knkywch
Posts: 53
Joined: 7/23/2004
From: Cal-iFORN-eye-yay
Status: offline
|
Sting, I think that's a very valid and pertinent point you bring up about the reasons behind why someone might carry a lot of extra weight on their bodies... Interesting thing, the interplay between wanting to not be thought of as desirable (so as not to invite the same abuse scenario) but showing up in the BDSM world which overtly mingles sexuality, desirability, and scenarios that can look abusive (intense sensation play, bondage, mock rape and rough sex, resistance play, humiliation play, and so forth).
My inital logic says that someone who wants to avoid abuse - especially abuse associated with sexual behaviors and being perceived as desirable - would NOT want to venture into the BDSM world at all as it would seem too scary, too overtly vulnerable.
However, I notice an alternate path of logic that says that folks with abuse in their history might explore BDSM for a couple of core (conscious or not) reasons. 1) To relive the abuse because there was some twisted/strange pleasure associated with the event(s), usually the part about feeling desired or 2) To relive the abuse and transform it into personal empowerment, claiming not just any pleasure associated with original events, but claiming the power to move from victim role to survivor role.
I grok that there are a myriad of reasons for 1) one's body/shape/size/weight and 2) one's choice to explore erotic power exchange. It is my belief that we can think about and discuss this stuff til the cows come home and not understand the dynamics of an individual's path until we truly see and learn about the individual. Abuse may or may not play a part. Compulsive or addictive eating/starvation/purging may or may not play a part. Genetics may or may not play a part. Other illnesses or medications may or may not play a part. And on and on.
Side story: Years ago when I first came out into the BDSM community, I was seeking a teacher as I wanted to acquire some competence in WIIWD. Almost immediately, I connected with a wonderful dominant man who became my first (and only!) master. Early in our talk, he mentioned that he usually did not go for women of my size (overweight, Rubenesque, zaftig... pick a word). BUT, there was powerful energy between us and... despite what he knew to be true about his "type", we embarked on a significant erotic power exchange relationship for many months.
Interestingly, I was the one who ended the master/slave relationship because I realized that being his slave was not what I truly wanted in the long term. He was very hurt, upset and angry with me for quite a while. It was hard to witness that... but I stayed true to myself, kept my heart open and loving towards him, AND made sure I was scrupulously honest, respectful, and clear in my communications with him.
After some healing time, not only was he emotionally okay, he let me know he appreciated how I handled ending (more accurately, changing) the relationship -- lovingly, without undue drama/trauma or making him wrong. That was his first time having such an honorable "break up" experience. To this day, we are friends. We each got to learn from the other... ALL because he was willing and able to bypass his preconceived notions of body "type".
It serves me to just stay as conscious as possible about my judgments of others and my own behaviors, to be open to others and accept them for who they are in any given moment with as much kindness and politeness as I can muster, and to keep my heart open and stay true to myself around who and what attracts me in any given moment.
Peace,
kw
_____________________________
I don't think I'm gay. I don't think I'm straight. I think I'm just slutty. Where's MY parade? -Margaret Cho-
|
RE: More on the weight thing... - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread