met some play partners there.. but never met one interested in a LDR with a dominant living out in a small town.

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 25

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 8:20:22 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CandleInTheWind

I know i may raise a few hate threads onthis one but I have always wondered how anyone can concider writing back and forth and talking ont he phone and other non personal type things be called a real life D/s relationship. I dont know what anyone else's views are but well if i havent actually met someone i cannot say that i am involved with them...for all i know that person may very well be an inmate at the local prison! I feel that unless you have at least met in person that there cannot be a real time relationship of the D/s nature it is no different that a call a hot girl type of relationship.

I once was engaged to sommoene for 18 months, we actually had dated for six months straight befoe he went over seas to his new duty station i engaged by proxy... he proposed to over the phone and recieved from his brother at the same yes i realize it was a strange set up but at the time i was 19 and my mom forbade me going to japan and stayign without a chaperone before being married...and so we had spent about 6 months apart before he proposed bu we spent another year apart prior to his return...and at that time the engagement was broken becasu ehe was at 21 bright enought o know that we barely knew each other anymore..

and so i was wondering what anyone else feels about this

little red

I was married to a Navy man at the age of 18 over christmas break of my freshman year of college. He was 30. I was about 6 hours away, so I transfered to a school only 1.5 hours away from our house. He was on shore duty for our first few years...we saw each other on weekends (I stayed at school in order to focus). For our first year or so, he was on shore duty and we could talk several times a week (This was back when cell phones were very new and only for the rich. We couldn't afford the long distance calls every day.).When it was time for him to go back to sea for the last time, he deliberately chose a sub that would be in port for repairs for the beginning of the next 4 years. During those years, he did lots of 1 month sea trials, then did a 6 month Med cruise. Then, he went back to shore duty for 2 years and retired with 20 from there. By then, I had my Master's degree and had come home. The marriage fell apart when we actually started living together, for various reasons.

You can correspond by mail, email and phone all you want...and THINK you know the person...and THINK they know you...but, in the end, until you live with someone, you really don't know.

My opinion...learned from my experience.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 26

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 9:33:28 AM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline

I had two online LDRs with Canadian guys, neither of which worked out. It wasn't the distance so much as they just weren't the one I was looking for. I met Pup online in '97 and we became friends. We met face to face in '98 as friends. In '99 we began dating long-distance, with weekend visits once or twice a month. Things stayed that way until '02, when I joined him in San Antonio and we got married. Will be five years in March, and things are still going well.

I think you can have a relationship online, but there /is/ a difference between only online and something that has face-to-face aspects to it. I've had both. I have found the latter to be superior, but that is simply my opinion.

zuma

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 27

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 10:03:01 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

I think anything "online" is more or less by way of "introduction."
You can talk online and on the phone but at somepoint sooner rather than later you should meet in person.
Computers are an easy way to "meet" people and get to know each other but are secondary to a real "live" relationship I think.

(in reply to zumala)

Post #: 28

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 11:26:34 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

I'm gonna go out on a limb here mostly because I'm feeling philosophical.

I think cyberspace is a medium that encourages the sorts of transferences and projections that can be so central a part of D/s. One way to look at submission is in terms of obediance, and to submit is simply to obey the command of another with the "command" taking a verbal form. In effect, the one submitting grants the other authority, and in doing so, treats their words as law.

In the west, at least, we have a long history of granting authority to words, particularly written words and "the text" has always been an important source of authority. How many christians have met thier god? They don't have any problem worshipping and obeying him. In other words, they submit to a force they have never come into physical contact with. How often do we "look something up" when we are confused or uncertain? Even the simple act of looking at a road map to get to an unfamiliar city involves the granting of a text some authority, and in following a map we allow it to "control" our movements in space. The map doesn't tell us where to go, but it tells us how to get there, and we take its direction quite easily and with out much thought.

So, when I think about on-line D/s (not bd/sm) I think about it as another historically significant elaboration of how 'authority' can be manifest in a text. Because I've always been something of a compulsive reader, and am academically trained to treat texts as if they were real (I'm a historian...I work with old texts and try to reconstruct what 'reality' used to be like without any hope of physically going back in time to see if I'm right), its easy for me to get lost in a cyberreality and operate within its austere logic. The trick to making it work, at least in my experience, is to never ever ask the question if its real or not. Its a medium that moves on faith, and questioning whether or not someing is "real" is always fatal when it comes to matters of faith.

Does this mean I am likely to pursue an on-line D/s relationship? Nope. I have no faith. :)

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 29

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 11:40:20 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CandleInTheWind

I know i may raise a few hate threads onthis one but I have always wondered how anyone can concider writing back and forth and talking ont he phone and other non personal type things be called a real life D/s relationship. I dont know what anyone else's views are but well if i havent actually met someone i cannot say that i am involved with them...for all i know that person may very well be an inmate at the local prison! I feel that unless you have at least met in person that there cannot be a real time relationship of the D/s nature it is no different that a call a hot girl type of relationship.

little red

It worked for me! I never met him until he came to pick me up and take me home. It's been over 8 months now and I can honestly say I have never made a better decision for myself. Everyone is different and what works for one won't work for another. Just don't think it can't happen to some.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 30

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 11:49:13 AM

subjected2006

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline

nice to see you waxing philosophical..
and really good point about G-d

without faith in your Master ,you can't have real D/s.
So the equation would simply read :
faith+Domination/submission=D/s
on-line is only as real as both parties make it
face to face D/s encounters are only as real as both parties make it.
just sayin'

_____________________________

a rose is a rose..

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 31

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 2:39:11 PM

StacyCat

Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

To give an alternative point of view.

