Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: confused sub


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: confused sub Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: confused sub - 11/24/2006 3:32:29 AM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtears

ty all for your advice. what you all have said is true about the drugs and the computer and my gutlessness.
only one thing wasnt correct he lives in my house i cant pack my bags and leave.i relocated from virginia. I sold my house bought one up here to be with him i know noone up here but him.
i think thats why i been trying so hard to make this work.
this situation has been this way since he moved out of his mothers house.i tried to talk to him today about it.about the computer
coming first and telling me to get away from him cuz he gonna  die in the game <he plays battlefield>.i told him hes always a zzombie <the drugs> he turned the issues all aaround and startin in on me and i asked if anything bothered u before why not tell me when it did or does..he was just
ignoring what i said about all this.and the point where he only "wants me when hes horny" is true and it doesnt make me very happy but i do it anyway cuz it pleases him
and i dont mind that but it does make me feel empty  but i always thought that was the way it was suppose to be to please him .anyways guess i'll see what happens when he gets home
<i just got yelled at for wasting his minutes on his cell for all this>


Damn girl, kick the loser's sorry arse back to Mum, sell the house, go back home and chalk the whole disaster up to the worst kind of experience.  Distance cures almost as thoroughly as time!
 
Focus.


Girlfriend. I've got to agree with Focus here. If you don't have enough equity to sell the house, find a good property manager to rent it out. Move away from this loser - his behavior (and I refuse to capitalize the "h" in "his") is not that of a good Dom, not that of even a mediocre Dom. He is a user / abuser. There are too many great Doms out here for you to waste another minute on this one.

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: confused sub - 11/24/2006 2:55:59 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

i do love him

Too bad it doesn't sound like he is returning it.



Im wondering what exactly it is she "does love" about him?  Situations like this are too much like co-dependency..which is soo NOT love.  Maybe she needs to learn to love herself more?


Like it would be the first time someone said that about a sub?

To the OP you say you don't like where you are, but what moves have you made to change it? I see that you "try to please him" and that's not what I mean. Changing the behavior or feelings of others isn't possible, no matter how hard or long we will it. It sounds like he broke any ownership contract he had with you a long time ago. The question is what are you willing to do about it?


_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: confused sub - 11/24/2006 3:01:00 PM   
untamedshysub


Posts: 220
Joined: 2/26/2005
Status: offline 		you are in love with what he can be not what he is ( speaking from experience) and leaving will not be easy and you will miss what you think you have for awhile but one day you will look back and think  what did I have and you will see that you have settled because you were afraid of something . For me it was being alone but I have come to enjoy my company.  Good luck

(in reply to ChaOz)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: confused sub - 11/24/2006 5:09:52 PM   
fireflyred


Posts: 13
Joined: 11/5/2006
Status: offline 		sidetalking to focus 50:

in reference to: Firefly red/masterkinla adds: "just trying to have a fair and balanced view. Good luck to you love, will send email."

????

Masterkinla is my master....and so yes, I still have his back...I posted that for him,...

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: confused sub - 11/25/2006 3:04:54 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fireflyred

sidetalking to focus 50:

in reference to: Firefly red/masterkinla adds: "just trying to have a fair and balanced view. Good luck to you love, will send email."

????

Masterkinla is my master....and so yes, I still have his back...I posted that for him,...

Awww, no capital 'F' as per my nic and calling me 'love', ta boot!  With such petulent attitude, you can't seriously expect I'll open any email you might send, do you?  lol  You got something further to say, public board works fine for me - right where it started....
 
That aside and in case you haven't noticed, I'm all for your desiring a "fair and balanced view", so yes, please let us have both sides of any difference!  But it's unrealistic and just ain't gonna happen 99% of the time.

Focus.

