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RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 7:33:50 PM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

While I realize that this is an opinion question (of course it is) AND I realize that I know the answer already, I thought it might lead to some good discussion.

I've seen in a number of threads that subs/slaves feel it when their Master is not being "masterly" and so they don't feel that driving need or desire to submit. Who's responsibility is it in the relationship to maintain the dynamic, in your opinion? Should the Master be, at all times, expected to maintain an attitude which draws forth the submissive? Should a slave be, at all times, expected to maintain their attitude of service?

Why or why not, for both questions.

Master Fire

The Domme's.

(I'm so glad I'm a sub and don't have to shoulder this).

Did this help?

Nope. Which is a problem. I can't find your marbles if you don't tell me where you lost them. ;-)

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 21

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 8:14:01 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
Nope. Which is a problem. I can't find your marbles if you don't tell me where you lost them. ;-)

(How do you think I feel?)

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 22

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 8:35:22 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

If the Master is down..then it's the submissive's job to bring him/her back

If the Submissive is down, it's the Masters job.

IMMHO

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 23

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 9:19:13 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

If the Master is down..then it's the submissive's job to bring him/her back

If the Submissive is down, it's the Masters job.

IMMHO

Is it not the responsibility of each to take responsibility for their own feelings?? That has been my experience.

What you describe is a form of what is known to me as co-dependence, which I've always been taught is emotionally unhealthy. If your Master is depressed or an alcoholic, you cannot possibly "cure him" and make him feel better unless he is willing to change his thinking and behavior himself!

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 24

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 9:34:14 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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I am responsible for being the best partner, slave, and friend I can be for my Master. He is responsible for being the best partner, Master, and friend He can be for me. That is just sort of an "unspoken" thing with us. I enjoy being very proactive in my relationships with people. If I feel I need to be nurtured a bit, I can do little things that help me let Him know what I need. If He needs something of me, He usually just tells me straight away or will use body language to show me what He would like. I don't see this as a bad thing on anyone's part, as neither of us is a mind reader. For example, if sitting at His feet with my head in His lap lets Him know I would love to have my hair stroked, then I am doing us BOTH a favor because He doesn't have to guess what I want, and I get my need met, without being "toppy" or feeling "neglected." Sometimes it's these little things that help put me in a very submissive mindset, and let Him know that I am actively displaying my role to Him.

*reads what I wrote and doesn't know if this is even close to what you are asking about MFMaam... if it isn't, please disregard*

~ DRH

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 25

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 9:46:15 PM

briska

Posts: 126
Joined: 7/12/2006
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if my Sir's not up to where i need him to be, then i usually try to remind him that, hey, we're in this together and i need structure. We went through something a while ago where i was acting out because i felt like i needed a heavier hand - but didn't say anything. At the same time, He should be aware enough to catch me when i act out, or atleast in a way that He sees as unacceptible. Maybe it is a form of codependence, but i'd term it more like "symbiotic" (i believe that's the right term). If someone's partner isn't being Dom/sub enough, then there should be an open line of communication to discuss whether it's a temporary thing (a bad day) or something continuous (just not in the mood for several days at a time).

_____________________________

Mmm... briska!

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 26

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 9:48:04 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
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From: Charleston, WV
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I think it illustrated your answer just fine. Thank you for your input. It was well said.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 27

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 10:01:59 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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I think we both have a responsibility to being true to who we are, and when we are true to who we are, the relationship flows quite smoothly.

My Master leads us in the relationship, but how can he lead if I do not hold up my end? I am responsible for telling him my thoughts, feelings, concerns, joy...well basically everything, and that way he has no surprises down the road, and he can take who I am and how I might react/respond to something into account when making decisions. Because I do my part, he can predict me almost perfectly, and can then do his part quite successfully.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 28

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 10:04:31 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
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From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I think it illustrated your answer just fine. Thank you for your input. It was well said.

Master Fire

Thank you, MFMaam...

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 29

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 10:06:38 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My Master leads us in the relationship, but how can he lead if I do not hold up my end? I am responsible for telling him my thoughts, feelings, concerns, joy...well basically everything, and that way he has no surprises down the road, and he can take who I am and how I might react/respond to something into account when making decisions. Because I do my part, he can predict me almost perfectly, and can then do his part quite successfully.

I like this OG... very nicely put.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 30

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 10:47:58 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I've seen in a number of threads that subs/slaves feel it when their Master is not being "masterly" and so they don't feel that driving need or desire to submit. Who's responsibility is it in the relationship to maintain the dynamic, in your opinion? Should the Master be, at all times, expected to maintain an attitude which draws forth the submissive? Should a slave be, at all times, expected to maintain their attitude of service?

Why or why not, for both questions.

Master Fire

Imo, it depends on the nature of the persons and the nature of their relationship.

For couples that are D/s in the bedroom only, I think the Dominant should be "masterly" in the sense that he or she maintains a level of creativity in implementing and initiating scenes to engage the submissive in. (Conversely, the submissive should embrace their submissive "role" in equal measure.)

For other couples, wherein the D/s dynamic extends beyond the bedroom, I think each maintains the relationship just by virtue of their inherent dominant/submissive natures. There's no putting on a role or attitude.

For both the former and the latter, communication and continuous effort in keeping things interesting, exciting and challenging is patently essential (as in any relationship).

