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RE: trainers - 12/12/2006 10:56:04 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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great i wish you both the very best.....

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RE: trainers - 12/14/2006 7:57:25 PM

Tamerofwild1s

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as a trainer I can offer this advice to your Master ... trainers can train on basics .... when I train its usually on alot of general ideas ... but the Master who owns will do all final training ... you ask why .. well . I'll tell you.

YOUR Master needs you to do things HE wants you to do .... thats the best training ... so respectfully let your Master know all he needs to do to train you is ... to teach you to do the things he wants done ..... wether it be domestic duties ... sexual service .... or whatever else flips his fancy. I can teach you to kneel .. I can teach you to do household chores .... I can teach you to be able to serve in a certain fashion ..... but what really counts in your training is what HE wants you to do.

Hope this helps your journey with your Master

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RE: trainers - 12/15/2006 4:49:02 AM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

as a trainer I can offer this advice to your Master ... trainers can train on basics .... when I train its usually on alot of general ideas ... but the Master who owns will do all final training ... you ask why .. well . I'll tell you.

YOUR Master needs you to do things HE wants you to do .... thats the best training ... so respectfully let your Master know all he needs to do to train you is ... to teach you to do the things he wants done ..... wether it be domestic duties ... sexual service .... or whatever else flips his fancy. I can teach you to kneel .. I can teach you to do household chores .... I can teach you to be able to serve in a certain fashion ..... but what really counts in your training is what HE wants you to do.

Hope this helps your journey with your Master

I'm hopeful that you won't mind helping us to understand what those "basics" are. Perhaps you could list the top ten for us.

Presumably as a trainer you have a structured curriculum (as opposed to simply making it up as you go along), so I'm hoping that won't prove to be too difficult a task.

John

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RE: trainers - 12/15/2006 7:16:48 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
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quote:

I'm hopeful that you won't mind helping us to understand what those "basics" are.

John, come on, you know what the "basics" are - it's how to give a better blow job!

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RE: trainers - 12/15/2006 7:27:58 AM

LaTigresse

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I ask you, where do some people come up with this stuff?

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RE: trainers - 12/15/2006 3:24:48 PM

MadRabbit

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As a newbie, in the past, I was intimitaded by the notion of "training", because when your new, you have this preconcieved notion that there is a right or wrong way to do certain things. While there is some fundamental basic concepts I have seen, the behaviors, the protocols, and the rules are all individualistic. People tend to make it sound more than it is.

One of my mentors said "Training is nothing than deciding what you want and then taking steps to show your submissive how to do it." At the time, I couldnt beleive it was that simple, but now that I have a serious relationship developing with a submissive, I realized it really is that simple. The only thing that seems missing from your Master is confidence and when he has that, there wont be anything hard about training.

And as a fellow newbie with a relatively new submissive, the advice I can safely give your Master is start slow. The more rules and protocols you have, the more you have to pay attention to. For example, one of my basic rules is my girl has to be on time (She has quite a problem with punctuality). Now, because I made that rule, I have to remember to pay attention to the clock everytime she is supposed to meet me. If he makes a protocol saying you have to kneel at certain times in the day, then he will have to pay attention to all those certain times to make sure your kneeling. Too much and too complicated can result in things starting to slide and a general lack of self discipline on his part can easily result with this going no where.. As the general saying goes "You cant control someone if you dont have control over yourself"...Well, you cant discipline someone if you cant discipline yourself.

It takes time and effort, but gets easier. Protocols dont start happening everytime they are supposed to overnight.

Some of the other really good advice that I got was to compare to dynamic to that of an adult/child relationship and the concept of training to that of training a dog. Now a lot of submissive get there tail feathers ruffled up when people say this kind of stuff, but before you are one of them, hold on just a second. They are simply METAPHORS. I'm not saying submissives are like dogs and children, but the basic conepts that exist in both examples relate and apply to a D/S relationship and provide a helpful knowledge base.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 12/15/2006 4:02:19 PM >

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Post #: 46

RE: trainers - 12/15/2006 5:13:14 PM

Tamerofwild1s

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basics depend on what the submissive wishes to be trained in . it could be domestic duties or other things . my curiculum is designed around what the sub needs to be trained in . and as for other remarks . I don't ask that you understand my lifestyle . its what works well for me and those I have shared with .... why is it nessecary to be negative all the time just because someone does something you don't understand or approve of ...

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RE: trainers - 12/15/2006 5:59:26 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

basics depend on what the submissive wishes to be trained in . it could be domestic duties or other things . my curiculum is designed around what the sub needs to be trained in . and as for other remarks . I don't ask that you understand my lifestyle . its what works well for me and those I have shared with .... why is it nessecary to be negative all the time just because someone does something you don't understand or approve of ...