(in reply to fireflyred)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: confused sub - 11/25/2006 7:23:32 AM   
xBullx


Posts: 4206
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Dear Masterless wench,

  Amazing, simply fuckin amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!! Certainly restrains the old Goreans tongue on this one..............................Wait, a girl with no intelligence or self worth is useless to a man that his courage and conviction. I don't know this fellows story beyond the fact he sounds like a child with a big boys body. Yes a slut is supposed to be all pleasing and serve her MAN well, but find a man first. Oh, nm, wtf......................(growls and ponders some asprin) Some things just piss me off....If you want fair and balanced see FOX news.

Just serve well,

Bull

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: confused sub - 11/25/2006 4:59:50 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Pack up his stuff and drop it back off at his mother's place. Change the locks.
You'll be waiting forever for him to grow up. He's an addict and not a master because he's not in control, the drugs are.

Sell the house, rent it, take in roommates to pay the bills for now. Lots of options.

Take back your life and next time don't pack up everything and move just because someone sounds good from far away.

(in reply to xBullx)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: confused sub - 11/25/2006 10:07:52 PM   
TopZippy


Posts: 29
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Cloquet, MN
Status: offline 		subtears,
While I had suggested earlier that you work on the communication aspect first, I believe you should end it based on what I have just read:

ty all for your advice. what you all have said is true about the drugs and the computer and my gutlessness.
only one thing wasnt correct he lives in my house i cant pack my bags and leave.i relocated from virginia. I sold my house bought one up here to be with him i know noone up here but him.
i think thats why i been trying so hard to make this work.
this situation has been this way since he moved out of his mothers house.i tried to talk to him today about it.about the computer
coming first and telling me to get away from him cuz he gonna  die in the game <he plays battlefield>.i told him hes always a zzombie <the drugs> he turned the issues all aaround and startin in on me and i asked if anything bothered u before why not tell me when it did or does..he was just
ignoring what i said about all this.and the point where he only "wants me when hes horny" is true and it doesnt make me very happy but i do it anyway cuz it pleases him
and i dont mind that but it does make me feel empty  but i always thought that was the way it was suppose to be to please him .anyways guess i'll see what happens when he gets home
<i just got yelled at for wasting his minutes on his cell for all this>

ty all .

I would suggest ending it, seriously. Do you really need him? Or do you have the strength to stand up for what is important to you? I am sure you do, and if you doubt it consider this: you had the strength to give the gift of your submission to another person. That is not a weakness, but a strength of character that by itself can take you far in this life. Don't accept less than you deserve!

TopZippy

(in reply to subtears)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: confused sub - 11/26/2006 2:23:42 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TopZippy

subtears,
While I had suggested earlier that you work on the communication aspect first, I believe you should end it based on what I have just read:

ty all for your advice. what you all have said is true about the drugs and the computer and my gutlessness.

Yikes mate, when I read the first "bold' line of your post, I thought you were the drugged up computer geek dom from the OP!  lmao
 
Seriously, and I'm not entirely sure if you know it or not, but if you want to quote someone's post, go to that post then click on the "Quote" icon on the top/right of that post's window - betwixt 'Reply' and 'Fwd'....
 
Focus.

(in reply to TopZippy)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: confused sub - 11/26/2006 3:39:31 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		This has already been said by others and probably better than i can say it, but back in the 70s (yes, before many of you were born) there was a book entitled "Looking Out for #1"  The premise being that a person is useless to others until they start treating themselves right.  The opening chapter is called the One to a Box theory in that despite our self-sacrifice and martyrdom, when we die we leave this world the same way we came in...alone.  There is only one person with whom we actually spend 24/7/365 and that is ourselves.  People use drugs and other devices to try to escape themselves but never can.  SO it behoves us to make peace with ourselves, love ourselves and treat ourselves in the highest possible regard so that we can be healthy enough to serve others.

It's your house?  Write a 30-day notice to quit.  Then have the guy evicted on the 31st day. 



_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: confused sub - 11/26/2006 5:53:32 AM   
TopZippy


Posts: 29
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Cloquet, MN
Status: offline 		I realized that after a bit, and will do so in the future. Thanks for pointing that out! <grin>

TopZippy

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: confused sub - 11/26/2006 8:55:25 AM   
abondanzaisme


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		You have given him time, placed yourself in his domain, and if he is not progressing in the relationship with you or interacting with you, releasing yourself is the best option.  It does take a little bit of time to 'establish' a relationship, but in this case it appears that the only thing that has been established is that he is not interested in the same thing you are.

