Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Raised by a sub


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Raised by a sub Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Raised by a sub - 11/24/2006 9:07:31 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		I know off the wall comment, but wondering if others found something like this in their life.

I am first the oldest of 9 girls, which makes living in my parent's home interesting. When i was talking to my mom, I found out that when my dad went to both school and work full time; she did his homework. I was flabber gasted. My dad in his jack ass/ sarcastic ways said it was her way of helping with the family. She agreed, and later told me she learned alot from doing that.
If this was in the 50' or 60's, I would kind of understand but this was in the early, mid 70's. I never realized tell this weekend how much i learned as natural rules of a relationship from my mother are also those things that make me submissive.

Just babbling, and wondering if anyone has found the same thing?

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/24/2006 9:23:13 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Number 1: How did he pass if he wasn't doing his homework and not learning?

Number 2: My Mom is a lot like me. We follow our men. It's what we do. We stand up to them, we tell them what we think is best for them, but when everything is said and done we are probably going to do what they want. Luckily enough, they love us enough to know that we do what we do because we love them and sometimes they are smart enough to listen to us!

There is definately some "man before woman" behavior in my family, but I was also raised to not rely on men. In that way, I get conflicted because frankly, I want to be a stay-at-home housewife who raises a couple of kids, cleans house and has dinner ready. But I also want to do what my Dad wants, which is get a job and make sure that I am never reliant upon my future husband. Who knows what will happen?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/24/2006 9:40:53 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		Oh i never said i understood the whole thing. I was just amazed it happened.

And yes, my mom still lets my dad know what she thinks about things. She just lets him make the ultimate decision. I always say it is the...sometimes you have to just support thier mistakes so they can learn from them.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/24/2006 9:50:00 PM   
Hisgirlforever


Posts: 32
Joined: 11/14/2006
Status: offline 		When I was little my mom would wake up before my dad to start his shower wake him up, iron his shirt, make his breakfast and blow dry his hair before getting us and herself ready for the day. This too was in the 70's and 80's.   I never really realized how submissive she was.  I also remember once that my mom and dad got into an arguement and my dad picked my mom up over his shoulder and carried her off to the room and shut the door.  I am sure she was getting a spanking in there.  I never really thought that much about it untill recently.

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/24/2006 10:01:33 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisgirlforever

When I was little my mom would wake up before my dad to start his shower wake him up, iron his shirt, make his breakfast and blow dry his hair before getting us and herself ready for the day. This too was in the 70's and 80's.   I never really realized how submissive she was.  I also remember once that my mom and dad got into an arguement and my dad picked my mom up over his shoulder and carried her off to the room and shut the door.  I am sure she was getting a spanking in there.  I never really thought that much about it untill recently.


... I want that...

Not always... but when fighting over a small stupid thing... I want that.

I am such a bad feminist.

Edited because it sent before I was done.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Hisgirlforever)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/24/2006 10:12:27 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I looked up to my mom big time, and she is very naturally submissive. My sister is more domme personality wise, go figure

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/24/2006 10:44:52 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		Yea, i can see that. It is funny with the 6 of us that are adults there si such a diffrence in our submission.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 12:42:21 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Doing nice things for your partner is something a lot of people do.  Behaving according to socially recognized proper and good behavior is something a lot of people do.

It doesn't necessarily mean they "are a submissive."  While I'm sure many relationships are based on authority transfer without using the specific terminology that we use...it's a different thing from projecting our own perspectives onto others just because of the specific actions. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 1:31:42 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
It doesn't necessarily mean they "are a submissive."  While I'm sure many relationships are based on authority transfer without using the specific terminology that we use...it's a different thing from projecting our own perspectives onto others just because of the specific actions. 


It's the noun vs adjective argument, isn't it?

They may not have been A submissive, but from the sound of it, they definitely were submissive women.

For the record, (with a background of destructive stress related violence from my father) my mother was very similar and my sister copes atrociously with any form of responsibility while I spent years denying my dominant nature due to a fear of the violence I knew myself capable of.

I wonder if it's more widely spread than one imagines...


