RE: Monogamy, D/s and you

RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (Full Version)

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adaddysgirl -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 6:18:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied For me, monogamy means monogamous in all ways....physical, emotional, mental. No need for others in any way or form. Like I said though, I think it's difficult to find in the lifestyle. So would you consider yourself monogamous in your relationship Katy? DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 6:19:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie You are welcome...and your profile is very touching, too...and no I'm not hitting on you LOL. [:D] (sorry for the hijack) Oh i don't mind the hijack. It is a nice pic....and i'm not hitting on her either.....lol DG

angelic -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 6:25:49 PM)
~fast reply to no one in particular~ i am absolutely monogamous. He needs to be too. No way in hell would i ever be part of a harem... it's just not who i am or who i choose to be. And, in my opinion, a Dom/Master who says i cannot have anyone else, but he may or may not... can... in my world, take a flying leap! [:D]

sub54 -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 7:09:56 PM)
Lady Alaria, Bless you! It's such a pleasure to read a Dominant's view on monogamy. No criticism of those with contrary opinions. As you said I don't know how people can settle for just one person, there are too many experiences to be enjoyed. Thank you for your perspective.

adaddysgirl -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 7:20:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Intimacy can certainly be expressed through physical means, but it originates in the feeling/energy/relationship of those involved. I know to a lot of people, they cannot experience certain physical acts without also experiencing an intimate emotional connection. I'm not one of those people. Yes, emotional and energy. Put it this way- even if I choose to live monogamously, I will always have the option open to change to non-monogamous life, as will all of my partners. For example, say tomorrow that all but one of my partners dies in a freak accident. I choose to stay with my one partner for 5 years as I mourn and rebuild and move on with my life. Essentially I'd be monogamous at that point. Now, I could stay like that forever and be happy. Or at 5 years and a day, I might meet someone and spark a connection- I'd be free to do whatever I wanted with that person. There is no EXPECTATION of continued monogamy. What you are saying is now clearer LA. With all the questions about monogamy and intimacy, i actually did look them up in the dictionary. Of course the common definition is being married to only one person at a time. But another is "The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time." For me, i had added the emotional and mental aspects as well. But i was not thinking of them being separate entities. This entire thread has given me a different perspective in my use of the term. In my OP, i spoke of that one dom who said he was monogamous but could play with others. i was not quite getting that. But with all these explanations of the distinction between physical and emotional monogamy, i am now understanding what he was saying. In your case, even if you were to suddenly become emotionally monogamous, you (nor your partner) would expect that for a lifetime. i see what you are saying too. Gawd i love these thought provoking threads! [&:] DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 7:26:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali quote: For me, monogamy means monogamous in all ways....physical, emotional, mental. No need for others in any way or form. That pretty much sums it up for me. So would you say both you and your Master are monogamous jali? DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 7:37:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: demistress I am currently polyamorous. But I have had monogamous relationships in the past, including my marriage. To me monogamous means not having intimate romantic interactions with other people. In person, online, on the phone, through the mail are all methods of cheating in MY opinion. To be absolutely clear, having extended lustful thoughts about another person is a bad sign, but is not cheating. Porn, books, videos, etc. that do not involve INTERACTION between two individuals is acceptable within monogamy, but anything that involves another person, another "soul" that's where I take issue. Now that's all when we're talking monogamy. I believe in the ability to openly love multiple people, but the key there is openly. Cheating and lying are never ok with me in any relationship. i have to agree that my views included what you said above about various methods involved in monogamy. It wasn't just the 'in person' interaction but included other 'personal' acts as well. i am really glad you were able to out it in such words because i would not have been able to [:D] DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 7:44:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW I insist on monogomy...for me. Are you referring to sexual monogamy for yourself? Does your partner ever insist otherwise? For her...I'd prefer she had other lovers. I revel in it. Cuckolding...a good thang [8D] i have to admit, i am not very familiar with cuckolding [8\|] DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 7:48:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave I think you can be truly committed to one person and be theirs and only theirs and still have outer-relationship sexual meeting with others. *But overall, you would not* consider this being monogamous? DG No, I would not consider it monogamous. What about emotionally monogamous, as others have referred to?** DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 7:51:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: akisha Yes. exactly. Those involved in an intimate relationship whether they are 2 people or 6, they are only sexually active within their group. Some people are also what is called fluid bonded. Which means they can have unprotected sex amongst the group that is bonded to each other. Meaning all have been tested, all know each other well and feel confident and safe to exchange fluids. edited cause i was having a blonde moment lol Thank you akisha. i'm getting a better understanding of this too (now) [:)] DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 8:00:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub This to me is an accurate definition of monogomous as far as my opinion goes...Tempting *So i see that watching* and 'hands on' seem to be another drawing line for some. Hmmm.... So are you involved in any of the public clubs Tempting?** DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 8:11:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: diamonddreamlove My Dom is poly and i am monogomous at least by nature. His wish is that when we collar and even now before collared if i wish to play i need permission. He allowed me to attend Spanksgiving with another Dom that i have known for quite sometime. As our profile states we will play with another female but i am not bi and do not wish to be pushed into a bi relationship. He has agreed it will only be if we are both attracted to the other female. When i am collared i will not be allowed to play with other Doms unless He chooses to allow it, which He will not do i am sure. He on the other hand has said He can not promise monogamy because He will not lie to me and although he would mean it when he said it he could not really know he would do it. This has created stress on my part and i have been so unsub like as to suggesst that i should be allowed to play with other Doms if He is going to play with other subs. Dang that was a lecture but i understand better His position since the lecture/discussion. In my heart and sexually i am monogomous and will stay that way but i know he will never be monogomous. As i move along here, i realize i should have asked an additional question. That would be about one's partner. Are they also monogamous? i had not really thought of one being monogamous and the other not until i saw that this is the case sometimes. So right now, you can both play with others (with his consent). But you don't think you will be allowed to once you are collared....but he will continue? And you are trying to accept this? Or have you already? DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 8:23:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists denika and her husband is very much an intimate connection for our family. They are not just a casual connection. However, thou they are intimately connected to us..their are secondary to us in regards to the three of us (me, alandra & kyra). Thou, I can't speak for denika and her husband... I would say that denika's primary relationship is with her husband while the three of us are secondary to that. We in know the priorities of the poly relationships... it is clear and it is understood and most of all...Respected! Okay, now i understand this dynamic. A casual connection would be some of the individuals that I have had play sessions in some regard over the years. Thou, I had the connection.. there was no expectations beyond that moment. They are in essense not apart of my own going relaitonships nor was it expected they would be. I have found in general... casual connections to be of less value to me and have very seldom engaged in it. And i can understand casual in this context. as far as Poly fidelity or Closed-Poly... yes.. that is a common term for many.... it means much the same as it would in Monogamy, the only difference being it is between the members of the poly group. My family is an Open-Poly house on a physical level. However, on an emotional level... it is more closed than open. In otherwords... I keep a very strong control on who I will even consider to be a part of my poly family. Open-Poly means you can play outside of the poly group? Can your girls do this too? Do you forsee adding more to your poly structure? Is that too personal of a question? lol DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 8:30:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ScienceBoy Monogamy is absolute. I'd no more go shag a stranger behind my partner's back, than I would play with another. A relationship without that as a ... well not even a rule. Just a given absolute, would not happen for me. If you're mine (and I'm yours), you don't touch any other. Letching is fine. As long as we both letch [;)] It isn't about trust (he says, knowing that is of course slightly horsecrap). More to do with how my mind works in relation to love and romance. No room for more than two. I make no judgement on others regarding this. Insert John Lennon Quote Here *It's funny that i just realized that not many have mentioned love. But i think this is how my 'mind works' too [&:]* DG