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 31

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 10:57:24 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My Master leads us in the relationship, but how can he lead if I do not hold up my end? I am responsible for telling him my thoughts, feelings, concerns, joy...well basically everything, and that way he has no surprises down the road, and he can take who I am and how I might react/respond to something into account when making decisions. Because I do my part, he can predict me almost perfectly, and can then do his part quite successfully.

I like this OG... very nicely put.

Thank you, Red!

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 32

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/27/2006 11:03:36 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My Master leads us in the relationship, but how can he lead if I do not hold up my end? I am responsible for telling him my thoughts, feelings, concerns, joy...well basically everything, and that way he has no surprises down the road, and he can take who I am and how I might react/respond to something into account when making decisions. Because I do my part, he can predict me almost perfectly, and can then do his part quite successfully.

I like this OG... very nicely put.

Thank you, Red!

You're welcome... haven't talked to you in a while. Hope all is well. =)
*sorry for the hijack*
*now back to your regularly scheduled posting*

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 33

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/28/2006 5:37:33 AM

Caitriona

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Joined: 8/28/2006
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I like to think of the dynamic as a sort of energy exchange - there is a flow and ebb on both sides and they must compliment each other. We all have rough days where we don't feel as "Masterly" or "submissive" as we'd like. So you take a little more than you give on those days. It's not going to be a perfect balance but both parties are responsible for the exchange. I do feel that the Dominant directs the relationship, if that makes sense.

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

< Message edited by Caitriona -- 11/28/2006 5:39:36 AM >

_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

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Post #: 34

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/28/2006 6:24:48 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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While I am not submissive, my Master is, without question, dominant.

In my relationship, if he didn't take the lead I wouldn't be following.

He DOES have the responsibility of maintaining the way things are. I don't have anything that needs to be *drawn out*........if he wants me to submit then he has to lead.

I don't need outward expressions of *masterliness*. He doesn't have to *maintain an attitude*. He's either in control or he isn't.

I don't see it as a responsibility thing. I was inspired to be owned by him, not driven by a need to submit to someone.

agirl

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 35

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/28/2006 6:45:25 AM

Sinergy

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Nope. Which is a problem. I can't find your marbles if you don't tell me where you lost them. ;-)

Hello A/all,

I was in a relationship once with one of those people who wander through life blissfully unaware of anything she did. One of her favorite activities (based on empirical evidence gleaned from observation of how she spent her time) was searching for her car keys. This would follow certain general guidelines.

1) Look in the same 4 places for the keys at least 3 times each place.

2) Ask me where her car keys were.

3) If I stated I did not know, then she would ask me to help her find them.

3a) This involved her asking me to look in those same 4 places.

I myself hang my keys next to the front door. Easier than searching for them.

I finally hit the point where I would respond to 2) with the answer "Probably where you left them" and wander off to do something else.

I am not sure how well that boded for our relationship, but it was a classic example of psychotic behavior; to whit, doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different outcome.

To get back on topic, if I am doing something which does not seem to go as well as I had hoped it would go, I feel I am the one who is responsible to do something differently.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 36

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/28/2006 6:45:57 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I think we both have a responsibility to being true to who we are, and when we are true to who we are, the relationship flows quite smoothly.

My Master leads us in the relationship, but how can he lead if I do not hold up my end? I am responsible for telling him my thoughts, feelings, concerns, joy...well basically everything, and that way he has no surprises down the road, and he can take who I am and how I might react/respond to something into account when making decisions. Because I do my part, he can predict me almost perfectly, and can then do his part quite successfully.

This reminds me very much about what I was taught in reference to a successful Christian marriage where the husbandis the head of the household, but the wife is the neck. Of course, after two failed Christian type marriages, I now realize that I'm meant to be the head and my slaves are meant to be the neck. It's still an excellent analogy, I think.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 37

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/28/2006 6:48:51 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Nope. Which is a problem. I can't find your marbles if you don't tell me where you lost them. ;-)

Hello A/all,

I was in a relationship once with one of those people who wander through life blissfully unaware of anything she did. One of her favorite activities (based on empirical evidence gleaned from observation of how she spent her time) was searching for her car keys. This would follow certain general guidelines.

1) Look in the same 4 places for the keys at least 3 times each place.

2) Ask me where her car keys were.

3) If I stated I did not know, then she would ask me to help her find them.

3a) This involved her asking me to look in those same 4 places.

I myself hang my keys next to the front door. Easier than searching for them.

I finally hit the point where I would respond to 2) with the answer "Probably where you left them" and wander off to do something else.

I am not sure how well that boded for our relationship, but it was a classic example of psychotic behavior; to whit, doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different outcome.

To get back on topic, if I am doing something which does not seem to go as well as I had hoped it would go, I feel I am the one who is responsible to do something differently.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

There's only two places where you need to look for car keys. "Where you left them" and "The last place you look." Oddly enough, these places are quite often the same place. ;-)

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 38

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/28/2006 7:34:05 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

There's only two places where you need to look for car keys. "Where you left them" and "The last place you look." Oddly enough, these places are quite often the same place. ;-)

Master Fire

While this seems obvious and unworthy of being pointed out to many people, there is at least one person I was married to who could never understand the subtleties at work.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 39

RE: Who's responsible? - 11/28/2006 7:55:10 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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We are equally responsible for acting in a manner that is in accord with our stated desires and for speaking up if there is something that prevents us, such as stress or illness. It is never entirely one person's fault or responsibility.

With that said, there is a limited amount of time I will spend trying if I do not seem to be getting any response or acknowledgement.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 40

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