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Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 5:07:33 AM

atendersoul

Posts: 167
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

I have found that real life and this online Way to be very different. In emails I have recieved from ones that state they are Masters...I answer with respect due to my past training....
but some question about the i instead of I in speaking of myself...
would a sub/slave online be an equal to a Master in the beginning?

Post #: 1

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 5:17:03 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: atendersoul

I have found that real life and this online Way to be very different. In emails I have recieved from ones that state they are Masters...I answer with respect due to my past training....
but some question about the i instead of I in speaking of myself...
would a sub/slave online be an equal to a Master in the beginning?

It all depends on the person and the people involved. If you are comfortable with the way you answer emails, then continue to do so.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to atendersoul)

Post #: 2

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 5:46:05 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Personally I consder the slave to be of equal value before during and after, the inequality is in authority/power not value.

Personally I hate the lowercase thing, but it has enough of a following that it's here to stay for many.
When it's explaind well it might have a small value, but that smalll value for me is not worth the hardship on my own mind.
I much pefer a document or letter to be written in basic English grammer. If the reason is to instill disciplined thought into an S-types writting then certainly I have found just keeping it in basic grammer format is enough challange. Have someone who has a grasp of good grammer then step it up to include a better lexicon.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 3

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 5:55:50 AM

RUpainsmith

Posts: 42
Joined: 11/13/2006
Status: offline

Masters are not inherently superior to submissives; with no one submitting before them, a Master is just a title. A king without a kingdom is not a king. Power comes from the bottom up.

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 4

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 6:22:16 AM

twistedwillow

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

When i receive emails, from Dom\mes or subs, i reply and address each respectfully, by their name if they supply it, or by their username. However if i receive a message signed Sir\Lord\Master\Grand poohbah magilacutty, i reply back with simply magilacutty, as they arnt my Sir\Lord\Master\Grand poohbah. I dont think that is being disrespectful. I dont know these people from a bar of soap, and they certainly arnt my Dom. They are just people, just like me.

twistedwillow

_____________________________

Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? —Jules Feiffer
Don't be fooled by the pretty words and sweet face.. sarcasm is the norm not the exception.

(in reply to atendersoul)

Post #: 5

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 6:38:33 AM

emdoub

Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: atendersoul

I have found that real life and this online Way to be very different. In emails I have recieved from ones that state they are Masters...I answer with respect due to my past training....
but some question about the i instead of I in speaking of myself...
would a sub/slave online be an equal to a Master in the beginning?

In my world, until they're your master, they're your social equal. (Of course, my slaves have always been my social equals as well - it's just that I'm the boss in matters of protocol and practice.)

And lots of them, like Archer and myself, have a preference for proper English, no matter who is collared to who.

So, you'll have to fall back on the one universal rule: suit yourself. Until you give someone else that level of control over you, you're the one running your life - so you should please yourself.

If you run into a dominant who thinks that all subs should adhere to their rules of protocol, just because they're subs - keep on running. Anyone worth submitting to is going to prefer to see who they're really dealing with, rather than someone hiding behind what they think is expected.

Midnight Writer

_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to atendersoul)

Post #: 6

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 6:49:12 AM

carolsea

Posts: 185
Joined: 10/4/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

If whether I use "I" or "i" when addressing myself is that important to a dominant in casual e-mail correspondence, then he's probably not the dominant for me. I agree with what the others have said. In the real world, those small things are really *very* small in the overall picture. A dominant is not a "Master" until he has mastered me, and he hasn't done that until we've known one another for a long time, not a matter of a few e-mails.

_____________________________

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant!

(in reply to atendersoul)

Post #: 7

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 6:51:28 AM

Melkor7

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/19/2006
Status: offline

I would say the initial communication should go with whatever mode of address you are most comfortable with. If the other person has different preferences they can make them known and then you can take that into consideration. Everyone is different in how they like to be addressed, so expecting others to magically know you preferences on a first communication is rather silly.

I personally don't like to be addressed as "Master" by someone who isn't actually submitting to me. Used as a formal title like "Master Melkor" is ok, but sounds very formal so really shouldn't be used in a casual conversation. And I suppose used as a discriptor like dominant, as in "Melkor is a master" is acceptable as well. Beyond stuff like that, I really don't consider it my place to insist on certain forms of address until someone actually begins to submit to me.

(in reply to atendersoul)

Post #: 8

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 7:26:57 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

A stranger is always equal to a stranger, unless they hold a socially recognized authority. I don't use cyber speak and I don't treat someone differently based on their personal relationship orientation.

Being a dominant is not a socially recognized authority unless for some reason you want it to be.

Pretty much do what you want.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to atendersoul)

Post #: 9

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 7:32:06 AM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It is a shame there are not more bulletin board forums like this, because all the input from different folks with different points of view is valuable!

