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a n00b's dillema - 11/24/2006 1:27:42 AM   
subnstudent


Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		One of my friends tonight noted that I took another friend's whipped 'spell packets' pretty well.. and the conclusion she came to was that "You like pain." Well, that got me thinking and I feel that I should clarify that, here.

Basically, I'm new to pretty much the whole BDSM culture, so I don't know how much of different stuff I'd like. Some ideas sound more appealing than others, but there's quite a bit of stuff out there that, given my inexperience, I just don't know yet. With reference to my friend's comment, earlier, I'd say that I'm open to trying it, but I don't know if I'm so much a masochist as I am able to shrug off hurts that come from rough-housing.

Anyone have any thoughts/comments on this?
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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/24/2006 2:09:45 AM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subnstudent

One of my friends tonight noted that I took another friend's whipped 'spell packets' pretty well.. and the conclusion she came to was that "You like pain." Well, that got me thinking and I feel that I should clarify that, here.

Basically, I'm new to pretty much the whole BDSM culture, so I don't know how much of different stuff I'd like. Some ideas sound more appealing than others, but there's quite a bit of stuff out there that, given my inexperience, I just don't know yet. With reference to my friend's comment, earlier, I'd say that I'm open to trying it, but I don't know if I'm so much a masochist as I am able to shrug off hurts that come from rough-housing.

Anyone have any thoughts/comments on this?



Not sure if this is what your looking for but when it comes to pain, I believe there are 2 catagories - good pain and bad pain (well for me there is).
Good pain I can shrug off, as you put it. Bad pain? Well ultimately I am a bit of a wimp so am definitely not a masochist and I dont enjoy seeing others in what I'd call bad or real pain either, so I am no sadist.
You are soooooooooo right about there beign sooooo much different stuff out there in the BDSM world, some of it you'll love and it appeals to you some wont appeal at all and these may become your "hard limits". I love the length of your "curious about" list , its good to be curious. I used to say "I'll try anything once" then I started hearing the ideas some people can come up with and I think "Whoa!!" LOL.
Did you clarify with your friend what they meant about their comment about your liking pain? Thinking about it now, I suppose I could be classed as a bit of a masochist, as I used to cut myself a lot......... Hmmmm

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/24/2006 2:49:37 AM   
subnstudent


Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		Actually, I wasn't sure how to respond to that so I pretty much tripped over my own thoughts in attempt to. Like my dad used ta say, I needed to "engage brain before operating mouth." 

I gotta be especially careful about 'good' pain and 'bad' pain, though, because I come from a background where pain (albeit emotional) came whether I wanted it or not... So I've gotten into the habit of being resigned when it comes to a lot of discomfort. On the flip side, though, I have lots of friends here who can introduce me to people who know what the common n00b can take.

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/24/2006 4:53:51 AM   
Lady Alaria


Posts: 160
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline 		Some N00bs are surprising. I found, right from the getgo, that my tolerance to the right kind of pain was very high. But if you have bad associations, it might take a while, and a very patient Dom/me, to figure out how to relax enough to enjoy pain. But you might find that when you do, some really incredible catharsis can occur. Bad pain that you've been holding onto for years might burst free and dissipate in a wash of tears. I've seen it happen a few times, and the folks it seems to happen most often for are people who've told a very similar tale to yours.

Best advice, get into your local scene, find someone a bit older, a bit more experienced, who has the patience to break in a new sub. Win their interest by being open and honest, eager, yet modest. The manners to get interest might include: being helpful, volunteering at the local dungeon...a lot. Gently remarking to a Dom/me who's scene you enjoyed that it was pleasant, without coming across as too lecherous. Offering real help. Being interested in service(real service, not fantasy) will seriously help your case.

Build a communication, build trust. Tell them about how you feel, and that you'd like to try some very mild stuff, just to see. Be clear, and honest about where you stand, and recognize that they are doing something for you, more than for themselves. Inform them of the possibility of your being emotional if this seems likely. Process after the scene. Engage brain before opening mouth. This make take more time than your accustomed to after a good scene.

