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Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/22/2006 6:04:38 PM

Kalira

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From: Fort Wayne Indiana
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Master and I were talking today about men and women Dominants. He made mention that women Dominants were alot more sadistic and more likely to punish 'faster' than males were.

( For reference and to stop the flames, when we were talking about the punishment part, it stemmed from a comment he made that women tended to punish more harshly and more quickly than men did...for an example I will use something that I did yesterday that I knew better about...today when we were talking about it, Master joked around and said that if he had been a women, I would have had my hide blistered already )

So, I am curious as to what others may have to say on this. I know it's a kind of lopsided question in that unless you have served under both, it would be impossible to answer and all that; but, I am still curious how others view it.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

Post #: 1

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/22/2006 6:15:47 PM

BDSM05478

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I disagree, as someone that has worn both hats, there have been times when Daddy was punishing me and I was thinking the whole time that I wouldn't have handled it that way.lol (but that could also be Imperviasa being rebellious) I think it comes down to gender priorities, maybe Male Doms just think somethings are more worth their time and attention than what female Dommes think are importent.

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 2

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/22/2006 6:40:41 PM

Kalira

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From: Fort Wayne Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSM05478

I disagree, as someone that has worn both hats, there have been times when Daddy was punishing me and I was thinking the whole time that I wouldn't have handled it that way.lol (but that could also be Imperviasa being rebellious) I think it comes down to gender priorities, maybe Male Doms just think somethings are more worth their time and attention than what female Dommes think are importent.

But how would you have handled it differently? That's what I am trying to understand lol.

I always thought that women would be a bit more..'softer' I guess is the word, but when I told Master that, he laughed and said 'no way' lol.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to BDSM05478)

Post #: 3

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/22/2006 6:52:25 PM

demistress

Posts: 391
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From: Dela-where?
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I think this is actually somewhat true. I have noticed women, including myself, are more reactionary, and tend to express (not neccessarily feel) more emotion and passion into our interactions with other people. This is true not only of punishment, but of the way many women relate to other people and situations in general. Please note these are my opinions and observations only.

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Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 4

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 5:14:18 AM

WorldofSilence

Posts: 114
Joined: 6/14/2006
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This is pretty interesting, I can't say if women are.

I try to be understanding, if something "bad" was done I try and find the reason why, sometimes it's something out of O/our control I can only really issue punishments if My heart is in it or if I know she is just trying to be naughty, I've been known to remember such a deed and then down the line once I have thought of something suitable, I remind them of the date time and why.
It all depends on the person I suppose? I try and make something that has a lasting impact, while I'm not an expert I think some thought needs to go into things.

Hope that makes sense?

WoS

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"Beware Hearing loss. If found please return to owner.Been missing since 1981. Reward on return"

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Post #: 5

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 8:54:13 AM

LotusSong

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Dominant women intellectually dominate .

Dominant men dominate physically.

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 6

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 8:56:27 AM

Lordandmaster

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The technical term for the above is "horse manure."

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 7

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 9:00:04 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

Master and I were talking today about men and women Dominants. He made mention that women Dominants were alot more sadistic and more likely to punish 'faster' than males were.

( For reference and to stop the flames, when we were talking about the punishment part, it stemmed from a comment he made that women tended to punish more harshly and more quickly than men did...for an example I will use something that I did yesterday that I knew better about...today when we were talking about it, Master joked around and said that if he had been a women, I would have had my hide blistered already )

So, I am curious as to what others may have to say on this. I know it's a kind of lopsided question in that unless you have served under both, it would be impossible to answer and all that; but, I am still curious how others view it.

To be honest I'm surprised, I thought it would either be the other way round, or on the whole more or less equal. Perhaps My ideas about gender are more mis-informed than I thought-I get the impression women in general have more patience and are therefore not as quick to anger or punish.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 8

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 9:02:28 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
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From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

The technical term for the above is "horse manure."

I'd ask you to THINK about my statement above, but then you would not be such a shining example which proves my point.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 11/23/2006 9:06:33 AM >

_____________________________

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 9

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 9:10:12 AM

MysticFireTopaz

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Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira
Master and I were talking today about men and women Dominants. He made mention that women Dominants were alot more sadistic and more likely to punish 'faster' than males were.