Ah, so the sub controls the training, then. I wasn't aware of that. What are some of the more common "basics" that are requested of you?

John

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RE: trainers - 12/15/2006 6:35:26 PM

Tamerofwild1s

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do you have a point here your trying to gain knowledge of . or are you just trying to incite negativity on a public forum ....

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A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

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Post #: 49

RE: trainers - 12/15/2006 7:10:02 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

do you have a point here your trying to gain knowledge of . or are you just trying to incite negativity on a public forum ....

Incite negativity? I have no idea what that means. You've made mention of some things that I'm unfamiliar with, so I ask questions. That seems rather natural, n'est pas?

John

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RE: trainers - 12/15/2006 7:28:44 PM

Tamerofwild1s

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my apologies then .. I saw the words as trying to get under my skin ....

its not letting her take control . but why would I train her on domestic duties if she is looking to be able to enjoy a caning . or if she is looking to learn different facets of the lifestyle such as simple things like proper serving of dinner ..... then I need to know those things .... I also question about physical limits so I know a little about the girl and what she can handle or not ....

recently I had a girl talk to me about a hard limit of breath play ..... she cringed and shut down when a Dom put his hands on her throat .... after a couple weekends training with me I was able to get her to crave the breath play .... The breath play wasn't actually bad . it was the past experience that made it that way . showing her the good side of it made things all better for her.

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A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

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RE: trainers - 12/15/2006 8:00:29 PM

BDSM05478

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Sexual Healing baby! That why I love this so much. Like the the medical plague of the early 19tj centry women "Histeria" with the best remedy I have ever heard, it works so well.

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RE: trainers - 12/15/2006 9:22:06 PM

angaothsi

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Tamerofwild1s:

I really don't know what Rover's motivation is, but I really would like to know what the basics of training would be. Not for myself, Master pretty much has me as he wants me, but you see it a lot on the boards. And though I am fully aware that I do not know everything, as far as I knew there wasnt an "standard" of training. So if you wouldn't mind my questions would be.

1. When approached, how do you devise a training program? Is it tailored to the one you are training or do you have regime you go through first and then add on the areas which the sub/Master wants?

2. I assume you were reffering to domestic service, what areas do you focus on there?

3. Do you train in sexual areas? If so, do you have sexual contact with the sub, or is it more of a "book learning" type of thing? And if you do train in sexual service, do you first discuss with the Master of the one you are training how THEY prefer certian things?

Ok I will leave my question at an end there, but being a curious person I am apt to ask more.

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RE: trainers - 12/16/2006 5:20:43 AM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

my apologies then .. I saw the words as trying to get under my skin ....

its not letting her take control . but why would I train her on domestic duties if she is looking to be able to enjoy a caning . or if she is looking to learn different facets of the lifestyle such as simple things like proper serving of dinner ..... then I need to know those things .... I also question about physical limits so I know a little about the girl and what she can handle or not ....

recently I had a girl talk to me about a hard limit of breath play ..... she cringed and shut down when a Dom put his hands on her throat .... after a couple weekends training with me I was able to get her to crave the breath play .... The breath play wasn't actually bad . it was the past experience that made it that way . showing her the good side of it made things all better for her.

Please don't take offense, I'm just trying to work out the dynamics in my own mind and I'm grateful for the help.

Essentially you're a service provider (training being the service) for a client (the submissive) who chooses the type and manner of service. I presume the client's continued presence is completely voluntary, that they can cease to accept the service at any time of their choosing without obligation to you (the service provider) personally, and that your retention as the service provider is predicated upon the client's satisfaction with the quality of your service.

How does the client not have control?

John

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RE: trainers - 12/16/2006 7:30:23 AM

notsurebutsweet

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well John yes sub really do not have control. yes i am a newbie but i have read alot. i think what He is trying to say is that if He is traing for a Master then Him and the Master will talk about what it is that the Master wants. then if she already knows how to clean cook do dishes laundry why train what is already there. if she likes say a flogging then He would train her to be able to takke a flogging. (uses flooging because does not like caning). E/everyone has a pain level and for some finding that pain level is what is important. as for me i really do not know how much pain i can take yet. i hope i cleared some of that up. just trying to help

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RE: trainers - 12/16/2006 12:57:45 PM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angaothsi

Tamerofwild1s:

I really don't know what Rover's motivation is, but I really would like to know what the basics of training would be. Not for myself, Master pretty much has me as he wants me, but you see it a lot on the boards. And though I am fully aware that I do not know everything, as far as I knew there wasnt an "standard" of training. So if you wouldn't mind my questions would be.

1. When approached, how do you devise a training program? Is it tailored to the one you are training or do you have regime you go through first and then add on the areas which the sub/Master wants?

