blind trust

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defiantbadgirl -> blind trust (11/21/2006 7:59:38 AM)
Are potential slaves and subs really expected to go without hard limits and/or a safe word the first time they meet a dom? I've always thought that took a great deal of trust, which only develops over time. Why do most doms expect blind trust and are turned off when a sub won't give it?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 8:13:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Are potential slaves and subs really expected to go without hard limits and/or a safe word the first time they meet a dom? Well the first time you meet a dom, most people don't even get into anything which would necessitate discussion of limtis and safe words. Or at least they claim they don't. I can't imagine why anyone would expect to go from "just meeting" to "You will leave your job and family for me tomorrow" on any realistic level. While it HAS happened, it shouldn't be expected. quote: I've always thought that took a great deal of trust, which only develops over time. Why do most doms expect blind trust and are turned off when a sub won't give it? Cuz they are insecure dumbasses who don't understand the process of authority and just want to be spoiled- and often know how to shame and guilt the sub into getting what they want for at least awhile.

raiken -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 8:27:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Why do most doms expect blind trust and are turned off when a sub won't give it? Because they are filled with moronic idiocy, and aint worth the seat of their pants, that's why! ~grinz...that felt good! ~smile

mnottertail -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 8:34:12 AM)
I think you are misunderstanding, they want you to turn over your financial securities including stocks and bonds in a blind trust, and heres why........ Lets say you own stock in Victorias Secret or Fredricks of Hollywood or Blistex any number of other instruments. You are to be naked on your knees with chapped lips................ Can't you see the conflict of interest there? Really, it is for your own good............... MasterFinancialPlanner

Kalira -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 8:41:59 AM)
quote: Are potential slaves and subs really expected to go without hard limits and/or a safe word the first time they meet a dom? No one is EXPECTED to do anything that they do not wish to do. Now if you were to ask if some of us DID follow that, your answers would be indeed be different. quote: I've always thought that took a great deal of trust, which only develops over time I automatically trust, until I am shown that such trust is misplaced. Over time, my trust in a person either GROWS or diminishes.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 8:45:36 AM)
Good point. Giving blind trust to someone by agreeing to no limits or safeword the first meeting is as stupid as giving them financial control. What I can't understand is why so many doms expect it. Are they secretly subs that just like being turned down? lol

raiken -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 8:47:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Good point. Giving blind trust to someone by agreeing to no limits or safeword the first meeting is as stupid as giving them financial control. What I can't understand is why so many doms expect it. Are they secretly subs that just like being turned down? lol i have met some doms who i truly twuly believe are latent subs.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 8:47:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl What I can't understand is why so many doms expect it. Are they secretly subs that just like being turned down? lol I thought I already answered this? In honesty, they aren't turned down that often- if they pick their prey wisely at least.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 8:50:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kalira quote: Are potential slaves and subs really expected to go without hard limits and/or a safe word the first time they meet a dom? No one is EXPECTED to do anything that they do not wish to do. Now if you were to ask if some of us DID follow that, your answers would be indeed be different. quote: I've always thought that took a great deal of trust, which only develops over time I automatically trust, until I am shown that such trust is misplaced. Over time, my trust in a person either GROWS or diminishes. Doesn't it scare you to place that much trust in someone you barely know? How do you find the courage to allow a stranger to do anything he wants to you with no safeword?

mnottertail -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 8:53:31 AM)
????? OK, your safeword is Ratfuck; so you are all set. Now come here and let me do anything I want. Ron

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 9:02:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Doesn't it scare you to place that much trust in someone you barely know? How do you find the courage to allow a stranger to do anything he wants to you with no safeword? She didn't say she put ABSOLUTE and TOTAL trust over EVERYTHING to someone. Just that she trusted them. All social interactions require some modicum of trust in order to exist at all.

koimizu -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 9:24:42 AM)
Points to journal entry titled Insto-Submission and then shakes head Because they want a flesh pillow. Not familiar with the term? Look up the imagery in correlation to japanese hentai or guro.

Kalira -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 9:28:59 AM)
quote: Doesn't it scare you to place that much trust in someone you barely know? How do you find the courage to allow a stranger to do anything he wants to you with no safeword? No it does not scare me. I have always placed a huge amount of FAITH into my own instincts, and as of yet, they have not let me down. Ahh, but you see; just because I have not 'physically' met the person does not mean that he is a stranger. Master and I spent ALOT of time talking, both on here and on the phone. My instincts told me he was a good person. I trusted in that. Yes, I could have been proven wrong, but I would rather go through life experiencing it to it's fullest, rather than be afraid to take a chance once in awhile. Just how I look at things though.

