RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (Full Version)

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Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (12/18/2006 6:27:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

RE: the Lesbian vs Bisexual situation.  There was a panel on 'Tyra" discussing that very thing.  Th Lesbians are upset because there is a trend for some girls the "act bi" (just kissing) to gain attention of the males.  They didn't say they should "make up their minds" but that it affected what the Lesbian community is trying to make clear that Lesbianism isn't a choice.. it's who they are. I'd have to turn this over to any actual Lesbians on here that may have seen the problem or can clarify the situation I saw. 


Ahh.. well yes I can see how lesbians would be annoyed by the play acting bi-sexuals. I guess that peeves them as much as a play acting Dom/me or sub might peeve some of the genuine Dom/mes or subs. I dont think we get "Tyra" here, unless on cable, which I dont have. I'd have liked to have seen that show.


Well i can see what's wrong with it.
As a heterosexual female, i know, that the more fun we have with fantasy, the better our fantasies become fun. My man gets a stiffy, if i kiss a girl in front of him. As long as the girl realises this is what my kiss entails, she can either kiss me, or not, the choice is hers. But if she says yes, she, me, he all get a bit of fun.
As a bi-sexual female, in a monogamous relationship with a heterosexual man, this maybe my only out. Its enough.
As the girl being asked, this maybe her only experience. Im either going to make it a good one for her, or thankfully decline. But what a complement, that someone actually wanted to kiss me. Nice.
What i am, is dependant on who im with, so im pretty fluid. Some lesbians dont like me this way.
That i can live with.
What i found bloody hard to swallow, was the brute mentality of 3 such lesbians, at a festival i wish id never attended. They killed, what should of been a great day for me. They got so annoyed at what i was, they beat me up. Thanks.
why cant folk live and let live. You'd think, coming from a minority, they'd empathise perhaps? But no, i inflame their sensibilities to violent levels.
Im not sitting on a fence, im all over the shop. Different, with different people, because the chemistry dictates the dynamic surely?
I most certainly know, how to eat cake.
Humble pie occasionally,
but you get that.
littleone



theRose4U -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (12/18/2006 6:57:30 PM)

quote:

Many are very critical and can even be a little nasty about it. I dont really know what their objection is, and its not something that worries me at all, but I was curious if switches ever get the same sort of attacks from Dom/mes and/or subs?


Ab-so-freakin-lutely 



theRose4U -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (12/18/2006 7:16:53 PM)

quote:

How do I find a partner? (to me that is blatantly simple.. find another switch) and the one that baffles me the most is.. I want a Dominant or Submissive  that DOESN'T switch.".


For me another switch would be completely chaotic. I personally don't switch within a relationship. An idea that is probably one reason you're having issues wrapping your mind around the idea above. I have been a sub, for experience will occasionally bottom if I want to learn something. In my relationships I'm all dominant. Having someone in my life that some days wants to be in charge and other days taken care of without some schedule or clues to follow would be entirely too chaotic for what it is that I do. I need the stability of knowing that my sub is there at the end of the day. Him feeling toppy at the end of my long hard day would likely not be met with positive enthusiasm.
For me I don't lack for willing partners. I have the luxury of being able to pick and choose. Switch for me is just a label of honesty.



classykindasassy -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (12/18/2006 9:03:54 PM)

My theory for what it's worth:

Re the issue of criticism:

"fake lesbians" have given the bi woman a bad name...and she has earned it herself in relationships with lesbian women who fell ass over tin cup, only to have said bi woman switch permanently or significantly back to men and screw up/end the relationship.

i had a lady friend, confirmed lesbian, who in her younger years, took a lot of pride in her success rate of getting straight women to give a girl a try. She then was left wondering when they moved back to men. My advice to her when she finally got sick of getting her heart broke and wanted a real committed relationship was to quit trying to convert straight women (who frequently tend to go back to men) and find a woman who shared her lifestyle to the core. for these women, it's NOT a choice - it is who they are, as was said by another poster.

i am certain there are truly bi women out there - but, a true lesbian is always taking a risk if she wants an exclusive or committed relationship with a bi woman. If that works for the lesbian, all's well - and it's an educated risk. If not...stick to the fellow confirmed lesbian.




Voltare -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (12/19/2006 3:11:41 AM)

I'm an equal opportunity, liberal, age independent ass hat hater.  Stupidity, callousness, irritibility, and crankiness isn't limited to the old, nor the young.

Seriously, online we only know someone's age if they reveal it.  If I had 76 in my profile and didn't address specific temporal issues, who would know any better?



LotusSong -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (12/19/2006 8:28:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: classykindasassy

My theory for what it's worth:

Re the issue of criticism:

"fake lesbians" have given the bi woman a bad name...and she has earned it herself in relationships with lesbian women who fell ass over tin cup, only to have said bi woman switch permanently or significantly back to men and screw up/end the relationship.

i had a lady friend, confirmed lesbian, who in her younger years, took a lot of pride in her success rate of getting straight women to give a girl a try. She then was left wondering when they moved back to men. My advice to her when she finally got sick of getting her heart broke and wanted a real committed relationship was to quit trying to convert straight women (who frequently tend to go back to men) and find a woman who shared her lifestyle to the core. for these women, it's NOT a choice - it is who they are, as was said by another poster.

i am certain there are truly bi women out there - but, a true lesbian is always taking a risk if she wants an exclusive or committed relationship with a bi woman. If that works for the lesbian, all's well - and it's an educated risk. If not...stick to the fellow confirmed lesbian.