2. I assume you were reffering to domestic service, what areas do you focus on there?

3. Do you train in sexual areas? If so, do you have sexual contact with the sub, or is it more of a "book learning" type of thing? And if you do train in sexual service, do you first discuss with the Master of the one you are training how THEY prefer certian things?

Ok I will leave my question at an end there, but being a curious person I am apt to ask more.

1) I do talk long and hard with the submissive who wishess to be trained . if she is collared then her Dom is spoken with as well . I want them both comfortable with what will take place . and yes I need to know what exactly they are looking to get out of the training. All training are devised according to the needs of the one training . so there is no real set regime ......and to answer Rovers question . I guess they are in control to some extent

2) with in the domestic service I focus on neatness ... uniformity .... completeness of chores ... I guess alot of that came from my military background with edges being clean crisp and sharp .. things put away so as to appear uniform and not just tossed in ...

3) I have trained in areas of sexuality .. if the Dom of the trainee is ok with it . its a hands on experience . and while not here training subs are given tasks to practice with while away ... videos can be sometimes used as well . if the trainee has a good selection of videos at their avail.
you may feel free with your Masters permission to contact me under my profile with further questions anytime you wish

Rover . I hope these have answered some of your questions too .. and yes ... I tell all trainees the same thing . you have 2 choices . do as I say . or don't . if you chose don't my door is always open for them to leave . no hard feelings

so in one respect . yes they do have some control .. or rather choices ...

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RE: trainers - 12/16/2006 5:50:40 PM

angaothsi

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Thank you for the reply. Interesting points to ponder upon, I had never heard of the use of trainers before joining this board. Nice to learn new things. I suppose Military training would focus upon neatness, makes sense.

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RE: trainers - 12/22/2006 10:46:01 PM

ObjectivistPNW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angaothsi
I had never heard of the use of trainers before joining this board. Nice to learn new things.

For years I denied that "trainers" existed in any context besides bad porn. Then I realized that I'd become one. What brought the shift was nothing more than skills that garnered some respect, a reputation for honesty, and being known as a good teacher.
It's never long term, and more often than not, I'm brought in to teach a skill that her Master needs an extra hand in, or needs a Bad Dom for a "Good Dom/Bad Dom" training session. It is something I enjoyed for several years.

I will say that from my own point of view, there is no such thing as online training, and that most who go out of their way to claim to be a trainer in real life, are a flake.

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RE: trainers - 12/22/2006 11:12:24 PM

Grlwithboy

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Ah to be 23 again. In my case.

I don't hold with those who insist that it's automatically un-masterly for a person to feel at a total loss at the beginning of a relationship. There's something very intimidating about having vague pictures in your mind of the control and ownership you...want....and this new reality of a person who may actually be on board with what's till now seemed impossible/unlikely. Insecurity can sometimes be a very good thing - insecurity can say "I want, but I know I'm not ready."

The issue though, is that the Dom needs training as well as the sub. Everyone should be talking to *someone* who prompts the kind of introspection that tells you as a new Dominant to know what you want, or to at least know when you *don't* know what you want and how to be honest about it. To take care of yours. To own your mistakes, and that there *will* be mistakes. A lot of training takes place with no toys in your hands at all.

Personally, I'm of the mind that submissives make really good submissive trainer/mentors and Dominants make really good Dominant trainers. (bottoms/tops Daddies/boys insert as you see fit) Who's going to have the best insight into how a caning feels and what you need to know so you know if someone's *harming* you? The person who does it or the person who's felt it 100 times? Who's going to *truly* understand how to explain what an abuse victim flashing back might do in a scene and how to have productive conversations with her beforehand so that the event gets handled in a way that doesn't harm her? It's probably not another submissive who doesn't have to chart, monitor, plan, and decide the specifics of a scene.

(there are certainly exceptions here, as there are submissives who are in managerial states and Dominants who have extensive previous history as slaves or subs - rare though each may be)

I'm not a huge fan of formalizing everything, guess I'm very new guard in that sense. But I've been trained by a lot of people in a lot of different ways and for a lot of different skill sets. Also, at 10 years in, the learning is just started! The more you know, the more you learn you don't know - and that's a good reason to get up and put in another day, if you ask me.

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Post #: 59

RE: trainers - 12/25/2006 9:10:31 PM

emdoub

Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Ah, so the sub controls the training, then. I wasn't aware of that. What are some of the more common "basics" that are requested of you?

Gee - the syllabus is tailored to the student - why is that so hard to understand?

The most common basics? House service (basically, being a phenomenal waitperson for the dominant/houseguests), communication, anticipating the desire, learning the served (how to tailor one's service to the individual, and how to read them accurately), and Household Management.

The kinky/sexy stuff can be trained, at request - but mostly, they know that stuff - it's the other, mundane-seeming things that make the difference between a lover/slave and a professionally-trained slave.

Anything else about this kink you wanted to sneer at?

Midnight Writer

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