So, I am curious as to what others may have to say on this. I know it's a kind of lopsided question in that unless you have served under both, it would be impossible to answer and all that; but, I am still curious how others view it.

I think there may be some truth to that, from My perspective. I did start out in the lifestyle on the other side of the fence. In all honesty, I got away with behavior that I would never, ever tolerate from a sub. Also, these male dominants let Me manipulate things in a way that I would never allow, i.e., if I didn't want to do a particular thing I was ordered to do, I would suggest something else I knew they liked instead and get out doing the thing I didn't care to do. The amazing part was that I seemed to be able to do this without them even realizing what was taking place.

As far as the sadistic part goes, I'm probably more sadistic than average, but I have seen extreme sadists of both genders. But the more quick to punish part holds true, at least as far as I can see. If one of My rules is not respected, or a submissive does not live up to My expectations, there is sure to be a swift punishment fitting the infraction. I know I punish in situations that others might let slide, but I feel if I set a rule, I have the responsibility to enforce it.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 10

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 9:23:16 AM

Kirei

Posts: 146
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Personally I think it has to do with the each sides rules and how each defines their house and lifestyle. For I have seen both male and female dominants that a very quick to punish, and both that are not. There is also the case that some do not punish right away because others may be around....and they do not wish them to see how they punish their sub/slave. There are a lot of factors involved in this, and some never even use the words punishment, sometimes its called corrective education, or some other term. This in itself can also tell you about the person as well. I think its better to look at the whole than to fixate upon one aspect of a person whether they be dominant, sub, slave, master, or whatever they wish to call themselves.

Koneko

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 11

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 9:43:52 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Dominant women intellectually dominate .

Dominant men dominate physically.

I have read and re-read this, and I am with LaM here. Maybe I am just slow today or something but could you possibly expand on this please?

quote:

To be honest I'm surprised, I thought it would either be the other way round, or on the whole more or less equal. Perhaps My ideas about gender are more mis-informed than I thought-I get the impression women in general have more patience and are therefore not as quick to anger or punish.

That's how my thinking was too. Like you said, maybe I am focusing too much on the gender part and not the rest ( you know, women helpless, men strong kind of thing ...bad thinking I know, but when I really try to put it in perspective, thats where I end up )

quote:

I think there may be some truth to that, from My perspective. I did start out in the lifestyle on the other side of the fence. In all honesty, I got away with behavior that I would never, ever tolerate from a sub. Also, these male dominants let Me manipulate things in a way that I would never allow, i.e., if I didn't want to do a particular thing I was ordered to do, I would suggest something else I knew they liked instead and get out doing the thing I didn't care to do. The amazing part was that I seemed to be able to do this without them even realizing what was taking place.

As far as the sadistic part goes, I'm probably more sadistic than average, but I have seen extreme sadists of both genders. But the more quick to punish part holds true, at least as far as I can see. If one of My rules is not respected, or a submissive does not live up to My expectations, there is sure to be a swift punishment fitting the infraction. I know I punish in situations that others might let slide, but I feel if I set a rule, I have the responsibility to enforce it.

Lady Topaz

That's what Master says too. I could see his reasoning there simply because I know that I DO get away with alot from him; things that he says a woman would never allow to happen.

Interesting, very interesting.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 12

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 9:50:50 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

The technical term for the above is "horse manure."

I was thinking Bovine Scatology myself.

Sinergy

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David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 13

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 9:54:41 AM

Sinergy

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Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

The technical term for the above is "horse manure."

I'd ask you to THINK about my statement above, but then you would not be such a shining example which proves my point.

I did think about it, LotusSong. I have not had many D/s relationships, but in the majority of them I seem to be the one who dominates intellectually as well as intuitively. I had an issue with one of my submissives where she allowed the words of others to upset her. After attempting to talk her down out of the emotional state, I finally pointed out to her that she was allowing other people to control her, and yet considered herself in a D/s relationship with me. It was an intellectual approach to re-establish my dominance.