   Well put.  Case in point: Ellen Degeneress and Anne Heisch. 
 
(not real sure on the spelling of the names :)



acctonthelook -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (12/19/2006 10:03:13 AM)

So many straight/ gay/ lesbian/ trans JUST DON'T GET THIS!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
The truth of the matter is we have made up our minds, we have decided to be bisexual as nature intended us to be and to love partners regardless of their gender.


I recently had to dissolve a 8 yr relationship w/ a woman b/c there was no way, no how she would ever LOVE enough and be secure enough in OUR LOVE to embrace my bisexuality and ensure my sexual needs where met.

Many 'labelled' persons whether male/ female are just afraid to get hurt as often will happen because they lack the sexual openness together.

I lived within the confines of the Lesbian community, forgoeing (sp?) my needs for hers. 

I was sexually dissatisfied, frustrated, bored with being in that relationship.  NOT because of her lack of a penis but the pure LACK of interest in ensuring my needs were met sexually, whether I needed a penis or a strap on or to be spanked or bound.  Not once did she care about my needs because of her own 'sexual hang ups'. 

Most of the LBGT community, I have found are more judgemental than the vanilla or bdsm community. 

I know I lived in it, LOUD AND CLEAR what a piece of sh** my sexuality is for THEM. 

Same issue different gendre for switches.  The lack of understanding is the same.



jthorne -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (12/23/2006 3:50:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

RE: the Lesbian vs Bisexual situation. There was a panel on 'Tyra" discussing that very thing. Th Lesbians are upset because there is a trend for some girls the "act bi" (just kissing) to gain attention of the males. They didn't say they should "make up their minds" but that it affected what the Lesbian community is trying to make clear that Lesbianism isn't a choice.. it's who they are. I'd have to turn this over to any actual Lesbians on here that may have seen the problem or can clarify the situation I saw.


Yes, Lotus, that's it. I only have a thing against the trendy bisexuality, myself. I was bisexual for four years before I realized where my true sexuality lay...there is nothing wrong with REAL bisexuality. But the fakery and trendiness threatens us all. No, I will not make out with a girl just so you can get your rocks off, boy. Go find a drunken straight girl to do that for you. =/



ImpGrrl -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (12/30/2006 6:53:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
Never said the switches are fence sitters.  I just choose not to get involved with them.  Why? Because I could never satisfy them.  So why set myself up for failure? (shrug) Bless them and I hope all their bases are covered and they enjoy the heck out of themselves. And why would they want little old one-dimensional me anyhow?  (that's a rhetorical question, btw :)
 
All I'd be is a dominant that would "fill their needs.. for the time being.. or session or when they feel like being submissive".  I'm just not special enough :(


I'm owned.  Sir is *definitely* special enough.  And he satisfies what he needs to in me.

I'm also a a switch - both d/s and s/m.

Sir and I are not monogamous.

I come home to him every night.  He has authority over every aspect of my life.  He is definitely not "for the time being".  I never switch with him. 

Bisexual/switch don't always *need* both - some are just capable of being happy with either.

I need both - but we solve that by being non-monogamous.

I'm still all his.



michaels4evr -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (1/15/2007 12:32:16 AM)

yes i get that sometimes usually from Dominant women. most Fem Dommes I've come in contact with don't take me seriously when I am in Dominant mode, therefore I have few Dominant female friends. While I say I'm bi-sexual because i've been with women, I'm mostly bi-situational..meaning when the situation is right..i.e. I have a cute blonde willing to let me tie and spank her, I can "be" bi-sexual..I guess that really makes me the kind Lesbians despise..well I won't apologize..the blondes haven't complained...



reofbl -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (1/21/2007 11:40:23 AM)

Most of th3 girls I know ar3 bi.  Strang3 you should tak3 flack, from anyon3, about it.  I r3ally do know far mor3 bi's than straight's and l3sbian's put tog3th3r.

(Y3ah, I hav3 a brok3n k3y on this board.  B3t you can't gu3ss which on3.)



RumpusParable -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (1/28/2007 6:51:23 PM)

.



SCDommie -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (1/29/2007 3:34:00 PM)

Fortunately, I have finally became confortable with who I am in this life.   I used to think I was a switch and bi.  I can answer both questions.
Yes, the lesbians tend to believe that bi doesn't exisit and I can see their point.  
Yes, Dom/Dommes love to attack switches especially here.  They tend to view you as weak.
I have finally come to terms with no labels.  I am tired of the d/s, m/s, sm etc thing.  Either you are in, or out.  It just depends upon who is holding the whip.

