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Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 9:03:17 AM

sirssatin

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/27/2006
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I don't know how to ask this. I have a Master and a boyfriend but they are not the same person. My b/f is kinky but not really into the whole alternate lifestyle thing. He knows I am but doesn't want me to tell him anything. He knows I have a male friend (his words) who I call Master. We have alot in common, have been through alot together and spend most holidays together. My Master is exactly that. A 25 year lifestyler who I serve in whatever capacity He desires. I cannot be away from him too long until I start feeling cut adrift and panicky.
Is this type of arrangement very common?

Post #: 1

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 9:05:26 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Nope, never heard of it before, you are the only one.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to sirssatin)

Post #: 2

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 9:11:46 AM

sirssatin

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

Nope, never heard of it before, you are the only one.
[/quote]

Never quite understood why some people feel its necessary to be a smart ass.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 3

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 9:14:14 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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Never understood why someone would make a totally selfserving post on the boards under the guise of learning something and not know that you don't have to use all that extra quote stuff.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to sirssatin)

Post #: 4

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 9:17:05 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssatin

I don't know how to ask this. I have a Master and a boyfriend but they are not the same person. My b/f is kinky but not really into the whole alternate lifestyle thing. He knows I am but doesn't want me to tell him anything. He knows I have a male friend (his words) who I call Master. We have alot in common, have been through alot together and spend most holidays together. My Master is exactly that. A 25 year lifestyler who I serve in whatever capacity He desires. I cannot be away from him too long until I start feeling cut adrift and panicky.
Is this type of arrangement very common?

While the others are fighting and being silly (it IS funny)...I'll be the boring one and say: for every relationships dynamic you can think of, there is an example that exists. I am Master to my girl. she also has a husband, a sexual top and a Dominant in her life. As long as everyone has an agreement and everyone is happy, you can have whatever you wish.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to sirssatin)

Post #: 5

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 9:17:36 AM

texancutie

Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline

I actually know of a number of people that have a similar arrangement. There are some people active in the Houston community that are married and both Dominant and each has their own submissive. I say if they are able to make it work. More power to them. Every BDSM couple is very different and there is really no one true way so to speak. What works for one, does not necessarily work for another.

(in reply to sirssatin)

Post #: 6

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 9:21:45 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

What I don't understand is why this is so common. Why does bdsm have to be just a play partner on the side? If I had a boyfriend he would be my master.........no on the side anything.

(in reply to sirssatin)

Post #: 7

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 9:22:17 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The only real issue is your feeling angsty and panicky- you need to learn to resolve that. Your master shouldn't be an addiction (a theme I seem to be stuck in today).

Otherwise, it seems to be working quite well for everyone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to texancutie)

Post #: 8

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 9:49:03 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

There are people who's bf* or gf* won't or can't be the others master mistress or dominant. I had a bf who wouldn't take care of any of my bdsm needs, and agree'd to let me take on a dominant. It wasn't any kind of " on the side" thing either, the dominant would of become a part of mine and my mates relationship, we would of been a triad of sorts. At the time I met him, my now x, I figured ok well he's shy and he's not into kink but he's curious I can probably show him, didn't work out that way infact eventually he wished I would out grow my interest in kink expesially ageplay kink and my need for a maternal daddy dom figure. as long as things were going well in the relationship and he allowed me other people to fufill my needs, I saw no reason to end the relationship simpley because he wouldn't dom me.

I did eventually end it however because he eventually refused to take care of any of my needs, including visiting, we were 20 mins apart and it always came down to Id on't know we'll see or maybe in a few weeks when visting came up, plus he allowed his mom to seriously fuck with our relationship, so in the end it was not much of a decsion left.

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

What I don't understand is why this is so common. Why does bdsm have to be just a play partner on the side? If I had a boyfriend he would be my master.........no on the side anything.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 9:58:48 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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I guess I just don't see the point in having 2 different people take care of my needs when I could find one man to fulfill both roles.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 10

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 10:03:21 AM

Daddysgirljenna

Posts: 17
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

defiant, not everyone is lucky enough to find all of that in one person or doesn't want to because they enjoy poly relationships and sharing their love with more than one person.

_____________________________

♥Daddy's loving slut, jenna♥

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 10:26:20 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I don't want to share my love with others, but it wasn't worth ending a then good relationship over wanting a dominant.