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 1:51:39 AM   
reofbl


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/2/2006
Status: offline 		I'm a male Master, but I have a female slave; she's eighteen, now, and still goes to college from her parents' home.

One of the major sources of conflict in her life is her nature versus her mother's.  Her mother was a rough tomboy type girl.  She knew her father since childhood, and she beat up on him!  They do not have a D/s relationship (or, at least, not an official one that I've been made aware of), but I generally preceive my slave's mother as dominant and her father as switch.

I suppose it differs from your experience.  My slave is, well, very submissive.  She's sought it out, and craved it, despite her mother practically ordering her to be dominant.  In a way, I often wonder if it's because of her dominant mother she's so submissive.. she must've grown used to being submissive to her mother, even if her mother was telling her to be independent.

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 4:15:37 AM   
slavegirl1969


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline 		When I was growing up my father (who was military) was the total dominant in our house to the extent of being brutal and cruel and unkind to all that was female(I have 3 brothers).  He was bigoted, racist, chauvenistic and generally despicable to everything and everyone that wasn't a blonde haired blue eyed male!! Women were inferior and should be seen and not heard....and then I came along lol He believed that if he said the grass was blue everyone had to agree with him, which they all did - except me, I would argue it out that the grass was green etc and my mother was, in my eyes, submissively weak. She was always crying, always wanting to run away, but she had nothing of her own and nowhere to go with 4 kids. My mother would constantly tell me to just agree with everything he said but I never could.  It just didn't seem right.  Needless to say I was his most hated possession lol. 

It was only when I got a house of my own and brought her to live with me that she realised the damage that had been caused by his dominant bullying.  She did return to him when he became ill but the difference was she that she was no longer weak.

And yet now I am submissive....!

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 5:28:59 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I think I was 4 when the come to Jesus happened.  I still remember the fight.  My Mom wanted to work, my Dad wanted her home in case he needed her for his buisness.  She had learned independance as a life skill prior to meeting my father, and I dont think it was something she wanted to give up overnight.  It was a safety net.  Fast forward a few years and she had totally transformed and stayed that way 18 years after he passed and she joined him.  No man ever measured up.  I dont know about any kink for sure, but if I had to guess .. they did have their own kink going on..... 


_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to slavegirl1969)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 5:47:07 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

I know off the wall comment, but wondering if others found something like this in their life.

not exactly, but the end result is similar...

quote:

I am first the oldest of 9 girls

this slave is the last of 6, collectively, all the others boys except an adopted sister, and the first three were already adults and out of the house by the time this slave begins to have memories.

quote:

When i was talking to my mom, I found out that when my dad went to both school and work full time; she did his homework.

by the time this slave was 6, Dad retired...to the country and took us all with him, Mom included.  Mom had been on sabbatical from her career due to their choice to make babies in her late thirties/early forties (in the mid-sixties) and resultant caring for three unmentionables, and neither one went back to the workforce until this slave was in junior high school (12)...they never said it was because they had to, more that it was something they wanted to do, same with any classes they took, for credit or for fun (which they also did from time to time).  Mom was very strict, VERY dominant, with her employees, her unmentionables, her environment, even herself...but only playfully with Dad.  Dad went strictly by the book as well, a bit more compassionate than she, but let everyone, especially us rugrats know, that she came first and foremost in his life above all else and he would do anything for her--even cut us off if it came to it.  it was their philosophy that they came first, then everything else after that starting with the unmentionables.

quote:

...I never realized tell this weekend how much i learned as natural rules of a relationship from my mother are also those things that make me submissive...


this slave's mother taught her to blindly obey authority, to receive punishment(verbal, emotional, physical) in the spirit it is given--as correction that one should be thankful for--, to think first of how one's owner would want them to act, then what was best for the group, and to put one's own thoughts, wants and feelings on the matter third on the list, to overcome emotion or emotional outbursts by sheer will, to speak when spoken to and to ask permission for everything.  she was also taught it was her job to keep things tidy, to converse intelligently on a variety of topics, to cook, sew and entertain guests, that the room she slept in wasn't hers, neither were the clothes she wore or the food she ate--it was all provided for her as one would any prized posession.  to be another's prized posession someday is what they had in mind for this slave's future~someday "transferring ownership" to a husband, and all the things this slave learned growing up they felt he would someday appreciate.
 
this slave would say being nurtured by a dominant couple, especially a constantly present dominant mother had a lot to do with shaping this slave's submissive-ness and a big reason that being in a Master/slave relationship first and foremost feels very comfortable and natural for this slave.

