On Deception (Full Version)

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CelticPrince -> On Deception (11/21/2006 2:33:30 PM)

I am certain that there exist some threads on this subject in the past but I have neither the time nor inclination to search, so I will make my observations anew.

I do not casually read profiles upon sign in, but by habit I do read the first one up. I read it fulling including any journal entries.

At an alarming rate there is a significant increase in the number of rants and bruised egos from sub/slaves lamenting their victim status of a cad Dom/Domme that has not been honest with them.

Ever hear the verse You will reap what you sow? The problem is almost exclusively related to expeding a relationship, and if a sub/slave attempts to hurry the relationship along faster than it was meant to be, failed expectations are the result.

In my view a experienced straight shooter Dom/Domme will not allow a relationship to mature too fast for several reasons. The most foremost being to insure that the D or the s will not be placed in a position that may lead to pressure to distort the truth.

Given sufficient time, even on line the candid nature of the other side of the slash will reveal itself without a huge investment in emotions.

Too both sides I say slow down and let the net do its work for the benifit of all.

Ponderings of CP



Morrigel -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 2:42:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
At an alarming rate there is a significant increase in the number of rants and bruised egos from sub/slaves lamenting their victim status of a cad Dom/Domme that has not been honest with them.


Here's a thought:  maybe people shouldn't lie about who they are, what they want, and what they have to offer.

Seems like that would clear things up right quick.

--M



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 2:42:44 PM)

Is this a CM season to rant about the obvious?

I haven't noticed any real increase in this. 

Even experienced people can get wrapped up and regret New Relationship Energy.



Squeakers -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 2:45:35 PM)

I think your ponderings do have a valid point.   I sometimes wonder why there seems to be a sort of desperation about finding a partner, (with some people) and I see it in D/s and in 'vanilla'.   Maybe it's because I am female that I notice that desperation more among my own gender.   I see this not only online but with my real life friends (vanilla included) who feel completely miserable unless they have a partner, then they jump into a relationship blindly and feel even more miserable because they've settled and now are 'trapped' in the relationship.  
I agree with the taking it slow approach.  



LTRsubNW -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 2:47:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

I am certain that there exist some threads on this subject in the past but I have neither the time nor inclination to search, so I will make my observations anew.

I do not casually read profiles upon sign in, but by habit I do read the first one up. I read it fulling including any journal entries.

At an alarming rate there is a significant increase in the number of rants and bruised egos from sub/slaves lamenting their victim status of a cad Dom/Domme that has not been honest with them.

Ever hear the verse You will reap what you sow? The problem is almost exclusively related to expeding a relationship, and if a sub/slave attempts to hurry the relationship along faster than it was meant to be, failed expectations are the result.

In my view a experienced straight shooter Dom/Domme will not allow a relationship to mature too fast for several reasons. The most foremost being to insure that the D or the s will not be placed in a position that may lead to pressure to distort the truth.

Given sufficient time, even on line the candid nature of the other side of the slash will reveal itself without a huge investment in emotions.

Too both sides I say slow down and let the net do its work for the benifit of all.

Ponderings of CP


It's pretty simple;  people are getting older, we have more history, many of the people on CM have been here a while, they've gone through unacceptable connections, certainly unappreciated ones, some have gotten hurt, others dissallusioned, it's perfectly normal.

People do silly things.

(And I would wholeheartedly agree with your last sentence).



Quivver -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 3:09:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

I am certain that there exist some threads on this subject in the past but I have neither the time nor inclination to search, so I will make my observations anew.

I do not casually read profiles upon sign in, but by habit I do read the first one up. I read it fulling including any journal entries.

At an alarming rate there is a significant increase in the number of rants and bruised egos from sub/slaves lamenting their victim status of a cad Dom/Domme that has not been honest with them.

Ever hear the verse You will reap what you sow? The problem is almost exclusively related to expeding a relationship, and if a sub/slave attempts to hurry the relationship along faster than it was meant to be, failed expectations are the result.

In my view a experienced straight shooter Dom/Domme will not allow a relationship to mature too fast for several reasons. The most foremost being to insure that the D or the s will not be placed in a position that may lead to pressure to distort the truth.

Given sufficient time, even on line the candid nature of the other side of the slash will reveal itself without a huge investment in emotions.

Too both sides I say slow down and let the net do its work for the benifit of all.

