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RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 11:47:42 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
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quote:

Any dominant that requires this without knowing someone and on a first meeting is an idiot. This isn't something that happens on a first meeting. Any sub that does this doesn't have much sense either. This is a definant red flag and the sub should run away as fast as they can.

For yourself, and for a great many others, this may hold true. However, I had no second thoughts about letting Master take a cane to me on our first meeting. Nor did I 'sweat' the fact that if I yelled out 'stop', chances are he would not unless he actually saw something that told him to.

This does not mean that I have no sense in regards to self-preservation; only that I trusted my instincts about him from the very first.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 12:01:14 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

quote:

Any dominant that requires this without knowing someone and on a first meeting is an idiot. This isn't something that happens on a first meeting. Any sub that does this doesn't have much sense either. This is a definant red flag and the sub should run away as fast as they can.

For yourself, and for a great many others, this may hold true. However, I had no second thoughts about letting Master take a cane to me on our first meeting. Nor did I 'sweat' the fact that if I yelled out 'stop', chances are he would not unless he actually saw something that told him to.

This does not mean that I have no sense in regards to self-preservation; only that I trusted my instincts about him from the very first.


Letting someone cane you and not having any limits on the first meeting are not the same. I was talking about not having any limits on first meeting. Please read all the way through the next time. 

< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 11/21/2006 12:03:33 PM >

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 12:04:28 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		/raises an eyebrow and smiles

Sweet cheeks

I did read it all the way through



_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 12:07:31 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Well, you definatly do not understand what I am saying then. Moving on.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 12:08:44 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
Are potential slaves and subs really expected to go without hard limits and/or a safe word the first time they meet a dom?

Well the first time you meet a dom, most people don't even get into anything which would necessitate discussion of limtis and safe words.

Or at least they claim they don't.

I can't imagine why anyone would expect to go from "just meeting" to "You will leave your job and family for me tomorrow" on any realistic level.  While it HAS happened, it shouldn't be expected.

quote:

I've always thought that took a great deal of trust, which only develops over time. Why do most doms expect blind trust and are turned off when a sub won't give it?

Cuz they are insecure dumbasses who don't understand the process of authority and just want to be spoiled- and often know how to shame and guilt the sub into getting what they want for at least awhile.


She says it best as always.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 12:09:15 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

Does self identifying as a submissive relinquish the person from self responsibility?

In my opinion no. Master could have beaten me to within an inch of my life and I would have had no one to blame but myself

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 12:16:14 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Are potential slaves and subs really expected to go without hard limits and/or a safe word the first time they meet a dom? I've always thought that took a great deal of trust, which only develops over time. Why do most doms expect blind trust and are turned off when a sub won't give it?


Limits are fine.

I try to limit my involvement with individuals who are willing, based on a small number of personal experiences, to make grandiose negative pronouncements about "most doms," "most blacks," "most Republicans," or for that matter, most anything.

It may or may not be that this kind of laziness in speech and thought is an indicator of laziness in various other areas of interaction. That is just a suspicion. I don't have enough information to draw that kind of conclusion. It does raise a red flag for me, though, and I do know that I find it extremely unattractive.



(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 1:04:32 PM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Well -
 
Please, list all of the dominants who expect this of you so we can judge whether they (really are) 'most' - or whether these are the few that you have spoken to recently.
 
I never insist on anything from a person I am not totally intimate with... unless they tell me that they want me to - then I ask for whatever I can get.
 
And, "trust" is never 'blind'. It is sometimes dumb as a stump - but, people can always see what is coming.
 
~J

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Are potential slaves and subs really expected to go without hard limits and/or a safe word the first time they meet a dom? I've always thought that took a great deal of trust, which only develops over time. Why do most doms expect blind trust and are turned off when a sub won't give it?


_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 1:11:52 PM   
PONYSEEKER


Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Because the basic problem is folks not knowing the difference between a Dominant and an Asshole in a black leather vest. (credit to boymeat of TES for the paraphrase)




You know Archer ... the more I read your posts the more and more I agree with you.... couldnt have said it better myself

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 1:25:36 PM   
IvyP


Posts: 43
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline 		i've havent laughed this much since your last post mnottertail.....nice blind trust replies

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Blind trust? - 11/21/2006 1:29:57 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Are potential slaves and subs really expected to go without hard limits and/or a safe word the first time they meet a dom? I've always thought that took a great deal of trust, which only develops over time. Why do most doms expect blind trust and are turned off when a sub won't give it?


From my own experience, trust and obedience depends upon the level of intimacy and discussion shared during or prior to one's physical audience with another. The meeting of the minds is the most important meeting of all; how long this takes is dependant upon the two souls involved.

If both dispense with the facades and embrace responsibility for their actions, complete dominance and surrender can happen relatively quickly. Those who would rather skip the process of determining compatibility, worth and authenticity do so at their own risk.

Numerous prospective servants don't get past the first few exchanges with me. I am quite particular about what I seek and for many the trails to me often run cold before long. Regardless of age, beauty or "wisdom," I take it upon myself to protect them by not offering that easy, ephemeral tinsel to get what I want in the short-term. This process usually takes time if you care about it.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 1:41:14 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Good point. Giving blind trust to someone by agreeing to no limits or safeword the first meeting is as stupid as giving them financial control. What I can't understand is why so many doms expect it. Are they secretly subs that just like being turned down? lol


What I can't understand is why you think so many doms expect it.?