I personally believe that it is courteous to address someone sub or dom by the screen name they are using, and that courtesy is an essential requirement to begin communications. If someone has not the patience to be polite before they know you at all, how can you possibly develop the mutual respect one needs before real trust can be built? Respect and trust must be mutually earned.

I learned long ago that someone may look like a hot fantasy, but if they can not be trusted to be polite, they certainly can not be trusted to respect your limits with you naked and bound if their bedroom.

Simple politeness is not a complete indicator that a person is honest, well meaning and worthy of trust, but its absence is a very big red flag. It does not matter why someone is not polite, it IS a fact that they were not.

I know several dominants who take offense at being addressed as master or mistress by anyone they have not accepted and given this right to. That is their business, but it is something potential subs should be aware of.

I have also known many who claimed to be dominant who have hissy fits if someone does not always address them as master or lord or goddess or mistress, etc. Naturally this is their choice, but people so very sensitive about things like this have often turned out to have a lot of insecurity in their lives. I prefer open minds.

As usual your mileage may vary.

vield

(in reply to Melkor7)

Post #: 10

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 7:37:15 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you think they should be, then act accordingly. If you find that others disagree (and they will...and they'll get mad), then you know they're not a match for you. It'd be a handy weeding tool. Can you say "Garden Weasel" boys and girls? LOL

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to atendersoul)

Post #: 11

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 10:37:48 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

BUT EVERY ONE MUST ALL WAYS ADDRESS ME PROPURLY BY MY FULL TITUL WHICH IS DOMINATE LORD MASTER EMPEROR BLACKTHORN DEATHCLAW BLOODSMACK, CHIEF WARRIOR ASSASSIN OF GOR. BECAUSE I AM TWUE DOMINATE W/20 YRS EXPERENCE IN TEH LIFESTYLE. I MAKE EVERY ONE CALL ME THAT AND SUBMITE 2 ME. EVEN MY MOMMY. EXEPT WHEN SHE MAKES ME GROUNDED 4 LOOKING AT NAUTY PICTURS ON TEH INTARNETS.

< Message edited by Najakcharmer -- 11/30/2006 10:39:36 AM >

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 10:50:46 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: atendersoul

I have found that real life and this online Way to be very different. In emails I have recieved from ones that state they are Masters...I answer with respect due to my past training....
but some question about the i instead of I in speaking of myself...
would a sub/slave online be an equal to a Master in the beginning?

There is no "online Way". There's just a lot of people who think it's fun to play out their kinky fantasies and who apparently think that the entire Internet should be their consenting partner for said fantasies.

If they're both playing the same game, there's no immediate way to tell a sincere, ethical, honest and responsible dominant from an idiot sitting at his computer typing bullshit and demanding your respect and submission because he doesn't get (or deserve) any in real life. There's some folks (like that annoying Master Lord Emperor Blackthorn fellow who keeps borrowing my keyboard

) who are pretty obvious from the get-go as not being folks you should be submitting to on any level. But give even that kid some time and he'll be talking a better game. He'll be the same creepy asshole, but he'll be playing the game better.

I generally suggest NOT playing any kinky games with strangers in the process of getting to know and trust one another. Different people have different comfort levels, so if you're okay calling somebody by a D/s title in a casual social setting, that's fine for you....but if the dom in question not only expects it but demands it from people who are not comfortable, that's a huge red flag about their social skills and ability to relate like a real human being on a normal adult level.

(in reply to atendersoul)

Post #: 13

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 10:52:32 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

would a sub/slave online be an equal to a Master in the beginning?

Yes. Unless you enjoy submitting to strangers. If that's the case then knee bend and call "Sir."

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to atendersoul)

Post #: 14

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 11:29:24 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I agree wholeheartedly with Archer. All people are of equal value throughout the course of their relationship.

Sir/Master/Ma'am/Mistress...are titles that you give to someone when the two of you agree that your relationship and your feelings for them have progressed to that level.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 15

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 4:23:41 PM

AGORANTE

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

You of course can do and say whatever you like. Let's consider the options:

If the man identifies himself as a Master you may choose to address him by his user name. If you are here to meet a man face to face you can always move on to another title for him later. However if you are doing some kind of online cyber thing where the messages themselves are the behavior not just a prelude to a meeting maybe a user name title is inappropriate.
If the man identifies himself as a Master you may choose to address him as Sir. This will please him. If you want to make a favorable impression this might be the way to go. A lot of submissives that you meet with their Doms or Masters have been trained to address other Doms or Masters that they meet at a munch or other semi-public event as Sir.
If the man identifies himself as a Master you may choose to address him as Master but this is probably too much unless there has been some kind of comitment to a relationship. Personally a woman who addressed me as Master out of the blue would make me very suspicious.
If the man identifies himself as a Dom I would think you should prefer the user name only.
If she identifies herself as a slave she should probably address all male Dominants as Sir even on first contact.
If she identifies herself as a submissive she should probably address male dominants by their user name until told to use another form of address. Presumably she just ignores and/or blocks the jerks and so she never has to worry about forms of address for them.