You will probably then have more info to work with, along with someone who may be able to help you find what you may decide you are looking for.

All else fails, Pros are an option.

< Message edited by Lady Alaria -- 11/24/2006 4:54:34 AM >

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/24/2006 5:26:39 AM   
ExtremeOwnerIL


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subnstudent
One of my friends tonight noted that I took another friend's whipped 'spell packets' pretty well


On a side note, since you've received some excellent advice on your main question... I used to LARP in a game run by NERO rules, using spell packets... and those damn things COULD hurt especially on a cold morning when you've just stumbled out of your sleeping bag because the damn game has started at 5am and you get hit in the head with one...

I also found there was a rather healthy D/s and a smaller S/m community underlying many of the NERO regulars.

Good luck in your newly discovered interests,
Regards,
EO

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/24/2006 9:51:18 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		OK I've gotta ask...what's a spell packet? Are we talking video game fireballs like it sounds or are these like police beanbags fired from something?

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/24/2006 10:12:11 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I have no diea what a spell packet is either.  But I do know that only time and experience will help you find what resonates with you- that everyone will be more than quick to tell you who you are, and almost all of them will be wrong.

You will change over time as well.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/24/2006 11:00:35 AM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subnstudent

I gotta be especially careful about 'good' pain and 'bad' pain, though, because I come from a background where pain (albeit emotional) came whether I wanted it or not... So I've gotten into the habit of being resigned when it comes to a lot of discomfort.


Pretty much all of us, to one degree or another, come from that background - it's called life.

Me?  I have a high tolerance for pain, but rarely bottom.  Most of the n00b bottoms I've known have either been very intrigued by a spanking being 'good pain', or stoic about trying to be a masochist when they were much more interested in D/S than S/M.

If you have a high tolerance for pain, it's useful.  That doesn't automatically mean that you enjoy it, or will enjoy the best flogging around.    Don't let your friends decide what you want - experiment as much as you're comfortable with, but decide what you want for your ownself.

Midnight Writer


_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/25/2006 10:31:13 AM   
subnstudent


Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the replies I've gotten back 

LA, I actually ran into that with a vanilla guy who tried to break me out of the 'being submissive' habit... It just didn't feel right.

With me the things that I find most attractive are the bondage aspects of having fun, and I genuinely enjoy helping out and making people happy or their days easier. That doesn't mean I'm not interested in S/M; all I can say is that I haven't had any experience with it yet, so I don't know yet.

btw, a spell packet is something used in live-action role-play, to symbolize the energy that fuels a 'magic spell' (and other stuff) that can have any number of effects on another character. Essentially it's just a small bean bag that you throw at other players to let them know you've hit them with a spell or ability. I've been working on my aim, so my friend (an experienced LARPer) and I have been throwing them at each other for practice.

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/25/2006 11:05:15 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		One of the things that have caught my attention about pain and how one takes it is the level of connection.  Bad pain, good pain - coming from the general public i can deal with it no problem.  I've fallen down flights of stairs, been decked a few times in the face/head, had my wrist slammed in a door by a 240 running man, i've run into corners of book shelves knocking myself backwards cutting my eyebrow/cheek and bleeding everywhere yet not stopping me, i've slammed my head and had gallons of blood pour down my face, i've had others whip me with objects i cant place and a single tail.....

and generally i'm alright.  The cement stairs took me a moment to collect myself - being hit in the side of the head had me spouting back "you hit like a girl", being decked hard enough to be knocked unconscious really pissed me off.  Being whipped or whatever with the unknown object had me stomping my feet.. the single tail had me rubbin ow spots.. Generally speaking, i can pretty much handle things.

With my Dom, its a whole nother story.  I'd prolly bawl just seeing him with a single tail in his hand.  He bites me and i can cry, hell he puts a hood on me and i cry.  I can cry from 4 wacks with a paddle from him - yet take have skin broken by another and not shed a tear.