ownedgirlie -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/24/2006 8:48:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie I am monogamous and he is not. No one touches me unless he says they do, and then it is only within his parameters. Now this is interesting too. If your Master has you sexually interact with another, you would feel you are still monogamous as you are doing it because it is his wish? Yes. Unless there is another person who is incorporated into our relationship, then I consider myself monogamous. Outside of that, I would only interact sexually with another person because he has ordered me to. Doing so does not create a relationship between that other person and myself. He, on the other hand, is free to interact with whom he wishes, however he wishes. quote: He is free to do as he wishes with whom he wishes, however he is very particular about who he engages in sexual activities with. For him there must be a connection and either a desire to own or at least to consider ownership. *And it sounds like this is okay with you and his owning another may be a possibility at some point? If so, would you then* consider your relationship poly?** DG Yes, of course it is okay with me. As for him owning another, he may own another alongside of me, thereby incorporating her into our relationship. Should that be the case, I would likely consider myself poly as well, I suppose. He may also own another seperate from me, whereby I might not know or interact wtih her, or even know of her existance. I don't really consider that as making me poly in that situation, but then again to be honest I'm not all that hung up on defining such a dynamic, either. It is what it is. It makes him exercising the freedom he wants and me submitting to it. You ask interesting questions :)

Lady Alaria -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/25/2006 6:19:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl In my OP, i spoke of that one dom who said he was monogamous but could play with others. i was not quite getting that. But with all these explanations of the distinction between physical and emotional monogamy, i am now understanding what he was saying. There's another possibility that's been mainly overlooked. Despite what some might think, there are those for who bdsm play is sometimes no more sexual than playing chess. And therefore doesn't affect monogamy by any but Victorian standards. For me, it's usually fun, sometimes meditative, often spiritual, occasionally sexual. I've met a number of people that feel similarly.

KatyLied -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/25/2006 6:31:16 AM)
Another thing to consider is that some of us are in relationships that are fluid and changeable. Monogamy isn't always an expectation in a relationship, and this can be due to a variety of personal factors and situations. Although calling such a relationship poly isn't quite fitting either. quote: So would you consider yourself monogamous in your relationship Katy? Yes I am monogamous, but I don't have to be.

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/25/2006 7:32:48 AM)
Monogamy means that our relationship is exclusive in every way. We don't play with anyone outside of our relationship. There was a time before I met my sub that I thought I might want an open relationship, but I quickly found that it just wasn't for me. Be well, Julie

Celeste43 -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/25/2006 7:33:47 AM)
Like juliaoceania we do not have sex, play, cyber, phone, flirt etc with others. However I know a great many people enjoy going to clubs and dungeons where they do play only with others. For them s&m is a sport, not a sexual activity. This is just one of those things you need to talk about with a potential partner to clarify expectations and understandings. If you like getting whipped a couple of times a year but your partner doesn't have the technical ability to safely handle a whip, then why not negotiate doing it with a competent top at a public playspace with your partner there watching. It might even inspire him to ask for lessons or suggestions on how to learn the art.

KnightofMists -> RE: Monogamy, D/s and you (11/26/2006 12:27:01 PM)
[quote]ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl Open-Poly means you can play outside of the poly group? Yes quote: Can your girls do this too? Yes... but they require my permission to do so... Of course.. to date I have not refused the request.... and will even instruct one of them to play with another... I enjoy to watching them with others! quote: Do you forsee adding more to your poly structure? Is that too personal of a question? lol I don't actually foresee adding any into the poly structure in a primary capacity, but life as a way of changing things so it is not ruled out. If the right individual (male or female) came along... I would consider it seriously. Of course, I think I have better odds winning the lottery. As well, I am open to individuals entering our family more in a secondary capacity. The odds are greater than a primary...but still worse than winning the lottery.

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