slaveMastery -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 10:43:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Are potential slaves and subs really expected to go without hard limits and/or a safe word the first time they meet a dom? I believe the trust question has been elaborated ad nauseam already. About the first part of the question: DO you have hard limits in the first place? If so, why would you choose to put those aside for meeting a Dom? Once something is a hard limit it is just that, regardless of whether you're sitting at your desk at work, taking a shower or meeting someone for the first (or 27th) time. If you have sufficently spent time getting to know the Dom and communicating (two-way process!) with him, he should be aware of your hard limits. Should you NOT have communicated enough with him so that he does not know you HAVE hard limits, you have no business meeting him. And you certainly have no business preparing for any activities that would entail the use of a safe word. Unless you have an overwhelming need for brutal-rape-and-being-sold-into-sexual-slavery-servitude-in-Bumfucktistan-fetishes! Be well, Randy

Archer -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 11:06:28 AM)
Because the basic problem is folks not knowing the difference between a Dominant and an Asshole in a black leather vest. (credit to boymeat of TES for the paraphrase)

DiurnalVampire -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 11:13:27 AM)
I prefer when a sub comes to me with ideas about limits, as a framework. I dont want the restrictions of a list of "I refuse to even try this ever" right off the bat. Especially with newcomers, who I dont believe can HAVE that many limits since they havent had the chance to try much if anything. Rather when a sub meets with me for the first time, I prefer to hear interests. I want to know the positive aspects of what they want to learn rather than the negatives. If there are any hard limits, I wil respect them initialy, and I will expect them to be reevaluated after the relationship has gone somewhere. I think tat is one thing a lot of people, Dom and sub, forget. Limits are not written in stone, so no matter what you bring to the table the first day, it might change a hundred times before you settle into what works for you as a pair. DV

slaveMastery -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 11:21:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire I prefer when a sub comes to me with ideas about limits, as a framework. I dont want the restrictions of a list of "I refuse to even try this ever" right off the bat. Especially with newcomers, who I dont believe can HAVE that many limits since they havent had the chance to try much if anything. Rather when a sub meets with me for the first time, I prefer to hear interests. I want to know the positive aspects of what they want to learn rather than the negatives. If there are any hard limits, I wil respect them initialy, and I will expect them to be reevaluated after the relationship has gone somewhere. I think tat is one thing a lot of people, Dom and sub, forget. Limits are not written in stone, so no matter what you bring to the table the first day, it might change a hundred times before you settle into what works for you as a pair. DV I am in perfect agreement with the philosophical take that limits -and particularly hard limits- are mental, emotional and/or physical blockages that can be overcome with trust, time, love, training and trust (and did I mention trust yet?). Over time and with trust, (hard) limits are to be overcome and outgrown. Yet in this particular scenario, we are talking about the categorical expectation of abandonment of any type of limits for the sake meeting some potential (let me borrow here) Asshole in a black leather vest for the very first time. NOT a good way to start things off!! Randy

LordVelvet -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 11:29:05 AM)
I don't expect "blind trust" but if they are meeting ME then there is already trust. I also put MY trust in them when meeting with them. It is not a "blind trust" as I don't just meet anyone. I have to have some sort of sense of who they are. As far as a safeword it would be something that would need to be discussed on a case by case basis. Some like it, some don't and others don't know.

Mercnbeth -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 11:35:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer Because the basic problem is folks not knowing the difference between a Dominant and an Asshole in a black leather vest. (credit to boymeat of TES for the paraphrase) Archer, But what of the other end of the flogger? Does self identifying as a submissive relinquish the person from self responsibility? It's a given that as information regarding 'alternative lifestyle' (whatever that is) has become more mainstream more people have access. For many this has been positive. People who thought they were alone in their desires or were led to believe that desires and fantasies were 'evil' and 'depraved' learned. Some even found compatible partners and found contentment. However, the 'dark side' of this force was that the inherent dynamic of dominance and submission was fertile ground for the opportunists. Just yesterday there was a post from an individual who, by his own words, had no idea what this lifestyle was all about, but since he was "bored" by his social circles decided to see if this would entertain him. He listed being a "switch" which makes sense since it gives him the greatest opportunity of being entertained and amused. Would anyone challenge my belief that his attitude represents a majority of profiles and people on CM and similar sites? "Blind Trust"? I believe the proper approach is "Blind Cynicism". Be grateful when someone is stupid enough to show their true intentions by sending an ignorant message or unreasonable demand. You've just saved all the time and emotions you would have wasted if you exchanged 25 emails and phone calls to get to that point. Otherwise you should always have the question; "why am I so blessed?" when your perfect 'dom' or perfect 'sub' drops themselves off at your doorstep. Ultimately you are responsible for you. You have the best chance of protecting you. Dom or sub, trust should only come and be given when it has been earned over time. Of course there are those that will tell you with a 'safe-word' you can cut through all that nonsense put on your blindfold and let your fears melt away.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: blind trust (11/21/2006 11:38:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Are potential slaves and subs really expected to go without hard limits and/or a safe word the first time they meet a dom? I've always thought that took a great deal of trust, which only develops over time. Why do most doms expect blind trust and are turned off when a sub won't give it? Any dominant that requires this without knowing someone and on a first meeting is an idiot. This isn't something that happens on a first meeting. Any sub that does this doesn't have much sense either. This is a definant red flag and the sub should run away as fast as they can.

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