Clearly if a woman submissive or slave who posts an ad wants very much to come under the control of some man. She wants to meet some guy that she will be proud to call her Master - if she is one who enjoys the term.

Some women will let you whip them raw (and love it) but won't call you Master. Some will kiss your feet bark on command like a puppy but won't call you Master. But most women enjoy calling their Dom-du-Jour Master or Lord or some other damn fool thing. Titles and forms of address mean very different things to different people.

This is the Ask a Master forum and that's my answer.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 16

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 4:41:18 PM

desoutter

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

In my opinion:
i or I is unimportant...

when meeting online its more or less 'open', for lack of a better word....
example:
If I am introduced (in RL) to my friends 'sub' - he will introduce me as 'Master'... and she as 'sub'... there... the rules are established....

when meeting someone online it is more of an open forum... be yourself... be casual... learn some things... talk about some things... its NOT the environment for a Master/sub relationship.... your online... unless you want to play.... then by all means participate.

If I meet a sub and calls me... 'hey desoutter' - so what... what am I going to do... write her a stern email... then write another...
If I meet a sub in RL and the engagement is unsatisfactory - There you have it... real world / real life...

online world / online life
desoutter

_____________________________

When the going gets weird... the weird turn pro.

(in reply to atendersoul)

Post #: 17

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 4:47:30 PM

xBullx

Posts: 4206
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

Tal People, and Najakcharmer,

I wouldn't have posted in this thread, but I felt it important I do when I seen it was fun to use a Fake Gorean as the butt of a joke as if we are the only ones that make those demands and are not able to spell or complete a sentance. Now there may indeed be some online fantasy players that have said as much. But I don't find it humorous to lump living Goreans into such a joke. By not disclosing your intent I am left to assume you meant the likes of me. I'm a warrior, but not a chief or an assasin. I assume you were merely attempting to establish a point. But the gorean community and BDSM community do not get along do to these simple statements of predjudice. This is a simple topic that the OP is left open for us to consider. Is it not proper when at a munch to address free men as Sir, I have been to quite a few such functions and I was always addressed as such by the non-Gorean s-types. I took no offense to being called Sir, it was their way to offer me respect or to show their owner had taught them manners. I in turn would be quite civil with them. My girl was instructed to call men master, and free woman mistress. Now some of them didn't like it and in order to be pleasing she was instructed to address them as they preferred. This is a in my lifestyle a choice of the M or D type, not the slave. So I teach mine that it is a matter of speaking different languages, neither is wrong, both deserve their just dues. I am obviously speaking about offline encounters, I have met only a couple demanding asshole types that are insistant on semantics when in a mixed setting. I again respect their right to be an asshole so long as it doesn't step on my rights. At that point it becomes a battle of the fittest. Care to engage me in that battle? (winks and grinz) Then their is always the home stadium advantage. If you come to my home, honor my ways. If I come to yours, then the same, I'll honor yours, if unable to, I will simply leave. As far as online. Remember you and yours are always being judged, if you don't care, so be it, if it does matter to you how you are perceived, well, the rest is common sense.

Live well,

Bull

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 18

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 5:05:48 PM

emdoub

Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline

As far as I'm concerned, 'Sir' and 'Ma'am' are never impolite (unless gender is being chosen wrong, I suppose), even in vanilla settings.

Personally, I don't insist on (or expect to see) people calling me 'sir' - but after I've made it plain that it's not my kink, it's fine if that's their kink.

Hey - I came up Gorean. (When I came up, that's pretty much what was available for philosophy manuals. Yup - it's been a while.) I'll occasionally snicker at the Gorean excesses - (when a guy refers to his motorcycle as a tarn, I'm just not keeping a straight face...) - but hey, I snicker at the SF fan excesses, too - I'm just rude and obnoxious.

Olive branch?

Midnight Writer, aka MW, aka emdoub...

_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to xBullx)

Post #: 19

RE: Addresing Masters - 11/30/2006 5:10:35 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AGORANTE

A lot of submissives that you meet with their Doms or Masters have been trained to address other Doms or Masters that they meet at a munch or other semi-public event as Sir.

Only the ones who either operate within a very small or exclusive social circle, or who haven't figured out how impractical it is to guess and make assumptions about orientations and preferences of address at offline social events.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AGORANTE)

Post #: 20

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