SCD



SugarFemme23 -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (1/29/2007 10:20:29 PM)

I am a bi-sexual switch, and have come across many people who would prefer I simply "Make a decision" It isn't a choice for me. I am constantly evolving, and who I was and what I liked are different now than in the past and may be different in the future.

It was hard for me to come to terms with who I am, and what I like. I didn't want to be bi, I'd have rather have been either straight or gay because my family had always said that bi's were just sluts that would sleep with anyone. Eventually, I realized that I am not a slut, that I can like both men and women and still be fine. Interestingly, it was my friends in the gay community that had the hardest time accepting this. I know that most lesbians won't date bi girls, and while that saddens me, it is their choice, and I can't blame them for it.

It was also hard for me to come to terms with being a switch. I started as a Domme, and it fit me very well. It wasn't until I had some more experience that I realized I wanted to try the other aspect and I now enjoy that as well. I enjoy the emotional aspects of all of my play. TO say that being switch means I am incapable of experiencing or enjoying the emotional aspect as ridiculous as saying that bi-sexual people are incapable of love. We are very capable. My experiences help me to be a better person, and they bring a unique awareness of what the other person may be experiencing because I have been there.

Ultimately, I am who I am. I love women, I think they are gorgeous and sexy and I'd love to spend the rest of my life with one. I also love men, I think they are gorgeous and sexy and I'd like to spend the rest of my life with one. Just as straight or gay people eventually find the one person to settle down with so will I.



brightspot -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (1/30/2007 5:46:09 AM)

Interesting thought's I've read here.
 
Being lesbian myself I would like to say that I find myself
cringing a lot when I see on TV or read an artical written by a
separitist, politically crazed lesbian. I'm here to say they don't represent
me or my belief's. And certainly not the way I think about other people.
I think this is the way it is for most lesbians in general. What most people
are exposed to are the lesbians with agenda's, are militant in their thinking,
and have a need to be out there "supossedly" representing All the lesbians
of the land[&:].
I am glad to say, believe it or not, they are a small minority of the lesbian whole[;)].
 
Missy.



TreSwank -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (1/30/2007 6:04:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: classykindasassy

My theory for what it's worth:

Re the issue of criticism:

"fake lesbians" have given the bi woman a bad name...and she has earned it herself in relationships with lesbian women who fell ass over tin cup, only to have said bi woman switch permanently or significantly back to men and screw up/end the relationship.

i had a lady friend, confirmed lesbian, who in her younger years, took a lot of pride in her success rate of getting straight women to give a girl a try. She then was left wondering when they moved back to men. My advice to her when she finally got sick of getting her heart broke and wanted a real committed relationship was to quit trying to convert straight women (who frequently tend to go back to men) and find a woman who shared her lifestyle to the core. for these women, it's NOT a choice - it is who they are, as was said by another poster.

i am certain there are truly bi women out there - but, a true lesbian is always taking a risk if she wants an exclusive or committed relationship with a bi woman. If that works for the lesbian, all's well - and it's an educated risk. If not...stick to the fellow confirmed lesbian.




   I saw ALOT of this sort of thing while working at a gay bar in New London.  You'd have the butch gal walk into a bar with her "temporary", straight-girl turned "femme" girlfriend, and you could just watch the animosity build up when the drunken "convert" would end up trying to pick up men.  I totally think that the "I'm a straight-girl who doesn't like "labels", and to prove my open-mindedness, am going to be a lesbian for six months" phenomenon really hurts women that are looking for long-lasting, committed relationships within the gay community.



Dquem -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (1/30/2007 6:05:02 AM)

narcism ... narcism .... narcism..

We all choose our lifestyles so, we can live in comfort of "who we are".  The vanilla world is shallow ... if they think kink is to-act- bi .... then let them.  We know what we want, and if the psuedo-bi world grabs all the attention, it leaves more freedom for the rest of us to continue our lives, loves and perversions; regardless of their origins.



SugarFemme23 -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (1/30/2007 8:05:28 AM)

In any relationship there is a chance that someone will fall in love, or find greener pastures somewhere else. How limiting to say "I really like this person, She does a lot for me, but one day she might leave me for a man so I'm not going to date her" There have been hard core lesbians who have "switched". There are never any guarantees in love. I'd rather take the chance on love than be left too scared to be with anyone who wasn't in my exact mold.



Tslaveboy -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (2/10/2007 2:33:09 PM)

The gay lifestyle is becoming too political. I don't give a damn what others think. If I decide to engage in homosexual relations, that's business and I don't need political hacks or bible thumpers telling me what is right or wrong.

If you're bi, then that is who you are. Who cares what others think as long as you are happy.



LotusSong -> RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? (2/10/2007 6:51:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreSwank

  I saw ALOT of this sort of thing while working at a gay bar in New London.  You'd have the butch gal walk into a bar with her "temporary", straight-girl turned "femme" girlfriend, and you could just watch the animosity build up when the drunken "convert" would end up trying to pick up men.  I totally think that the "I'm a straight-girl who doesn't like "labels", and to prove my open-mindedness, am going to be a lesbian for six months" phenomenon really hurts women that are looking for long-lasting, committed relationships within the gay community.


Well said.



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