It is somewhat of a given in my mind that somebody with 30 years of martial arts and self defense experience will probably physically dominate, which is something that I personally would find boring. Violence and warfare are symptoms of the breakdown of Diplomacy. I think it was Clausewitz who wrote that, but I might be wrong.

I wont allow my diplomacy to break down ;)

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 14

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 10:03:55 AM

ScienceBoy

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Joined: 11/21/2006
From: Bristol, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

The technical term for the above is "horse manure."

I'd ask you to THINK about my statement above, but then you would not be such a shining example which proves my point.

You've lost me too. What was I supposed to be thinking besides - "There's a pointless and stereotyped statement".

_____________________________

"When God gives you AIDS -- and God DOES, give you AIDS -- make lemonAIDS!"

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 15

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 11:46:56 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
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From: Domme Emeritus
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My point was the immediate aggresive reaction of the detractor. I found this YEARS ago and found it enlightening. This is something I've shared before.:

Male vs. Female Dominance - A Difference of Style

The fact that men and women are different is obvious. What may not be so obvious is the effect that this difference makes in the creation of a Dominant persona.

As any honest Dominant will tell you, role-playing is a vital aspect of the BDSM scene. By role-playing, I do not mean that the Dominant's persona is in any way an act; rather, that the persona is a consciously enhanced aspect of that person's character. These character traits are often emphasized to create the proper mood for a scene, which assists the submissive in entering sub space. Or the Dominant may emphasize a character attribute in order to explore His own psyche--to see where certain emotions and thought patterns might lead, and thereby learn something of Himself.

Gender role differences appear in terms of what aspects of character male and female dominants tend to emphasize. Men and women tend to display stereotypical gender role differences with remarkable regularity in their Dominant personae.
Female Dominance is often characterized by strong psychological Dominance. Because most women are usually physically weaker than their male partners, Dominance and control cannot be primarily physical. Instead, the feminine charms are employed to seduce the submissive male into willingly surrendering control.
In My experience, this is most often done by a sort of Lysistrata syndrome, wherein the submissive is taught to crave the Domina's body or sexual favors, and then denied them until the Domina's demands are met.

Orgasmic denial (as differentiated from control) is a common tool. This is a form of Dominance that works extremely well on men, but poorly on most women. There are a vast number of reasons for this, but the two primary reasons are as follows.
Most men are not multiorgasmic. Denial maintains the sexual tension. Once orgasm is achieved, the games are usually over.

Men are primarily goal-oriented. Denial games provide a tangible goal to work towards.

Another form of seductive Dominance includes manipulating the submissive into submission. For example, some female Dominants will tease a submissive to bring him to a fever pitch. Then, the Domina will encourage him to enter some form of restraint, implying that doing this for Her will bring the submissive closer to his orgasmic goal.

Psychological threats are often employed as well. For instance, a slave may be required to accept some task or punishment (i.e. an enema) to which he is resistant. Implied threats of displeasure, perhaps even overt ultimatums of being expelled from the Domina's presence, are then used to bring the slave into line.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 16

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 11:49:59 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
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From: Domme Emeritus
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A man has the power to FORCE a female.. The Female has to use her wits.

(I was not implying that men are stupid).

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 17

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 11:55:36 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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See above. No apology is requested or expected.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

The technical term for the above is "horse manure."

I was thinking Bovine Scatology myself.

Sinergy

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 11/23/2006 12:05:29 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 18

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 12:07:04 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
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Nope I think it has to do more with indavidaul desires and personalities then it does with male or female...

I have been with both male and female Domanents and I never found that the female where harsher or more trigger happy with punishments. Id like to know where your Master gets his info from or is it just his opinion that he is portraying as a fact??

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 19

RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 12:13:17 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

Id like to know where your Master gets his info from or is it just his opinion that he is portraying as a fact??

/smiles

I know you tend to be a bit emotional and defensive at the same time, so I will happily ignore that little part

quote:

Female Dominance is often characterized by strong psychological Dominance.

Ahhh, ok, now I understand where you are coming from. Thankyou

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 20

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