I have had several friends that I talked with online. We were perfect for each other, sharing our deepest desires and secrets, comforting each other in times of trial, all that "relationship" type stuff. Yet, it never materialized in person. When we met, in person, it was akward, and had none of the spark we had online. Parting ways, we still are able to communicate like that online, we just realize we cant do it in person.

I do not have online "relationships." If someone wants a relationship with me, I dont mind the long distance, but I cant say for certain if I will date them without meeting them in person. I also think that those that choose to have only an online relationship are missing something fundamentally needed in relationships. Without physical touch, my relationships would whither and die.

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 32

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 5:56:09 PM

subjected2006

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline

yes..I have some friends I have met after talking to them for awhile on line.
the first person I met after "on line" was the oddest.
After that first meet I just know things will be "different" , so I am prepared.
It is difficult to go from online to phone ,and then back to on line..

_____________________________

a rose is a rose..

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 33

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 6:36:30 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CandleInTheWind

I know i may raise a few hate threads onthis one but I have always wondered how anyone can concider writing back and forth and talking ont he phone and other non personal type things be called a real life D/s relationship. I dont know what anyone else's views are but well if i havent actually met someone i cannot say that i am involved with them...for all i know that person may very well be an inmate at the local prison! I feel that unless you have at least met in person that there cannot be a real time relationship of the D/s nature it is no different that a call a hot girl type of relationship.

I once was engaged to sommoene for 18 months, we actually had dated for six months straight befoe he went over seas to his new duty station i engaged by proxy... he proposed to over the phone and recieved from his brother at the same yes i realize it was a strange set up but at the time i was 19 and my mom forbade me going to japan and stayign without a chaperone before being married...and so we had spent about 6 months apart before he proposed bu we spent another year apart prior to his return...and at that time the engagement was broken becasu ehe was at 21 bright enought o know that we barely knew each other anymore..

and so i was wondering what anyone else feels about this

little red

My eyes hurt.

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 34

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 7:25:42 PM

CandleInTheWind

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

i was not saying it was something wrong   just was wondering how this actually worked.....Married people that are separated temporarily due to work or military or what ever reason....they are of course still married.. as i said i myself concidered myself engaged even though more than half of my relationship was spent away from the man...

I think we all need to take our selves out of the WWII and Korea era....unfortunately divorce is running rampant around the world and well the WWII and Korea era marriages really do not have anything in common with anything that is going on with the world today.  I would love to actually take a survey to find out how many women are able to stay home full time and take care of the houe and home and have Mr Master work a traditional 40 hour work week and come home and take out the trash and mow the lawn. Also as far as arranged marriages due to religious and culural matters they just do not apply in this particular situation....

I was referring to those who have NEVER EVER MET and never plan on meeting and have "accepted a collar" I am wondering how that works. I am avoiding using the word REAL   I oppologize for using it i shall strike it from ever using it! reality is subjective!   I am just wondering why be in a relationship that is not and may neverbe an in person one?   I do not usually mix my apple with my oranges...for me it (D/s) is more about the interaction/personal relationship rather than a sexual relationship...Hanging me from a set of cuffs is not an appetizer to sexual intercourse to me...it is of itself....yes alot of people do not get me in that part of it ...and so with that said i was just wondering what do you do with a log distance D/s relationship?? Is it not just an additional pen pal type of relationship?

Notice i didnt say BDSM obviously that would be difficult to attain. but how does a D/s relationship work?

please excuse my past use of the word REAL????

Have a great day and i do hope that the lettering is large enough for those of you with difficulty reading the other font size i used....and thank you for the input...bigger evidentally is better

little red

this 2006 and we are all free to choose whom we are invovled with. I was just wondering what the relationships are concidered.

< Message edited by CandleInTheWind -- 11/20/2006 7:42:20 PM >

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to Mikal)

Post #: 35

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 7:35:47 PM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

I am not sure about the accepting a collar because for me accepting a collar without meeting is like getting married without meeting the spouse however, for me D/s is very mental and without a meeting of the minds the physical end isn't worth shit. A man can spank my ass and punishment me but if I have not mentally submitted to him, it's just a spanking and the punishment would have no real meaning.

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 36

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 8:49:35 PM

SamKeithsslave

Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
You can correspond by mail, email and phone all you want...and THINK you know the person...and THINK they know you...but, in the end, until you live with someone, you really don't know.

My opinion...learned from my experience.

I'm sorry your LDR ended badly, but I'd say that the downfall of the relationship may well have been more due to how young you were when you married than any other factor. The fact you had studied and gotten a Masters etc also tends to change a person. Had you both been together as you studied the changes may have been more gradual and maybe the relationship would have survived. I married at 21, and that was a disaster that I allowed to go on for way too long, but then I had bought kids into the mix by then.
You certainly dont know anyone 100% till you live with them, and even then you can sometimes be decieved for a while

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 37

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 8:52:43 PM

SamKeithsslave

Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

I think anything "online" is more or less by way of "introduction."
You can talk online and on the phone but at somepoint sooner rather than later you should meet in person.
Computers are an easy way to "meet" people and get to know each other but are secondary to a real "live" relationship I think.

Exactly, the aim should be to meet eventually in person, unless of course you are the type who is happy to keep it online only, which is ok too, as long as your happy

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 38

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 9:03:18 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

some people prefer the safety of online over the unknown elements of real life. maybe they're over-cautious, who knows,

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)

Post #: 39

RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship - 11/20/2006 9:11:32 PM

SamKeithsslave

Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

some people prefer the safety of online over the unknown elements of real life. maybe they're over-cautious, who knows,

Your right, online is safe and I dont believe you can be too cautious when choosing (or allowing to be chosen by) a Master.

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: never met? how can it be a real relationship

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094