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 5:58:07 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		What an interesting topic. 
I was raised by a very domineering,   violent, ball busting single mother.  She seemed to be missing that nurturing quality that we expect from our mothers.  It was her way or the highway in every interpersonal relationship she had.   Her example caused a great deal of inner conflict for me, ( still does to some extent).   However, on the same token, i believe it strengthened my resolve to follow my natural inclinations.   Actually, i think i'm quite the anomally in my family,  as none of the females display any of the submissive qualites that i find within myself.

(in reply to slavegirl1969)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 7:12:34 AM   
onlythewindknows


Posts: 259
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline 		my mom - really, quite close to a doormat.
my dad - a lost naif.
i am a raging Domme compared to either one of them.
here i am sub.
who the heck knows.

_____________________________

As Darth once said: "you are beaten. It is useless to resist."

(in reply to spankmepink11)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 7:27:23 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Comments heard around my parents' house:

"OMG! You put that coffee cup down on Mom's TABLE!! You better get that off there before she sees!!"

My father: "Because I said so, that's why!"
My children in response: "Yea, but it's Grandma's house. If you said that in the boathouse, I'd listen, but....it's GRANDMA'S house and I want to live to see my next birthday!"
My father (in true Rodney Dangerfield mode): "I never get any respect"
My children (hugging him): "We love you Grandpa, and we love Grandma, but we still know who makes the rules, so...no."

"Oooh! You kicked that ball into GRANDMA'S flowers! You are SO going to DIE!!"

My mother's favorite comment from her students when she taught (usually found on bathroom walls) "Mrs C is a BITCH!!" (she was so proud.)

Her favorite song that she taught us as children:
"Ladies ladies I've been thinking
What a great world this would be
If the men were all transported
Far beyond the northern sea."

My mother is a great person, but she DOES rule the place. At the same time, she goes giddy when my father calls to tell her he loves her and will sit and listen to the phone message over and over again.

I was told over and over again that I didn't need a man in my life; that I needed to be independent and not rely on anyone; that I made my own way in this world and to never make myself dependent on anyone. (This in and of itself has caused me a lot of problems, but she was doing what she thought was the right thing to do.) She wanted strong, independent girls. She didn't want us ever falling into the trap of being in abusive marriages, taken advantage of, or trapped in situations where we'd not be able to live up to our fullest potential. 

Unfortunately, what she didn't realize is that for my sister, she was preaching to the choir, and for me, she was speaking Greek. I wound up precisely where she'd hoped, prayed and worked for me to never be. And that was because I was so busy trying to be what she wanted me to be, that I never learned how to be who I was and still safe.

I don't know if my parents had a D/s relationship or not. I do know that my mother's mother was exceedingly submissive and that my mother didn't want her daughters to wind up like that. I know that my mother went against every family rule HER mother had to go to college and make something of herself and wanted her daughters to do the same thing. I also know that my mother was mortified when I did exactly what she wanted - stood up to the family and admitted freely that I like strong men who are in charge. I was finally being who I am, and while she had always wanted me to do that, she'd always hoped I'd do it in a way in which she approved.

I think our ways of living our lives are determined just as surely by our environment as by our genes. My mother trained me to be a very dominant, and in charge kind of person. I was not that way. What I learned was to be very forthright in what I want and to never settle. I guess I learned what she wanted me to learn - it's just that what she wanted me to learn, she discovered, was not exactly what she'd intended

I'm a submissive raising children. I am hoping and praying I am paying attention to how they really are rather than how I hope they'll be. But I know that in their adult years, they'll find fault with that as well.

And when they do, I'll tell them the same thing I've told them since they were little: "I've always tried to be the best mom I could, but when you find things I've done wrong, you'll either have to get over it and move on or find a therapist - just like the rest of the world."