I've heard of another sub who could take a whipping so tough that skin was broken and it not phase them, but when their Mistress did it, it was another story.

so i dont really think it matter so much as to "what" the pain is - but rather who it comes from.

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/25/2006 12:03:55 PM   
AbstractSavant


Posts: 149
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline 		Spell packet!

Tee hee. Nerd alert.

;)

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/25/2006 10:12:07 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Essentially it's just a small bean bag that you throw at other players to let them know you've hit them with a spell or ability. I've been working on my aim, so my friend (an experienced LARPer) and I have been throwing them at each other for practice.


K this one has my favorite joke written all over it. Not sure how much heavy pain is involved in "magically" getting hit with a beanbag.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/25/2006 10:16:55 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExtremeOwnerIL

On a side note, since you've received some excellent advice on your main question... I used to LARP in a game run by NERO rules, using spell packets... and those damn things COULD hurt especially on a cold morning when you've just stumbled out of your sleeping bag because the damn game has started at 5am and you get hit in the head with one...

I also found there was a rather healthy D/s and a smaller S/m community underlying many of the NERO regulars.


NERO larper here too.  Don't know any other NERO pervs at present though, at least not in my chapter.  I play a Sarr felinoid, straight tank fighter.  I don't always feel spell packets impact on my shield or armor, so sometimes I have to trust the other players to make the call whether it got me or not.  But I have been beaned in the eyeball before and that was a bit of an ouch. 

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/25/2006 11:40:33 PM   
subnstudent


Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		Heh.. I imagine so. XD

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/25/2006 11:50:18 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		 Umm.... what is a n00b?

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/26/2006 12:02:07 AM   
subnstudent


Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		the term "n00b" is leetspeak for "someone who is new at something" I'm kind of a geek so I pick terms up here and there.

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/26/2006 12:04:08 AM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

 Umm.... what is a n00b?



A newbie = noooobeee = noob

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Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/26/2006 8:53:48 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Pain tolerance is different for everyone. My dom has a much higher pain tolerance than I do, but he gets nothing from it, no arousal, no happiness to suffer for another's pleasure so he certainly isn't a masochist.

I like some sensations, and not others. I hate dental pain or stubbing my toe. Those are definitely bad pain, a light to moderate spanking is good IMO.

Masochism cannot be judged by pain tolerance.

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/26/2006 5:45:33 PM   
subnstudent


Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		Yup. It just took me longer to come to that conclusion. 

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RE: a n00b's dillema - 11/27/2006 6:25:41 AM   
ExtremeOwnerIL


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExtremeOwnerIL

On a side note, since you've received some excellent advice on your main question... I used to LARP in a game run by NERO rules, using spell packets... and those damn things COULD hurt especially on a cold morning when you've just stumbled out of your sleeping bag because the damn game has started at 5am and you get hit in the head with one...

I also found there was a rather healthy D/s and a smaller S/m community underlying many of the NERO regulars.


NERO larper here too.  Don't know any other NERO pervs at present though, at least not in my chapter.  I play a Sarr felinoid, straight tank fighter.  I don't always feel spell packets impact on my shield or armor, so sometimes I have to trust the other players to make the call whether it got me or not.  But I have been beaned in the eyeball before and that was a bit of an ouch. 



It was an odd community in that their "D/s" was very much a facet of the sexual tension running underneath many of the in-game character's relationships - with 'out of game' nuances as well.

I played a Gypsy thief and was in a famous crossfire when I was hit with 4 spell packets because I decided to run right through the middle of the area to get out of the way, right when the monsters and our party decided to throw down.

It took the ref's about 10 minutes to decide on the exact nature of my state from those hits - needless to say, I was extremely and royally fu'bared.

Do you still play? I found it tiresome after about 2 years - I've not played for a long time.

Regards,
EO - happy to show off his official "Nerd Card"

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
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