Ultimately, you need to seek your bliss, but it doesn't seem as if you can find it with him, and it takes effort on both parts as well as love.

(in reply to subtears)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: confused sub - 11/26/2006 10:47:13 AM   
blackwinterbyrd


Posts: 112
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline 		Hey!  Both of you are consumed by computer games and I am consumed by intoxication, legal and otherwise. :)  I suppose all the dragging about for the purposes of sex in our home is consentual and fun tho ;)
Miss you doll.

(in reply to Ashkitty)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: confused sub - 11/26/2006 10:50:37 AM   
blackwinterbyrd


Posts: 112
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline 		er...didn't you say in another post
1) would you miss them if they were gone?
2) is being in the relationship bad for you?
and if the answer was yes....end it.  Now I'm extra confused by this advice.  Moreover, when using similar guidelines the answer to number 1 is always "yes, but."

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: confused sub - 11/27/2006 3:07:34 PM   
Verdi


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline 		Run, don't walk from him. Find someone that makes you #1

(in reply to ChaOz)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: confused sub - 11/27/2006 3:14:45 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		What a loser.

(in reply to MmakeMme)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: confused sub - 11/27/2006 3:22:33 PM   
sunnydays


Posts: 116
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		once in a nilla relationship, my man wasnt appreciating everything i dod for him..which was just about everything,, so.. for a week i stopped, i didnt do his washing, only mine, i didnt cook for him, only enough for me etc.... as i see it from the info given, you have far more issues to deal with than your kink relationship, there are fundamental relationship problems here htat need addressing before anything else here..and maybe...just maybe, him realiseng you do alot for him may make him realsie how precious you really are.. adn if not.. its time you found someone who does

(in reply to ChaOz)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: confused sub - 11/28/2006 1:38:00 PM   
Webmaster60


Posts: 396
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtears
i have asked him over and over what he would like for me to do for him.. i  get ill talk to
you later about it, he never does.So i try different things for him i get no reaction.When it comes to sex i get replies like its too late<so i goto bed early he stays on the puter>


My answer my not be popular but it is up to your Master to TELL you what he wants and requires of you.  Its not enough for him to tell you simply whats wrong, but specific instructions on how to make it right!

If he sins in silence.. His loss.


_____________________________

Master Michael
~~~~~~~~~~
"To sin in silence when he should
speak makes cowards of men"

(in reply to subtears)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: confused sub - 11/28/2006 2:29:26 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Webmaster60

My answer my not be popular but it is up to your Master to TELL you what he wants and requires of you.  Its not enough for him to tell you simply whats wrong, but specific instructions on how to make it right!

If he sins in silence.. His loss.



In a case where he's truly being a Master sir, I would agree with you fully.
But this appears to be a little boy who's lost without his Momma.......


_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Webmaster60)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: confused sub - 11/28/2006 4:25:45 PM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		Regardless of the two sides to every story aspect. One thing appears clear, one of the involved think communication is not working both ways, that is a fundamental issue. If either party feels that communication is lacking that is the first thing that must be dealt with.

Either force communication - trash the pc, flush the dope etc so that either comminication happens perhaps he will talk with nothing else to do, perhaps he will run back to momma where he can revert to type. BUT! Perhaps this could be a very risky option depending on the person involved, it could lead to non-consensual violence

Or option 2, do the kicking out/walking away as advocated by other posters here, but beware that if you kick him out and remain local there is the potential for unwanted trouble again.

There is a chance that if communication is forced upon him he could come round. Once many many years ago I had a communication problem (not lifestyle related but with other folks) all the things I was addicted to were taken from me and so I had to talk to the person who did me the favour of removing them, end result in this instance we all ended up happier better people.

_____________________________

Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: confused sub Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094