I should also say that every chance I get, I'm trying to raise my sons to be strong and rational and secure in their decisions for themselves. But that's not because I see them as dominant as we describe dominance, but because their lives have a component that most other children don't need to be concerned about. When their father and I am gone, they'll be responsible for caring for their sister, and because of that, they'll have to be doubly sure in the decisions they make regarding everything from how they spend their money to the person they choose for a spouse/partner. And that kind of decision making capability has to be taught young.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 11/25/2006 7:37:21 AM >

(in reply to spankmepink11)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 7:48:17 AM   
afeathr


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		OMG - it's so funny you bring up this topic.

Though she will NEVER admit it, my mom is a sub.  I was raised under her strict guidance, and the way that she and my Dad interact borders on a M/s relationship, though I wouldn't label it as such.  My mom is a strong, capable woman, and she has always been submissive to my dad and that has really made our household very comfortable for me.  It has allowed me to see that a woman can be a woman (in the classic sense of the word) and still be capable and strong and intelligent.  Though I don't *like* my parents - as people (other issues) - I respect the relationship that they have (married for 37 years now).  I think that the nature of their relationship is what has made their lives seem so easy.  They both know their place in the relationship.  The only bad thing is that now my mom doesn't feel very fulfilled in her relationship with my dad (they have retired and things have changed a bit) so there is a lot of complaining, but she still maintains that same submissive stand with him.  She will complain to me, but would never say anything to him about it.  Though I don't agree with that, completely, I do see her point of view.

The funny thing is, I recognized this in myself and embraced the submissive part of me early on.  I knew - in the back of my head - that I wanted the relationship that my parents had, but didn't really have a name for it.   Now I have a name for it, and I finally found someone that understands what I seek in life.  I wish I would have recognized it sooner.  Though I know that I wouldn't be this fulfilled and happy unless I was with Sir.  :)

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 7:51:55 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Very interesting thread. i was raised in a household where not only was my mother dominate but german catholic as well. talked about skewed views on sexuality! i was raised to dislike sex and to be independent to the point of not needing a man. This raised havoc in my sexual relationships for most of my life. When introduced to the D/s lifestyle, it was a true awakening for me and validation for my repressed submissiveness. i would not have it any other way...

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 8:04:21 AM   
findmedaddy


Posts: 254
Joined: 5/18/2006
From: Maine
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisgirlforever

When I was little my mom would wake up before my dad to start his shower wake him up, iron his shirt, make his breakfast and blow dry his hair before getting us and herself ready for the day. This too was in the 70's and 80's.   I never really realized how submissive she was.  I also remember once that my mom and dad got into an arguement and my dad picked my mom up over his shoulder and carried her off to the room and shut the door.  I am sure she was getting a spanking in there.  I never really thought that much about it untill recently.


... I want that...

Not always... but when fighting over a small stupid thing... I want that.

I am such a bad feminist.

Edited because it sent before I was done.


We ALL want that. Those of us who don't have a dom want that!!! lol

My mom cared for my dad because he was ill, so I've been really conflicted about where all this comes from for me. I still want it, though. It's just me.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Raised by a sub - 11/25/2006 11:44:27 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: findmedaddy

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisgirlforever

When I was little my mom would wake up before my dad to start his shower wake him up, iron his shirt, make his breakfast and blow dry his hair before getting us and herself ready for the day. This too was in the 70's and 80's.   I never really realized how submissive she was.  I also remember once that my mom and dad got into an arguement and my dad picked my mom up over his shoulder and carried her off to the room and shut the door.  I am sure she was getting a spanking in there.  I never really thought that much about it untill recently.


... I want that...

Not always... but when fighting over a small stupid thing... I want that.

I am such a bad feminist.

Edited because it sent before I was done.


We ALL want that. Those of us who don't have a dom want that!!! lol

My mom cared for my dad because he was ill, so I've been really conflicted about where all this comes from for me. I still want it, though. It's just me.


I have a dom but I'm too heavy to be carried. Oh well. He can smack my butt as I run up the stairs though! *grins*

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to findmedaddy)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Raised by a sub Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109