Ponderings of CP


CP, I'm a profile reader, they teach me, entertain me and some even surprise me. 
Thing is, what you've noticed about all the apathy is NOT limited to only sub's profiles, many dominants also state their woe's.  Heck I've even noticed couples profiles echoing the same frame of mind.  .. ... .. I agree with you on a fix, everybody needs to just slow down! 



CelticPrince -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 3:12:27 PM)

Moririgel,

now why did I not think of that thought???

The thrust is to get people to not set themselves up for it in the first place.

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 3:16:13 PM)

LA,

well perhaps you have the benifit of reading more profiles then I do, any while my statistical sampling may be small, it is telling a story.

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 3:18:59 PM)

Squeakers,

my point exactly, tho I think it is less in the vanilla world, simply because there is less on line to start with.

CP



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 3:21:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
LA,

well perhaps you have the benifit of reading more profiles then I do, any while my statistical sampling may be small, it is telling a story.

CP

Yes it does- but as the first part of your OP said, you know there's plenty of other threads on this exact same topic.

There's nothing wrong with rants, rants are a chunk of the net forums make-up.  I was simply noting that there really isn't an increase to this phenomena as I've seen it and that we seem to have a rash on CM lately of people making big rants about really obvious things.



CelticPrince -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 3:25:16 PM)

Quivver,

smiles, well we have our selcetion set differently, yous is for D's and thus you see that aspect.

I imagine it is true there also with the s side of the slash being less then straight up.

Thanks for your input / BTW, nice profile!

CP



MagiksSlave -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 3:27:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Is this a CM season to rant about the obvious?

I haven't noticed any real increase in this. 

Even experienced people can get wrapped up and regret New Relationship Energy.


Tis the season to be whiney!!!

Magik's slave



CelticPrince -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 3:28:30 PM)

LTR,

I do not see age as a prime factor, but in any case there is improvement to be had if folks try.

CP



Morrigel -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 3:34:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Moririgel,

now why did I not think of that thought???

The thrust is to get people to not set themselves up for it in the first place.


Honestly, I fail to see how "taking it slow" is the antidote for basic dishonesty.  I also fail to see how "new relationship energy" is equivalent to basic dishonesty.

Regardless of how fast or slow a relationship goes, a lie is a lie.  I assume we are talking about actual lies or damaging omissions of the truth, not about misunderstandings or assumptions which were not borne out upon examination.  There is a difference between assuming that someone was what you wanted--like say, single and able to re-locate--versus being told outright that he was not married and would be willing to move, or to help you move at the earliest opportunity, and finding out that this was not the case.

As for "setting oneself up for this"?  Again, I fail to see how longer-term relationships are the solution to a person who lies.  In fact, when it comes to revealing the basic dishonesty of another human being, in my opinion there is ABSOLUTELY no time like the present!  Lies are not improved or ameliorated whatsoever by greater duration--just the opposite, in fact.  The longer a deception goes on, the greater the pain of the victim when it is revealed.

Just my two cents.  I am not in favor of people being "desperate" or over-hasty in their commitments.  I am also not in favor of blaming the victim when someone tells deliberate falsehoods or leads people on in cruel and unnecessary ways.

A liar is a liar, and can blame no one but himself/herself for deception.

--M



CelticPrince -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 3:45:00 PM)

Morigel,

while you present some valid points, I have found that as atime progress, the misleading quotient becomes smaller and smaller.

TM



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 8:39:05 PM)

Ach!..human nature being what it is fast or slow ...Life happens!..the good, bad or boring....you can never avoid making mistakes in life or misjudgements of character..That is why as humans when life goes on, you learn more and more through mistakes and hopefully you eventually come out wiser,and more knowledgeable of yourself...Tempting



crouchingtigress -> RE: On Deception (11/21/2006 9:59:21 PM)

quote:

The problem is almost exclusively related to expeding a relationship

 
its really really hard to go slow in a d/s relationship... i have never been able to do it.....just my 2 cents.



Aine -> RE: On Deception (11/22/2006 9:18:33 AM)

Rushing doens't help.

But then again, lying is even worse.  I'd have to put my vote on lying/omission being the true focal point of disappointments and failures.



CelticPrince -> RE: On Deception (11/22/2006 9:25:49 AM)

Tempting,

I cannot argue with the premis that you comment on, but this is focused on possibly reducing the necessity to mis represent, not so much mistakes.

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: On Deception (11/22/2006 9:29:52 AM)

tigress,

Well as a D you have a better position to require the truth and your past experience helps in the regard.

CP



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