What is your pool of doms that you seem to make this rather derogatory assessment of the Dominants in this lifestyle.  Are  you fishing in many pools... or is your great assessment based only on the various contacts you gain from a place like collarme.

I have found that making judgements of a universal or even majority assessment when the pool of people is nicks on a screen to be highly unrealiable.  I suspect that if you went out to community events and met the many active individuals in the various communities you would find it actually would be an rare exception to find a Dominant individual that would expect no limits.. or safewords on the first meeting.  I have found most to be more much realistic in their expectations

It is becoming more and more obvious to me the individuals that spend active time out in the various communities... they seem to avoid the assessments that are based on the internet gene pool.....  the sad fact is.. the internet gene pool is rather low as far as any reliability to judge.   Sad for those that must make their assessements based on this pool... for seldom are their preceptions going to be of any realistic value of what is out in the face to face community.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 11/21/2006 1:42:58 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 3:06:12 PM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How do you find the courage to allow a stranger to do anything he wants to you with no safeword?


I dont allow a "stranger" to do ANYTHING to me.. much less anything he wants to do...thats just foolish..Why would you play with a stranger?

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My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 3:08:35 PM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

And, "trust" is never 'blind'. It is sometimes dumb as a stump - but, people can always see what is coming.
 


OMG.. can I keep that one??? can I can I can I PUHLEEZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was great       

(edited because I cannot spell I correctly)

< Message edited by RedSavageSlave -- 11/21/2006 3:10:38 PM >

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to LordODiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 6:59:57 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Are potential slaves and subs really expected to go without hard limits and/or a safe word the first time they meet a dom? I've always thought that took a great deal of trust, which only develops over time. Why do most doms expect blind trust and are turned off when a sub won't give it?


Any dominant that requires this without knowing someone and on a first meeting is an idiot. This isn't something that happens on a first meeting. Any sub that does this doesn't have much sense either. This is a definant red flag and the sub should run away as fast as they can.


I love reading about how my Master of 2 1/2 years is an idiot. 

By the time we met, hours had been spent together on the phone, IM, email, etc.  Our level of intimacy was amazingly deep.  I came to him with no limits and no safe word.  It was the best move I've ever made in my life.  But I would not have made that move toward just anybody. 

Perhaps the opinions being expressed here are about first meets between those who have barely begun to get to know each other.  If that's the case, it might be wise to clarify that. 

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 8:21:12 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How do you find the courage to allow a stranger to do anything he wants to you with no safeword?


I dont allow a "stranger" to do ANYTHING to me.. much less anything he wants to do...thats just foolish..Why would you play with a stranger?


My sentiments exactly. 

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 8:24:00 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry for using the wrong wording. What I meant was, most of the doms I have talked to only want subs with no hard limits and no safeword. When I tell them I have hard limits and use a safe word, they aren't interested.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 9:21:29 PM   
ChaOz


Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Sorry for using the wrong wording. What I meant was, most of the doms I have talked to only want subs with no hard limits and no safeword. When I tell them I have hard limits and use a safe word, they aren't interested.


Count your blessings that you worked out they arent for you early on and have moved on. If someone doesnt take the time to actually get to know you then its probably not what your looking for anyway, but even PRO subs use safewords so dont really know what they are smoking.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: blind trust - 11/21/2006 10:42:08 PM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Are potential slaves and subs really expected to go without hard limits and/or a safe word the first time they meet a dom? I've always thought that took a great deal of trust, which only develops over time. Why do most doms expect blind trust and are turned off when a sub won't give it?


Greetings badgirl,

I will be straight to the point, I class myself as a Gorean Master, but I have to be logical about people's feelings and the bottom line, this is Earth.  I give them, slaves or subs, before meeting them safe words.  This is just logical in my eyes.  It is more, like you have said, a thing for trust and respect.  They trust me in their hearts to let me do anything, having that option for the safe words, and if they don't like anything...just to say no.  I mean I would want them to have the time as pleasure, for then I get pleasure and they get pleasure by giving me pleasure...and so the circle goes.

I am a quiet person, and have never been to a munch, have been invited, but never been.  When I play, or been intimate with another female, they have never told me that I was lacking in using any of the instruments, but then I always tell them upfront, why lie.

So do I give them safe words...yes.  Do I give them a leeway in play...yes.  They do not have my collar, and they always have the option of the door being opened and for them having that way to ease out of my life, simple.  No questions asked, no answers wanted, the door is there, use it, or stay.  They have the choice before the collar, simple.

Be well and take care.

Master Frank Ar.


< Message edited by FrankAr -- 11/21/2006 10:43:44 PM >

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: blind trust - 11/22/2006 3:20:28 AM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		LOL... it's your's.
 
~J


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

And, "trust" is never 'blind'. It is sometimes dumb as a stump - but, people can always see what is coming.
 


OMG.. can I keep that one??? can I can I can I PUHLEEZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was great       

(edited because I cannot spell I correctly)


_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 40
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