(in reply to Daddysgirljenna)

Post #: 12

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 10:26:41 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

I'd have to agree with jenna.

I'm not a poly person. Don't know if I ever could be. But I understand and respect people who are. Just because it's not my thing, doesn't mean it's wrong. If I had gotten involved with someone who was poly, I don't know if I could do it. Perhaps I'd give it an honest shot, and see how it went.

As long as everyone involved is open and understanding and -always- communicating about their feelings about the relationships...then what is the problem? If something needs to be resolved, then all involved need to know about it and work on it and if part of the relationship fall apart, that's life.

It's very true, some aren't so lucky to find someone who can be both Dom/Master and boyfriend. Some might choose to go the way of having open relationships, which might even lead into finding someone who -can- be both. Why sit around waiting for something that might never come along and deny yourself a Dom AND and bf?

I for one, am one of the lucky ones. I've got a switch boyfriend who is my best friend, boyfriend, lover, sub and dominant. And I feel utterly blessed that I have found him. The one I was with previous to this, I thought could be a fantastic Dominant. But I couldn't push him to be something that he himself didn't want to be. Or didn't realize that he was. Perhaps someday he will figure it out on his own, perhaps it's just his personality that makes me see his natural dominance and exertion of control in his life and in those around him. Perhaps that is as far as it goes. I thought that if I tried to make things work with him, maybe I could try to get that part of me to fit into that life I had with him. But things didn't work out. And it had nothing to do with my interest in BDSM.

Did I search for someone else to fill that role? No. I didn't even know what poly was when I was still with him. He and I broke up, I went on with my life. And I stumbled across the freshest breath of air I possibly could have, in my mind. I introduced rather early on my interest in BDSM and things worked out wonderfully. It was kinda random and rather risky on my part, and luck just happened to be with me.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Daddysgirljenna)

Post #: 13

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 11:14:00 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

Agreed Aine. As long as everyone is consentual about the whole thing. Often times though, this is not the case and someone ends up getting hurt. That's why I'm searching for both in the same man........one man who can meet all my needs.

(in reply to Aine)

Post #: 14

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 12:52:42 PM

SamKeithsslave

Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

What I don't understand is why this is so common. Why does bdsm have to be just a play partner on the side? If I had a boyfriend he would be my master.........no on the side anything.

I was asking myself the same thing. If she is so happy with her master and feels "cut adrift and panicky" when apart from him, then why not make the move to be his more permanent? I'm guessing there are factors not known that must be preventing this??

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 12:57:04 PM

SamKeithsslave

Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Agreed Aine. As long as everyone is consentual about the whole thing. Often times though, this is not the case and someone ends up getting hurt. That's why I'm searching for both in the same man........one man who can meet all my needs.

I'm with you on this one, my life is too full already to have more than one man in it, LOL, and they are generally so much work

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 1:15:05 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave
I'm with you on this one, my life is too full already to have more than one man in it, LOL, and they are generally so much work

Well I guess that's the good part about authority based relationships- you can either be their slave and focus on making their lives easier, or you can own them and train them how to make your life easier.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)

Post #: 17

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 1:15:48 PM

zbabe888

Posts: 17
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

It certainly would be the best thing in the WORLD if one person could fill of my needs! I always planned that's the way it would go but sadly hasn't worked out that way. The best I can figure for myself there is a detachment neccessary from "reality" that allows me to slip into my submissive role. It is easier for me to accept guidance, direction and give control over to one that I do not have an equal footing with in regular life. Not easy to handle the emotion ramifications though and honesty is certainly the best policy.

_____________________________

Don't forget to smile while you're chasing down your dream!

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)

Post #: 18

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 2:25:01 PM

SamKeithsslave

Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave
I'm with you on this one, my life is too full already to have more than one man in it, LOL, and they are generally so much work

Well I guess that's the good part about authority based relationships- you can either be their slave and focus on making their lives easier, or you can own them and train them how to make your life easier.

I'll have to settle on being a slave, cos I cant see myself being a Domme and owning anyone

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: Master and a BF? - 11/27/2006 6:04:27 PM

damia

Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

i have a friend who has a husband and a Mistress/Mommy, and she certainly isn't the only i know like this. As long as everyone is 'in the loop' and comfortable with the situation, no worries :)

damia the Kat

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)

Post #: 20

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